my life is basically just a constant cycle of finally getting past the thing i was stressing about and then immediately finding something else to stress me out even if it isn’t happening for another 4 months
“I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world. I run my world.”
if you don't mind me asking, what did taylor say when you came out? how did the conversation go? so happy for you!!
Obviously not gonna give specifics but I’ll give a general idea. So I was next in line with my sister to meet her and my heart was racing. It felt like my heart was gonna beat out of my chest and I was so scared. I wasn’t scared about coming out to her, rather, I was scared of opening up a very vulnerable side to me in front of her. So it’s our turn, I hug her, she knows my name, and talks about my tumblr post. Then I asked her if I could tell her something super duper personal. I start my story and talk about how when I was a freshman I didn’t know who I was and it was the year 1989 came out. I said by the end of the year I figured out that I like girls. I thanked her for her lyric in Welcome to New York: “You can want who you want!!! Boys and boys and girls and girls!!!”. Then I go on to saying that I came out to my sister the following year. I told her I’m in really dark place right now. And then I finally say that she’s been the constant to my life and that a new album coming out is going to help me get through this.
I wasn’t rushed at all during my story. She looked me straight in the eye and listened to every word I had to say. Her words were so incredibly comforting and she held my hand. She talked to me for so long, she wanted to make sure that I knew everything was going to be okay. I can’t believe I did it and I will never ever forget this moment in my life.
- in a constant loop between “you know what FUCK SOCIETY I WILL LIVE MY LIFE HOWEVER I WANT AND DO WHATEVER I WANT” and “i still lowkey want to please people around me and not cause too much conflict tho”
- that thing when an ESFP starts describing a situation and they play out all people in it and they do it SO GOOD and it’s SO FUNNY do they all do that
- at the centre of attention is where they will be
- somehow doesn’t exactly belong to any group but is considered a part of every group
- me: oh yesterday I’ve met /that person you have no chances of knowing/
ESFP: ooooOOOH I KNOW THEM
- is never home but somehow manages to sleep?????
- BEST LITERARY TASTES. If ENFP tells you to read that book you go read that book I’m telling you
- “and they told me to do it but you know it’s stupid so i’m not gonna do it”
- can be super annoyed by people they love, but remains loyal to their group
- angry with all their body, vivid gestures included. generally they are moving all the time.
- somehow pretty charismatic and it looks like they feel easy in a leader position
- life isn’t a competition EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT IS
- i know only one and they are the class president somehow??????
- “WHEN I SEE MY MOTHER CRY I’M READY TO KILL SOME FUCKERS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW”
- i mean puns, ready to write to you at 3 AM just to proudly write a pun they’ve just come up with
- oh no you are sad??? it’s okay they will bake cookies or smh
- the more personal conversation gets the more “lmao” there is
- you can say when they feel happy to be around you and it’s just so adorable
- they are so smart & try to act like they aren’t & everyone can see they are smart anyway so you failed, entp
- entp: i’m going to try doing that new thing and it will be awesome and i will love it!
entp, later: it sucks
entp, even more later: NO YOU KNOW IT WAS COOL ALL ALONG
- *drinks awful juice for the first time* *eats awful meal for the first time* “ohhh it’s… pretty good!”
- really happy to be a part of some group but won’t say it out loud
- “and it was THEN when my Fe destroyed me!!”
- looks pretty egocentric & has the lowest self-esteem around
- “if I don’t like it I won’t do it, it’s just that easy”
- they are all attention whores (me too, infps)
- w r i t i n g
- SO LOYAL LIKE IF AN ISTP LIKES YOU THERE’S LIKE 0.000001% CHANCE THAT THEY WILL EVER LET YOU GO
- after reading this will probably try explaining to me why the math comparison was wrong and didn’t fit
- have such a hard time expressing their feelings
- if they like you and they can talk to you about their day they are so happy? just talk about what they were doing, really.
- “i feel bad? well i guess i will just bottle it up forever”
- can be rly rly quiet & needs a lot of alone time
- there’s objective logic everywhere just let me find it logic is my bitch
- they will be frustrated if you don’t make sense to them but they will try to understand - if not because they like you then at least for science reasons because “what is that wild creature and why do they act like that, i must observe”
- “sarcasm is the only way I speak”
- I LOVE
- when I start talking to an INTP the 7 hours long conversation is almost guaranteed
- they seem so genuinely interested in what you have to say and ask questions and stuff & what they say makes you genuinely interested as well because they have such an interesting knowledge on subjects you’ve never thought about
- “on the other side tho”
- on most subjects it’s really easy to convince them because they are always open to see the other side’s point of view
- usually remembers all you’ve told them but always asks if they remember correctly
- intp: OKAY I MADE UP MY MIND
intp, a day later: ON THE OTHER SIDE,
- “look at that dog!”
- mood swings
- so adorable just let me hug them all
- takes care of your shit since you’ve met them
- “NO YOU KNOW WHAT. I’M NOT DOING THIS SHIT FOR THEM THIS TIME. THEY WILL HAVE TO MANAGE IT ON THEIR OWN. I’M DONE HELPING THEM. *does this shit for them because of course they won’t manage it on their own so someone has to*”
- saves the world since they were born
- will try to help, joke about how they failed to help, beat themselves internally over how they failed to help
- OKAY TIME FOR ANOTHER SELF-DEPRACATING JOKE
- you: *starts feeling bad*
INFJ, a second later, out of nowhere: hey are you okay?
- MAKES PLANS. SO MANY PLANS. HOW CAN YOU MANAGE ALL THESE PLANS.
- “i’ve been planning on reading/watching it one day since 2004 but I haven’t found any time since then”
- “my Fe can tolerate your stupidity but my Ni-Ti is so done”
- always done with humanity
- *snarky commentary*
- “so usually when I wake up I have a strict plan of how this day is going to look like and it’s extremely pissing off when something doesn’t go according to that plan”
- ISTJ: *is doing homework for ten hours*
me: do you maybe want to—
ISTJ: NO I WON’T COPY OFF YOUR HOMEWORK I’M NOT WEAK
- somehow really wants to show you that you are important to them, even if they are awkward with feelings
- that smile they have when they talk about people they love doing stuff
- also that excited voice they have while doing so
- “I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND. HOW CAN YOU JUST… NOT BE PREPARED.”
- their anger is so cold and so visible
- some values are not to be touched!
- really really REALLY cares about people they like
- is really sensitive for their loved ones’ pain and really awkward when trying to comfort them but boy do they try
- that person that will come back for you after the group wanders off and you are left behind
- INTJ, about really hard situations they’ve been through: “this wasn’t such a big deal tho, I mean eh, it’s over now”
- “HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO STUPID I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND”
- ignorance pisses them off even more than it pisses off other human beings
- it’s Monday and my INTJ dad calls me when I’m at school.
INTJ: hey, I have something important to tell you.
me: sure, what?
INTJ: could you pick up [your sister] from school-
INTJ: –on Friday?
- “you know I just… don’t like it when something doesn’t go according to my plan”
- will plan everything for the trip before you try helping
This is me pouring out my love, not the kind you think of, the mushy gushy romanticized crap you want. No, this is raw, unadulterated affection for you and your soul.
For the purposes of this letter, I am going to disregard the fact that you are ignoring me and that we do not talk anymore. That is irrelevant. We have both argued, screamed, apologized, and cried to each other too many times to count. Even if we did still talk, I would be saying this to you, maybe in different words, but telling you all the same.
Since the very first day we became friends, you have been a constant in my life, a constant amidst the tumult and drama of high school. You listened to me and offered advice with your perspective that is so opposite mine. I love the way you live in the moment and risk the superficial things that I hold dear. Being your friend made me come to the profound realization that life is so much more than turning in homework on time and getting straight As. Because of you, if a friend needs me the night before a paper is due, I will be there for my friend (hopefully I wrote the paper ahead of time).
You were the glue that held my life together when I was on the brink of destruction. Everything in my world was falling apart, but you and your friendship remained. I took that for granted. You taught me the value of true friendship, even if it does not last. I hope that I meant something to you, that I somehow repaid in part what you had given to me in full.
To this day, I still look for you in the hallways and listen for your voice among the tenors in choir. Even when we see each other or talk, it is all superficial. We barely graze the surface of what once existed.
I hate superficiality.
After three years, how could we, how could I, throw it all away?
Losing your friendship has been a process more painful than any breakup. It feels as if someone has taken a part of me; there is a hole in my soul where you once were. As if the physical pain was not enough, the process of emotional detachment from you has been long and rocky. After weeks without thinking of you, a single song or a memory or a Bible verse makes me recall how much I care for you, still, after all this time.
You know more about me than any other person on this earth. And even though you leave me behind, you will carry pieces of me with you forever. Treasure them. I do not regret giving them to you, for I trust you will keep those pieces of me safe.
Life is too short to be silent about the ones we love. The other day, I was thinking about the people I will miss most in college, and as much as I love my friends, I will miss you the most. I already miss you. I suppose our separation is merely a preparation for what is to come.
This is not a cry for you to come back to me, nor an invitation for a pity party on my behalf. We both know that “us” would never have worked in our favor. I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me, and how much pain I am enduring as you ignore my snapchats and avoid eye contact. But still, this is not me trying to guilt you or regain your attention.
This is me telling you that I love you. Not as a boyfriend or as a lover or even as a friend. I love you as a person. You are so extraordinarily special, and I am blessed to have spent so much time with you as my best friend. I wish it did not have to end.