constant heartbreaker

5

cursed, as he would say

I want to know how you’re doing the way I used to. I want to know what made you smile today, what weirded you out… There isn’t much that I wouldn’t give just to relive a moment with you.
—  🖤
I Need My Girl Ch. 1 | Roomates AU

Her is the first chapter of a new fic I’m writing. It’s a slow burn roomates au with eventual smut and a whole lot of fluff. Betty and Jughead are out of college and rooming together in NYC and it couldn’t have been a more self-destructive decision. They’re both in love and best friends since the dawn of time. What could go wrong? Here it goes.

Words: 1580

Warnings: Smut down the road and some pining. Things about to happen man. This might make you cry.

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

 I don’t want your body  
 But I hate to think about you with somebody else  
 Our love has gone cold  
 You’re intertwining your soul with somebody else

 The 1975


They told each other everything, ever since they were little kids, everything except the fact that they both have had a thing for each other ever since each could remember.

But Betty had commitment issues and was never going to give up the one person who mattered the most. She didn’t believe in falling in love, at least romantically. She invited both boys and girls into her bed, but she always had them leave in the morning.

She didn’t even believe she was capable of that kind of love, she cared, so much, but never in that way for anyone. She felt as if every person she ever talked to, or kissed was just destined to fade away or for her to become uninterested.

Jughead was the only one she ever kept for herself.

He always belonged to her, over their 2 am conversations, over when her mom kicked her out in high school, and even when she went college in another state. He was always there for her; there was an understanding between them. He was hers.

Jughead, truthfully was always waiting for Betty to wake up and change her mind. As he saw each girl and boy enter and exit out the doors, he wondered whether she’d ever get over it.

Loving her was never for the sake of pining or wanting to get laid.

It was more than that.

He hated seeing her push away everyone. Yet she never pushed him away. He was always there to pick up the popcorn and turn on the movie so she wouldn’t have to talk about it. But all he wanted was to talk about it. The elephant in the room was holding over his head ever since high school.

But he loved her, and he knew she didn’t want that, she’s never wanted anything-long term.

He just couldn’t tell whether it was because she didn’t have it in her or that she just couldn’t connect.

Her parents fucked her up for sure, but so did his. They were both royally fucked up, overbearing mothers and alcoholic dads weren’t a piece of cake. Maybe they were both too fucked up for each other he thought.


Betty shrugged on her leather jacket as she grabbed her keys to her red Camaro, just about the walk out the door.

“Hey, where are you going Blondie? I thought we had a movie date tonight.” Jughead asked, as Betty was half way through the door. Betty’s head proceeded to slump over a bit as she closed her eyes. She had forgotten he thought.

“Jughead, I’m sorry but Ronnie just called and…” She said in a panicked tone, trailing off.

“And you have fuck date with her.” Jughead stated, eyes empty holding his stare. Her green eyes flitted out of his view, avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah, but you know like c’mon, a girl’s gotta get some!” Betty insisted as she tried to close the door behind her.

“Yeah, I mean… yeah! Go have fun. I’ll see you later.” Jughead stated as he forced a fake smile. It was getting harder to fake it, but yet again there he was watching her smile as she ran out the door.

He pulled out his phone and called the only person who would be free at such late notice.

“Hey Archie, up for a movie night? My microwave has some popcorn with your name on it.” Jughead said into the tone trying to sound sincere. He heard Archie laugh over the phone.

“Betty ditch you again?” Archie asked already knowing the answer. Every time Betty bailed on him Archie was always the one Jughead would go to. Trying to explain 25 years of love and complications to someone new sounded like hell for Jughead, and truly Archie was the only one who fully understood the situation. Archie was the only one who knew Jughead’s secret sad affair. An affair behind closed doors unnoticed by the beautiful Elizabeth Cooper. The girl next door that Archie used to hold a torch for but quickly got over the minute he started noticing things. Things like Betty dating, Jughead never dating, and the long glances left between the two. It wasn’t Archie’s job to get involved, he knew that. But watching Betty emotionally detach herself from everything and Jughead never getting over her and not doing anything about it was one of the hardest things to watch. The two were just so damn in love he thought.

“I can’t fool you can I?” Jughead quipped as a sad smile fell on his face.

“No you can’t. I’ll be over in twenty minutes.”

 —

“I still don’t understand why she didn’t just visit him! I mean it’s the 1940s not the ice age, there are cars. And why wasn’t the mom arrested, it’s illegal to go through someone else’s mail! The shouldn’t have named it The Notebook , they should of named it Crazy Rich Mother Spoils Pure Love, Oh And They Die .” Archie argued with tears down his eyes. The Notebook always made Archie cry.

Jughead sat there smiling his ass off, looking at Archie distressed and grasping the couch pillow as he continued on with his speech.

“I know but c’mon, it’s a classic tragedy. Circling around each other their whole lives, finally ending it all together. It’s bittersweet, but… beautiful.” He answered as he went over to his dvd collection, looking for a safe movie. Archie definitely needed something lighthearted, no dead animals, no long lost loves. So no Disney.

“Jughead just cause you have a boner for constant heartbreak does not mean The Notebook is a good movie.” Archie fired back as he stuffed another huge handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“You just don’t like the movie because Sabrina said Ryan Gosling was hotter than you.”

Archie winced as Jughead mentioned Sabrina’s name. Jughead wasn’t the only one with a broken heart Jughead thought to himself.

“Oh my god, don’t even get me started on her. What a mistake.”

“You know I think she’d say the same about you Arch.”

“WE WERE ON A BREAK!” Archie exclaimed, clearly he was still not over it.

“THAT DIDN’T WORK ON FRIENDS AND IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK FOR YOU.” Jughead said, imitating Archie’s whiny tone.

To this Archie let out an over exaggerated ‘ugh.’ As Jughead slid the dvd of the movie Juno into the player and hit play.

About an hour had passed by when Jughead heard the door open with a thud. Archie turned his head as he saw it.

There was Betty Cooper, wrapped up in the arms of her newest fuck buddy, a girl about the same height as Betty with raven black hair. Betty sure had a type Archie thought to himself. The couple hadn’t noticed them 30 feet away sitting on the living room couch as they moved forward towards Betty’s room down the hall, pulling each other’s clothes off in the process.

Archie looked over at Jughead. His eyes were empty, focused on the pair, his eyebrows furrowed and then Archie saw it. The sad look in his eyes, the longing look as his blue eyes darkened and his cheeks flushed. He could see Jughead bite the inner part of his cheek and his jaw clench. It was like whiplash.

Betty and the girl now had disappeared and a set of sounds started to emit from the hall. Jughead turned his back to the TV, watching the next scene in the movie.

“Are-uh, you okay?” Archie asked softly, barely making a sound.

“Yeah, it’s just you know, good for her getting out there and getting some. Go her.”

Jughead didn’t even try to sound happy. He knew that his words were total bullshit. And in truth, his whole body was numb at the picture appearing in his head. The moans approaching weren’t helping either. He turned up the volume on the TV trying to drown it out.

“Does she do that a lot? Bring…guests over in the middle of the night for you to see.”

“I don’t think she thinks anything of it. She shares everything with me, it’s not like she’s ever tried to hide her dating to me before. Why start being discreet now?”

She doesn’t share everything with you Jug is what Archie wanted to say. Though he knew it wasn’t his secret to tell, and hell, Jughead wouldn’t even believe him if he had.

“Well Jughead, agreeing to move in with her wasn’t the best idea.”

“You don’t think I fucking know that Archie.” Jughead snapped. He immediately regretted his harshness and muttered: “Sorry, I just-“

“I know.” Archie finished. Jughead turned back to the TV wondering whether they should just leave. He turned to look at Archie but found him grabbing the whiskey from the cabinet and heading out to the patio.

“I figure you need a drink and that movie isn’t the best noise canceler.” Archie said offering a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, you’re right. I do need a drink. Only because of the fact that I can’t let you drink that whole thing by yourself. Face the facts Golden Boy, you’re a lightweight.” Jughead joked as he closed the glass door and sat down against the wall outside.

Archie chugged back a swig of the whiskey, wincing at the sting in his throat.

“I think you’re wrong about that, I actually think you’re wrong about a lot of things Jughead.”

“Yeah, yeah, now stop hogging the juice.”

2

Human Bog

Look at that, he’s got primroses in his tattoo sleeves >__>
He got them while he was with his first love. When that didn’t work out, he started hiding his tattoos in public, constantly wearing his jacket. He hates seeing them. They’re a constant reminder of his heartbreak. 

The piece of amber in his staff in canon has been turned into a necklace, a gift from his father.

He’s covered in scars, most of them on his left side. He’s rather intimidating, especially when he’s riding around on his motorcycle. To most people he just looks like a thug and stay away from him, though his appearance is rather deceiving.

Prompt: “I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees”

Description: Fuckboi! Jungkook who quotes all your literature faves and more strikes the fandom (part three).

AN: I am taking prompts, they can be 1-2 lines and you can send me separate OC profiles too!

Previous 

AN: WARNING- SMUT in this chapter!

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

“Ahhh come on Cali, we were about to go places and now you’re with Kim fucking Taehyung?” Jungkook teased looking Taehyung up and down. The girl, Cali and Taehyung groping each other were broken up now, because Taehyung caught you as he briefly opened his eyes and felt a surge of guilt up his body. Then his eyes also widened seeing Jungkook smirk something in your ear, causing you to see red. The girl Jungkook was kissing when you first found them looked distraught, as if she had spent so much energy on him for Jungkook to find her with someone else so quickly. Her eyes were cast down, and you were slightly uncomfortable with how much of a hold he seemed to have on her. 

“We don’t have time for this, come on Tae.” You said, dragging him by the collar of his shirt, trying to get out of Jungkook saying anything else that was smart ass. Taehyung was giving Jungkook a death glare as you pulled on his collar, and Jungkook scoffed from behind again. 

“We’re going home, now. “ You said, giving Taehyung a glare as you texted Miranda that you’d be going home because you didn’t want Taehyung to go for another rebound, only for his constant cycle of heartbreak to continue. You didn’t bother looking back to Jungkook, because you were quite frankly- sick of him and his games. 

“I thought you’d find me, but you didn’t.” Taehyund said trying to justify himself. 

“What- were you up there with him?”He then asked as you two exited Hoseok’s house. A disgusted expression took hold on his face. You explained to him what happened, and Taehyung groaned. 

“I’m going to have to watch out for you.” He sighed. You hated to admit it, but maybe Taehyung would have to watch,  which was certainly a reversal of how it worked when it came to you two. You gave him the pep talks to stop going after the wrong people, not the other way around. Maybe this was karma trying to give you a shot of your own medicine for being too harsh on your friends. 

“Come on, you owe me $20 for pizza.” You said walking to your house, avoiding the conversation even more because thinking about it would only cause of restlessness. 

_____________________________________________________________________

Friday night, 8.45pm. 

No one, and you meant it- no one would come to the library after 7 on a Friday night, unless they had a deadline due for the rare Saturday submissions. Sadly, you did. The essay you were writing for English lit class was on the use of different accents in literature and your supervisor thought he would be nice and hand you a Saturday deadline. You were finished with the essay, but the process of last minute edits could be draining and you wanted to get it done before the very last minute. 

You were currently in your zone, a flask of earl grey tea ready to keep you going as you sat where your favourite study table was. You had classic music in your earbuds to get you through the last hurdles, and you were feeling stressed but in your element. It was a nice distraction from the boy who had been plaguing your mind all week. You thought he would quit with the cocky grins by now, but he showed no sign of backing down. You hoped he enjoyed disappointment, because you were always, clearly unimpressed with a scowl on your face. You wondered about what it was he wanted exactly, and if he would leave you alone if you gave it to him. Everything was a conquest for Jungkook, from what Taehyung had told you over pizza and a movie last week. 

“Everything for him is like a game, but he gets bored easily. Here’s what you should do- if it gets too bad, just give him what he wants and he’ll move on. It’s Jungkook, this stuff works 99% of the time. But you just have to make sure you don’t catch any feelings.” 

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anonymous asked:

Do you have any gifs of times when Cas wasn't a good friend to Dean?

Here’s a few I found in my folder. From 5.18: 

This one’s not so much not being a good friend, but it’s sad nonetheless (from 5.21):

This one is from 5.22, after Dean loses Sam and is upset about it: 

Here’s 6.06 when Cas is lying to Dean about how Sam got out of the hell box: 

And here’s 6.12 after Sam gets his soul back and Dean’s upset that he’s still unconscious and asking Cas to tell him if he’s going to be all right: 

Here’s one that’s a constant source of heartbreak, in 9.10 when Dean says he’s poison (to Sam) and doesn’t want to drag anyone down with him anymore. No words of comfort, no anything: 

And in 10.03: 

And then we have 12.19 after Cas has been ignoring Dean for weeks: 

And stealing the Colt: 

That’s what I can find. You can always check my Cas and Dean tag for other Cas with Dean gifs. Hope that helps. 

Fanfiction - Stealing Tomorrow (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5 – Boston Calling

Edinburgh, 12 years ago

Claire absentmindedly twisted her silver wedding ring on her finger, listening as Jamie rummaged in the adjacent bathroom, preparing for bed. The sounds he made – whistling as he shaved, cursing in Gaelic as he cut himself with the razor or tunelessly singing in the shower – were her favourite playlist in her life’s soundtrack.

He came out and turned off the lights, immersing their room in shadows, as the wind howled outside. Pulling up the sheets to slide in next to her, she yelped as his cold hands grabbed her buttocks with purpose.

“Hmm.” Jamie growled. “Ye’re so plump and warm, Sassenach. Can’t think of a better way to warm myself.”

“My ass is freezing, but you’re welcome.” She complained, but scooted closer to him nonetheless. Claire enjoyed the feel of his hands, brushing her arms and waist, tracing her outline from shoulder to hip, melting against him as she had so many times before. She bit her lip, trying to regain focus and not to surrender completely to the sensation altogether. “I received a letter today.”

“A secret admirer, lass?” Jamie said jokingly, but she heard the hint of jealousy in his lilt. She was very popular amongst the young doctors - and even some professors treated her with unwanted gentleness and looks filled with longing directed to her bosom. Jamie always managed to rein in the urge to kill them all in gruesome ways, leaving her with the task of subtly display her wedding ring and casually mention her husband’s menacing height.

“Not quite.” She softly said and rolled to face him. “Before we met I applied to a scholarship in Harvard – they have a fantastic program and…Well, I really didn’t have anything to root me here.” Claire shrugged. “As so much time passed without an answer, I forgot I even sent them my application.”

“And ye got an answer today?” He brushed her curls, caressing her face.

“I did.” She swallowed hard. “Apparently my papers were lost – placed in the wrong archive. They found them a few days ago.” Claire looked into his eyes. “And they want me, Jamie. They are offering me a full scholarship to graduate there. There was a note with the letter – from Doctor Raymond. He directs the surgical program at Mass Gen and he is offering me a spot there to learn under him.”

“Doctor Raymond.” Jamie massaged her hand, furrowing his brows in concentration. “The wee doctor whose articles ye keep reading even while we eat? The one ye once called “A legend disguised as a toad”?”

“Yes.” She smiled. “That’s the one.”

They stayed in silence for a while, contemplating the ramifications of such mind-altering news.

A Dhia! That is amazing, Sassenach!” Jamie smiled at last, kissing her deeply. “I’m verra proud of ye. I always knew ye were extraordinary and I’m so glad others are coming to the same conclusion. When will ye go?”

“What do you mean?” Claire asked, confused. “I can’t go! It’s on the other side of the bloody planet!”

“I ken that.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I have my geography up to date, Sassenach. But ye have to go – it’s your dream we’re talking about, your career. If they really are the best, ye must learn from them - the chance being offered so prettily.”

“But this means years there, Jamie!” She insisted, agitated. “To change our lives so profoundly they will barely look the same!”

“The most important things will remain the same, mo nighean donn.” Jamie said in a soft tone. “I will still love ye with all my heart. I will still be proud of you to the point of bursting with it.”

“But Jamie…” Claire said in a husky voice, fighting back the sudden threat of tears. “You can’t come. And I won’t leave you!”

“Aye.” Jamie agreed, his eyes downcast. “I canna come.”

One year before Brian Fraser had been walking on his state, overseeing the harvest intended to the malting of whiskey, when a shattering headache had overcame him. His workers had found him on the ground, barely breathing, his left side paralyzed and his speech incomprehensible. Victim of a massive stroke, he had managed to survive by sheer Fraser stubbornness – but in spite of vigorous physical therapy and all around the clock care, he would never regain full function of his hand and leg. Jenny had been forced to assume the bulk of the Fraser business, but Jamie went to Lallybroch every week to assist his father and help his sister – spending himself on tiresome journeys and constant heartbreak. It was impossible for him to leave the country for a long period, and they were both painfully aware of that realization.

“I will write them explaining it is impossible for me to go.” Claire insisted, entwining their fingers, their wedding rings touching as chains of an unbreakable bond. “I can become a surgeon just as easily here.”

“You canna do that, Claire.” Jamie said vehemently. “I canna live with myself knowing I hindered ye. That our marriage was an obstacle for ye to move forward – I can’t and I won’t. We have our entire lives to be together – we can manage to survive a few years of distance. Besides, I’ll come to visit ye as often as I can manage.”

“I can’t, Jamie…” Claire pleaded, entangling her fingers on his auburn hair, already dreading the moment she wouldn’t be able to touch him – to roll in bed in the middle of the night and find him waiting for her. To hear his voice coming up the stars, joyful with the prospect of kissing her once he opened the door. To smell him on her skin as an invisible cloak he had offered her to wear.

“You can and you will.” His thumbs traced under her eyes, as if predicting the need to wipe out tears, still to come. “For I love ye, Sassenach. Nothing will ever change that.”

A grief strong as lightening was already ravaging her body, searing her chest and belly, turning iron into steel for the armour she would wear in his absence.

“Alright.” She accepted, closing her eyes – but still seeing him clearly, gazing at her with love and confidence. “I’ll go.”

He kissed her with fervour, pulling her against his body to remind her that their farewell was still impending, that their touches could still be carved in more than memories.  

“We should stop trying, then.” Jamie whispered softly, rubbing her flat stomach – the box of wonders where they had been hoping to create their own shared miracle. “We’ll think about it again in a couple of years.”

“Does that mean you won’t make love to me anymore?” Claire asked in a fearful tone. “Because I won’t have that, Mister Fraser.”

“Nah.” Jamie smiled with mischief and rolled to place her atop of him. “Just that I will love ye more safely.”

****

Boston, 11 years ago

“I can’t take it anymore, Jamie.” Claire declared to her phone. “I can’t concentrate on anything. I miss you too much.”

“I miss ye too, mo ghraidh.” He sighed. “I’ll be there in a couple of weeks – I can’t stay more than a few days though. Jenny is huge like a ripe watermelon and she can go into labour soon – I must be here to see to Da when she goes to the hospital.”

“Send her and Ian my solidarity – or don’t, she might bite your head off.” Claire laughed and then turned on her side, watching the snowflakes twirling and dancing through her Boston window – she could pretend she was in Scotland, talking to him while he was on another room of their house. “I might just go back with you. This is going nowhere – I’m so behind everyone else. I’m failing, Jamie. Miserably. If I keep this up I’ll be invited out of the program.”

“Ye canna be serious, Claire.” Jamie admonished. “I’m sure ye’re exaggerating.”

“No – I’m not!” She closed her eyes, shielding her eyelids with her palm. “Doctor Raymond called me to his office yesterday – he told me forthright he was very disappointed in me. “Waisted potential” – I believe is what he said.”

General surgery is a hard and demanding residency on a good day – an inferno of sleepless hours, endless techniques and competing colleagues on a mild one. A desperation pit where all hope goes to die on a bad one. Claire had started hopeful and energetic, trying her hardest to be the first to arrive for rounds; reading ahead for every surgery in order to know the answer to every possible question; prescinding of her scarce hours of sleep for the chance of doing one more minor procedure.

But as time went by, Jamie’s absence became an unsurpassable obstacle – the miles separating them a looming shadow, that consumed everything else delicately touched by any light form. Claire started having sleeping problems – which made her unfocused and sometimes late for rounds, arriving just in time to hear a reprimand from her superior. She would ignore what was being said while she texted Jamie, being caught off guard by their questions. She became increasingly more unhappy and sloppy – which had culminated on her neglecting to prescribe the right antibiotic for a patient with known allergies, resulting in an almost fatal anaphylactic shock.

Jamie stayed silent on the line for a moment – she could hear him breathing deeply on the other side. Eventually, he talked again – his voice husky.

“Everything will be as it should, Claire. I’ll take care of it – I promise.”

****

Boston, 10 years and 9 months ago

Claire smiled as she poured water on her vase – the Forget-Me-Nots starting to bloom in a promising array of blue. Jamie had surprised her by bringing the plant with him when he came to visit – it had been peacefully living on their room’s balcony in Edinburgh since they moved there.

Her eyes drifted to the place near the door where they had parted. Jamie already had his travelling bag next to the door, ready to take the cab to the airport. She had located her purse to accompany him and smiled to him in an expectant way, when he had grabbed her by the waist and pressed her against the wall.

“Once more.” He growled against her ear, his hands feverishly displacing her clothes before they locked themselves on her hips. “I must.”

He had entered her like a storm, powerful and devastating, raining on her senses as he thundered on her body, a passion so violent it bordered on despair. All the time his body rocked against her, his forehead was nestled on her neck – he spoke in Gaelic, broken sounds that he repeated like a prayer, as he worshiped her with abandon. When he lost himself to her, moistness bathed her shoulder - tears and sweat like christening presents, offered to protect her against the demons of separation.

The sudden ringing of the phone jumped her, ripping her out of the trance of memories.

“Hey, you.” Claire saluted, knowing it must be Jamie calling. “Not a word for the last couple of days – I was beginning to think you had found yourself a new wife.”

“Claire.” He sounded detached and cold. “I…Needed some time to think.”

“About what?” She said, surprised. Her knowing heart was already racing, preparing her body for an impact she hadn’t predicted. “You’re scaring me, Jamie.”

He stayed silent – like he was reuniting every shred of courage left – and then talked again, sounding supernaturally calm.

“This isn’t working, Claire. I think we should end it.”

“What?” She croaked, her lips numb, as if kissed by unforgiving black death. “You can’t be serious. Is this your idea of a joke, Jamie?”

“No.” He said with assertiveness. “We should separate.”

“But what happened?” She raised and started to walk around her room, everything spiralling around her in a descent to nothingness. “How can you say something like this?”

“Ye were right.” He said in a laconic tone. “It’s too hard. I thought I could – but I can’t. This isna a marriage, Claire. It’s best if we’re both freed from it.”

“I can come back!” She sobbed, rubbing her face – the metal of her ring taunting her like a distant laugh. “I’ll go to Scotland and we can make things right again.”

“No!” He answered, almost angry. “Seas. Don’t come back.”

“What are you saying?” Claire pleaded, her voice no more than a rasp.

“I don’t want ye anymore.” He whispered. “It’s over. I…I want to be with someone else.”

“Jamie…” She cried, sliding to the floor where she curled. “Jamie…”

“I am sorry.” Jamie said and the phone call ended.

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

Somewhere, something was breaking. Maybe it was the heart they had built together which she carried inside her chest – maybe the entire world was crashing down, through the vortex opened by the death of their shared star. Maybe all the stars were actually falling from the sky, as the ultimate shower of unfulfilled desires, until nothing remained but meaningless darkness, where she could find solace in the broken shards.

I don’t want you anymore.

Or maybe it was the way her hands blindly searched for the vase - where flowers of ancient promises could never live again, to remind her of his betrayal – as she crushed it on the floor.  

Jealousy (Jungkook)

Originally posted by sugutie

Genre: Angst/fluff

Word Count: 1,179

Request: hi hi hi can you write another fic like Alone Jungkook?

Jungkookie x Reader where they’re in an argument and out of anger kookie hits y/n and she walks out, when she comes home, kookie is fragile and cute AF! ANGSTY AF PLS HUHUHUHU T_T

Summary: “You’re being a real pain in my ass”

A/n: I put these two requests together, sorry if you didn’t want it to be mashed together I just thought it would be good.~Joy 

Warnings: Anxiety, mentions of abuse, fighting, attempt suicide, and a lot of swearing.


You always had insecurities and had to fight it since you were little, dating an idol like Jungkook would always make you feel a little more insecure. Every time you went out with Jungkook, you didn’t see the love he had for you, just pity. You knew no matter how much Jungkook showed his love for you, you would always feel like he didn’t want you and he was just waiting for a girl prettier than you to pass up. You hated watching him on idol shows, no matter how much you wanted to support your boyfriend you hated seeing the way the girls looked at him or how he would be very shy when close to another female idol. 

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It’s not you that I miss, it’s what we had. I think now I only want you back because I miss having you. You were my best friend, and I was head-over-heels for you. Now that you’re gone, I’ve learned how to survive on my own. But sadly, it’s not the person I miss, it’s the memories. I only want you for your love and support, your undeniable, undivided friendship; I want someone to fall back into when I’m both happy and sad, at the same time. For once, I just want to receive the love I give the world. In all honesty, it could be anyone; You’re just the last name on my list, so my heart still draws its way back to you. Maybe it always will, who knows. Maybe I really did love you, and maybe I still do. All I know is every time I find someone, I lose them. And every time I lose them, I realize I loved them. Once they’re gone, I swear I’ll never find anyone else. My heart will never go on. I’ll be stuck in this constant cycle of heartbreak forever, chasing memories and regret. But every time I’m just about to completely fall apart, someone saves me. I guess I’m always stuck waiting for my next superman. But maybe that person, the one who sweeps me off my feet, saves me from drowning; maybe that person needs to be me. I must save myself, because in the end, the only love I have is my own.

thoughts / do I miss you? // 9:13pm ; 10.25.17

The Worst Kind of People to Love

Izuocha through the eyes of my favorite nurse. With a little bit of All Might. Written to WILD - All My Life (*tears up* it’s so precious) and I maaayyy use a couple of its lyrics.

Word count: 1225

P.S. Thank you to my followers and everyone who has supported me! Hope you enjoy this one. Cheers!

Oh I will keep you safe for all my life

And you will have my heart for all the time


“It must’ve been really hard on you these past few days.”

The elder woman caressed the young brunette’s hair with the utmost care, not wanting to wake the tired girl. The room’s light illuminated the tear tracks that split each of her round cheeks. Damp spots could still be noticed near where she laid her head on the bed. Even in sleep she couldn’t find rest–her forehead creasing with worry, her lips in constant frown. It was heartbreaking just to look at her.

“Self-sacrificing idiots. Great as heroes, but could be lousy as friends sometimes. Especially if they somehow still found a way to love this horrible, cruel world.” Recovery Girl shook her head, somewhere between angry and disappointed and proud.

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Happiness Comes When You Are Numb. (Pt 1)

I’m feeling pretty down right now so I’m up for some angst. I was listening to the Heathers soundtracks ((if you like musical theatre and haven’t seen the Heathers, I recommend it)) and “Freeze your Brain” came on so I wanted to do a little fic around that.  


               Jughead wasn’t happy. That in itself was an understatement. Jughead was a pessimist, never seeing the good in anything. Drugs and alcohol were a mere escape from the life he called his own. With an alcoholic for a father who could blame him for resorting to such extreme coping mechanisms. With a mother who runs away from every small obstacle, including her son, who could blame Jughead for being afraid of sticking around. And with a best friend who is persistent on keeping him alive, who could blame him for hating himself.

               “Juggie, we’re leaving. Now.” Betty shoves through the crowd, roughly grabbing hold of her beanie-less best friend who was sat in a bong rotation eagerly waiting for his turn. The jocks and cheerleaders all either wolf-whistled or laughed in Betty’s face. Ridiculing her without even having to breathe a word. Jughead rolled his eyes so hard you could almost hear them.

               “Get off me, Cooper.” He growled towards her, clearly drunk out of his mind and as high as a kite. Betty flinched at the harshness of Jughead’s voice but still stood her ground, tugging him lightly. She was silently hoping that in some alternate universe he would see the error of his ways and walk out with her, never returning. But this was the real world and this was a different Jughead.

               “You heard him Blondie. Get off him.” Reggie Mantle, still in hysterics, shouted over to Betty. At this point, she was starting to see why Archie gave up on him. Jughead Jones will never change and he will never care for anyone but himself. Tears stung her eyes as she nodded slowly, releasing her grip on the boy’s shirt.

               “I see. I’ll just-” Betty couldn’t finish her sentence before she raced out of the room, dodging the drunken teens in the halls of some jocks house. Parties weren’t her scene, especially when she was in this frame of mind. Jughead was all that kept her stable. She felt safe with him, like the world around them wasn’t turning. Like her sister wasn’t pregnant with a dead man’s baby or like her parents weren’t forcing perfection every 5 minutes.

               Perfection, Betty hated the word. She tightly curled her fist at even the first syllable. Perfection wasn’t achievable yet that’s what was constantly expected of her. She was always compared and contrasted. She was always told that what she was doing was okay but it wasn’t good enough. Nothing was ever good enough. Sometimes she thought it may just be easier to disappoint on purpose.

               “Betts!” She heard the familiar voice call after her. It was slurred and desperate but she knew who it was. And right now it was the last person she wanted to see. Betty proceeded out of the door and in to the darkened street, her jeans and cardigan probably soaked in the stench of alcohol, smoke and weed.

               “What, Jughead? What could you possibly want from me now? You need extra money for more weed?” Betty angrily mocked to the boy still stumbling behind her. He was trying to catch up but couldn’t make his feet fast enough. To be honest, he couldn’t really direct his legs either but he didn’t want to show that.

               “Betts, I’m sorry. I’m gonna clean my act up. I promise!” Jughead stuttered out. The fear was clear in his voice but in this moment Betty didn’t care. It was all lies she’d heard before. Why should she stand for this constant heartbreak. Someone she so deeply cares about is wasting his life away and for what? A short lived escape.

               “I’ve heard it all before. You never change. You’re just like your father.” Betty blurted out, regretting what she said almost instantly. It was the truth but she could’ve sugar coated it. His face visibly changed. Tears began streaking the cheeks of his face almost the second the words left her mouth. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, a small cry escaping his lips along with it. He looked distraught.

               “Betty, I- how could you say that.” He sobbed out, wrapping his arms around his shaking body for comfort. He looked in Betty’s eyes, hoping for even a glint of the same fondness he usually saw. But there was nothing. Her eyes were stone cold, full of tears and full of disappointment. She turned to walk away.

               “I’m sorry Jughead.” She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut and letting the tears flow freely. Her chest was aching to hold him close and tell him it’d all be okay but she knew that it wouldn’t work. Nothing could fix him. There was no hope.

               “Betty no, no please. I can fix myself. Betty please don’t go. Please don’t leave me. Betty!” Jughead screamed out for her to return. He fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably. All he needed was a friend and now he has no one. Betty was all that mattered to him. Betty was his lifeline. And now she’s gone he has nothing. How is he supposed to live. “I love you.” he breathed out, closing his eyes and inhaling the cold night air.

               The wind was bitter and harsh that night. Almost perfectly portraying the pathetic fallacy of the situation. Both hearts were broken that night. All that they had were the memories of the past, when everything was so innocent. Betty enjoyed revisiting the memories of when they first started the Blue and Gold. Jughead was so happy and optimistic.

               That soon faded when Jughead was given his first bottle of alcohol and bag of weed. He was never the same. Betty missed her best friend. She was truly in love with that boy. The boy who wore the same beanie every day, the boy who loved writing, the boy who loved movie nights, the boy who fixed her and showed her that someone could care. He single-handedly saved Betty Cooper’s life.

               “I can’t do this.” Betty viciously cried into her pillow, hugging it close and hoping it would somehow be replaced with the boy she loved. “I miss you.” she whimpered before drifting off to sleep after one of the worst nights of her life. Or so she thought.

               Whilst Betty was asleep in bed, Jughead gazed through the window of her house, contemplating whether to go in or not. Instead, he decided to leave the note he had previously written and continue with his plan.

               “No turning back now.” He whispered to himself over and over again on the walk to his destination. Once he made it, he took in the view. The waves were crashing destructively against the sides of the cliff. The cliff. This was it. Jughead took his first step, his first breath. “Happiness comes when you are numb, who need cocaine.” He sung softly before taking the second step. This was it.




I hope you enjoyed the part one to this fic! It’s probably only going to have one other part but yknow! My asks are open if anyone wants to send in their ideas I’ll be happy to read them x

Auston Matthews - What is Love?

request: yes or no

Can you just do an angst with Auston??💜😚

A/N: I am so sorry this is late. I have been really busy with school. I actually got this idea from a song that I heard, but I can’t remember the name of it. I hope you enjoy! 

Warnings: There is one curse word and some shitty writing. 

Summary: You’re in love with Auston and you never realized he’s been using you due to being so in love. Until you’re faced with something you didn’t want to see. 

Originally posted by nylanderhoe


You had met Auston when you first moved to Toronto. You had bumped into while you were trying to move into your new apartment. He offered to help you take your boxes up to your apartment and you took him up on it. You both really hit it off and soon became really good friends. You found out he lived three stories about you. Soon, you befriended some of the other Maple Leafs and were always over at Auston’s hanging out with them. It didn’t take you long to fall in love with the very talented Maple Leaf. And 2 years later, nothing much has changed. 

You never really knew if Auston liked you back. You both flirted with each other and were always acting like a couple in public. You were always there for him when he needed it. You also helped keep his fridge stocked while he was gone, kept his apartment clean, and you were always there in the middle of the night to pick him up when he was drunk. You would go out of your way to make sure he had everything he needed. You’re friends were constantly telling you that something was off about the whole thing but you loved him and you were going to do all it took to make sure he was happy. 

You were constantly having that internal battle on deciding if you should tell him how you felt or not. You were practically a couple, people were always assuming you were. But right when you would decide to tell him, you would see him with another girl. It hurt a lot. You would try and distance yourself from him to try and to get over him but you would come right back to doing everything he needed get done. It was a constant cycle, of heartbreak. 

The last couple of months have been great. Auston had dropped all of the girls to hang out with you. He would turn down going to guys not out to go to dinner with you. It was perfect, you finally felt happy. You decided that you were going to tell him how you felt. You took the elevator up to his floor and slowly walked to his door. You knocked several times and no one answered. You knew he was here because to was his off day. You took out your key and unlocked the door. You really wish you would’ve just kept knocking because what you found was something that would break your heart forever. Auston was half naked on top of some blonde girl that you were pretty sure he has been with before. 

“Oh I’m so sorry.” You were shocked at the sight in front of you.

“Y/N? It’s not what it looks like.” Auston said while scrambling to get of the girl

You just looked at him. “You don’t need to explain anything. It’s not like we’re a couple. Um I’m just gonna leave. I’m sorry I interrupted.” 

You turned around so fast you were surprised you didn’t get whiplash. You made it out the door without shedding a tear but once you got into the elevator the dam broke. You were so sure that he liked you back. You were practically dating these past couple of months. 

As you were walking out of the elevator, you bumped into a solid chest. “I’m sorry.” you sniffled

“Y/N? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” You looked up and noticed that you had bumped into Mitch

“Oh nothing, you know all these allergies.” Mitch gave you a really look. You sighed “Can you come to my apartment so we can talk about it in private?”

“Yeah of course.” Mitch replied

You both silently walked back to your apartment and as soon as you both sat down on the couch, you told Mitch everything. You tried to hold in your sobs but the main in your chest was just to powerful. Mitch held you and told you that everything was going to be okay. 

“I was just so sure he liked me back. He had changed so much over the past few months.” you told Mitch after you had stopped crying.

“Y/N can I tell you something and I really hope this doesn’t change anything between me and you.” Mitch looked at you nervously. 

“Yeah and I cherish our friendship to much for something like this to change.” You reassured Mitch. 

Mitch gave you a small smile and looked at you sadly. “I think Auston has been using you. You would do everything for him and I think he was taking advantage of it. The guys and I were trying to tell him to stop but he didn’t see what the problem was. I am so sorry Y/N.”

You were shocked and even more heartbroken. You should’ve known that a guy like Auston would never like a girl like you. You felt so stupid and used. You looked at Mitch and gave him a small smile, “I’m not gonna lie this hurts but I’m not blaming you or the guys. This is his own fault. Thank you for being here for me.” Mitch left after a while and you were back to being by yourself. You made a promise to yourself that you were never going to be the girl that would be their for Auston like before. You were going to get over him no matter how much it hurt. 

You haven’t talked to Auston in weeks. The first week, Auston would call and text you, asking if you wanted to hangout or go to one of his games. You left him on read and unanswered. It took every ounce of power you had not to answer or reply. The second week, the messages changed to worry. He was constantly asking what he did wrong and why weren’t you answering. You were determined to get over him and not fall for this “friend” act again. 

You were sitting on your couch watching Parks and Recreation when you heard a knock on you door, Not thinking you got up and opened the door. It was Auston, you tried to shut it back but his hand stopped the door from closing. You looked at him annoyed. 

“What do you want Auston?” Seeing him has opened up the gaping whole that was slowly closing. 

“So you are alive.” He ignored the question you just asked.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be alive?” You were now getting annoyed. Here you were being sad and Auston was just acting so nonchalant. 

He looked at you shocked. He figured you’d be really happy to see him, give him a giant hug. “Why haven’t you been answering my calls or texts? I don’t understand what I did wrong. We were fine and all of a sudden you are ignoring me.” 

You started to laugh, “You are so clueless. Auston I’m not ignoring you, I’m getting over you.”

“What do you mean getting over me?” You could have swore you saw hurt in his eyes when those words came out but if you did it went away fast. 

“You really wanna know why? Auston, I have been in love with you since the moment I saw you. I have done every single thing that you asked me to do for you. I have cooked, cleaned, and shopped for you. You needed me to pick you up at 3 am, I was there.I was there when you needed someone to talk to. I did everything for you. Only for me to get told that after all of this flirting and acting like a couple, you were using me. I was finally going to tell you how a truly felt, the day I walked in on you and the girl. And honestly I really glad I did, it saved me a lot more heartbreak.”

Auston stood with his mouth opening and closing, nit knowing what to say. “Y/N, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t know you felt that way. You’re friendship means everything to me”

You laughed , “Well thats rich being that you used me. Everyone knew how much I liked you, well loved. The worst thing is, is that I’m still in love with you.” You were done with him. 

“Y/N I’m sorry. How can I fix this?” Auston said in a rush

“I don’t think you can Auston. Maybe someday we can be friends again but I juts don’t think I can for give you for this.”

“Y/N c’mon I’m sorry. Please don’t do this.” Auston pleaded, tears starting to role down his cheeks 

“Goodby Auston.” You slowly shut the door. Auston started to beat on the door begging you to give him another chance to make everything right. You leaned your back against the door and slid down to sit on the floor. You began to sob at how sad he sounded. Eventually his pleading stopped and you assumed he finally gave up. It was going to take some time but you knew deep down that this was the best thing for you. Maybe one day, you and Auston could be friends again. 


I’m gonna be honest I feel like this was pretty shitty as well. I don’t even know what’s going on. 

The Child In Time

So I don’t like the ending of the new movie Ben C is in. I sherlollified it, and made it better. Enjoy!

Some angst, a happy ending.



The worst twelve hours of her life, of all of their lives. Molly had been at the shops, Rosie Watson hanging onto the hem of her coat while Molly reached for some boxes of macaroni and cheese off the top shelf. Rosie knew to always hold onto Molly’s coat, always. Something must have caught her eye, because the next thing Molly knew, little Rosie was gone. Gone in the crowded Tesco and no one seemed to know where she’d gotten to. Molly had thrust her phone into the face of every employee and person in the queue, begging them to identify the smiling little girl who decorated her phone’s background. 

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I Fear Going Mad

Action has always defined my life, I’ve always jumped feet first
All I know to be is three fourths action to one part words for all my articulation
Now, I have words words words bouncing insanely around my brain
I write so I don’t go mad from all the little things I want to do for you
All the seeming inconsequential actions which could show you how I feel
Tender touches and silly little actions which make up the whole of heart
So I write…I write of the constant depth, breadth and heartbreak of love
Because without actions words are all I have and I fear going mad

They told me heartbreak would hurt and that the pain would be a bitch. They told me that it would be unbearable and that I would find myself on my knees at times wondering it’s worth getting back up. What they never told me was that heartbreak is constant. They never told me that my heart would break all over again when I heard that song that reminds me of you or that the pain will knock the wind out of me on a Tuesday night as I realize I ordered enough food for two because I’m so used to ordering with you. Nobody ever told me that there would be nights when I fall asleep staring at your picture or mornings I wish would never come because I didn’t want another day to pass without you.
— 

-Things they never tell you about heartbreak.

Excerpts from the book I’ll never write #337

10/29/2016

12:56 pm