consistent environment

Rare Collection of 100 Introvert Quotes That Will Make You Feel Understood

Originally posted by water-aesthetics

Dear introverts, it’s difficult to understand you. Many people don’t comprehend that solitude and feeling alone are different things. As an introvert, you know that your solitude is a sacred space where you can recharge. We encourage you to have a look at these amazingly thoughtful and profound quotes, which will resonate with all introverts.

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John Winchester and Child Neglect:  A Comprehensive Study.

It’s been a somewhat divisive subject within the fandom as to what kind of a parent John Winchester was.  Frequently, I see posts pop up on my dash defending John, claiming that he loved his sons and did the best he could under the circumstances.  Others claim John was blatantly abusive.

Well, I think it’s pertinent to lay the matter to rest once and for all:  he undeniably was.

And we needn’t look to subtext for signs of physical abuse, either (though as many others have pointed out, there is plenty there): child neglect is the most common form of child abuse, and it is textually evident throughout the series.

The NSPCC defines the basic needs of children as follows, all of which John gratuitously neglected:

1.  Basic physical care.

The NSPCC maintains that children should be provided with “warmth, shelter, adequate food and rest, grooming (hygiene) and protection from danger.”

Whether or not the various motel rooms they frequented could be equated to proper shelter, John routinely left his sons without enough food to share between them:

Young Dean is shown giving his portion of cereal up for baby Sam, and is later shown to have been forced to resort to stealing in order to feed him.  

Even in his adulthood, when asked if he had ever been “really hungry.  Like, not eaten for days hungry,” Dean emphatically replies that he had. 

The signs of hygienic neglect are slightly more subtle, but also present: after spending the summer without Dean, for example, young Sam is shown in clothes that are obviously too big and unbuttoned at the sleeves.    

And as for “protection from danger?”  Well, unless you count giving your small children loaded firearms, sufficed to say it was nonexistent. 

2.  Affection:

As the NSPCC puts it, healthy affection “includes physical contact, holding, stroking, cuddling and kissing, comforting, admiration, delight, tenderness, patience, time, making allowances for annoying behaviour, and general companionship and approval.”

Obviously, there was a point at which John would have provided his sons with adequate physical affection, but after Mary’s death it appears to be basically nonexistent.  

He is shown to criticize Dean fairly consistently (”I wouldn’t have given you that car if I thought you were going to ruin it”), was unreasonably harsh in response to his childhood shortcomings (e.g. failing to protect Sam from a monster when he was ten), and “leaving him to rot” for the summer at a boy’s home for stealing food at the age of sixteen.

3.  Security:

According to the NSPCC, security constitutes as “continuity of care, the expectation of continuing in the stable family unit, a predictable environment, consistent patterns of care and daily routine, simple rules and consistent controls and a harmonious family group.”

John constantly moved his children from one motel to another for the duration of their childhood.  This prevented his children from formulating any lasting friendships with people their age, the effects of which are most evident in “After School Special:”  Sam is left feeling like “a freak” in comparison to his peers, whereas Dean has already carefully developed his hypermasculine public image.

Moreover, John is predominantly absent in their lives, routinely missing holidays and disappearing for days on end.  Hardly a stable parental figure for the boys to fall back on.   

4.  Stimulation and innate potential: 

The NSPCC defines this as “praise and encouragement; curiosity and exploratory behavior. By developing skills though responsiveness to questions and to play, by promoting educational opportunities.”

Even disregarding John’s blatant discouragement of Sam’s pursuit of higher education, this is most evident in the characteristics of the boys themselves:  

Sam is ambitious, motivated, self-disciplined, and academic.  He prides himself on his ability to succeed in scholastic environments and conduct research, which got him a free ride to an ivy league university at the start of the series.  

These are all characteristics typical of a firstborn child, whereas Dean’s laid-back persona is more typical of a second or third born.  

As others have pointed out, this is because Sam WAS a first born child…to Dean.  

The reason first-borns are typically such high achievers is because their parents treat each success as a momentous occasion, whereas their successors typically garner less attention.  Dean was never praised for his accomplishment by John, whereas Dean provides Sam with a surprising amount of support and encouragement. 

Even John’s journal takes note of this, stating that when Sam took his first steps, he immediately went to Dean.

5.  Guidance and control.  

“To teach adequate social behaviour which includes discipline within the child’s understanding and capacity and which requires patience and a model for the child to copy, for example in honesty and concern and kindness for others.”

John taught Dean how to perform various illegal activities, including credit card fraud and hustling pool. 

This makes it doubly ironic that he reacted so violently to Dean stealing food or getting drunk as a teenager, considering he didn’t exactly set the best standard for upstanding citizenship.  Maybe he was just upset he got caught?

6.  Responsibility. 

“For small things at first such as self-care, tidying playthings or taking dishes to the kitchen and gradually elaborating the decision making that the child has to learn in order to function adequately, gaining experience through his/her mistakes as well as his/her stresses and receiving praise and encouragement to strive to do better.”

This one is a little different, considering John arguably entrusted too much responsibility to children his sons’ age.  Nevertheless, the fact remains that he gave almost no encouragement to the boys for performing these tasks, leading Dean to realize John was possessed when he told him he was proud of him.   

And finally…

7.  Independence. 

“To make his/her own decisions first about small things but increasingly about the various aspects of his/her own life within the confines of the family and society’s codes. Parents use fine judgement in encouraging independence and in letting the child see and feel the outcome of his or her own capacity. Protection is needed, but over-protection is as bad as responsibility and independence too early.”

John militaristically handles his sons, expecting them to be basically subservient to him and to obey his orders at all costs.  He forcibly cut Sam out of his life when he chose to become independent in his adulthood, electing to attend college instead of continue hunting. 

Moreover, Sam is visibly surprised that John let Dean go hunting alone at the age of twenty-six.

In conclusion, the reason I find John Winchester defendists so irksome is not that they demonstrate any real ill will, but that they demonstrate society’s fundamental understanding of what abuse looks like and the forms that it can take.  

Moreover, they demonstrate the popular misconception that because someone is well-intentioned, likable, or even sympathetic under some circumstances, that they cannot be abusive.  

I’m not saying John wasn’t worthy of pity.  I’m not saying he wasn’t without redeeming qualities.  I’m not even saying he didn’t love his sons.

I’m saying that he was, by definition, canonically abusive.  And we, as a fandom, need to acknowledge this fact once and for all.    

anonymous asked:

FUCK FINALLY I've been waiting for you to watch Wonder Woman, I L I V E for your reviews.

i watched the film in a subpar environment that consisted of an uncomfortable seat, people talking and using their BRIGHT AS FUCK PHONES JESSICA YOUR PHONE HAS A BRIGHTNESS OPTION, an unfortunate happestance of me sitting next to three tourists who obviously came out here to watch a film to “experience local culture” instead of being DC junkies like yours truly, and finally a broken popcorn machine that could be heard all the way inside the screening because fuck me, i guess

however, all that pales next to my spiritual awakening that happens to one after laying eyes upon diana prince. spoilers do follow

  • the new DC intro gave me an emotional boner of unknown dimensions. i created my own motherbox from my sheer love for the justice league. i distorted spacetime to such an extreme length, i’m now typing from the fifth dimension, hanging with McConaughey
  • they made such an absolutely immense point to make sure the integrity, originality and overall appearance of the amazons was correct. the accents, the emotional strength, the doubts and the defiance in the face of family, the culture you can see from barely any scenes of straightforward interactions in such a way. the unapologetic stance towards who the amazons are and the fact we, the viewers, don’t get a say in shaping them
  • similarly, young diana,
  • no that’s it
  • young diana
  • i absolutely love how this version of the amazons know every language from man’s land. in many iterations (the most recent one too), diana doesn’t speak or understand english because her studies have been limited to all things concerning anything but man’s world. many times in the comics, the amazons themselves don’t have any knowledge of our language or culture, and those who do, have made sure to hide it. the fact diana speaks every language there is both makes the period of translation/learning quicker (a move that directly benefits the film’s pacing), and it showcases an amazon’s education in a concise but absolutely succesful way
  • they gave steve trevor a better and more canon characterization than he sometimes gets in the comics. from his goofiness around diana because hearteyes motherfucker, to his sense of duty both when it comes to knowing he can help and when he knows he can’t, to the way he explains just that to diana, how people can and can’t change, that things are never as simple as one bad guy controlling the war
  • i mean one bad guy was controlling the war but that’s not the point
  • fuck you, ares
  • i knew ludendorff wasn’t ares, if i wasn’t aware of the casting already, the fact they pointedly made him constantly appear superhumanly strong was a dead giveaway, so when david thewlis popped up like “sup the world’s lame i have daddy issues lmao”, it wasn’t a surprise… but my god no amount of cgi will ever make his speech and partial fight as nothing but a mortal man more powerful than it did before he went full transformer. the amount of power he exerted just by acting was phenomenal
  • what a wonderful twist for long-time fans who expected diana’s origins to go one way or another (clay baby or god baby, no inbetween), and getting one version just to have it turned around by the end of the movie. a clever move i wasn’t expecting
  • I MEAN SHE’S THE GODKILLER? NOT THE COOL AS FUCK SWORD??
  • this movie’s purpose was to explain why diana has abstained from helping us for so long. why she thinks humanity needs to fuck off for a bit, rethink our lives, maybe not try to start wars every other friday. and it did just that. this diana has rose-colored glasses, thinking everything fits in black and white boxes. ares is bad; humanity is good. ares influences humanity; humanity goes bad. only logical conclusion: humanity can be mended by ending ares. by the end of the film and with the help of steve, she learns things are nothing like that, and even by killing ares, the world isn’t ultimately mended
  • a++, 10/10 humor and accompanying characters that helped provide the circumstances without forcing it. the entire cast was astonishing
  • i sure am glad steve trevor is alive :-)

every little detail, from the colors, the way the lasso worked, the animations from diana’s mythology book in the beginning melding reality with art (both ancient greek/roman paintings and comics), to the music that made me want to punch someone from all the adrenaline… what an absolutely fantastic and, above all else, canonical movie. it gives us so many possibilities about diana’s future involvement with the rest of the olympian gods. can’t wait for the upcoming DCEU films

Imagine getting back together with Chris.

A/N: I LIVE! 😂 Okay, so my sluggish internet is making tagging an arduous process which is why I may be desolving the taglist for a little while. If you’d like to continue getting updates, turn on my notifications. If not then 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Chris paced his hotel room from window pane to window pane, gnawing nervously on his thumbnail. His gaze darted to the keycard tightly clenched in his right hand; it unlocked the room three doors down where you laid restlessly on your identical king size bed. It had been a tediously long day for the two of you; the maid of honor and the best man of a wedding with four hundred guests. One might’ve thought the tedious part was the wedding duties you’d been bestowed, but it was actually having to do them with the one you’d recently ended a six year relationship with. It was exactly as you’d expected having to complete ridiculously romantic tasks with someone you’d thought you’d spend the rest of your life with; doleful and utterly gut wrenching.

That was the idea you and Chris had, you’d planned to grow old together in a beautiful house somewhere in Boston where you were both born and raised. It was meant to be easy, he’d promised you easy, and it was easy. Since the beginning, things with him had been effortless. There was no need to try or change because neither felt like the other was short of perfection. The whole relationship had been perfect, then he dawned the role of Captain America and everything changed. In a matter of days, you lost him to his perpetually demanding job. You were proud of him and you did everything to make it work, but it just became too much. His fans, the paparazzi, his constant absence- it overwhelmed you. You would’ve sold your soul to the devil himself if it meant sparing Chris’ life, but that kind of love didn’t change your inability to handle the fame that came with his abundant success.

The breakup was a tragedy the two of you were still trying to heal from. It’d only been six months and it wasn’t like you could take time out to purge the relationship from your systems due to the wedding. Your best friend was getting to married to his best friend, it was hard not to associate with him when he was the best man. Every decision you made with the bride, you had to check in with him and the groom. It helped that his job kept him in South Africa for as long as it did; you managed to get through four months of planning without having to see him face-to-face. It didn’t make things easier, but it helped.

The day of the wedding filled both you and Chris with indescribable amounts of dread. Your heart would start pounding against your chest whenever you heard his name, and his stomach would flip every time he heard yours. There was a common understanding between the two of you that you’d eventually run into each other, but as long as you could avoid it- you tried. You even had it down to a math, counting the seconds so you’d just miss each other. But you couldn’t do that when it came time to walk down the aisle. Your best friend was kind enough to make sure the groomsmen waited by the alter with the groom rather than walk down the aisle with their appointed bridesmaid. There was no way you would’ve made it down the aisle without your heart combusting if you had to walk down holding Chris’ arm.

Chris ran his hand over his beard and groaned loudly in frustration as he kicked the edge of his bed with his barefoot. “Fuck!” He cussed, hobbling around in a circle. The pain that accompanied a toe stub was sometimes blinding, but nothing compared to the pain of seeing the love of your life and knowing you didn’t have a future with them. Chris’ eyes filled with tears as he sat on the edge of his bed. A chuckle escaped him and he managed a wistful smile when he thought about how beautiful you looked in your blush pink gown. He wished he’d spoken to you instead of actively avoiding you. He thought it would’ve been easier on both of you, but he realized after he arrived back in his room that he’d made another huge mistake; the first being letting you go. He had to see you, even if he couldn’t be with you- he had to see you. He rose to his feet and left his room, quietly padding down the corridor to yours.

Outside your door, he paced again with great apprehension. The lights seeping out from under your door told him you were still awake, but he was worried you wouldn’t open up after seeing it was him through the peephole. The last time you’d exchanged actual words unrelated to the wedding was your breakup. You’d told him you loved him before you left with your bags, leaving literally nothing for him to remember you by. You’d wanted a clean breakup because you were familiar with how the two of you worked. You needed to take everything including your shadow because if you’d looked back, you would’ve never left.

You propped yourself up on your elbows when you heard a soft knock on your door. You didn’t need the peephole to know it was Chris on the other side, your heart could tell. The closer you got to the door, the harder your heart started to pound. It was like it never stopped from when you saw him at the wedding, just slowed momentarily. You placed a hand on your chest and closed your eyes, taking a slow, deep breath. You knew it was a bad idea. You wished you had to ability to turn around and climb into bed, but not when the guy was Chris; he left you weak-kneed and nonsensical. “Get it together,” you whispered to yourself then opened your door.

“Uh- h-hey,” Chris stuttered, shocked you’d opened the door. “Sorry, were you-” He didn’t even need to finish his sentence because you knew what he was going to say and had shaken your head as an answer. “I was just- um- I- uh-” He swallowed, wishing he’d practiced what he was going to say to you before he came over. “Do you want to grab a drink?”

If your brain was operative, you would have declined and told him to go to bed. But it wasn’t because it’d been six months and you still missed him dearly. Every morning you’d wake up alone in your bed in your deafeningly quiet apartment; no Chris, no Dodger, and you hated it. You’d cry in the shower and wished for the capacity to endure what his lifestyle meant for yours so you could be with him again. No, it wasn’t a good idea for you to grab a drink with him. You were vulnerable enough without the influence of alcohol, you needed to close the door and go to sleep. You knew all that, yet you responded with “I’d love to.”

At 3:23AM, even the twenty-four hour hotel bar was empty. The environment consisted of four people: you, Chris, the tired bartender, and a dedicated musician. Soft nameless melodies floated from the grand piano to the bar where the two of you sat in silence, staring uncomfortably at your untouched glasses. Chris ordered you a moscato because your favorite drink had been seared into his mind, and for himself he kept it simple with a scotch. His lips curled into a small smile when he heard you quietly humming along to the pianist rendition of Pachelbel’s Canon. Your appreciation for all kind of music from country to classic was something he admired.

“How are you?”

You were slightly taken aback when he started a conversation, you were sure the night was going to be spent in silence. “I’m okay,” you nodded then took a sip of your wine. He nodded as a response, taking a sip of his scotch. “How are you?” You turned to him and asked, darting your gaze away when he met it.

“I’m okay,” he responded similarly.

Another silent minute that felt more like a hour ticked by before one of you spoke again. This time it was you who initiated the conversation, though confrontation seemed more appropriate. “Chris,” you worked up the courage to meet and keep his gaze. Your heart wrenched at his wistful smile and you asked, “what are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered with a shake of his head. “I just know the past six months have been hell without you.” It was instantaneous; both your eyes filled with tears. “I miss you, baby.” He disclosed with a broken voice. “I don’t know how to do this, Y/N. I had a plan- you were my plan. I thought- I shouldn’t have let you go, it was-” He shook his head vigorously as he cried, reaching a hand forward to cup your face. “I am so sorry, I told you it’d be easy.”

“And I told you I’d stand by you,” you sniffled. “I am sorry I walked away, I thought I could handle it but- it was so hard, Chris,” you admitted, starting to sob. He rose to his feet and wrapped you in his arms; you buried your face in his chest. “I miss you so much, I miss Dodger, I miss our home and- I just don’t want to be without you anymore.” Chris’ arms tightened around you and he pressed a kiss on the top of your head. “I don’t want easy, I want you.” The smile he had on his face was genuine for the first time in six months. “I just want you.”

Chris drew back, smiling at you as he took your face in his hands. “I want you too,” he whispered as he dipped his head. His lips touched yours, healing the cracks on your heart that appeared six months ago. Your hands slipped into his soft hair as you kissed him back, moaning softly into his mouth. “I love you,” he repeatedly whispered in-between his tender kisses.

You smiled when you broke the kiss, running the pad of your thumb along his swollen lips. One of your hand that had remained on the back of his neck drew him forward. Your lips brushed his earlobe, making him shudder when you whispered, “so take me back to my room and show me how much.”

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Some Thoughts on Lars, his family, and his relationship with Sadie

This is Lars’s house. His parents are very into handmade crafts they saw on Pinterest. On the other hand, the room they let their son stay in still looks like and has the objects of an attic (Christmas lights, boxes, coats). Knowing Lars, he probably didn’t want knick-knacks and rainbows in his room.

His parents clearly care about him, though. They don’t suppress his personality. His mother even bought him the heart plugs. 

I feel their family is one that’s stopped being on the same page some time ago. It’s a sharp contrast to Sour Cream’s family, who regularly communicates even though they don’t always agree. Lars’s family doesn’t seem to engage with each other on a level that both parties are comfortable with or understand. Can you imagine the breakfast scene but with Lars sitting there instead of Steven?

His parents see Lars as the person Lars wants to be, not as the real Lars. They see the tough, cool guy. They believe this so much that they’re not surprised he’s breaking into people’s houses as a burglar.

Lars is starved for the affirmation of his peers. With parents who see their son in town and immediately saying, “Let’s follow him!” you can sort of see how most of his childhood was. And we look back at the handicrafts and the general aesthetic of his house and his parents and we know that’s not the image he himself wants to project.

I’m not defending Lars, just trying to explain why he doesn’t want people to know about his parents, and why we’ve never seen them before.Their personalities just clash, most families do. The problem here is that they’re not making efforts to reach each other, or those efforts are taken at face value. 

When Steven gave Lars’s parents the answer they wanted to hear, that was that. They didn’t question him or ask what was wrong or anything. In the same way, I can imagine that when Lars’s parents got him what he wanted, that was it as well. 

Because neither are terrible people. Lars’s parents are concerned enough to talk about his grades and his education after Lars moved out. They didn’t give him one shot and then leave him on his own. 

But what are their conversations like? His father remarks it’s great that Lars didn’t even swear this time. They both are incredibly surprised by how the conversation went.

His parents know him, but don’t know him well enough. I have friends, who will immediately lash out when their parents confront them with something they’ve done “wrong” or when it’s something they don’t want to do. They sort of clam up and just stop listening to anything, even reasonable things. And from experience, it’s because deep down, they know they’re not doing well. They’re upset with themselves but also don’t want to change

Lars knows his responsibilities and what he’s supposed to do for school, but did you see all those F’s? He’d have to change a lot about his habits and his lifestyle, and it frustrates him because he wants to do better but doesn’t want to make all those changes and everyone suddenly feels up on his case and he doesn’t know how to answer them because they’re right but he wants to put it away. 

The very intentional running sentence shows that approaching it the way, I think, most parents would approach it, “What on Earth happened? Is there something wrong at school?” would make him explode. It’s a personality thing. So they take the opposite direction. Someone like Lars probably acts like he doesn’t hear anything, and then fights about it, but when he’s alone these words weigh on him and he starts to feel bad for himself, and the cycle starts again.

In the show, who actually gets Lars to do things? His peers. The way his parents address Lars, talking about his education and his decisions don’t really matter to him, because he cares very little about himself. Time after time we see Lars pretending to be someone he’s not for the validation he gets from other people means way more. If his parents addressed him from an angle that involved peers, it may help a little more.

At his core, who was Lars? He was best friends with Ronaldo, until he started letting people’s opinions dictate whom he should be friends with. Sadie says it best when she called him out (as Steven) for acting completely different in public and in private. He’s not a terrible person, but he ends up doing terrible things for the sake of that validation.

Because Lars is short-tempered, impulsive, at times violent. He throws things and rips things up and yells a lot. But what’s he doing it all for? It’s when someone messes with how he wants to be perceived, and being cool is something he thinks he’s got down but doesn’t actually understand. He wants to be like the Cool Kids, and not care about anyone, except the Cool Kids care about their friends and family more than they’d like to admit.

Lars does all these things but he’s capable of a lot of good. Sadie points out in Joking Victim that when they played video games together, Lars brought her favourite food. That’s a thoughtful thing. And the events of Horror Club show that he’s not completely awful. 

He’s done a lot of mean things, though. This episode, for me, is only the start of addressing that. Because at the end, it seems as though it’s a good thing Lars is mean again. Everyone liked the new Lars better, but his meanness is validated because Sadie prefers the original Lars. I don’t think this is the case.

Taken with a grain of salt, the ending makes sense. It’s not that Lars should be mean. Sadie likes having a friend who is cynical, and complains, and makes use of dark humour. Just look at the kind of movies she watches, and how she says things like, “I’d rather have my organs pickled,” in the same way Lars says, “I’d rather eat poop.” They do have a lot in common in terms of interests and humour and stuff like that. So why aren’t they acting like it?

Someone asked me:

Anonymous said:
I don’t know if you’ve talked about this before, but how do you feel about Sadie and Lars relationship? To me they could work as friends, but they’ve both got a lot of growing to do before they approach anything resembling a romance. Because whenever they try, someone gets hurt. Sadie was willing to hold both Lars and Steven (a minor) on an island just so she could be with him and Lars was selfish enough to take advantage of Sadie and fake a back injury to sneak out of work. Sadie puts (cont.)

…way too much faith in him when he hurts her SO badly (I mean, she was crying really hard out of betrayal and anger when he went and did that sleezeball thing, and THEN to hang out with some other girl too?) but Sadie’s no angel either if she’s willing to KIDNAP people and strand them from friends, family, and supplies just for her own personal gain. But Steven Universe, for all their progress, is still doing the Good Girls Love Bad Boys trope that is so damn eye-rolling. Real life ain’t so.

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The Biosocial Theory of Emotional and Behavioural Dysregulation

Probably most of us who are diagnosed with BPD often find ourselves wondering “Why do I have so much trouble controlling my emotions and my actions?” Essentially what we’re asking is why we have BPD in the first place, why this disorder works the way it does. And to be honest, no one really knows for sure.  There are a number of theories, and the theory that DBT uses as its basis for treatment is called the Biosocial Theory. 

I’ve referenced it in posts before but never by its name.  As its name suggests, this theory presents two factors having equal weight in causing the development of BPD, and these two factors interact with each other in a particular way that, without this interaction, BPD would not result. Essentially, the two factors reinforce and amplify each other.  As you can probably guess from the name, the two factors in question are a biological factor and a social factor.

1. Firstly, emotional vulnerability has a biological factor.  It’s simply how some of us are born.  We have a genetic predisposition to being emotionally vulnerable.  This means we are more sensitive to emotional stimuli; we can detect subtle emotional information in our environment that others wouldn’t even notice.  This contributing factor to BPD is usually present at a young age, sometimes as young as early elementary school, where some of us (including myself) had a reputation for being more “sensitive” or more emotional than our peers.  But at that point, we did not yet have BPD.

Because people with BPD are more biologically sensitive to emotional stimuli, we experience emotions much more often than others.  Sometimes we experience emotions that hit us with no warning at all, they just come over us and we have to deal with them even though we may have no idea whatsoever what caused this emotional response.

Not only do we biologically experience emotions more frequently than people who don’t have BPD, but we also experience these emotions far more intensely Not only are our emotions more intense, but our emotions hit us faster than other people and they stick around for longer.  These are just biological facts about how we experience emotion.  An average emotion for people who have BPD would be a completely extreme and rare emotion for someone who doesn’t have BPD. This makes it very hard for people who don’t have BPD to understand how we feel and why we might respond in a much different way or in a more extreme way than they were anticipating. 

So the biological element that contributes to the unique form of emotional dysregulation experienced by people that have Borderline Personality Disorder can be summed up with these points:

  • Some people have a biological predisposition to BPD
  • Our biology makes us more emotionally vulnerable than others
  • Because we are more sensitive to emotional stimuli, we can detect subtle emotional information that other people who do not have the same sensitivity can’t
  • Our emotions are more intense as a result of our biology
  • Our biological vulnerability to emotions causes our emotions to have a faster onset and a longer duration
  • Because of our sensitivity to emotional stimuli, we can experience rapid mood swings.

Just as our emotions have a biological basis, the impulsivity that people with BPD experience is also rooted in biology.  Regulating actions and behaviour is typically harder for people who have BPD than it is for people who don’t.  This means we find it very, very hard to restrain ourselves from acting on impulsive urges.  This can get us into trouble and sometimes our behaviour can be completely unpredictable and seem to be very out-of-character.

Because of this biological impairment to regulating impulsivity, it’s also very hard to act effectively–meaning, acting with both long term and short term goals in mind. Our moods (our emotions and how frequently they change) get in the way of our ability to organize any sort of plan that we can follow regarding how we intend to go about achieving our goals.  Sometimes our biological impairment is so extreme that we have no ability to control behaviours that are linked to our moods at all. We just lack the biological ability to self-regulate, both when it comes to emotions and when it comes to impulses.

2. The other factor that influences the development of BPD and causes emotional and behavioural dysregulation is the social factor.

An invalidating social environment can make it just as hard to regulate emotions as the biological predisposition, and when they combine, it almost inevitably results BPD-like emotional dysregulation, and could be the cause of the disorder itself.

An invalidating social environment is one that doesn’t understand or accept your emotions.  It does so in the following ways:

  • It tells you your emotions are invalid, weird, wrong, or bad
  • It ignores your emotional reactions and does nothing to help you or indicate that your distress is worthy of concern and care
  • It says things that belittle you, insult you, and berate you for having strong emotional responses
  • It tries to force you to conform to “normal” emotional responses and makes you feel bad when you can’t do it

Often this manifests as bullying during childhood by your peers, or as emotional and verbal abuse from adults in your life.  A social environment that consistently invalidates your emotional expression is a big problem during crucial developmental years such as adolescence, when you’re trying to learn how to regulate emotions and actions.

A social environment like this can teach you to invalidate yourself, to second guess all of your emotional responses and to feel guilt for having emotions that are “too intense” or “too inappropriate” or “too abnormal.”  This leads to emotional dysregulation because we are constantly trying to force our emotions to conform to a mode of expression that does not come naturally to us due to our biology.

Social environments can cause other regulation problems by reinforcing out-of-control emotions and actions, which will make it hard to get in control and learn different ways of dealing with extremely intense emotions.  Environments may be full of people who command you to change but offer no information or coaching regarding what needs to change or how to go about making that change.  This can make people resentful towards change.

As BPD develops, people in your social environment will most likely lack any sort of education about what’s going on with you psychologically or what to do to help you: they may not understand the intensity and duration of your emotions; they may not understand you don’t yet have any tools to control those intense emotions and the urges that accompany them; they may not know how to validate you or understand why validation is necessary; they may know how to validate you but fear that validation is the equivalent of condoning these intense emotions and the behaviours that accompany them; they may fear if they validate you that you will become more emotional instead of less, etc.

There is a constant transaction between the person and the social environment:

  • biology and the social environment influence the person
  • the person reciprocates and influences their social environment
  • the social environment reciprocates and influences the person 

And so on and so on, reinforcing and amplifying each other until we have a situation that is spiraling towards the destination of a BPD diagnosis.  This is not to blame the person who is in the process of developing BPD–due to biological and social reasons, there’s not much a person can do to avoid developing BPD without early intervention mental health programs, which are few and far between, not to mention financially inaccessible for most people. 

There’s not necessarily something inherently wrong with you for having a biological predisposition to heightened emotions, nor to growing up in an invalidating environment you had no control over that tipped your emotional sensitivity into emotional dysregulation.  Marsha calls people in this situation a “tulip in a rose garden.”

Further Reading: What is BPD?, What Causes BPD (Masterpost), Do I have BPD (Masterpost), What Age Does BPD Develop?, What is BPD Like Between Childhood and Adolescence?, and always check our FAQ for any further questions about BPD

TL;DR: The Biosocial Theory postulates that there are two factors that significantly contribute to the development of BPD.  Some people are naturally genetically predisposed to developing BPD and are inherently more emotionally sensitive which can be expressed in a variety of ways.  The second factor is that some people are just a poor fit with their social environment which invalidates their already atypical emotional expression.  Unfortunately that “poor fit” can exacerbate a possible biological predisposition to BPD that results in the development of the full disorder.  Marsha calls someone in this situation a “tulip in a rose garden.”

-Pandora

“Aren’t you too pretty to be an engineer?”

I started to laugh the moment these words left my uncle’s mouth. Before he had said that, my career plans were on the verge of proudly unfolding from the tip of my tongue, but instead, I took a deep breath. I wasn’t going to disappoint Katherine Johnson from Hidden Figures. I replied:

“I’m the best student in my class not because I wear a skirt. It’s because I wear glasses.”

Keep reading

This world is not the same to all people. Each one lives in his little domain….Peace and harmony may reign in one person’s world; where strife and restlessness in anothers. But whatever the circumstances of one’s environment, it consists of both an inner and an outer world. The outside world is the one in which your life engages in action and interaction. The world inside of you determines your happiness or unhappiness.
—  Paramahansa Yogananda

Pluto (Generations/In the Houses) as a Voice in Your Head

Very Plutonian-like, the planet’s energy is very invasive and definitely an additional vantage point in the psyche. Pluto wouldn’t reside in the optimistic tone of Jupiter, however, in the mind it tends to probe the pressing issue of the house/generation it was aligned in… at least at a dull roar, always in the back of the mind. Perhaps with a somewhat ‘existential’ approach. So without further adieu…



•Pluto in Aries/1st House: So, how far can you really run on 'insatiable determination’ alone?


•Pluto in Taurus/2nd House: Enraptured by your values and tangibles, are you the consumer or the consumed?


•Pluto in Gemini/3rd House: Must your mind always evade consistency in your immediate environment(s)?


•Pluto in Cancer/4th House: Does your idea of 'home’ also change with your idea(s) of 'tradition(s)’ or 'family’?


•Pluto in Leo/5th House: Will you leave this world as a leader, or a follower?


•Pluto in Virgo/6th House: What in life truly affords your satisfaction?


•Pluto in Libra/7th House: Will you always be guided by life’s extremes? Do you really believe you can tame them?


•Pluto in Scorpio/8th House: Realistically, how much control do you really have over your life?


•Pluto in Sagittarius/9th House: If you were told you had around 10 days left to live, how would you?


•Pluto in Capricorn/10th House: How far are you willing to go to be the best version of yourself?


•Pluto in Aquarius/11th House: Non-conformist among the group, or non-conformist among yourself?


•Pluto in Pisces/12th House: What in this life is/isn’t worth escaping?

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anonymous asked:

Would scientists doing experiments on a metahuman (like one of the X-Men) for "research purposes" be considered torture? Would it be different than other torture and if so how?

So I tend to distinguish between unethical experimentation and torture because I think it’s helpful both for writing and researching real life events.

Unethical experimentation is often just as damaging and traumatising as torture. But the way it’s carried out is significantly different.

Whether it’s legally torture or not depends more on who is doing it then what is being done. A licensed doctor acting as part of his job in a government hospital would (legally speaking) be torturing. But the same person acting outside of his job wouldn’t be. By law a private individual is an abuser not a torturer.

In terms of the effects on a victim that distinction doesn’t matter though. And the evidence we have at the moment suggests that (with about three exceptions) the long term psychological effects of torture are the same regardless of the method used. You can find a summary of those psychological effects here.

The exceptions are sexual abuse, solitary confinement and sensory deprivation. All of which are extremely damaging and include the general symptoms of torture while also having symptoms that are particular to sexual, solitary confinement and sensory deprivation.

There isn’t really a difference on the effect of injuries victims might receive either: whether a burn is inflicted to cause pain or as part of an ‘experiment’ does not affect how that burn heals.

So in terms of the law and long term effects on victims there isn’t really a difference between unethical experimentation and torture.

The difference is in how the abuse is carried out and to a lesser extent in the abusers.

Let me be clear that what follows is my way of distinguishing the two and is based on what I think is helpful. Academics do make the distinction but I’m unsure exactly what criteria they use.

Unethical experimentation is rare compared to torture and the main way I distinguish it is whether the scientific method is followed.

Torture whatever its trappings, is not scientific. There are no control groups, no attempt at serious consistent note taking and there are a lot of variables in the environment, abusers, victims and the abuse itself. The focus is primarily on abuse.

In unethical experimentation there is a serious attempt to create a consistent environment and reduce variables (ie the chosen victims would be kept in similar conditions, fed a similar diet etc). There is consistent record keeping which goes beyond the immediate effects of a given abusive act (for example a record of the victim’s health, weight etc before the experiment started and frequent measurements recording how that changes) and identical abuse is carried out on multiple people. There is also a control group. Fundamentally the pain and suffering of the victims is coincidental in this set up. The ‘experiments’ are designed to obtain results and the suffering they cause is not the primary focus.

Essentially for something to be an unethical experiment it must be genuinely scientific.

Historic examples which illustrate the difference would be the Japanese Unit 731 compared to Nazi’s such as Mengele.

My understanding is that Mengele didn’t repeat his ‘experiments’, kept poor records, had no control group and made no real attempt to reduce any variables. He was torturing children and dressing it up in ‘science-like’ trappings.

Unit 731 kept records, repeated their experiments multiple times, had control groups and obtained consistent results. Some of their experiments were published in peer reviewed journals and their records form part of the basis of treats for hypothermia today. Killing thousands of Chinese prisoners in extremely painful ways was coincidental to them.

Unethical experimentation is more difficult than torture. It requires a consistent set up, a consistent supply of ‘subjects’ and meticulous record keeping. It means not just having somewhere these metahumans can be imprisoned but ways of controlling their environment and measuring the effects it has on them in the long term. It might require a specialised building such as a hospital.

It might be helpful to think in terms of how ethical human experiments are conducted. In a drug trial when a new drug is given to healthy volunteers the starting dose is incredibly small and some of the volunteers will be given a placebo (ie a pill that does not contain the drug). The volunteers will be monitored for a month or longer before the dose is increased gradually.

A simple trial can take years (I think it’s somewhere in the realm of 10 years from discovery to end stage trials). This is to see any effects and side effects the drug might have. It’s a long involved process and the length of time and effort is not entirely down to ethical considerations. It’s down to how long thorough experimentation takes.

I’d advise thinking about whether that kind of rigor fits the story you’re planning.

It’s also worth remembering that an individual victim won’t necessarily know how rigorously scientific the place they’re held in is. They won’t necessarily be aware of note taking or the treatment of other victims. The point of view you use in your story effects how the situation comes across.

If you’d like more information on unethical experimentation The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks covers a lot of the major incidences in America post-World War 2. It’s a very good and accessible book which talks about scientific and medical ethics in a way that’s easy to understand.

I hope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

anonymous asked:

Hellooo👋🏾 , so I was thinking about building up newcrest and I want the world to be cohesive and not just random architectural styles placed everywhere , so my question is how do you keep your building style and your worlds so consistent and cohesive ? Do you just know what the features are for your style of architecture , or do you always look at references or something else ? And also would you have like a recommendation for which architectural style would fit for newcrest ?

Hi Anon! I feel like the only consistent world I’ve done has been Newlyn Hills/Newcrest - everything else is a bit of a mess! XD There are so many styles of architecture I like and things I want to attempt to build, that it can be tough to keep things cohesive. But I think if I tried to do an entire world in one style, I’d get bored pretty quickly. Jumping around a bit keeps things interesting. :)

Newlyn Hills was kind of a compromise in that regard - instead of deciding on a style for the whole world, I picked a style for each neighborhood. I tried to choose styles that I am familiar with and that I enjoy building (Craftsman, Victorian, and whatever you would call downtown - Small City Main Street?). Those styles allow for some variation - if you look at the Victorians in Newlyn Hills, they’re all fairly different from one another. Each one was inspired by a different picture that I found on the web. And yet they’re all Victorians that would have been built around the same time.

I think that’s part of the key to consistency - imagine how the neighborhood was developed. Pick a time period and look for houses from that era. They don’t have to be the same exact style (unless you want to emulate tract housing! :), but should be a similar size and shape. For example, you don’t want a three-story Victorian next to a one-story bungalow (well, you might, but if you’re going for cohesiveness, they may look a little odd together!).

More under the cut!

Keep reading

This world is not the same to all people. Each one lives in his little domain….Peace and harmony may reign in one person’s world; where strife and restlessness in anothers. But whatever the circumstances of one’s environment, it consists of both an inner and an outer world. The outside world is the one in which your life engages in action and interaction. The world inside of you determines your happiness or unhappiness.
— 

Paramahansa Yogananda

10

Another painting from my personal project along with a breakdown of my process. In this image, two of the three main-characters are on their way to the haunted castle of a deceased hollywood millionaire. They want to investigate the paranormal happenings (had to avoid “activities” there…) going on in the castle, so they’re arriving at sunset. 

The goal with this images was to create some kind of eerie beauty in the lighting and atmosphere. This is the point where the story pivots from a warm beautiful summerday to a dark and unsettling night full of mysteries and danger. 

Quick sketches:

As usual, I started this image with some super quick sketches. I already had the design of the castle figured out in sperate sketches and I had a pretty good idea of the shot’s basic layout in my mind, so I did rather few of these really loose sketches. Usually I spend a lot of time in this stage, to make sure I only invest more time in a refined drawing if I’m really confident in the image’s layout. 

Refined Linework:

Once I had a sketch that I was happy with, I created a tighter linework. For this project, I tried to go for a really clean outline-style in my lineworks. The goal here was to find a linework-style that would work consistently for characters, props & environments and would be easy to work with in later stages. By completely avoiding cross-hatching, etc I could keep the linework as a simple multiply-layer later on, without it interfering with my values. 

Value-Sketch:

As soon as I’m done with the refined layout drawing, I do a quick value-sketch. I try to limit myself to a range of 3 values here, which forces me to focus on the big contrasts rather than detailing things. The questions I ask myself when doing this value-sketch are: “Which edges/elements need the most contrast? Which ones need to be readable but aren’t the main focus? And which ones can be lost, if you’re squinting your eyes at the final image?”

These value-sketches have become one of my most important steps in painting, because they give me security in my process later on. If I have a solid value-structure that works with three values, I can be confident that as long as I don’t break that structure in the final painting, the contrasts in my images will work as I intended. 

Color-Sketch:

With the rough values in place, I start searching for the right colorscheme for my image. Here I just go nuts using all kinds of layer-modes and adjustment-layers. The goal here is not to produce a pretty image but to find a combination of colors that works for the story-moment. Questions I ask myself are: “What color do the different lightsources (keylight(s), fill-light, additional lightsources) have? What are the predominant local colors in the environment/characters? What combination of colors could convey the feeling of the moment?” I’ve learned that it’s really helpful to spend enough time to have good reference for this step!

Final Colors and Adjustments: 

After finding a colorscheme that I like, I start painting the final image. I’ll probably go into more detail about my rendering process in another post, because this one’s allready way too long! Something important I’ve learned is not to stick too slavishly to my initial colorsketch. I usually find ways to improve the initial colorscheme during the rendering process. 

As soon as I’m happy with the image, I try to show it to people whose feedback I trust, to get a fresh pair of eyes on the image. In this case, my old Motivarti-Mentor Nicolas Weis gave me some really great advice on the composition that I tried to implement in the last step. 


And that’s it! Hope some people find this helpful, please let me know if you have any questions, you can email me, message me on tumblr or contact me anywhere else =) 

Stay tuned for more!

galacticlust  asked:

Can you please do a character comparison between ENFJ and ESFP? I've read about the functions so I know they're pretty different, but I'm still trying to decide which one I am

Sure. Looks like a different mod did the comparison in the archives. :)

Just finished re-watching The Hobbit and… I think Legolas is Se-dom. I have him temporarily typed ISFP here but to me, Se seems more prominent than Fi. He’s just too good with his environment… which Se-dom’s are. They’re present. Consistently aware of the environment and able to use it. Legolas is semi-unrealistic in that he’s a super incredible elf, but he still serves as a good focal point when I talk about how Se uses the environment.

Being present as a Se-dom means you’re aware of everything and your place within the everything; so… Legolas takes immediate opportunities to act, based on what is available around him. Whenever he fights, he uses whatever is in his path – the walls, barrels, boats, hell, he even uses evil demon bats or whatever the crap those creepy things were. Fearlessly, he engages with the environment – often. Constantly. It’s effortless. He knows what’s happening. He notices small details. He engages without a second thought. That’s his entire focus. Secondary is his strong internal values – the emotions that ‘show’ but are not ‘shared’ in the sense that he is not gushy, he is not overly affectionate, he simply acts (Te) on what he feels (Fi) and has strong emotions.

In LotR, you see him overcome his prejudice against dwarves due to Gimli. But even so, his affirmation is to the extent of “If we have to die… I’m glad you’re here. Can I find you a box to stand on so you can see over the wall? Haha!” (Compare him to Gimli, a tert-Fe, and you’ll see a huge difference. Gimli’s Fe is good-natured, flirty, easily sharing, and he’ll actually say stuff like, “Toss me, but don’t tell the dwarf.”) Legolas is invested in a) doing what is opportune (Se) and b) following his personal values / conscience (Fi) and c) getting the job done quick without much questioning (Te) while aiming for an overall idea of the future, which turns negative under stress (’we’re all gonna die, the end’ - inferior Ni). You might say his primary concern is… how he feels about it (Fi).

Taurel is another story. She’s an ENFJ. It’s less about how she feels about it, and more about how other elves respond to it – she may care for Legolas, but “you do not approve, and you would never allow it” she mentions to his father (and she’s correct); she continually impresses upon both Legolas AND Thranduil their greater need to “serve Middle-earth” – by stopping first the spiders in the wood (their evil will spread and threaten other realms) and then by intervening with and for the dwarves (for the greater good of all - Fe + Ni). Her focus is on enforcing massive change for a higher cause, due to the impact she foresees and its potential negatives; but she also believes intervention can change the course of history and create a positive outcome – which is higher Ni. This is what is coming. We can change it.

She has just enough tert-Se to be opportunistic and impulsive (she runs off to save Kili even though it may get her banished) … but she does not take as big of risks as Legolas, nor interact with the environment with as much skill as he does – she is not nearly as confident in sensory activities, as she is in sensing and predicting what is ahead, and trying to recruit others to join her cause (Fe and Ni). Her focus is external, less on how she feels and more on the greater good. In fact, when she tries to use too much Se – she gets hurt. Her blind spot is her inability to detach and analyze the situation objectively, which might have prevented what happened to Kili (in love or not, distracting him may not be the best option in the heat of battle).

Both of them reach all or none conclusions, but Legolas’ impasse with his dad is far more forceful, brutal, and a greater rift than Taurel’s Fe-based approach, which is a more subtle but moralizing defiance. She simply leaves to help Kili. Legolas says, “If she doesn’t come back, neither do I.”

To determine your type, you need to decide if you externalize your emotions and tend to approach situations with objective moral judgments (is this good / bad / how does it impact everyone involved / does it line up with ‘appropriate’ behavior given the situation?) or if you absorb the environment first and then engage through deeply internalized emotions. (Big clue: Fe users can deal with and process their feelings externally as they happen; Fi users often need down time or to retreat and internally process their feelings before they can respond in any kind of meaningful external change.)

- ENFP Mod

thatgirl-who  asked:

"v" for horror/scifi meme. authors choice for characters :)

V - Making deals with demons AU

(slight warning for dub/noncon)

“Sit down, Eggsy.” 

Eggsy obeys, taking a seat opposite of Merlin’s desk. “Is this about my mission in Brussels? I mentioned in my field report that—”

Merlin silences him with a short glare. “It’s about Harry.”

Even though he had expected this to come up, Eggsy still tenses. “Harry?” he asks, as innocently as he can. 

“Eggsy,” Merlin says, “I’ve known Harry for the past few decades, and that is not Harry.” 

“What do you mean that’s not Harry?” Eggsy asks, trying to hold onto his faked ignorance for as long as he can. “Yeah, he’s different, but that’s because he was shot in the fucking head.” 

“Which, as we all know, has a slow survival rate, especially since the Statesman confirmed him dead. His brains were blown out—”

“Guess they got it wrong, then.” Eggsy shrugs, beginning to get out of his chair. “Look, I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth, and I don’t see why you’re bringing it up months later. If you excuse me, I have a lunch appointment with him in a few minutes, so…” 

Eggsy.” Merlin doesn’t stand up or raise his voice, but his tone gets steely, as deadly as a weapon in his hand. “I may surround myself with science and technology on a twenty-four-seven basis, but I was raised for a brief time in the Scotland highlands with my grandmother who used to used to leave milk out for the fairies, along with a consistent environment of Catholicism, the you will burn in hell kind. In another case, I’d call it a miracle. But in this case…I suspect you’ve had your suspicions.” 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Itss a valid question. What would happen if a team of scientists raised a batch of human babies in a media environment that consists solely of CGI worms sultrily voiced by Will Arnett and Angelina Joliie.

higher beings

Entertaining your Kadabra!

Hey, Pelagoers! Today, we’re going to talk about one of the highest maintenance pokémon out there - Kadabra. Many trainers catch Abra and become accustomed to its eighteen hour sleep schedule. But when it evolves, they’re faced with a consistently active, lively, and insanely smart pokémon whose curiosity can test even the most patient of trainers. They seem to want to solve every problem, play with everything in sight, and take a particular joy in having their trainer watch them do so. While charming, this behavior is rather detrimental to the busier trainer. The solution, of course, is to keep simulating your new friend’s ever-growing IQ (which, incidentally, will cap out at about 5000 if they evolve into Alakazam) so they can entertain themselves while you go about your day. But how?

First, it’s important to understand the consequences of not consistently challenging your Kadabra intellect. While it’s normal for Kadabra to occasionally teleport against your will, their coping mechanism for stress or fear, one that is bored or idle will do so seemingly just to make their trainer search for them. It has fun hiding itself when it does so for this reason, making it incredibly difficult to find. A bored Kadabra also tends to be inadvertently destructive, often rooting through their trainer’s belongings to find creative ways to destroy or alter them. That’s no good for you or your pokémon. Fortunately, there are many activities you can lay out for your Kadabra to prevent this from happening. Here are some examples:

  • Buy them children’s educational toys. While they probably won’t get much entertainment from toys meant for very young children, Kadabra have been known to obsessively play with things like Rubix cubes (particularly the more complex ones, such as twelve layered ones or the Shengshou triangle), block puzzles, and etcera. You probably will have to show them how the toy is supposed to work at first - a human toy is a pretty foreign concept to even the smartest of pokémon - but once they learn, they certainly will never forget. Be sure to have a variety of different items on hand, since they’ll probably get bored of playing with one for a while.
  • Change their environment consistently. Kadabra is an extremely detail-oriented pokémon, probably due to its inability to forget information. Much like humans, they like to walk through nature, exploring at their own pace. If you take them to locations they previously have never seen, not only do they get visibly excited, but they then proceed to spend hours exploring their environment at a very slow pace, as if to take everything in. This will be especially beneficial to the trainer who wants to train their other pokémon without Kadabra demanding their attention - while you focus on the growth of your other ‘mons, Kadabra will be perfectly content waiting for its turn.
  • Allow them to interact with other Kadabra. Kadabra get along just fine with other pokémon, but when it interacts with members of its own species, it brings out a particular kind of happiness in them. They enjoy communicating to one another through psychic waves (be sure to not have any electronic devices around you on your Kadabra’s little play date - these waves could permanently fry your electronics’ circuits!). If you don’t know anyone who owns a Kadabra, there are many support forums and websites that allow you to schedule meet ups with people who do. *Exercise caution when signing up for these sites.
  • Find objects other than their spoons for the pokémon to manipulate. While Kadabra’s spoons are their most iconic weapons - and the easiest for their psychic energy to pass through - giving them new objects to explore with their powers invigorates your pokémon’s curiosity. If they get particularly good with the new objects, you could even consider integrating it into your overall battle tactics. Some Kadabra have been known to entertain themselves with items such as old glasses, soda cans, and even twenty sided die (Dungeons and Dratinis fans, rejoice).

Keep in mind that these are all suggestions for when you can’t give Kadabra your full attention. Kadabra still needs you to give them affection and love. Their evolution to Alakazam, should you chose to go through it, will erase most of these problems, as their incredibly high intellect will allow them to find ways to entertain themselves. But until then - if ever - make sure you are challenging your Kadabra to the best of your ability.