connor i blame this on you


Well, I know you’re paranoid and broken, haven’t trusted anyone since you were a little boy. And you’re still acting like that little boy, making up ugly stories about people because you’re scared of anyone actually getting to know you. So you blame me for the mess that’s been in your head since the day you were born!

Nobody deserves to be forgotten- Tree bros/ Connor X evan

Tagging: @sticki-notes

Somehow, despite all odds, Connor had survived. His dad was furious with him, yelling about how he threw away everything he was given, Zoe was completely silent, fury in her eyes, and his mother was … heartbroken. They sent him to rehab, and Connor knew that deep down they all wished he hadn’t woken up.

He sighed, twitching slightly as he tried to get used to being without drugs, they had given him nicotine patches to help ease him into it but it barely helped. They had also put him on mood stabilizers, to help him out with his anger issues and depression. Getting him to take them was a fight every morning.

It had been a week and nobody came to visit him, and frankly it was exactly what Connor expected. It wasn’t like anybody noticed him.  It wasn’t like anyone gave a damn.  He looked up at the sound of footsteps, sneering at the nurse.

Keep reading



Made by: @astro-princey and I


-Connor is Slytherin (of course)

-Evan is Hufflepuff

-Alana is Ravenclaw

-Jared is Gryffindor (and god damn PROUD)

-When Tree Bros happens, so much hate. Hufflepuff and Slytherin? Together? Wha…? (So much angst)

-People just thinking that Connor is evil and being a dark lord and would destroy the school

-Evan being muggle-born! MUGGLE-BORN

-Doesn’t think he belongs (more angst)

-Connor being secretly good at Quidditch

-Tri-Wizard Tournament happens and CONNOR gets chosen

-Evan worries SOO much

-Connor is really scared, but stays strong for Evan

-Students being really hesitant to support him

-Connor saves Evan during one of the events

-Connor almost dies in the last task and Evan being so worried breaks the rules to save him

-Evan not being able to come home for Christmas because Heidi can’t afford a good Christmas

-Heidi doesn’t understand wizard stuff but does her FUCKING BEST

-She blames herself for not understanding and thinks that the differences pushes him away

-But Evan just sometimes he was normal for her.

-Evan tells Connor as he is about to leave and he is like “I AINT GONNA LEAVE YOU NOW THEN”

-Evan and Connor together at the Yule Ball

-Them sneaking away and CONNOR FREAKING CONFESSES

-Both of them being embarrassed but get together and kiss

-Evan is actually fantastic wizard and is really good with silent spells


-Actually Evan’s dad

-People hate Evan even more

-Dark Lord Hansen tries to convince Connor to join him in order to keep Evan safe














-CONNOR FINDING OUT THAT MCR BROKE UP (Evan has to comfort him)



-(slightly) JEALOUS EVAN 101





















why are people saying connor was abusive? idk where in canon is the fact that connor is abusive to his family addressed in canon? i feel like it isnt. all we see of him interacting with his family is his brief interaction with them in anybody have a map…. he wasn’t abusive, he was a snarky teenager. the only thing we know beyond what we clearly see is what zoe and larry say in requiem… we see zoe very clearly both in anybody have a map and in requiem blame her brother completely for his mental illness, she mirrors her parents opinion on it - connor’s drug problem is HIS fault and we see them view it as an annoyance not as a facet of his illness. larry is mad that connor “threw [the world that larry gave him] away”… i.e. larry gave him a good life, a good house, made sure they were in a good financial situation… basically “you’ve got a good life, why are you depressed.”

yes, we see connor being an ass to his family…. but i don’t think anything he did was anywhere close to abuse? he’s a kid who is sick and he is alone and his family isn’t doing anything to truly help him. connor is in no way perfect. he is not soft or pure…. but none of these characters are perfect. that’s their beauty. don’t put connor murphy into the “cinnamon roll” box, but don’t put him into the villain box either. as much as connor failed his family, they failed him.

(edit: i forgot what zoe said about him banging on her door etc., which is obviously inexcusable. i apologize for my mistake. just… remember that connor is a scared & lonely kid don’t villainize him for exhibiting ugly symptoms of mental illness that you can’t romanticize. obviously mental illness is NOT an excuse for abuse (i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over a year and my abuser was mentally ill) but… don’t put any of these characters in a box theyre all so beautifully complex and deeply flawed and they deserve more than a box.)
Unpopular opinion about HTGAWM

Unpopular opinion but I actually liked the finale????

Like, I totally and completely understand where everyone’s anger and disappointment is coming from, but I thought that all in all, it was a good way to end season 3 and it leaves a lot of new potential storylines for season 4.

Now, here are some things I wanted to talk about:


1. Wes’ death:

Yes, I am pissed that they ACTUALLY killed off Wes. I was pretty damn sure that the body being “moved” was just an excuse to cover up for the fact that THERE WAS NO BODY because HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DIE. I thought that that was going to be the big plot twist/OMG moment. I was latching onto the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he faked his own death with the help of whomever he called on the phone in the cab that night. I was wrong. HOWEVER… I get WHY the writers did that. Killing off, for example, Frank simply would NOT have had the same emotional response from the audience and wouldn’t have really opened up any new and exciting storylines to explore in the future either. Same thing with killing off Nate. (It seems that the majority of the fandom is kind of indifferent about his character, so the consequences of his death would have been lackluster for the most part – other than some inevitable scenes of Annalise grieving). Killing off Simon (the annoying new guy) would have just been plain dumb and a total cop out. As sad as it is, Wes’ death is opening the door to a lot of new storylines. Killing off Connor, Laurel, Michaela, etc. without knowing enough of their respective backstories first would have been stupid and unfair. At least with Wes, we’ve already spent 2+ seasons exploring his backstory in great, great depth. Most of the main storylines on the show revolved around him. Now his arc has come to an end and it has undoubtedly impacted every. single. character. The fact that it was overwhelming tragic continues to show what we all already know about HTGAWM: it’s one of the REALEST shows out there in terms of depicting everyday life and social issues. HTGAWM is woke af. There’s no denying that. Life is tragic. Did they really have to kill off Wes? No, of course not. But did really have to make Annalise be raped repeatedly by her uncle when she was just a little girl? What about Bonnie? No, right? And did they really have to make Annalise be in a car accident that caused her to lose her unborn child, thus traumatizing her for the rest of her life? Nope. But you know what? These things happen in real life and not a lot of shows have the BALLS to depict that on screen. HTGAWM does. Wes’ death is so powerful precisely because of how UNFAIR it was. I’m not justifying it. I’m just saying it makes for powerful storytelling. Again, how many of you would have cried if it had been Frank or Nate? Likely, not many. Would Frank dying have started a discussion about the kind of crap POC experience everyday? That was the point. In conclusion, at least Wes’ character was not rushed, his death was premature for the character but not for the story, and at least now we can focus on Laurel, Michaela, Connor, Oliver and put the spotlight on their backstories more.

2. Annalise throwing Wes under the bus

Idk why so many people were upset about this. This is literally what Annalise has been doing since day 1. She’s a brilliant character but has ALWAYS been morally questionable. Season 2 Episode 4, anyone?? That was the EPITOME of Annalise’s dubious morality! Do you guys remember what Michaela said to her after they framed Nate in season 1? “How are we supposed to be okay with this? He’s innocent. And he’s Black.” Here’s the thing: Annalise framed an INNOCENT Nate for Sam’s murder. And you know what? After the framing served its purpose (protecting Wes and the others), she got him off about four episodes later with Eve’s help. She then framed an INNOCENT Catherine Hapstall for Sinclair’s murder AND her own shooting/attempted murder (at the hands of Wes, might I add). And you know what? She took the blame away from Catherine literally in the next episode. Right now, Annalise has pinned Rebecca’s murder on Wes and has also outed Wes as Sam’s killer (which, remember, is NOT a lie… Like Bonnie said, Wes IS a murderer) Why did Annalise do that? Well, to prevent them all (herself, Nate, Bonnie, Michaela, Connor – WHO WAS KIDNAPPED AT THE TIME, Laurel, Oliver, Asher, Frank) from going to jail! And you know what?? I’m willing to bet that next season she’ll think of something to restore his good name and image (just like she did with Nate and Catherine) AND get back at Denver. She just couldn’t do it all at once. Poor woman needed a break after the LITERAL HELL she’s been through. She just needed an impromptu solution asap.

3. Wes’ killer being Laurel’s dad

Not random at all, seeing as how WE DON’T EVEN KNOW THE MOTIVE YET. If when we finally find out his motive and it turns out to be lame and stupid, THEN we should complain!! NOT NOW!!! In season 1, we didn’t know WHY Frank was the one who murdered Lila. It seemed random as fuck. Then in season 2, we find out why and it was such a well-written and complex backstory that even managed to involve a number of characters (Sam. Annalise, Eve, Wes, the Mahoneys, etc.) Pete Nowalk already confirmed that we’ll be finding out more about Laurel’s family and backstory next season so CHILL. (Side note: My personal theory is that Annalise hired Laurel’s dad to murder Frank – since the first hit man she hired failed – and the guy that Laurel’s dad hired messed up and killed Wes instead. That would explain Frank saying to Annalise, “I know it should have been me.” That would also make Laurel’s “It should have been YOU” to Frank at the hospital technically be considered foreshadowing/a clue/hint).

4. Laurel’s and Oliver’s offensive comments

Laurel’s telling Connor to kill himself was NOT OKAY. Oliver assuming Laurel’s dad worked for a drug cartel because he’s Mexican is NOT OKAY. You know what else is not okay? The way Annalise treats Bonnie, Annalise also telling Frank he should kill himself just a few episodes back, Connor telling Laurel she should get an abortion and that it was good that Wes died, etc. These aren’t writer flaws. They are CHARACTER FLAWS. It is BELIEVABLE that after all the traumatizing shit these people have gone through, that once in a while, a darker and uglier side of them comes out. A side that will make them go, “I’m sorry… That wasn’t me…” later. That makes sense to me. Is it okay? No, of course it’s not okay. But it’s believable. They are human beings completely capable of fucking up and unintentionally hurting others, especially when they’re panicking, when they’re in the middle of a crisis, and after all this life-changing insanity that’s ruined their lives and screwed them over and has likely permanently damaged them and, let’s be real, has probably given them suicidal thoughts, too. 

Let’s remember that HTGAWM continues to be one of the most diverse shows out there, with an abundance of POC and LGBT+ actors and characters, and that it also shines light on a variety of pressing social issues. That’s it, y’all. That’s all I wanted to say.

So… see you all in season 4.

(Sorry if there are typos in this post. I don’t feel like proofreading).

anonymous asked:

Who do you think the 10 hottest NHL players are?

ok this took me longer than i thought but i enjoyed it so much

1. Carey Price

because holy shit

and that brows

and smile

2. Roman Josi

aka European supermodel

3. Zach Parisé

just. look. at. that. American. Hollywood. smile. pure Captain America

also this pic right here changed my life

4. Adam Henrique

he is just. perfect mix of angel and Devil (because he’s playing for New Jersey Devils hahaha ok this joke was bad)

…..I see you pornstache

5. Gabriel Landeskog

we all know how beatiful he is but still, here are some examples

+bonus aka the cutest gif ever

—————-so now i’m gonna add just one pic to others————–

6. Leon Draisaitl

beatiful German-Czech person and Connor McDavid and me and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins are his dates. I can’t blame them–us.

….also I hate this pic has watermarks but he’s still hot here….

7. Tom Wilson

he is my husband, no words needed, we all know him too.

much hotter after he got haircut

8. Alexander Wennberg

hot young Swedish ass

9. Aaron Ekblad

or better said– my daddy ok. 

he is hot both shaved and with beard, don’t fight me on this

10. Matt Duchene

he is a cutie with great hair and uncommon face and eyes

Dear Evan Hansen Reverse AU: Therapy

“Jared?” His therapist looked at him from her clipboard with a strange look. “You’re being unusually quiet today. Would you like to tell me what happened?”
“Why do you think something happened? Can’t I just want to not talk to the shrink my parents are forcing me to see?”
“Well when you come into my office crying and in distress I believe it would help to share. If it had something too do with Evan-”
“Evan, Evan, Evan that’s all we talk about isn’t it? Oh, poor Evan, he was so young. Evan Hansen? The kid who l killed himself over the summer? Oh you’re Evan’s friend? I’m so sorry for your loss!” Jared’s rant stopped suddenly thinking about what Connor said. “No wonder Evan Hansen killed himself, I would have too being forced to put up with you…”
“Jared, whoever said that had no right.”
“Damn right he didn’t! Where the hell does Connor fucking Murphy get off claiming to be Evan’s best friend? I was his only friend! I’m…I’m the reason…”
“Jared if this is getting uncomfortable for you I can call your parents-”
“No, it’s alright I want to get this off my chest. Fuck Connor Murphy. He didn’t know Evan like I did, he didn’t hang out with him at the orchard. He didn’t go over to his house and pay videogames. He didn’t kiss Evan for the first time! That was all me, and yeah that probably sounds selfish but you know what? Evan leaving me was the most selfish thing he could do!”
“I’m not saying you should blame yourself Jared, but I’m also not saying you should blame Evan or Connor. In these situations there’s no one to blame for what happened. You’re not the reason Evan’s dead and you need to know that.”
“Really? Then why didn’t Evan say anything? What if he said something and I just ignored it? Am I still not to blame?”
“No, you’re not. You can’t control people's​ emotions and in case like this there may be no signs of change in the person.”
“I’m not going to fucking argue with you anymore, call my parents and tell them fuck this shit.” Jared got up, slamming the door behind him as he walked out to his car.
The therapist was right about one thing, Connor Murphy is a lying asshole. Those emails weren’t real and neither was their “friendship”.

Ouch (Connor McDavid)

Anonymous said:

hey I think #34 would be really funny with connor mcdavid but if the reader was the one who broke something??

#34: “You broke what?!?” - “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

Word count: 983

Warnings: Mentions of being in a hospital

Originally posted by mttymrts

“You’re joking.” You say to the doctor standing in front of you. He shakes his head and points to the x-ray.

“I’m afraid not, Ms. (Y/L/N). You broke your ankle clean through.” You let out a groan.

“You’re not going to have to cast it or anything, are you?” The doctor gives you a stern look.

“What part of ‘you broke your ankle clean through’ leads you to believe we might just be able to put it in a boot?” You sigh and take out your phone.

“That means I’m gonna have to tell Connor.” You say seriously.

“Sorry?” The doctor asks.

“My boyfriend. He always tells me I’m going to break a bone doing something stupid, and guess what I did?”

“You broke your ankle by-”

“I tried to step around the cat and she tripped me.” You mutter. “You’re absolutely positive we have to cast it?” The doctor looks at you sympathetically.

“I’m afraid so. If it will make your boyfriend feel better, I’ve had people break bones doing things much more stupid than trying to step over a cat.” You smile slightly. “A technician will be in soon to cast your ankle, alright?”

“Thank you, Doctor.” The doctor nods before leaving the room, muttering something about ‘those damn kids on hoverboards.’ You glance at the time on your phone.


That meant that Connor and his teammates were just getting into the locker room after practice.

“Better now than later.” You say to yourself as you find Connor’s contact. Pressing the ‘call’ button, you bring the phone up to your ear and start nervously chewing on a nail.

“Don’t pick up, don’t pick up, don’t pick up.” You chant to yourself. Unfortunately, the gods don’t care about your pleas.

“(Y/N)? Hey, what’s up?” You let out a nervous laugh.

“Are you sitting down?” You ask.

“Uh, yeah? Is everything okay, babe?”

“Well, you know how you always joke that I’m going to break a bone doing something stupid?” Connor falls silent for some of the longest seconds of your week.

“You didn’t.” He says, deadly calm.

“To be fair though, it was the cat that broke my ankle. Blame her.”

You broke what?” Connor yells.

“My ankle.” You say quietly. “But don’t worry, I’m okay!” Connor lets out a dry laugh.

“You’re ‘okay?’ (Y/N), you’re sitting in the E.R. with a broken ankle! Does it hurt?” He asks.

“Not really. They gave me some pain meds, so I’m good now.” Connor groans.


“Please don’t be mad at me!” You plead.


“I didn’t mean to break my ankle!”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I’m sitting in the hospital with a broken ankle.” You say meekly.

“How could I ever be mad at you? It’s just a broken bone, sweetheart. The only thing that matters to me is that you’re okay. Which hospital are you at? I’m leaving right now.” You quickly give him the name of the hospital. You can hear Connor explaining the situation to his teammates who all wish you a faint ‘get well’ from over the phone. Connor stays on the line with you while he drives to the hospital.

“How was pract-ow!” You’re cut off by a sudden stab of pain coursing through your leg. The technician, lightly applying the plaster to your leg, smiles apologetically at you.

“Sorry darling. Are you going to need more meds?” You shake your head, your lips pressed into a thin line.

“I’m fine.” You grimace.

“(Y/N)? Hey, are you okay?” Connor’s asking you over the phone. You nod before realizing that he can’t see you.

“Oh, I’m just fine. This feels like rolling around with a bunch of kittens.” You say, sarcasm dripping from your words.

“I think that’s the wrong situation for you to be in right now.”

“Oh, ha ha.” You laugh. Connor lets you know that he’s walking into the hospital and you hang up the phone, knowing you’ll hear him soon enough.

You were absolutely right. No less than two minutes after hanging up you hear footsteps running down the hall.

“That’s my boyfriend.” You smile and whisper to the technician, who gives you an understanding nod.

“(Y/N)!” Connor throws open the heavy door, rushing to your side. He kisses your forehead and stares at your half-wrapped foot. “Oh, God, I was so worried about you.” He moans. You laugh and reach a hand up to his face.

“I’m fine, really! The doctor said it was a clean break. No surgery!” You say brightly. Connor, however, is already onto the next subject.

“I am seriously not letting you off of the couch for-how long does she have to be in this thing?” He asks the technician.

“Six weeks.” He replies, eyes never leaving the task at hand.

“Six weeks.” Connor finishes.

“Unfortunately, we both have jobs. It’s not like I lost a limb!” You contest.

“Please, (Y/N), let me be that overprotective boyfriend, just this once?” He looks at you pleadingly. You, always the stubborn one, think for a moment before sighing.

“Fine. But I don’t want you to-ow!” You cry out again as you can feel the bone being set into place. Connor grabs your hand and lets you squeeze his hand as hard as you need to.

After the cast is done being set, Connor elects to save the trip by picking up you and your crutches.

“Connor!” You protest as he swings you into his arms.

“Pretty sure you agreed to let me be overprotective, (Y/N).” Connor grins down at you as he walks towards the car. You huff and elect to just be silent instead of arguing. If there was one good thing that came out of breaking your ankle, you think, it’s that you broke it while dating the most loyal guy in the world.


Gif source:  Connor

Imagine being Connor’s wife and telling him you’re pregnant.

——— Request for anon ———

“Hey!” he gasps, giving you a teasing glare as you pop the Skittle you’d plucked from his hand into your mouth with a playful grin.

“Don’t blame me, I am eating for two now, after all,” you remark, watching in amusement and excitement as it dawns upon him what you mean. A series of emotions flash across his face in the span of seconds. First, his brow furrowed slightly in confusion, then came the realization. Surprise. Shock. Acceptance. Excitement.

Finally, there it was, the emotion you’d been hoping to see. A look of pure happiness glistens in his eyes before he glances away from you to look out into the hospital parking lot from where you both were, sharing this small break on the roof.

When he looks back to you, it’s with an unsurpassable smile, “How long have you known?”

Slut (Evan Hansen X Kleinman!Reader)

TW; Swearing, heavy bullying, a lot of crying, KIND OF FAT SHAMING I FEEL HORRIBLE, mentions suicide :<

AN; Slight Connor x Reader at end, dolls. This was really hard to write because it says some really mean things. I almost cried. aaaaand sorry this took so long, I’ve had a less than okay but not bad week. xoxo

WC; i dunno anymore lmao

You held Evan’s hand as you walked through the hallway, your small group of friends behind you guys. People didn’t dare mess with you when they were around. Everyone knew they would make a scene and probably start a fight. So people made fun of you when they weren’t around.

“Guys, do you have any plans this weekend?” Jared said, looking between you all.

“Not really,” Evan smiled, squeezing your hand.

“Nope.” Connor mumbled, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Well Zoe and I were going to have a sleepover and do our homework, but you guys can totally join if you’d like!” Alana cheered, Zoe nodding at her words.

“Sure, as long as it doesn’t turn into some weird orgy.” Connor added, pointing at you and Evan.

“Awe, c’mon Connor!” Jared yelled, “You’d tap this!” Jared hit his own ass and ran ahead a few steps. Connor shook his head with a chuckle.

“I-I’m up for it!” Evan added, smiling.

“Eww! Evan’s up for an orgy!” Zoe cried, laughing.

Everyone laughed except for Evan, who was embarrassed mess.

“We could have the sleepover at our house.” You said, glancing at Jared.

“Hell yeah!” Jared cried, already thinking of Just Dance and junk food.

“Hey pricks, this is where we all split up.” Connor added, waving goodbye.

“Love you, (Y/N).” Evan whispered when he kissed your cheek and turned into his classroom with Jared and Connor behind him.

“Bye tree lady!” Jared yelled with a laugh as he stepped into the class.

Alana and Zoe waved goodbye as they turned a corner, heading towards their class as well. Your attitude completely changed as soon as you were all alone. You wrung your hands and looked down, heading to your class on the other side of the building. People were whispering as you quietly shuffled down the hallway. You could tell they were talking about you because everyone craned their necks to watch you go by. Some people even pointed and laughed. Your chest felt heavy as you sped up and suddenly tripped in the middle of the hallway, landing in front of a group of bullies.

You stared at the ground with wide eyes, refusing to look up. You hair was shielding your face, but everyone could tell you were scared. You knew who was in front of you, and you didn’t want to deal with this on a Friday. This was the one girl who knew not only how to break you, but shatter you.

Your hair was pulled up aggressively, making you look up at the girl in front of you. Anxiety swelled in your chest, and it was hard to breathe suddenly.

“So, the little slut likes to sleep with my boyfriend?” The girl grinned like the Cheshire cat, leaning down slightly.

“N-No, I would never-” You stuttered, earning a tug on your hair. The girl pulled you by your hair, making you stand up to your feet slowly.

“Oh yeah? Then why does he know everything about your body and the way you moan?” The girl growled, getting really close to you. The girl let go of you, but the circle that had formed around you three blocked you from leaving. A boy stepped up next to her and took one menacing glance at you.

“This slut? Oh yeah!” The boy laughed, his eyes dark. “She had no dignity, and she practically rode me until I broke! She had stretch marks and fat rolls all over! She screamed for me, and she was so fucking loud!”

Tears had started to streamed down your face as you stared at this boy you had never even seen before. Why were people so cruel?

“That’s i-impossible, I was w-with my boyfriend l-last night.” You whispered, holding back a sob as people whispered, called you names, and even spat on you. You were with Evan last night, and all of your friends new that too.

“Boyfriend? We all know that your ‘boyfriend’ is only dating you because he would be forever alone otherwise. Don’t even get me started on your dumb fucking friends.” The girl spat, shoving you backwards. You landed at the feet of the girl’s best friend, and she dumped a huge bottle of red koolaid on your head. Your white shirt turned see through and stained. Your bra was visible, and people were screeching with laughter. A sob erupted through your mouth as you stood up and shoved past through the circle around you.

You sprinted through the hallways, dripping red koolaid and tears. You stumbled a few times, but kept going. You ran past a group of familiar people, and they all called your name as you ran by. You didn’t stop running until you reached your house, slamming the door open and wheezing for air.

You ran up the stairs to your room, slamming the door shut and locking it. You threw your backpack against the wall and flung yourself into your bed. You sobbed so hard that your whole body hurt. You felt horrible and embarrassed. Your phone buzzed and you looked up slightly, hoping it was Evan or Jared texting you.

No, someone had just tagged you in a video of the whole incident on Facebook. You let out a yell and threw the phone against the wall, pulling on your hair and letting your body shake with sobs. Your phone shattered as you heard a car screech into the driveway. You rocked yourself and shook for what seemed like forever. You hadn’t noticed your door handle jingling or the people calling your name.You didn’t even look up as Jared and Evan bursted into the room.

Your eyes were still squeezed shut when Evan held you in his arms, and Jared was trying to talk to you. You opened your eyes in time to see Connor dragging Jared out of the room, trying to show him the video.

Everyone was extremely worried, and they had every right to be. You had refused to tell anyone why you had tried to take your life only a year ago, before they all knew you. Jared was there, but you didn’t get along well that year, for some reason. So now they all took it as their responsibility to protect you, and make sure that never happened again.

Evan ran his fingers through your hair, his other hand gently holding your face.

“How long has this been happening? How long have they been– been..” Evan whispered, not wanting to hear the answer.

“S-Since Freshman y-year.” You hiccuped, watching Evan’s eyes scan you with realization.

“Is-is that why you would always come home with bruises? Is that why you–?” Evans eyes watered and his voice broke, he didn’t understand how people could do this to someone like you. You nodded, silent tears dripping off your face.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.” Evan cried, pulling you into his arms. Evan cried into your hair, wishing he could go back and help you. He wished you told him, but he wasn’t going to say that. He knew if he said that he’d be putting the blame on you. You heard someone yelling angrily downstairs, and you slowly pulled yourself out of Evans embrace.

Your door was busted open and a fuming Jared stormed it. He angrily hugged you, holding you tightly. “I swear I will kill them, (y/n).” Jared growled.

“Nobody messes with the Kleinman twins.” You heard Connor say, earning a concerned laugh from Zoe and Alana.

“Are you okay, (y/n/n)?” You heard Alana ask, stepping forward. You nodded and laughed, wiping a tear from your eyes.

“M-Much better, now that you’re all here.” You whispered, earning a hug from Evan. Jared backed away and paced angrily, his hands angrily pulling his hair.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know, they’re so– so- ugh!” Jared yelled loudly, sitting down with tears in his eyes.

Connor stepped forward and sat next to you, setting his hand on yours.

“Hey, I- We won’t let anybody touch you anymore.” Connor said softly, his face pink. “Don’t worry about those pricks anymore, okay?”

Connor smiled, which was rare. Your eyes were wide and you smiled, nodding.

“Thanks, guys. You’re all awesome.” You whispered, pulling your hand away from Connor’s to wipe your tears. Evan pulled you closer to him, and you noticed Jared was crying angrily. He had realized that this had been going on for a long time, and that this was why you probably tried to take your own life.

“I am seriously beating the shit out of everyone who has ever laughed at you, (Y/N).” Jared mumbled, wiping a tear from his eye.

anonymous asked:

Evan works at a flower shop. Connors parents make him take a job there because they're sick of him spending all his time stoned in his room and the flower shop is close to Connors house. Connor lowkey used to bully Evan is middle school so Evan is really freaks out about Connor working with him.

Nature was something Evan loved. Trees more often than flowers, but nature nonetheless. So taking a position in the local flower shop wasn’t something that he minded. The social interaction was less enjoyable but he put up with it because he enjoyed the job.

So when Evan walked into work on Saturday afternoon he didn’t expect Connor Murphy to be sitting at the counter, flipping through a book about flower arrangements. 

“Hey um…Sherry, why is a kid at the counter?” Evan managed to get out. He knew who this guy was and the woman who ran the shop was an older lady, there was no way she could know him. Evan didn’t even know she was hiring anyone on!

“Oh that’s Connor Murphy sweetie.” Sherry told him. “I’m doing his mom a favour by having him here.” She said as she grabbed a few flower pots.

“Oh okay.” Evan nodded. 

Evan didn’t press the subject anymore. He slowly approached the front counter and his hands began shaking. Connor Murphy used to bully him in middle school. But that was mostly due to the fact everyone used to make fun of him, so he found someone weaker which just happened to be Evan.

“You boys get to know each other by doing up these floral arrangements for a dinner party.” Sherry passed Evan a few cards with the requested flowers for each center piece.

“Of course.” Evan’s voice sounded shaky. But thankfully no one noticed, if someone did Evan might have actually died. 

“Yeah okay.”

Connor’s voice was low. Evan couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard Connor Murphy talk in class, talk at all really.

“You take half and I-I’ll take half.” Evan muttered and shoved some of the note cards across the table. If Jared was here he’d be making fun of Evan, it’s who Jared was, and it was very unhelpful in most situations.

They made it through some arrangements with no talking. But Evan knew speaking was inevitable. 

“You’re that Hansen kid right?” Connor said mindlessly. He’d tied his hair back, when had he done that?

“I-I yeah…” Evan nodded. He didn’t want to talk to Connor Murphy, it brought back horrible middle school memories. Connor probably didn’t even remember it. 

“You and that Kleinman kid are friends.” Connor didn’t seem to have a set topic to chat about. Maybe he just wanted the silence to have ended. Evan didn’t really know, it wasn’t like he was connected to Connor’s brain.

“Yeah…Jared’s a…Family friend.” Evan confirmed. Jared’s blatant reminder’s that they weren’t friends weighed heavily on his mind. But having a sort of friend was better than none at all.

“He’s a dick.”

“So are you.”

Evan’s eyes widened as Connor shot him a side glance. “I am so sorry, oh my god why did I say that, please don’t kill me! It just slipped out! I don’t say rude things ever, it’s not okay to say rude things to people, even people like you. I’m making this worse, oh god.” Evan rambled on.

“It’s alright I know I’m a dick Hansen.” Connor let out a bitter laugh. “No need to fucking freak out.”

“Look I’ve been freaking out since I’ve seen you and I still shouldn’t have said it. I’m really sorry, like really sorry.” Evan flushed. God he’d embarrassed himself already.

“Why the fuck have you been freaking out?” Connor shot him a weird look. 

Evan couldn’t blame Connor for looking at him weirdly. He was probably stoned throughout middle school. “It’s nothing, just past memories.” Evan shrugged.

“Oh.” Connor didn’t seem to care and Evan had to get out of this situation before his breath became uneven

“I’m just going to go and get more magnolias.” Evan muttered. His hands became shaky as he searched for more flowers. Working with his childhood bully was going to be tough but hopefully he could do more than just survive.

Well, you’ve only got yourself to blame!~

((Known her like six and a half months and forgot to collab

Accidentally falls into lovey dovey heck instead

You guessed it- its the beautiful @azira-fail and she inspires me so much!! I love you sweetheart, a bit too much, probably.))

Never Again (Evan Hansen X Reader)

TW; Suicide attempt, suicide note, a lot of angst

WC; 1,667

A/N; Forgive me in advance for this sad fic. I almost cried. Please don’t read this if you’re in a bad state of mind where you could do something dangerous to yourself from reading this. Love y’all. Message me if you need someone to talk to, please. <3

Your chest was heavy and tears fell from your eyes as you walked through the forest. You had choose the longest hiking trail to walk alone, and the silence was killing you. Stumbling over tree roots and rocks, your eyes were focused at the top of the trees.

‘Maybe the the world is different from up there’  You thought to yourself, heading to the largest tree nearby. You wiped the tears from your swollen eyes and took a deep breath. Shaking, you placed your hands on a tree branch and hoisted yourself up as best as you could. Your hands somehow found the next branch and pulled you up again, and again. You took a deep breath and sat down carefully, your whole body shaking as you looked down.

‘Even from the highest branch,’ You thought, your sobs slicing the silence. ‘The world isn’t different.’

Your father frowned, hugging you again. “I’ll be home late again, tonight, okay? There is some money on the table for you to order pizza.” He placed a kiss on your forehead, clearly worried about how quiet you were.

“Okay, dad. Thanks. Love you.” You muttered, looking at your computer. Your dad sighed and closed the door, leaving for work. He barley had time for you, since you were all low on money. He loved you and tried his best, but he knew it was never enough.

You held onto the branch tightly, thinking about the days events. How you screwed everything up. The one person you relied on had been too busy, but that was okay. It wasn’t his fault.


‘Are you there?’

You read over the messages you had sent to your cousin, worried you were being needy. He was probably at Summer camp, anyways. He was the only one who knew you struggled. He probably wouldn’t call you when he saw your messages. You two got into a huge fight the week before. He only hung out with you because he was your cousin, and his parents offered to pay for his car insurance if he hung out with you. You shook your head and stared at the contact “Evan H.” on your phone. You considered texting him but decided against it when you remembered how you freaked him out by telling him you liked him. Tears gathered in your eyes as dark thoughts swarmed your mind and actions once again. You reached for your coat and stopped, quickly writing a note on a napkin before leaving.

You swung your legs over the tree branch and looked down, your tears falling to the ground.

‘Just let go.’ You shook your head, your eyes glazed and blurred with tears. ‘Nobody would even notice you were dead.’

“Nobody would care.” You said aloud, trying to convince yourself. “Nobody would care.”

You started panting and panicking, looking all around to see if anybody was even here. You didn’t want to do this. But you had to.

You looked up at the sky and slowly slid off of the branch until you couldn’t hold on any longer.

The fall felt so good, it felt like you were flying. It was peaceful, but you swear you could hear voices screaming.  You closed your eyes as the world went slow-mo and your body went limp. You crashed into the ground and felt a burning pain everywhere. You had somehow landed on your back, with your arms spread out. Your whole body shook as you sobbed, and the shaking hurt.

“Oh my god, oh my god!” A voice screamed, diving next to you.You turned your head as best as you could.

“Hey, Evan.” You smiled, tears running down the side of your face.

“I’ll-We’ll get you to the hospital,” Evan started crying. “Jared! Connor! I-I found her!”

Twigs crunched as you heard people running towards you, more than just two. Evan gently slid you into his arms, which made you wince.

“Oh my, oh my god.” Jared started panicking as he bent down to try and help Evan pick you up.

“Oh goodness, I’m-I’m calling an ambulance!” Alana pulled out her phone while Zoe stood next to her crying and traumatized.

Connor shook his head and spoke with a shaky voice. “Guys, put her down. She’s obviously in pain. We-we can’t carry her out, this is a two mile hiking trail!”

“He’s-He’s right, oh gosh, what do we do?!” Zoe shouted, sobs erupting from her mouth.

You coughed, a bit of blood coming up. Evan held you in his arms while Jared was kneeling next to you. Evan’s face was red and blotchy, and he was holding back sobs. Jared had silent tears running down his face, and even Connor was teary eyed.

“Y-You’ll be alright, I promise. We’ll be alright.” Evan whispered, letting his head hang by your shoulder.

You smiled, your eyes flickering opened and closed.

“Love you, Evan,” You whispered. “All of you,”

You faded out of consciousness, only hearing the sound of a helicopter and people begging you not to close your eyes.

      ‘Dear person who finds this,

 I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I’m sorry I can’t do much right, and that I hide away from the world. I’m sorry I’m alone. I’m sorry I told Evan I love him, and that I ruined our friendship. I’m sorry I can never hug or help Connor again. I’m sorry I can never joke around with Jared again. I’m sorry Zoe, Alana and myself will never have a sleepover again. I’m sorry dad, for not talking to you about this. I’m sorry for being a screw up. This was my choice. It was nobodies fault except for mine.

  With much love, (Y/n) (L/n)’

Evan read the letter over and over. He would glance up at you, hooked up to the machines in the hospital. He tried not to blame himself, but he had known he was the last straw when you had told him you loved him and he just walked away. You told him because he was the last person you thought you had left, and you needed him to hold you and kiss you and tell you everything will be alright.

He knew you hadn’t seen your father all week. He knew you had fought with Jared and Connor that week, and that Zoe was ignoring you. He knew Alana was too busy with school to even speak to you. He just let himself walk away from you, even when you were in such a fragile state.

Your father had been in the hospital only two times in the four months you were in a coma. He had taken extra work hours to pay off the medical bills you needed. He was angry, and he thought you were selfish. He hadn’t read the note.

Evan took it when he called the others to search for you. Evan didn’t know how he knew where you were, but he thought about how over the summer he had tried the same thing in a much smaller tree.

He was going to your house to tell you he loved you back when he found the note taped to the door.

“Evan?” A raspy voice whispered in the early morning light, making Evan shoot up,

“(Y/n)?! Oh my, oh my god, you’re-you’re okay!” Evan shouted, hugging you as best as he could without hurting you.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered, tears falling from your eyes.

Evan quickly shot the group chat a text, not caring it was only 6am on a Sunday.

‘She’s awake.’

He got a various responses of ‘OMW’, ‘I’m coming’, and ‘See u in 10′ from everyone. “I love you, I love you so much. Please, please, don’t apologize. I love you.” Evan whispered, crying into your shoulder. You let out a small whimper and hugged Evan. "I love you, Evan, I love you too.” You and Evan stayed there in each others arms for about 10 minutes when there was a knock on the door. A face peeked around the door and Evan waved them in. "I’m so, so glad you’re okay, (Y/n), I-I don’t know what I would’ve done if..” Jared sighed, his eyes gathering tears. Evan backed up and let the others get a look at you. ”“I’m sorry, we’re all sorry.” Zoe whispered, a smile on her face and tears dripping down her face. Alana nodded and quickly hugged you, as well as Zoe. Connor took one look at you and bursted into tears, dropping onto his knees next to your bed. He held your hand and cried silently into it, his actions speaking louder than his words could. Evan pushed your hair behind your ear and you noticed the cast on your left arm. You raised your eyebrows and saw that all your friends had written their names with little messages and hearts. Connor had wrote his name the largest, just like on Evan’s old cast. ”“I-I love you guys, I’m so sorry I tried that.” "We’re sorry we let you feel so alone, and like that was the only way out.” Alana whispered, wiping tears from her eyes. "Never again.” Evan whispered, sighing quietly. "Never again.” The rest of you promised, one after the other. And never again did any of you feel alone. There was a happy ending for you, for once and for all.

anonymous asked:

i know that everyones complaining about the fandoms portayal of connor but can you really blame them? i mean yes connor was a rude person who did drugs and was mean to people and his family and but hes also a person who needed help and who didnt have anyone there for him. everyone just gave up on him and abandoned him. i dont want to start problems in the fandom but i am getting tired of this. connor doesnt deserve to be put on a high pedestal be he also doesnt deserve to be hated so much

I want to find a middle ground but I just got really worked up about the Fandom Portrayal of the character. I don’t hate Connor Murphy at all, though I’m probably coming off that way. I apologize, I got rather annoyed about everyone (everyone of course being used hyperbolically) making Connor out to be someone who he really isn’t. But you’re right, we need to find somewhere in between romanticizing and demonizing Connor I suppose