confused about what i want

Missing someone I shouldn’t even be thinking about.
—  March 17, 2017

this last 19 days chapter was very bittersweet, especially in the way that it foreshadowed jian yi disappearing for years in the future

i really loved the last two panels, with zheng xi and jian yi just holding and comforting each other, being each other’s anchor while the world keeps moving around them

part of me still expected - and wanted - more out of this arc, tho, which could still happen, i guess, but knowing how old xian has the bad habit not to follow through with things im not holding out hope

it’s just frustrating to me to see them keep being stuck in the same place when they could just!!!!! talk!!!!! and i know that i sound like a broken record, but i still can’t stop asking myself how much does jian yi knows about his situation because ??? the boy got almost kidnapped, then actually kidnapped two days later and got saved by the same dudes who tried to kidnap him in the first place, and he’s just?? pretty chill about it?? and has no questions about what the f– is going on?? and i get that he is trying not to make zheng xi worry even more, but why not tell him about what happened? (again, i know it could still happen, but i don’t have much hope for it)

if the 19 days of the title refers to the (school) days until jian yi’s disappearance, we are now at day 11? 12? [it was day 9 when jian yi got kidnapped], so i wonder what is going to happen now, for both pairs, but especially for zheng xi and jian yi something’s gotta give soon


17.04.17 ♡ 16/100 days of productivity

Japanese kanji studies on my first printable! ♡ Plus my pen pot. I am really confused about what I want to do with myself, and I know I have time to figure it out… I want to live in my dream country with my best friend, but I also want to live with my girlfriend, and I want to attend university here, but I also want to attend it there… Aaaah! So confusing! :(

Of course some messy sketches I did in my script book get 5 times as many notes on my instagram as art that I actually put time and effort in like I’m not mad or anything but I’m confused as hell what is the content you guys actually want to see??????


This is Part Seven in “Together”

Pairing: Jensen x Reader x Jared
Words:  1028

Read “Needy”
Read “Deserving”
Read “Loving”
Read “Vacation”
Read “Try”
Read “Remember”

This part was requested by @scxrchy

A/N: After “Together” and “Our Girl” are finished, I will no longer be doing poly stories. 

           “I want to tell,” you said, looking at Jared and Jensen as the three of you got ready for the con panel.

           “What?” Jensen looked over at you, obviously confused as to what you were talking about.

           “I want to tell them we’re in a relationship.”

           Jared stopped what he was doing and joined Jensen looking at you, “Y/N, it’s not exactly something people will accept.”

           “I know,” you said, “But … I feel like they’ll find out. I feel like they’ll just see us and know. And I don’t want to have to pretend in front of them. It’s not fair. They’re amazing and they deserve to know what’s going on. And if we’re gonna tell them about my injury, then we tell them about where we were and why.”

           Jensen sighed and ran a hand over his face, “Do you think we’re prepared for backlash?” he asked.

           “You’re really asking if I’m prepared for backlash,” you said, looking at him, “Because I’m the unstable one.”

           “Babe, don’t take it like that. I just know that we’re going to get hate for this. And I don’t want to see you, or us go through that.”

           “I don’t want to hide.”

           “Then we’ll tell them,” Jared said.

           You looked over at him, “Yeah?”

           He nodded, “Yeah.”

           Jensen sighed slightly, “Okay. Okay, we’ll tell them.”

Keep reading

It’s funny that my two Pokémon otps are perfectworldshipping and hardenshipping because they are so different like

Sycamore: Oh Lysandre! I’ll never stop loving you!
Lysandre: *holding him close* j'jaime mon amour.. *passionate kissing under the moonlight*
*roses flourish around them and suddenly the air begins to glitter whilst the saxophone solo from Careless Whisper starts to play*

Archie: I fucking hate you
Maxie: I hate you too
Archie: With your bony backside and your-
Maxie: *confused* WHAT about my backside?
Archie: It’s just *trying to find words* I want your ass! I mean I want to kick your ass haha
Maxie: I’m going to leave now
Archie: *in a desperate whisper almost inaudible* no don’t go pls

Come Clean - Part 2

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 1,053

Summary: The reader catches Jensen snooping through her phone.

Part 1

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

“This can not be happening.” You groan bolting towards Jared’s trailer.

“Jared! Jared!” You’re pounding on his trailer door like a mad woman, getting concerned looks from a PA walking by.

“What?” He moans clearly just woken up by your tantrum.

“He knows.” You whisper on the verge of tears.

“Who? What are you talking about?” He asks adorably confused.

“Move! I don’t want him to see me.” You push past your best friend, tripping in the process as you make way to the couch.

Keep reading

teamfrwill  asked:

hi Ary I was wondering if you could tell me your op story? or if you have a link to it? thanks!

Ooh,  do you mean to this op:

That story can be found here (x) along with the other op stories from that con. 

As for the other conventions,  there weren’t really any amazing stories from those ops (asking Misha questions,  now that’s another story),  but I can drudge up the old posts from those if you’re really curious.

I should mention though (because it’s not in that explanation of the story) that the end result of the above pose was basically Jensen’s idea. My explanation sucked and both him and Misha were confused about what I wanted them to do, so by the time the picture was taken, Jensen was the one to direct it. He moved me into place, told Misha where to stand and then chose to look at Misha like that. So I may have felt like I messed things up a bit, but Jensen saved the day with his superb directing skills and major heart eyes.

monst3rsandm3n  asked:

Hi, I was looking through your blog and it made me curious: I personally don't really know what I believe. Like on one hand I believe that unborn babies are alive as soon as their heart starts beating separate from it's mother's heart. But at the same time, I feel like woman should have that right to choose. I guess what I'm asking is if I am a traditional feminist with prolife values, then where is the middle ground? I'm open minded so you wont scare me away with any of your controversial views

Hi! Thanks for contacting me!

I can definitely see how that can be confusing. First, I want to clarify what you’re saying about the biology of when life begins. Human life actually starts before the heart starts beating - otherwise, how could a heart grow if there was no living, growing, developing organism? At fertilization, a new member of the human species exists with its own genetic code and its own developmental path totally distinct from that of the mother. The mother’s body supplies nutrients and oxygen, but her blood never mixes with her child’s (many mothers and children have different blood types) and her heart does not beat for the child. Starting at fertilization, the child’s cells are growing, dividing, and differentiating to develop the various systems of the body (nervous, cardiovascular, respiratory, etc). The heartbeat begins when the cardiovascular system develops to the point that it needs a pumping heart to distribute nutrients, hormonal signals, and oxygen to the various cells. This happens after about 3 weeks (18-22 days) of life and development within this new organism.

That said, most women don’t know they’re pregnant until around the time the heart starts beating (4-6 weeks after their last menstrual period), so in the majority of cases a child who is intentionally aborted has a beating heart.

Now let’s talk about choice. We all make choices every day. We choose what to wear, what to eat, what to study in school, what to do for a living, and so on. We can also make choices that directly affect other people. All of our choices have consequences, whether those consequences are good, bad, or neutral.

Every law we have restricts our choices in some way. Traffic laws restrict how we operate our cars. Taxes restrict how we spend our money. Regulations restrict how we run businesses. We may debate whether or not these laws are necessary or justified. Other laws, like laws against stealing or killing, restrict choices that would directly harm other people. Most of us can agree that these laws are both justified and necessary for a functioning and peaceful society. If we wanted complete freedom of choice, that would be anarchy. Any government that exists restricts your choices in some way.

The question, then, is whether it is necessary and/or justified to restrict a woman’s choice to have an abortion. To me, the answer to that question lies in whether an abortion directly harms another person. If it does not, then restrictions on abortion would fall into the category of government regulations that are highly debatable and probably an unjustified or unnecessary restriction of our right to choose. If, however, abortion does directly and intentionally harm another person, then a restriction or ban on abortion would fall into the category of laws against stealing or killing, and would therefore be both justified and necessary.

I believe the latter is true. Like you, I believe that abortion kills a living human being. Therefore, our law that already exists banning the intentional and premeditated killing of human beings should also protect preborn human beings. That is, we shouldn’t need a law against abortion. We just need to include preborn human beings as people protected by the law.

This still leaves women with a lot of choices. I just don’t believe anyone has the right to kill another person except in a self-defense situation (which does not describe pregnancy).

Now, I don’t consider myself a feminist. Largely, this is because I don’t want to be associated with what the modern feminist movement has become. However, there are many pro-life feminists who have found a way to balance a concern for women’s rights and welfare with a concern for the lives of the preborn. In fact, many will say that the two can actually go hand-in-hand.

I recommend checking out the following organizations for more on how you can be pro-life and feminist:

Feminists for Life

Feminists for Nonviolent Choices

New Wave Feminists

Secular Pro-Life

Life Matters Journal (@lifemattersjournal)

I know this was a really long answer to your question, so let me know if you need me to clarify anything or if you have any questions! I’m happy to continue this conversation as long as you want to.

“But Cody–”


Cosmic Witchcraft Challenge

Day Five. 
Your sun sign + description


There is a drive for the truth and nothing but the truth being a Libra. Stereotypes say that Libras are indecisive and yes that may be true but I feel it isn’t in the sense of superficial reasons. As a Libra I feel the need to balance every side of a situation where I can see how many avenues there are so I can determine what is best for me. I am not indecisive because I want everything or because I am confused and spacey about it, its because I want to know what will be right for me. I want to gain every bit of information I can so I can go forward with a clear head.  

I feel though since we are swayed some by Venus that we do lust after materialistic items. I for one want so many things (like tarot decks, crystals, a house, clothes, purses, so on so forth) but I know what I can get and I know what is just a fantasy. All in time, everything as a time and a place. I know the difference between indulging and saving. That balance of moderation is help from Lady Justice. 

They say Libras can be friends with anyone, which I feel yes can be true but with our cold, blunt truth that cuts like a sword people cast us away as bitchy. Since they hear cutthroat words they don’t see how loyal a Libra can be. It is hard for people to accept the truth but if you can handle a Libras truth you will have a friend to the end. I know as a Libra I will always stand for the ones who stand by me. All for one and one for all.

  • The most common phrase heard in the band room: "God I hate band so much. I'm gonna quit"
  • The least carried out phrase heard in the band room: "God I hate band so much. I'm gonna quit"
Last First Kiss. Part 2. (Peter Parker.)

Requested – Yes. Thank you so much for that, by the way!

Prompt – Confused about the talk with Spiderman, you took his advice and did not give up on Peter Parker.

Warning – Feels.

Words – 1,386.


Part 1.

Keep reading

Will trying to seduce Nico with flowers?? idk?? Cookie for anyone who colours it for me

Teacher Brendon Urie x Reader Part 2

Part 1

Warnign: Smut

Word count:2070

Singing don’t worry
about a thing
cause every little thing
is going to be all right”
I sang.

I’m in music class where the music teacher asked us to learn a song, sing it and play in guitar, piano or whatever. I’ve chosen 3 Little birds by Bob Marley and I’m playing the guitar.

I’m currently performing the song in front of the whole class.

“Rise up this morning,
Smile with the rising sung,
Three little birds…”

As I continued singing, someone comes in the class.

Mr. Urie…or Brendon or whatever, came in. I immediately felt my face go red.
It had been a week since we kissed in his classroom and I’ve been avoiding him since. After we kissed I literally just ran away, I got out of the classroom and went straight to my house. In class, he writes little notes on my worksheets or he makes a dumb excuse to make me stay after class, though I never stay.

As I keep singing and playing my guitar I notice he’s looking at me, and now I can’t stop looking at him.

He whispers something to Mr. Smith, the music teacher, and the teacher nods.
I finish my song and everybody claps.

Smile for the audience.

“Amazing y/n, you never stop amazing me. That was perfect.” Mr. Smith says,

“Now I need you to go with Mr. Urie, he says he needs to talk to you immediately.”

I look over to Brendon and he just smiles at me.
“Oh. Okay. But the thing is that… I  um… I have to go to the nurse because I have… cramps?” I said trying to sound convincing.
“Oh, you can go later, it won’t take more than 5 minutes.” Mr. Urie said looking at me.
“Okay.” I whispered

I walked down the stage looking down at my feet trying to breath evenly.

I’m going to die. This is the end. I don’t know why, but I feel like I can’t breath.

Oh wait Y/n… haven’t you thought about the fact that maybe you feel like you can’t breath because… oh well… maybe because you’re holding your breath idk just a thought…stupid.

“Fuck” I muttered as I walked behind of Brendon following him to his class.
Brendon looked back at me and asked, “Sorry did you say something?”

“Uh no. No. I didn’t.” I said and smiled one of those Hi I want the world to end in this exact moment. Please. Help me. Smiles.

Brendon opened the door of his classroom telling me to take a seat.

“Uh no I’m okay. Standing…Here…I’m okay thanks anyway.”

“Suit yourself” He said sighing. Brendon went back to his desk opening his drawer and he got out a couple of papers. Looking down at the papers he said, “So, I’ve noticed a drastic changed in your grade,” he looked up to me and continued, “Your grade is really low at this point Y/n and that can be dangerous. You’re on your last year of high school. Do you want to miss your graduation because you failed English class? Do you want to spend your last summer before collage in school because you failed English class?”

At this point I’m so confused. I… thought he wanted to talk about us? About what happened, why I’m avoiding him. But he is talking about my grade?

“Y/n, I’m waiting for an answer.” He said with a very serious tone and a very-hot-serious face.

“Oh uh no of course no.” I responded a bit surprised by his tone.

“Ok, I’m expecting a change this week. That’s all, now you can go back to your class or to the nurse.” He said placing the papers back in his desk and sitting on his chair behind the desk.

“Okay.” I whispered and looked over at the door.

Uh… why am I not walking towards the door? Come on you legs! Is not that har- Oh shit… I feel it coming… OH shit no…don’t say it…don’t you da-

“Is that all? Are you sure that’s all?” I said raising my voice a bit.

He looked up at me with a confused expression and asked “Is there anything else to talk about?”

“Uh no. I don’t know. I mean… I think that yeah there is something to talk about.” I said looking straight to his eyes.

Brendon got up from his chair and sat in front of me leaning over his desk.
“Okay, I’m listening.” He said.

“Well I think that- well that- I mean…” I stuttered looking down at my shoes.
Brendon sighed and with a slight smirk said “See, therefore there is nothing to talk about. I thought you were a mature enough to handle this situation but no. Also I got tired of chasing an immature little girl like you.”
I looked up and saw how Brendon’s smirk turned into a scared face.

Xxx Brendon’s POV xxX
Y’n looked up from her feet with an obvious mad and very scary expression in her face.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Are you actually fucking kidding me?” She started “Yeah maybe I’m an immature little girl but, hey, do I have to remember you who kissed who? Who was the one with the bright idea of kissing me, the immature little girl? Dude I never said I wanted in to this shit. You just kissed me…remember? So you don’t have the right to tell me I wasn’t mature enough to handle this ‘situation’ because I never even wanted this ‘situation’ to happen.”

I just looked at her mad expression. I was shocked, there was nothing I could say, she was right she never actually said she wanted to do this, but I think she kind of did when she kissed me back.

I didn’t have anything to say, so I did the only thing I could do.

I got up from leaning from the desk, grabbed Y/n waist and pulled her to me crashing our lips. At first, she started fighting back trying to get me off her but she couldn’t.

I separated our lips and immediately she screamed at me “ What is your problem!”

I grabbed her face with both of my hands and looking straight to her eyes said “You said yes to us when you kissed me back a week ago. So yeah I know for sure you want in to this shit.”

Y/n looked straight to my eyes her pupils full blown. In a matter of seconds, y/n grabbed the back of my head and pulled me to her crashing once again our lips. The kiss was rough, mad and sensual. I turned us around and pushed her against the door locking it and I kissed her harder. We separated our lips but my lips immediately went for her neck biting, kissing and licking everywhere trying to gain that moan from her. When I finally found the spot I sucked and I decided to play a little more with her body. I moved my hands down to her ass and tried to pull her closer to me pressing my now very notable bulge to her.

“Fuck” she whispered.

Her hands now where moving towards my pants, her hands going straight to my bulge. She palmed me through my pants making me even harder.

“Fuck Y/n. If you continue doing this-“
“If I continue what?” She whispered straight to my ear. “What will happen Brendon?”
“Fuck” I whispered.

I looked at her, licked my lips.

“You sure?” I asked my hands now moving towards the front of her jeans. I slowly place my hand in her jeans now moving toward her clit rubbing slowly gaining a small moan from her. “You sure you want this? We are at school, it can be very dangerous.” I started rubbing her clit faster gaining an “Oh fuck Brendon. Don’t stop.” I kissed her hard while I rubbed harder and y/n moaned against my lips. Without any warning I inserted two fingers in her and gained a very hot and loud moan from her as she separated our lips.  
I moved to suck on her neck again.

“Fuck Brendon. Fuck Fuck don’t stop that please don’t stop that.”
I smiled against her neck my dick now getting so hard I could feel it pulsing.

I couldn’t do this anymore I couldn’t wait.

I got my hand out of her jeans.
“I can’t wait anymore y/n, I want to fuck you right here right now.” I whispered against her lips.
“Do it. I’m on the pill by the way.” She responded.
My hands immediately went to her jeans.
Too much clothes, I need less clothes.

When I got her jeans and my pants out of the way, Y/n took her shirt off and I couldn’t stop staring. She had a beautiful body and in her ribs she had a tattoo with a quote, which I didn’t care to read right now. I took my shirt and my boxer off.

Y/n stared at me like she had never seen me before.
She grabbed from the back of my head and kiss me hard. Against my lips she whispered “Fuck me here, right now against this wall.”
At that point I didn’t care about anything any else, I threw her bra and panties somewhere. Y/n jumped and wrapped her legs around me. My lips went straight to her breast sucking and biting them.

With y/n back against the wall and her legs around me I positioned my dick to her entrance and with just the tip in Y/n started to lower herself. I groaned and cursed. I grabbed Y/n’s hips with both my hands and started helping her as she lowered herself and went up again. Soon we found a rhythm both of us working together and this couldn’t feel any better. With every push y/n whispered screamed an “Oh yeah” or “fuck” which only made me fuck her harder. I thrusted harder into her and her moans got louder. I wrapped my left hand around her waist and my right hand  I placed it on her mouth indicating her to be less loud.

Y/n opened her eyes and looked at me, her pupils were full blown. Y/n grabbed my hand that was over her mouth. With her staring at me I pushed even harder in her and she moaned placing her head against the wall. “Fuck. Mr.Urie. Fuck me harder please.” She moaned and that was all it took for me to thrust in to her much harder than I ever thought I could. In a matter of seconds y/n’s orgasm making her moan hard, her pussy getting so tight I could barely move, after the second thrust I came as well. I continue to thrust in her waiting for our orgasm to end.

Y’n and I were both a mess.

I got out of her making her moan as the head of my dick pushed out. She unwrapped herself from me.

“Fuck” I whispered.

Y/n wrapped her arms around my neck and I wrapped mines around her waist bringing her closer to me.

“Fuck” She whispered.

I let go of her, grabbed her hand and lead her towards my desk chair. I sat down letting her naked body  sit on my naked lap.

“I do want in to this shit.” Y/ whispered placing her head on my shoulder.
“I know you do. I’m sorry I said those things, I was just really pissed. Y/n I really like you.”
“I know. It’s okay, who cares about that anymore. We are here now and this moment is what matters. I like you Brendon.” Y/n said and at the same moment the bell rang.

“Fuck. I have to go babe.” She said as she got up from my lap and started changing.

After about 3 minutes we were changed.

“Fuck I’m going to be late.” Y/n whispered to herself.
“ I can write an e-mail to your next teacher if you want.” I offered.
“No, no it’s okay , but I better go now.” She said going to the door. Before she could open the door I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to me kissing her not hard but not soft.

We pulled away and I said “You better come after school, we have to talk about how to improve your grade.”

“Sure” Y/n giggled and before she left again she kissed me once more.


Sometimes, I think of you and I look forward.
I look forward to a bright future.
I look forward to holding your hand and leaning my head against your shoulder.
I look forward to days when you’re only a kiss away.
I look forward to days when I can rest my head against your heart and it will race because I will still make you a little nervous.
I look forward to the deep conversations where we talk about everything and I will ask you way too many questions because I love hearing your voice. I love hearing what you think. I love you.

Sometimes, I think of you and I remember.
I remember my heart breaking.
I remember holding your hand and feeling scared.
I remember all the times we were on the phone and you said you wish you could kiss me.
I remember when you hugged me so tight and my heart was racing because you made me extremely nervous.
I remember the late night conversations we used to have where soft whispers filled the air and sleep filled our eyes.
I remember the time you said my name and took a deep breath before saying you loved me.
I remember my heart breaking when you changed your mind.

Sometimes, I think of you and I’m confused.
I’m confused about where I stand with you.
I’m confused about what we’re doing.
I’m confused about what you want, what I want.
I’m confused because I want everything with you, but at the same time, nothing at all.

I need to make up my mind.


My favorite thing about language is when the name of a place acquires a regional pronunciation. For whatever reason, a name gets pronounced a certain way in a certain region and only people from around that region say the name right and then an out-of-towner says it wrong and the natives give each other a knowing look.

anonymous asked:

hi mai, i might be wrong, but ur planning on being a nurse, right? You're obviously really smort n hardworking, so was there ever a time where u considered becoming a doctor instead? And if so, what deterred you? sry if this is a weird ask, but im currently trying to choose one and i jus wanted to know if u have any thoughts on this kinda stuff since I think that you and i have some similarities regarding academia, and in general as well (feel free to ignore this!!)

i actually have always wanted to be a doctor my whole life! it was only later in life where i got rlly scared n chickened out to become a nurse instead. so many people have asked me why i wanted to be a nurse instead of being a doc bc of my work performance n academia n etc, like u said, n there has been many times when i wanted to change. when i actually started thinking bout what i rlly wanted to do in life i knew that it would be in the medical field for sure but i didn’t kno where. in senior year, i just decided to be a nurse since it was a shorter time span than a doctor n i was scared to take on such a big responsibility. i was afraid being up top big boss n have so much responsibility over someone’s life so i decided to be something lower, to work for a doctor instead of going the whole mile to be one while still being in the med field. now that i’m in college, i see my potential n im like…. i should’ve done it. i should’ve went the whole way. i’m only 2 years into university but i feel like if i switch now i’ll have to restart all over again n i don’t kno if i want that…. my friends r confused when i tell them i wanna be a nurse. they’re like, why aren’t u a doctor instead? u have the potential ?? ur so smart??? n im like uh idk lol. but taking all these classes made me realize that that’s what i rlly want too. i rlly wanna be a doctor. the only reason why i didn’t take that path is bc the fear of going so high… if that makes sense. if ur like me then truly think about it. what r ur passions? do u rlly like the medical field n how r ur grades n work performance? if ur thinking about being a doctor, then i think u should go for it. like rlly go for it. n later if u wanna switch to nursing it’ll be easier for u to do that since u’ve taken more advanced bio/chem classes then the other way around (like me)
obviously, there r advantages to being a nurse bc of the shorter time span n i’ll be able to get work like asap n like, anywhere. when i decided that i didn’t think about anything else but the money tbh. now that i’m like. learning about shit (especially human anatomy n biology) it made me realize how much i love it?? it’s a fucking pain in the ass but shit…. its incredible what our body does even when we’re not consciously aware of it. i kno this became like…. ridiculously long LOL but if ur like me, which i think u r bc even our thoughts r on the same track n ur concerns seem similar to mine, then i think that u should push urself to do what u really want. don’t let anything deter u from being a doctor, if that’s what u want. don’t settle for anything lower bc ur scared of the what may happen in the future.