confetti madness

Local Math Major Needs to Shut the Fuck Up About Pi Day

Sources report that Fordham Sophomore Jordan Smith needs to shut the fuck about pi day. According to his roommates and close friends, he has been repeatedly introducing it as a topic of conversation, regardless of context. One roommate (who asked to remain nameless) told the Ramtime Times that “he’s lost his goddamn mind. He woke me up at 1:59 in the morning because it was ‘pi minute.’” His other roommate, who pointlessly also asked to remain nameless, commented, “He’s lost all sense of reality. I woke up to an apartment strewn with math confetti. Strewn. It’s madness.”
Unfortunately, Jordan’s mania has affected those outside of his apartment. Jamie, a classmate of Jordan’s, reported that Jordan was singing “Smells Like Pi Spirit” as he walked around campus today, totally unaware of the shame he should have been feeling. Jamie went on to say “My dad died last night, so I was pretty bummed. When I told Jordan, he just responded ‘Hey boo, more pi for you.’ I don’t know if the sentiment or the rhyming was worse.”

Confidential sources claim that Jordan does not even plan to eat pie today, wanting to “remain pure.” We at the Ramtime Times have tried thus far not to editorialize, but no pie? What a monster.