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  • dorothy: okay, we have suntan lotion, chapstick, and half a dozen cheap tawdry romance novels.
  • rose: well, then we're all set. we have everything we need for the cruise.
  • blanche: girls, listen, maybe we don't have everything we need.
  • dorothy: what? what are we missing?
  • blanche: well, we are going away for a romantic weekend to the bahamas with jeff and rich and randy. in this day and age, it might be a good idea to take along some... protection.
  • rose: what kind of protection?
  • dorothy: two armed pinkerton guards! no, blanche is talking about, uh... *gestures*
  • rose: a nestlé's crunch?
  • dorothy: one over.
  • rose: an enema bag?
  • dorothy: to the right.
  • rose: dentu-grip?
  • dorothy: condoms, rose! condoms condoms condoms!
  • pharmacist: calm down, lady! you just get out of prison?

BLANCHE: Girls, listen, maybe we don’t have everything.

DOROTHY: What? What are we missing?

BLANCHE: Well, we are goin’ away for a romantic weekend in the Bahamas with Jeff, Rich, and Randy. In this day and age it might be a good idea to take along some … protection.

ROSE: What kind of protection?

DOROTHY: Two armed Pinkerton guards. No, Blanche is talking about - (points to shelf)

ROSE: A Nestle’s Crunch?

DOROTHY: One over.

ROSE: An enema bag?

DOROTHY: To the right.

ROSE: Dentu-Grip?!


CASHIER: Calm down, lady! You just get out of prison?

BLANCHE: Girls, what do you think?

DOROTHY: Well, it’s not a bad idea, but I’m a little embarrassed!

ROSE: Me too!

BLANCHE: Embarrassed? There’s no reason to be embarrassed. These are discreet professionals. This is a private matter. Whatever we buy is nobody’s business but our own. (places package of condoms on counter) I’d like a package of these please.

DOROTHY: (places package of condoms on counter) And, um, I’d like these.

ROSE: (places package of condoms on counter) And I’ll take these.

BLANCHE: Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?

CASHIER: (via loudspeaker) Joe, I need a price check on some condoms. These three ladies here want a couple of boxes of the King George prophylactics.

JOE: (via loudspeaker) Lambskins or the ultra-sensitive?

CASHIER: Two of them have the lambskins and the blonde has the ultra-sensitive. In black.