conditioner only

gay rights vs gay liberation

I keep coming across pieces about the U.S. “LGBT” movement’s history that talk about how, during the 70s especially, one core idea of the movement was that gender and sexuality would, should, get blown wide open

That ultimately pretty much everyone was bisexual underneath; that gender itself was a big nonbinary mess; and everyone would be able to be their true bisexual, often genderqueer self after the revolution. We wouldn’t have or need the gender binary anymore. 

This was a much more natural belief at the time, because gay and lesbian and bi and ace had been thought of as essentially different genders. Because “normal” was two binary sexes, with two corresponding binary genders, which were attracted to each other, and would act on that attraction to make more little normal people. This was the function of society, the thing that gave women any value, the whole point of life.

From “Identity and Ideas: Strategies for Bisexuals,” an essay by bi activist Liz Highleyman in Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queeries, and Visions (1995), which I need to quote from more extensively but not rn:

“As the social movements of the early 1970s fell apart or lost their radical edge in the 1980s, the gay liberation movement, now known as the gay and lesbian movement, followed suit.”

This sentence puts it in a nutshell, I think. There was a really concrete shift, from radical “liberation” from the system for everyone, to acceptance from the system for these two groups.

“There was a growing emphasis on an identity politics model that likened gays to oppressed racial and ethnic minorities. Sexual identity was increasingly seen as an immutable characteristic without sweeping social or political ramifications. The movement became more focused on civil rights and assimilation into mainstream society.”

 It wasn’t an accident, that shift away from the overlapping bi/trans/intersex politics and bi/trans/intersex paradigm*. It was extremely deliberate.

It must have seemed like an easier sell to the straight world, which I can understand. I’m sure a lot of people thought that this strategy would benefit everyone.

But not only does it leave many of our issues completely ignored or actively erased, it’s also a model that can never work for us.

This just kind of jelled for me for the first time, reading this. It’s much harder to see if you don’t know about both models, at least for me. I tend to believe the “no no, we’re for you too!” without thinking about how and why that hasn’t been working.

The civil rights/assimilation model is very rooted in the whole idea that “the only thing that’s different about us is which gender we love!” It’s the we’re just like you model. It works pretty well for fitting-into-society stuff: marriage, health care, employment rights, military service, media representation. Stuff that straight people have, so they can go, “okay, I see how you’re like me, it seems unfair and terrible that you shouldn’t have these things too!”

It works really fucking badly for stuff where we are not like them.

The problem is actually that it works really fucking badly for stuff where we do not fit into the gender binary.

That’s the specific way the system demands that we Be Like Them. It treats everything else, everything that isn’t being a binary sex/gender and wanting a binary sex/gender, as a freakish and in-valid choice, and punishes us for it.

The only progress we’ve really seen is that sometimes, it’s not seen as a Bad Freakish Choice to want the “wrong” binary gender, and very occasionally, it’s not seen as a Bad Freakish Choice to be the “wrong” binary gender.

A lot of the trans movement’s progress has come from doing the same thing the gay and lesbian movement has done: “look at us, look how gender-normative and binary-gendered we are, look how we just want to be a normal gender and love a normal gender. Nothing threatening going on here!”

It works. I’m not going to knock that. People use this shit because they are fucking desperate and fearing for their lives.

But it also means those of us who can’t say “we’re just like normal people” become ballast.

You know: the stuff you throw overboard so your hot air balloon can take off.

I think this is what’s at the core of “ace discourse,” “sga discourse,” and all those other gatekeeping arguments. 

The system only, conditionally, grudgingly, gives certain rights, in some places, to the minority of us who have convincingly argued that we’re Just Like Them. It is exceedingly clear to those people that mixing with non-approved groups puts not only those limited civil rights, but also the entire model used to win them, in danger. 

It’s a choice. We all face it. If you identify more with the need for all those normal rights – or with the oppressions around being, or being into, into the wrong binary gender – or you just see that this model is working for some people and you want it to work for you – then you’re likely to cast your lot with the binary-gender-based “gay rights” model, which means you’re likely to take a “gatekeeping” tack. 

If you identify more with the need for total freedom from the rules of the binary gender system, for whatever reason – and you’re not put off by the fact that we don’t have a working political model around that – then you’re likely to cast your lot with the “gay liberation” model, which means you’re likely to take the “radical inclusion” tack that’s inherent to that model. 

* (I don’t think there was an intersex movement at the time; intersex people are still incredibly silenced by not only the media but actively, intentionally, by the entire medical industry. But it is an explicitly intersex-friendly and very ace/aro-friendly model, in a way that the existing model has definitely not been.)

autism allyship is often performative. sure, allies “accept” autistics, but only conditionally. if we’re perceived as annoying or cringy, if we word things poorly, if we stim in the “wrong way”, if our special interests are “wrong”; then we are attacked and often mocked. look at how we’re treated here, for instance. autistics are dogpiled for thousands of notes for wording things poorly or simply being themselves, which others view as embarrassing. allies, ask yourselves: do you really support autistic people?

(This isn’t saying anything new, it’s just taking another angle on a commonly discussed topic in case some people find this angle easier to relate to or engage with).

Most people can tell the difference between communities where they matter and communities where they don’t. It’s often really hard to nail down, specifically, the set of differences between these communities, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get a feel for it. There are places where people see you and people like you as a peer, a partner, a friend, and there are places where they see you as an imposition they tolerate for the sake of politeness, or a potential threat, or a waste of time and energy.

So lots of people go into a community and they get a visceral sense of ‘wow, this is a place where people like me aren’t welcome.’ And it’d be nice if they could pin it down beyond that - say 'this is an interaction I had which sucked’ or 'these are the rules that exclude me’ or 'this was the thing which made it clear to me that people like me were unwelcome’ - but often you can’t pin it down that precisely. You know perfectly well what you experienced, but all of the evidence that got you there is nothing all by itself, or is almost completely intangible. Sometimes communities have an explicit rule that everyone is welcome, and if you say “I’m unwelcome” they will point at the rule and say “no you’re not”. But you are.

I know a lot of people who are confused or stressed by the discourse surrounding microaggressions. They read through lists of them and see a mix of some things that are obvious misconduct and some things that look harmless, that they do all the time with people of every background, that don’t seem horrible at all. So they dutifully memorize every list they run across and anxiously try to avoid it in future, even though they don’t have any idea why it’s bad, or else they unhelpfully argue with people about how it isn’t that bad.

But I think the actual thing with microaggressions is that feeling of 'people like me are not welcome’ or at least 'people like me are only conditionally welcome, welcome if we’re friendly and careful and unthreatening and reassuring and match other peoples’ narratives about us and aren’t angry and don’t make anyone uncomfortable and toe the party line’. It’s really helpful for people to collect and corroborate and discuss and complain about all of the little cues which add up to that impression, but scrupulously memorizing the list of cues and avoiding the things on your list won’t actually make spaces where people feel welcome. The problem is the 'this space is not for people like you’ thing.

I think this is also what’s going on with a lot of discussion of bad allies. Lots of bad allying seems to amount to 'loudly saying that people are valued while continuing to be the kind of space where they are palpably not valued’. 

Which, of course, isn’t worse than being a space where people are not valued while not even giving lip service to the idea that they should be, but it can be uniquely frustrating because in a space that says 'we hate gay people’ you can say 'I am uncomfortable there because they hate me’ while in a space that claims to be supportive and fails at it all you can really say is 'uh. it sucks, for some reason’. Or you can give reasons that seem trivial and insignificant and which, if they were fixed, wouldn’t actually be sufficient.

PSA for my lovelies with curly hair.

So, I went so long not knowing how to look after my curls and how to make them pretty that I hated them and always put them up or straightened them. So, I thought why not share what I’ve learned.

  1. Use a cotton shirt or a microfiber towel instead of your usual towel (Your hair will be less frizzy and less dry)
  2. Only shampoo your scalp or go the “no-poo” method. (Shampooing all over your head drys your hair out and can ruin your curls)
  3. Only use conditioner on your ends (Putting it all over your hair flattens it)
  4. Only comb your hair when your in the shower, when you put conditioner in (Combing after your shower ruins your curl pattern or combing when your hair is dry will make your hair poofy)
  5. Do not use brushes. Brushes are damaging to curly hair. Finger-comb or use a wide-toothed comb instead. 
  6. Try to blow dry your hair as little as possible, the best thing for curls is to air dry but if you’re in a hurry use a diffuser which minimizes frizz by evenly distributing the heat.
  7. If you have frizz issues get a Frizz cream but don’t overuse it or your hair will be hard, sticky or just gross.
  8. If you can afford it (as it can be expensive) try to not use products with  Silicates, Silicone’s or Sulfates. If you can’t avoid them try to only get Moisturizing/hydrating shampoo and conditioners 
  9. If possible get a satin pillowcase, scarf or cap to put over your hair while you sleep to help keep your curls intact and less frizzy.
  10. Wait till your hair is 100% dry before going to sleep or you WILL ruin your curls. 
  11. Don’t put your hair up in a wrap/towel turban after you wash your hair as it wrecks your natural curl pattern. Instead, wring your hair out over the tub then do the scrunch and squeeze method to get out more water while encouraging your curls. Then use a cotton shirt or microfiber towel to scrunch your hair more.
  12. Get layers in your haircuts the more layers the more bouncy and curly your hair will be, the fewer layers to the more weighed down and less curly your hair will be. 
  13. Do not wash your hair every day, Curly hair tends to be naturally dry and this is damaging. I personally wash mine every 3-4 days and it works for me. 
  14. When your hair is wet is the best time to do anything to it. Once curly hair is dry there is no changing it.
  15. Avoid products with alcohol as they are very drying. 
  16. Don’t use heat. (I haven’t used heat in my hair in 4-5 months and my hair is doing so much better)
  17. Try the pineapple method when going to sleep. Gather all your curls into a loose ponytail at the top of your head. (I recommend not doing this tell you absolutely gonna lay down and go to bed cause for me, I get a headache from sitting up with it. 

Also, check out this video as it was super helpful to me!

Curly hair routine by curlypenny

I hope this helps and any questions you have, send me an ask and I will try my best to answer it :)

vriska makes me sad. she genuinely wants to be a hero, and thats really sad, because arguably, she’s too far gone to ever be the normal and beloved hero she wants to be deep down. all she can really do at this point is salvage what’s left of her psyche and try to heal. i genuinely believe that behind all the mindfang and all the abuse that she has the soul of a true hero. and while that could be true about idk gamzee or whatever(who also has gone through a lot of corruption n shit) is that

vriska externally shows a desire to be good.

in an alternate reality that was frankly its own batch of unhealthy fixation, she actually was happy with herself. yes it was extremely conditional and a bit selfish, but the vriska we know can’t really even comprehend being at that point, that’s not for her.

maybe she can if she saves everyone and destroys the most powerful being in the universe. then she can think about being happy.

when at the end of the day, she’s going to keep creating these roadblocks for herself. there’s always going to be another lord english. another thing to devote herself wholly to with no relent.

she’s been raised so heavily on purpose, and on violence, all her life she’s existed needing to devote all her willpower to something or else she would die.

first it was killing to feed her lusus(yes, you are culled if you kill your lusus, starvation counts, at the very least i’d imagine her lusus had her believe she’d be culled if she didn’t feed her) then it was the game, climbing the levels becoming a god defeating the black king. then it was jack noir, and now its lord english,

she’s always had to struggle, fight, and kill for anything she’s ever gotten. or else she dies. and while she was on the right side of it this time, and ending up being exactly what everyone needed. she never learned how to exist without a goal, and how to accept life unconditionally. and i dont think she can ever truly be happy until she can accept that there’s no more final boss to beat. no more danger.

(vriska) was bad because she flipped from one extreme to another. there’s a certain responsibility one has being so powerful, or at least a responsibility when one possesses the only weapon capable of killing the most powerful and evil being in the universe, to do good with it, and (vriska) rejected that, and she never really even changed. she still lived conditionally, for only ONE thing, and that was meenah. maybe once (vriska) met up with terezi she helped her finally get to that point of accepting what she has without needing to devote herself to extremes. but as we’ve seen her, (vriska) is incredibly unhealthy and not the ideal end goal. different side of the same coin. 

it’s just sad. i want her to be able to live freely without danger, but i don’t know if she ever can.

this isn’t to excuse any of her actions by the way, i hate that i have to actually add this, because you’re all going to assume i mean “yeah vriska would have died if she didn’t kill those innocent people so its not a problem” when thats not at all what im saying. she has the heart of a good person and it makes me sad knowing that she may never actually be good. psychologically or morally.

anonymous asked:

does holster come out to judy and his dad? do they take it better than his mom did?

the bittle-birkholtz-brousin tag

“Adam, honey?”

The words, caught on the artificial breeze of the air conditioner, flutter through the living room slowly. It takes the span of three breaths for them to finally come to rest on Adam’s back as he lays in the middle of the room, face pressed into the antique rug. It’s scratchy and musty and not at all comfortable, but this is what he does when he’s upset. Usually Bitty is here to rub his back and make him feel better, but today it’s just him and Judy.

The words are light but Holster can still feel the gentle pressure, knowing he has to respond. Before he can muster up the words he his stepmother’s feet come into his field of vision, her bright Lilly Pulitzer capris almost blinding in the late afternoon light.

“Hey, Jude.” He mumbles into the carpet. On any other day he’d sing it like he normally does, but on this, the day of his Wallowing, he can’t even muster up the energy to sing. Judy makes a disapproving noise and primly kneels down on the carpet next to him. She places her hand on his head and begins to comb through his hair like she used to when he was twelve and terrified of the strange new world of sweet tea and tupelo honey he’d been suddenly forced into.

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anonymous asked:

Are all jewish people POC or just certain jewish people?

Um, it’s complicated?
Jewish people can have white skin or dark skin, as it is both a faith and a bunch of ethnic groups (for example, Ethiopian Jewry). But pale-skinned (/Ashkenazi) Jews are conditionally white: only locally to very specific areas of America, only if they fit certain “correct” criteria of opinions (which will sometimes negate each other), and this whiteness can and will be revoked when convenient. Antisemitisn isn’t dead, and it is a racist rhetoric; it’s just a lot more complicated than current views of “poc” in America.

Victimhood-P5 cont.

Honestly I am glad the game did not let us actually meet Ryuji’s mother in person. As a result we only hear good things about their relationship and are spared what, if it’d been depicted, I have no doubt would be a continuing example of the game’s desire to have anything and anyone, but particularly anything female, treat Ryuji as if he is contagious.

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Two Time’s The Charm // Seungcheol

Originally posted by hansols

Synopsis: Who said fleeting moments with a random stranger in a random setting can only happen once?
Word count: 1.2k
A/N: A follow-up oneshot for the short Encounter at The Grocery and yes, I am aware of the actual phrase third time’s the charm. This one’s for @aesthedick-cheol. It’s really plain and basic but I hope you like it. Also, I had this video in mind while imagining Cheol’s expressions~~

Bubbly foams of fruit-scented shampoo trickled down your hair as cold water from the shower ran down your body. Lathering and rinsing for a couple of minutes, you took the large bottle of conditioner from the shelf, only it wasn’t conditioner.

“What the hell?”

The word ‘shampoo’ printed out in plain and medium-sized font stared right back at you before the dumbness of the situation hit you in the eye. You gritted your teeth and sighed before yelling at your roommate,

“Shane! Wait up! I’m going with you!”

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hospital gothic

The coffee tastes burnt. It always tastes burnt, and no amount of sugar or fancy creamer you brought from home will cover that up, but it’s free and ubiquitous and keeps you awake so you keep drinking your burnt coffee.

There’s an IV pump alarm going off somewhere. You check every pump on the unit and can’t locate the source of the beeping. Has it stopped? Has it blended into the background noise? Are you sure you even heard anything?

Someone is moaning. They are always moaning. No matter how you reposition them, no matter how many narcotics and sedatives you give them, they are always moaning. Visitors look at you accusingly when they see you walk past the moaner’s room, apparently unperturbed. But you are perturbed. You hear those moans in the back seat of your car on the drive home, in the shower as you try to wash the day away, even in your sleep.

There’s a patient in the last room at the end of the hall who is healthier than you are. Why are they in the hospital? What misguided ER doctor admitted them? They demand the largest room on the unit, infinite snacks, twice daily linen changes, double helpings on their meal trays, and whatever narcotics the doctor allows. All blood work and test results come back normal. They stay for 2 weeks, demanding increasingly invasive tests and escalating doses of dilaudid, before finally agreeing to “check out” of the hotel, I mean, hospital.

Something smells. A combination of nasty hospital food, the pungent odors of various excretions, and the unspeakable stench of necrotic bowel, infected wounds, and purulent drainage. Also a whiff of homeless man musk and that curiously acrid aroma of the violently psychotic (you know, that sour schizophrenic smell). No amount of bleach or cleaning fluid or air freshener will get rid of the smell. You’ve opened every window that will open but that doesn’t help either. An entire bottle of peppermint oil won’t touch it. Placing coffee grounds by the air conditioner vent only mellows the top notes of the stench. A dab of Vicks under your nose just covers it up. Something smells, and you just have to live with it.

Somebody is trying to die. You have worked from sun up to sun down or vice versa to keep them alive but sometimes people can be stubborn. When you come back to work the next day, the patient you worked so hard on yesterday isn’t there anymore. There’s a new patient in that room. You ask, half-hopeful, if your patient from yesterday transferred to another unit. But no. They were discharged to Jesus.

100 Ways To Say I Love You || 01

100WTSILY Masterlist

WC: 961

Characters: Jimin + Reader

Genre: Fluff

TW: None

A/N: Hello everyone! Gwen here! for now I am going to be working my way through the 100 Ways To Say I Love You challenge until I am able to work on something else. I hope you all enjoy my first story on this blog!

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It is June. He smells my hair and says it smells of lemons. It does; it’s my favourite conditioner and I only use it when I want to feel special. Like right now.

I ask him what he wants to do and he shrugs and says just walking and talking is enough. “I want to know more about you,” he says.

I ponder his statement. “I love calling and texting, Hamilton, and watercolour. I crack my wrists often but not loudly. One day I want to write a big important book. I think that’s what I want my legacy to be. I first thought about suicide when I was thirteen. I didn’t get into my first choice uni but that’s okay. And, um…” I trail off. “I really like fruit.”

He grins boyishly, but doesn’t say anything, so I prompt him. “Your turn.”

“I think calling and texting and Hamilton and watercolour are okay,” he replies. “I don’t crack my wrists but I crack my knuckles - often and loudly. I don’t know what I want my legacy to be. Do I want one at all? I’m okay with living an average life. My last girlfriend stressed me out. I only applied to one uni because I didn’t have a choice. I don’t know how I feel about that one. And I also like fruit.”

He takes my hand and smiles at me, serious this time. “Thank you,” he whispers, “for letting me love you.”

anonymous asked:

Nat ilu so pls. Poly bruabba with an s/o who doesn't actually know they're in a gang. At all.

this is a plot to a romcom

- Both of them are pretending that they work in a totally normal, not at all strange, absolutely ordinary office. They are just two normal guys who leave their s/o in the morning with a kiss on the cheek and get the subway to their job - which is to say, they leave early and get to Bruno’s office early enough to get changed into their Gangster Clothes before anyone else is made any the wiser. 
- After all, it’s a lot harder for anyone to see Bruno and Leone on the streets dressed like civilians and acquaint them with Buccellati and Abbacchio, the gangsters. Abbacchio has surely never worn a shirt and jeans in his life. They might share a passing resemblance to the two gangsters, but that’s all it could be, right? 
- This serves well to make sure that their s/o is separated from their activities, too. Neither of them would forgive themselves if s/o got hurt in an attempt on their dignities - their s/o doesn’t deserve that. 
- Abbacchio hates himself and doesn’t want his s/o to be disappointed in him, and he feels like telling them that he’s part of an organized crime syndicate would be a very good way to disappoint. He’s ashamed of himself - Passione is his way of self-destructing, but when he’s with his s/o he doesn’t really want to self-destruct, so it makes sense for him to keep the two as separate as possible. 
- Bruno is ashamed of what he’s doing, but not because he’s ashamed of working for the Mafia - no, he’s ashamed of being publicly attached to Passione, known to sell drugs to children. They’ve all talked about how awful it is several times, his s/o’s head in his lap whilst he toys with their hair and Abbacchio cooks dinner for them all. He couldn’t bear his s/o knowing the truth. 
- So they go to great lengths to hide their real lives from their s/o. Long, rambling stories are made up and corroborated upon to explain injuries sustained by working - the two have various phone numbers so they can send ‘texts from work’ to one another. It’s a very complicated procedure, made all the more complicated by the fact that nobody else in Passione is aware of their double life. 
- They’ve made several mistakes; Abbacchio forgetting to slick on his lipstick in the subway car, Bruno only remembering one of his little gold hairpins, a love bite from their s/o left in a conspicuous place on Abbacchio’s collarbone … So far, all is well. But their workmates are growing suspicious of why Abbacchio never leaves the hideout before Bruno does, and of why they both always smell like the same fabric conditioner. It’s only a matter of time. 

100+ followers ficlet!

As promised, the ficlet for hitting the 100+ followers mark! This isn’t actually a ficlet as it holds several strings with the main plot. This is set in part 3 and I’ll probably include it in the fic waaay later so this is like, a giant preview of what is to come when I finally sit down to fill in all the parts linearly. Hope it isn’t too much to take in now, but don’t worry, it’s not as serious as it looks like. TW for mpreg, a/b/o and such. (This probably won’t make sense at all if you’re not familiar with the series)


The reporter’s smile is sickeningly sweet and she shakes Yuri’s hand before he more or less slumps on the sofa across her. There’s also a nondescript man lingering around the room. He asks if Yuri would like a glass of water and Yuri shakes his head.  

“Yuri,” she says, and then pauses before giggling, “can I call you Yuri?”

Yuri stares her dead in the eye. “It’s my name.”

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