condesc

my feelings on fefcestor's hair
  • Olives:i was just like 'is that all hair it looks like TWO LAYERS OR SOME SHIT that can't all be hair GURL WHERE DID U GET YO WEAVE DID'
  • Jason DeRulo:YEAH OLIVES EXACTLY
  • Jason DeFeferi:qurl
  • Jason DeRulo:i was like
  • Jason DeRulo:is that all hair or is it evil black aura of death
  • Olives:it's made of the scalps of trolls she culled
  • Jason DeRulo:OH GOD
  • Olives:HEADCANON

On the absent Crockerbert mommy Condence AU, I can imagine the Strilondes meeting John’s mom for the first time. Like, Dave and Rose probably come in expecting a 70′s housewife stereotype because god knows Dad is every ridiculous Dad joke in the book, but instead they just find themselves faced with this 7 foot, built gangster and CEO of a powerful company who could probably break Bro Strider’s jaw with her pinkie finger and a yawn. 

Dave is stuck between absolutely petrified and laughing because THIS LADY, who could probably snap him in half with a light cough, is John “Supreme Weenie” Egbert’s fucking mother. Then she makes a fish pun and it is slightly more believable, but somehow she is no less terrifying. Meanwhile Rose’s “Fight Everything Authority Related” sense is tingling so hard she’s probably causing a scale 14 earthquake for all local ants. Except she’s sort of stuck on account of literally being half this woman’s size and a quarter the physical strength. 

In case anyone was curious, I stayed up until 4 am last night taking care of my newest household of Sims: All six of the Alternian troll girls as sassy teens, and an added Condesce as their mom because unlike the “real” Alternia, Sims 3 won’t let a bunch of kids live alone without parental supervision.