How long can I keep pretending to be?
That all the stars in the sky could mean something to me
Heaven will open up if I live on my knees
A man of many words, but a man of few deeds
Walking these streets, so absent of hope
A pillow of concrete, a man with no home
Lend him a hand, then we’re walking the way
Leave the virtue of pity, but we live with the shame
So scared to dream in a world with no sunlight
When you wake up, you know it’s darker than last night
Quickly we forget, sacrifice gone by
Born to walk away, been walking my whole life
may not have made the smartest move here…. I’m volunteering at lfcc for 12 hours tomorrow… and I need to leave my hostel before 7am to get there… so I need to be up before that to get ready… but it’s 1.20am right now and I can’t get to sleep….. there is a pub below my room and it’s still blasting out music (I’ve stayed in hostels with pubs/clubs attached before and they’ve never been this bad), the mattress here is like a concrete block and the pillow is so thin they may as well have not even bothered spending the money on buying it in the first place.. and I left my travel pillow at home and (this is stupid) I can’t go to sleep without hugging something.. so every single night for over a year when I was travelling - hostels, camping, vehicles - I hugged that stupid pillow and now I can’t sleep because I’m using the duvet, which I would ideally use as a hugging substitute, for a pillow substitute, this is a nightmare I’m gonna be so exhausted tomorrow
Haven’t posted one of these in a while. It started when I laid down for a nap this past afternoon.
One second I’m laying in bed and the next second I’m standing on a sidewalk wondering where I am. The area looks very familiar but I can’t tell whether I’m dreaming or not because of how solid this dream is. The sounds, the colors.. It’s perfect. Was I really just in bed? What if I was day dreaming that I was asleep?
“Maybe I should jump in front of this car that’s passing to see if I’m dreaming. If I’m dreaming I’ll just stop the car. Hmm seems like a bad idea. That car seems pretty real and if I’m not dreaming right now I’ll get hurt.”
I look at my hands but they look as real as real can be. The breeze on my skin. The sun on my face. The birds chirping. Where was I just going? That’s right… I was just looking for where I parked my car with my girlfriend.
My gf walks past me towards the car as I’m still standing looking around trying to figure out if I’m actually dreaming. I call out to her and tell her to wait but she doesn’t hear me. She gets into the passenger seat of the car and then the car pulls off without a driver; and that’s when I knew: I’m fucking dreaming.
I think that the dream was continuing without me. That’s why the car drove without me. Since I woke up in the dream it must still be in motion.
At this point I figure I’ll fly and see where I am. I jump but that doesn’t work. I haven’t been here in a while, this dream world, I almost forgot the mechanics. You don’t try to fly here. Instead: you feel yourself flying. It’s about feeling here. I lift off of the ground and into the sky. This city, wherever I am, looks amazing. I haven’t flown in so long.
I lose control of the flying. I’m suspended miles above a city. Then I’m pulled higher and higher. I see cities, rivers, seas, countries and finally the planet. It’s beautiful. Blue green brown ball in the middle of darkness.
But wait.. Was I always wearing these shades? Where the hell did these sunglasses come from? Did I have them on for the entire dream? I look through the side of the shades only to see that what I saw was a movie. A projection. The “zoom out” of the planet was inside of the shades; I haven’t moved an inch.
I take off the shades and only to find that I’m still suspended miles above the city. Then I’m pulled with great force right towards the ground. Fuck. This is gonna hurt. Right before I hit the ground my phone alarm goes off. My eyes open as my head hits the ground and the concrete is now a pillow. My head feels like I’ve done an hour of exercise using only my brain.
all white, mattress on the floor with a huge down comforter and a ton of pillows, concrete floor with a white fur rug, some pictures from my blog blown up and framed for the walls, a magenta orchid on my bedside table and a lot of my favorite candles, some type of awesome chandelier and a lot of windows so it’s always well lit, and a little bed for teddy as well