When You Criticize The Instruments
  • flutes:*nod stoically and then go alternately cry from embarrassment and plot revenge the the bathroom*
  • clarinets:it's my reed
  • saxes:*don't realize the director is talking to them; continue conversation about nothing to do with band*
  • horns:i play like five measures in this whole piece the fuck do you want from me
  • trombones:haha I know man *fistbump each other*
  • tubas:excuse you we are the foundation of this band so we are never wrong
  • percussionists:*mutter mutiny under their breath and don't fix it because they weren't doing it wrong in the first place*
time signatures by obscurity
  • 4/4:literally called common time
  • 3/4:a little less common
  • 2/4:you are playing a march
  • 2/2:you are playing a faster march
  • 6/8:fairly common, but less so than 3/4. also probably a march
  • 8/8:where'd you find this one
  • 6/4:???
  • 5/4:?????
  • 12/4:uhm
  • 3+3+2/8:what the hell are you playing
  • 7/4:you're in a progressive metal band
  • 1/1:real funny
Band Sections expectation vs. reality
  • Flutes expectation:A bunch of girls who talk about the cute boys in the percussion section
  • Flutes reality:A bunch of girls who try to kill each other over first chair, the one guy in the section just plays Zelda songs all the time.
  • Clarinets expectation:Kinda the nerdy quiet people.
  • Clarinets reality:They're still quiet, but because they talking shit the whole time.
  • Saxophone expectation:Idiots playing sexy sax man thing all the time.
  • Saxophone reality:Idiots playing sexy sax man thing AND the epic sax man solo
  • Oboe expectation:Dorky kid who takes 6 AP classes.
  • Oboe Reality:Out of tune dork who takes 6 AP classes, overall really nice people. Trust the oboe with your life, just not with intonation.
  • Bassoon expectations:Probably plays DnD and hangs out with the saxophones.
  • Bassoon reality:Plays DnD with the low brass.
  • Low Brass expectation:The foundation of the band so they have to be put together
  • Low brass reality:wrong. Mix of nerds and stoners, generally pretty funny.
  • Horns expectation:plays great, never heard them play a wrong note. Quiet, keeps to themselves, no ego.
  • Horns reality:Stopped playing after the first 10 bars of only upbeats, plays what the trumpets have because they want melody. Biggest egos in the band, but keeps it on the DL
  • Trumpets expectation:Plays crazy high notes, giant egos.
  • Trumpets reality:attempts high notes, fails, thinks they got it, flaunts that they got that note. (no one believes them)
  • Percussionist expectation:snare rolls, lady killers, sunglasses emoji.
  • Percussionist reality:Was the director talking to us? no? okay cool, so got any 5's?
The instruments during rehearsal
  • Flutes:KNOW the director can see them texting. Don't care.
  • Clarinets:trying to figure out how many sixteenth notes per phrase they can get away with NOT playing before the director notices
  • Oboes:sharing discouraged looks as they constantly fail to be in tune with each other
  • Piccolo:hyperventilating
  • Bassoons:"we represent sin/death/the devil. Fuck with us."
  • Bass clarinet:has actually dropped his instrument twice and has the wrong piece of music out on the stand.
  • Trumpets:playing so loud that everyone in front of them is going deaf. Complaining that the percussion is so loud they are deaf.
  • Saxophones:are talking audibly. Have switched shoes with each other. Have switched horns and music too. The director still hasn't noticed.
  • French horns:are quiet until one of them makes a pun. The director hears laughter and instantly scolds them for talking.
  • Trombones:only one of them has a pencil, and he has to get up and sharpen it during rehearsal.
  • Baritone:probably has head phones in. No one really knows.
  • Tuba:"I can play everything down the octave. I bet I can hold this pedal tone for 11 measures without the director noticing"
  • Percussion:"my part says to play cymbal and triangle but I'm only gonna play one of them."
the different rows in concert band
  • 1st row:most well behaved, small, usually filled with flutes
  • 2nd row:some whispering. usually clarinets, french horns, other woodwinds
  • 3rd row:whispering and giggling widespread. trumpets and maybe low brass
  • 4th row:the most chill; the quietest row. tubas and low brass
  • 5th row, percussion:Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here
What I Think About During Long Rests
  • me:1-2-3-4, 2-2-3-4, 3-2- god the clarinets sound awful
  • me:*hums trumpet part in my head*
  • me:i could play that better
  • me:where are we? oh well
  • me:*covertly eyes person next to me to see if they bring their flute up*
  • me:nope not time yet
  • me:this song would be so much cooler if it were something else
  • me:i miss our marching show.
  • me:why is the director pointing at me?
  • me:shit
Things Band Kids Say

“Unzip me”

“Can we have a water break”

“Crap my reed broke”

“I’m better than you” (trumpets)

*squeak* “It’s not my fault. I need a new Reed”

“Tongue harder”

“What measure are we on”

“Have you seen my drill charts?”

“I hate band”

“I love band”

*hums old show music*

“Meet me in the band room”

“Sorry, I can’t. I have band”

the instrument's inner monologue: practice room edition
  • tuba:goddamn there's a lotta spit
  • flute:i'll never be good enough. *cries*
  • saxophone:*awesome jazz solo*
  • trumpet:i can hear the flute. time to try and outplay them!
  • baritone:*assorted farting noises*
  • clarinet:*loud squeak* iT WAS THE REED
  • trombone:all these people are scrubs
  • percussion:they don't practice. good joke
  • piccolo:*ethereal notes sometimes* *angry cursing sometimes*
  • euphonium:today is the day. i will show up the tubas. i can do this. *assuredly pats instrument*
Meanwhile in the Band Room at Any Given Moment: Band Senior, Sobbing About Something
  • band senior, sobbing:my last time empTYING MY SPIT ONTO THIS FLOOR
  • band senior, sobbing:my last time getTING STUCK WITH THE SHITTY STAND
  • band senior, sobbing:my last time conSIDERING KILLING ALL THE TRUMPETS WITH A MALLET
  • band senior, sobbing:my last time beiNG WHACKED IN THE HEAD WITH A TROMBONE SLIDE