AP LANG EXAM SURVIVAL GUIDE
1) The AP College Board, who makes these tests, are MOTHERFUCKERS. They may give you a prompt that they KNOW you give zero fucks about. So you better get ready to fake those fucks.
2.During the allotted 15 minutes to read your prompts don’t spend all your time on Synthesis sources. You will get down and intimate with those prompts later. Read ALL prompts AND pre-write ideas. You will be tired! PRE-WRITE. Synthesis LAST. LAST. It’s an easier puzzle to piece together in a time crunch.
3. If the argument or synthesis asks you to write a letter or to argue your point to a specific group…DON’T WRITE A LETTER! HOE DON’T DO IT. If you do you’ll use too much first person and personal opinions and it will lose its argumentative style. THEYRE NOT YOUR FRIENDS, THEY ARE YOUR ENEMY. Don’t make them love you - make them scared of you because of your solid AS FUCK argument.
4.HAVE A MINT. HAVE ANOTHER. SUCK THAT MINTY SHIT BITCH IT STIMULATES YOUR BRAIN SHIT. LIKE WEED BUT MORE LEGAL.
5. Don’t spend a year in each multiple choice question. Some problems are on a curve. If they feel impossible, it probably is. (Unless you have Jesus. Phillipians 4:14 “I can do all things with Jesus” But you’re at an AP Exam - this is hell and Jesus is not nearby.) So it’s okay if they’re too hard babe.
6. If you can’t think of book references for an argument - think of the news, appropriate films, and personal experience. If you have none, make one up. THIS IS NOT MORALITY. THIS IS SPARTA. DONT BE KILLED by lack of literary references.
7. Remember that you are a deep thinker. Most teenagers are baby pool shallow. So if your writing is ass - dig out that insight and prove you are at LEAST 5'6 deep. NOW GO FORTH MY YOUNG NIGGA.