comp exam

AP exams are 😱 finally 😱😰 here 🕐 u college board BITCHES 😷 and it’s gonna be AP 🔥 LIT 🔥‼️ remember 💭 to get a 👌 GOOD 😉😏 NIGHT’S 💤😪 SLEEP 😴 before the 📝 TEST 💀💀 DON’T spend all NIGHT 🌚 on ya COMPUTER 💻 for 😉😉 SCIENCE 🍌 ❌❌ and DON’T get 😏 PHYSICal 💦 with ya BIOLOGY 👉👌 or ur gonna 😰 lose 😭😭 all ur (gibb’s free) ENERGY 😵😵 AND CUM 💦😏 calcuLATE 🙊❌ to the 😷 exam 😷‼️‼️ HISTORY 🌎🌎 and statisDICKS 🔢 have 👀 shown 👀🔍 that u might be PSYCHed 🤔😨 OUT 😭 during the TEST 😫😱 and that u won’t be able to 🔍 deRIDE ✏️ the 😛 V (velocity) and the 🍆 D (dickstance) 💦💦💦 BUT DON’T ❌ go APES 🐵♻️ and 😵 lose ur 🍆 HEAD like ya boi Louis XVI 🇫🇷🙇💀 BECAUSE that WON’T 🙅 happen if u 🤔 reMEMBER 👅💦 ur 🍌 DICKtion 😋 and 📐 SINtax 😈😈, if u juDICKtial REVIEW 📜 ur notes like Marbury v. DADDYson 😫❤, and if u keep ur 👀 ION 🔬 the C(L)OCK ⌚️🕑‼️ but if u aren’t aFREUD 😨😜 to aPUSH 🇺🇸 urself 😘💪 to the limits 💃 u will get more than Wilson’s 4️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ POINTS 🔥🔥💯 so GOOD LUCK stuDYING 🔫💀, SUCC 🍭some COCKulus 😫🙌, van GOGH 🏃 be a FReaQ 📝💦, and get urself not a one 😔 BUT A 🍆 FIVE 👅🙏💦

the signs as the AP lit exam
  • aries: pug = monkey
  • taurus: "sensible men marry the most sensible women"
  • gemini: Godfrey Gauntlet
  • cancer: iambic dodecahedrohexameter
  • leo: "mental philosophers with the best receipts"
  • virgo: "ya like jazz?" - Rachel B. Benson
  • libra: "societal propriety"
  • scorpio: the mysterious pile of firewood
  • capricorn: Sir Proteus, the finest snack around
  • sagittarius: whatever the fuck a bildungsroman is
  • aquarius: "twenty odd-conceited true-love knots"
  • pisces: Peregrine Pickle
  • AP Teacher: Learn all of these rhetorical devices. They will be on the test. Take these practice multiple choice tests that are really just about rhetorical devices. You're all prepared for the test
  • AP Exam: Ha! You thought! Here's some MLA format questions and finding the deep meaning behind this statement that doesn't really mean anything. Rhetorical devices? What are those? Never heard of her?
Little AP test week things:

“Wait that’s today?”

“I don’t care all I’ve got is one mechanical pencil and I’m using it”

“I think I may have spelled my name wrong on the bubble sheet what do I do”

“I’m about to take a $92 nap”

“If I get tears on this will it still go through the machine”

*pulls handfulls of mints out of backpack* ok I’m ready lets go

“What’s this class called again?”

Clarifications

July 5th is quickly approaching, which means that the first rounds of students will soon be able to access their AP Scores.

The College Board receives many questions about the AP exams. Some of the most commonly asked questions are answered below.

Q: Why are AP Exam release dates staggered by geographical location?

A: Our website can only handle so many users at one time. We stagger release dates in order to limit website traffic, and therefore lessen the risk of the site crashing.

Q: What does the College Board do with the money made from AP exams?

A: The College Board uses the money to pay for materials to make the exams, as well as to take care of administrative costs. Excess funds are used for the College Board’s Star Wars Initiative, which will build a full-scale, fully functional Death Star at a cost of approximately $4 quadrillion dollars. At the rates we are currently charging for our tests, we expect to have the project funded completely by next year.

Q: What does the College Board do with the tests once they have been graded?

A: Exams receiving scores of 3, 4, or 5 are burned at our annual College Board bonfire. Exams receiving a score of 1 or 2 are sent to every college in the United States, with a picture of the AP student stapled to the front and the message “Do not admit this student to your institution at any point in time. This student has failed to succeed on a completely irrelevant test that measures nothing more than their ability to memorize- this irrelevant failure means that they must be banned from college forever.”

Q: If I am dissatisfied with my score, can I have my AP exam re-scored?

A: Yes. To do this, you must first sacrifice a goat while chanting “College Board, College Board, I give my life to thee”. You must then stuff the goat’s entrails in an envelope with a $1000 check made out to the College Board; next, send the envelope to the College Board headquarters via direct mail; the address is on the official College Board website. Once received, we will discard the entrails, pretend to re-score your test, and then put your $1000 towards our Star Wars Initiative.

For All of Us AP Students Out There

* You realize that the AP exams have begun this week.


* Every AP student in this world, realizes this too.


* You begin to freak out.

* Is this the end?

* Maybe getting 1’s and 2’s will happen after all….

* But, with enough hope and diligence, there is a way to reach that dream of 3 and up….

* You can hear every student’s hearts beat as one with yours.

….

* You are all filled with…

Originally posted by nokokami

Hey guys! Here’s some advice for writing that rhetorical analysis essay on the ap lang/comp exam in a few weeks:

intro paragraph: 

This should only be 3-4 sentences long. Don’t spend too much time on it! Make sure you cover the SOAPS. 

This is how I like to do it:

  • speaker, occasion, subject (1 sentence)
  • purpose (1 sentence)
  • audience (1 sentence)
  • thesis (1 sentence)

Your thesis should tell what you’re proving about the effects of the author’s techniques– it shouldn’t straight up list the techniques you’re discussing! Also, your thesis will ideally be a complex-compound sentence, which means it will have at least one dependent clause and two independent clauses. That makes your writing more sophisticated! 

Here’s an example thesis (that I wrote for an analysis of a single paragraph):

“As Martin Luther King Jr.’s ‘Letter from Birmingham Jail’ addresses the criticism of his actions and defends his methods, his twenty-third paragraph declares his complaints against the intransigence of the white moderate, defining the white moderate’s innate complacency as the single greatest obstacle in the Negro pursuit towards freedom.”

body paragraph:

There should be 2-4 body paragraphs, depending on the length of the passage. Remember: go with the flow of the text, and don’t force yourself to write exactly 3 body paragraphs. 

The paragraphs should be organized chronologically through the text, not by technique! This means sectioning the text by paragraph (1, 2, 3) or breaking it into parts (beginning/ middle/ end), depending on the format of the passage. 

My body paragraphs generally follow this structure:

  • topic sentence- briefly describe what the paragraph is about. use transition words to identify the segment of the text you’re talking about 
  • 2-3 CSAs (basically examples)
    • claim: your position on the use of a rhetorical strategy
    • support: the quote, summary, or paraphrase of the text
    • analysis: explain how the strategy enhances the meaning and purpose of the text
  • synthesis to tie together the examples and state how they work together
  • closing sentence

Limit yourself to 2 strategies per paragraph to keep your essay focused. When writing under time constraints, I tend to be able to provide 2 examples of one strategy and 1 example of a second strategy, per paragraph, but that’s not a hard and fast rule.

conclusion paragraph:

Make this short and relevant. You’ll still have one more essay to go after this!

  • restate your thesis using different wording (1 sentence)
  • call to action, reflection, or extension (2-3 sentences)- it can be any of the following:
    • ask readers to evaluate the message of the piece
    • ask readers to agree with writer’s purpose
    • ask readers to examine how message is pertinent in modern-day
    • ask readers to reflect on the appropriateness of the piece in modern-day
    • another closing idea