Gay day: The Royal Vauxhall Tavern. I have never seen such an Ab Fab sight in all my life as the arrival, through the commuter mist, of 80 drag queens in full costume.
Behind them traipse the commuter suits, rubbing their eyes as if someone slipped some acid into their porridge. We are filming a scene in a gay club today, in which Saffy goes looking for Edina’s hairdresser (as played by the fabulous Chris Colfer from Glee) – in the hope that he knows where her mother and daughter have gone – and ends up singing a sad karaoke song.
Because he thinks he’s faulty and he constantly struggles to overcome what he sees as a “disease pumping through his veins.” And in that struggle he has become a hero. But he still thinks, in a little corner of his mind, that he is predestined to be a villain.
Because he sees past himself and thinks that helping others is more natural than breathing. And he will continue to save them even when he is well past the point where he himself could be saved in return.
Because of the dream he had left behind to be with his brother and to live his brother’s life. (And because he is only occasionally grumpy about itJ). Because he wanted the white picket fence; he wanted Jess, kids and dogs; he wanted suits, commuting, organic lunches and family dinners; he wanted Christmas and Thanksgiving, and going to sleep sure that he’d wake up to see his loved ones alive and well; but he left it all behind for the cause.
Because of all the mistakes he’s made. Because his intentions behind those mistakes were always honest and good. Because he can be naive and vulnerable just like any of us. Because he can be used, taken advantage of, because he can be hurt.
Because he said “I’m sorry” million of times, and he meant it every single time.
Because he has darkness inside him, like a wild animal, caged, but dangerous, and sometimes that darkness breaks free, no matter how he tries to rein it in.
Because he could have chosen the easy path – the path of gold and power – he could have become the Boy King, he could master skills the demon’s blood gave him, he could crush and kill with single thought, but instead he stands there, in the background, patiently and quietly taking the pain and the blame.