community health tips

Right behind your ribs, kind of to the left, is a potato-shaped muscle lump filled with straw and maybe some insects. That’s your heart! Pull that out and sew your chest back up. Wash your heart in warm water, pat dry with a paper towel, and roll flat on a floured surface. Brown both sides in a sautee pan, and eat immediately. Remember, a healthy heart is a healthy lifestyle!
—  Cecil, “Yellow Helicopters”

Listeners. Are you suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you enjoying carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you surprised by carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you enraged by carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you feel a throbbing sadness that you almost cannot stand from carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you feel a bounty of love and appreciation for your fellow human beings traveling through this confusing and finite lifetime with you…from carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you get sexually aroused by carpal tunnel syndrome? That…would be weird.

Not to be judgmental! But…it would be weird.

This has been Community Health Tips!

—  Welcome to Night Vale, Episode 10 “Feral Dogs”