ep 12: communication
tl;dr: I wish episode 12 would make Viktor and Yuri communicate and truly say how they think and feel – especially Viktor who sometimes keeps quiet or brush things under the rug with his “wow.” Perhaps because he feels so secure about their relationship that he thinks there is no need to. But by now, we know Yuri. Some things must be expressed verbally in order for things to work.
I want to start with the acknowledgement that their relationship really is amazing. It’s so supportive and loving and overall healthy. They’re engaged. Viktor loves Yuri so much he never had to second guess or hold any doubts. He believes in Yuri. He is proud of him. He doesn’t want to or ever plan to leave him. Viktor has been dedicating more than 20 years of his life to skating and now he found a new life, and a love that he wants to hold on to. And Viktor said it’s because of Yuri. But Yuri doesn’t know that. He doesn’t know because Viktor rarely communicates what he’s thinking. And episode 11 is not the only time he failed to do so.
In prior episodes we see Yuri telling Viktor not to brag too much because as he keeps telling him:
“Wow.” That’s it. I’m sure Viktor doesn’t mean to brush Yuri’s worries aside. In his head, he’s most likely thinking, “I’m bragging because I believe you can do it. Don’t worry, it won’t be like the last time.” But he didn’t say it.
He did the same thing here:
No reply. He never really addressed the issue. He said hi to Phichit and Celestino and then proceeded to being a silly drunk.
Of course, he can’t just outright say, “That’s ridiculous ladies. I’m planning to marry him. There’s no way I would leave him.” But there are still many times in many ways that he could have reassured him that he plans to stay. (thankful for ep 9 “I wish you’d never retire”) Anyway, I’m glad this one turned out for the best and Yuri ended up being motivated.
But as this series shows us (and I love Yuri on Ice even more for handling anxiety in realistic and non-romanticized way), love does not and cannot just magically turn someone into a completely different person. Did it turn Yuri into someone who believes more in himself? Yes. Did it make him stronger? Yes. Did it make his anxiety go away? No. It’s still there. It still affects him and sabotages his way of thinking. And man, I really, really, wish Viktor said something.
I like and support Yurio but that’s just crossing the line. Even in episode 10 when he insulted Yuri and kind of stomped on Viktor’s happiness, I tried to understand where he’s coming from. But honestly, what’s the point of this? I don’t see any underlying message behind this except that he is simply being rude and insensitive. And this could have been the perfect time for Viktor to step in and reassure Yuri that he did great. That it’s okay even if he didn’t land it perfectly. That he is still so proud of him, especially now that he is able to take risks. But no, he just kept quiet. He watched the other skaters with stars in his eyes, making Yuri think Viktor wants to go back to skating. That he’s holding him back. That maybe he disappointed him.
So this? Viktor filled with so much thrill he just has to skate with yuri?
and even this?
These are all great and they truly make my heart warm. But Yuri, the person who needs to be aware of this the most, doesn’t know this. Because they’re all just narrated in Viktor’s head. He never expressed them verbally. Does it make Viktor a bad guy? Of course not! In fact, I think, he just feels so comfortable and secure about their relationship that he thinks it doesn’t need to be said.
But Yuri has anxiety. And as someone who also has anxiety, I know that my thoughts do not make sense. Deep inside, I know I am loved and appreciated. But sometimes those thoughts get the better of me. It breaks me. It’s painful and suffocating. It makes me do things that I know I never would have done had I been in my “normal” state. Thus, Yuri saying “let’s end this.” (if that’s what he really means by it)
So in episode 12, I want them to talk. I want them to understand each other more. I want Viktor to know that he is so loved by Yuri that he’s even willing to let him go, and that Yuri is so loved by Viktor that he is now ready to start a new life off ice with him. Yuri on Ice is such a progressive show and its writing is just amazing. I believe they’ll address this. Yuri and Viktor… goodness…. they’ve come so far. They treasure each other so much. I have faith they’ll be okay.