When your mom bursts through the front door, hysterically panting and teary-eyed, saying, “Please come here, it’s an emergency!” you will not immediately jump to, “Did you run over a puppy?”
While mowing the lawn, your mom will not lose her wedding ring in the grass and have absolutely no idea where it landed.
She will not lose her wedding ring in grass so tall that you’re sure it could hide stray animals. The search will not accurately depict half of the movie Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
You won’t have to wonder, while searching, if nature is trying to commune with you. As the hours pass, the birds will not be confused with the whoop of a metal detector. You will not wonder if they’re whistling at you because they think you’re cute or if, while shirtless, you resemble a bear and they’re just warning their friends. Also, your mind will most definitely not confuse the wind for a push in the right direction.
You will actually be able to feel the wind below your elbows.
You will not need to purchase a metal detector to find a shiny piece of diamond adorned metal within a 10’x10’ search area.
Your entire family will not arrive en masse as if assembling a search party for a missing child. Your nosy neighbors will not call or slow to a crawl as they drive past. You will not have to check yourself for ticks every time you go inside for a drink. You will not have to imagine what you’re stepping on (and pray it doesn’t yelp) as you tread barefoot through the grass searching for your mother’s precious wedding ring.