10

I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my Siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the coming darkness. To give you hope, when all seems lost.

I will await you across the sea.

things we lost in the fire

(this was requested as part of the angst prompt by thegreatwidesomewhere for “what happened doesn’t change anything” but it was really relevant to something I had headcanoned for my Shepard, so here goes the pain)

Shepard knew from the moment that Miranda told her everything, she’d have to confront Kaidan about it. He deserved to know as much as anyone, but she didn’t know how to talk to him now. He was so far removed from the sweet, loving Lieutenant she’d fallen in love with years before. 

He looked almost the same, his hair a little more grey, and his build slightly stronger. But he still looked like Kaidan. It could have fooled her.

“Shepard,” he said, stepping into her room. 

She felt a knot grow in her stomach. She was now doubting that she could do this. “Hey. I just… I wanted to talk to you about something.”

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anonymous asked:

Shenko - “I just really need to have you here right now.” and “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” :) Absolutely love your writing btw. I'm Shenko trash.

Why thank you! I’m Shenko trash as well, clearly.

Shepard woke with a start, her heart racing and body damp with a cold sweat. Hot tears poured down her cheeks and she couldn’t calm herself down. The images from her nightmare flooded her mind and she had no way of stopping them. All she saw was the inside of Cerberus HQ, right at the Illusive Man’s chair, and Kai Leng plunging his god damn sword through Kaidan’s armor, and that was it. No helping, no saving him. Just that.

She rubbed the tears out of her eyes and looked next to her, where Kaidan was fast asleep, his hair a mess and slightly snoring. He was alive, fine, and she didn’t have to worry. But part of her needed him awake, to hear his voice and have him tell her she’d be okay.

She wiggled herself against him, resting in his arms, and nudging him slightly. She muttered her name against his skin and held onto him tightly. Finally, he budged. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, turning over and noticing her.

“What’s up?” he mumbled, coming out of his deep sleep.

She traced her fingers around his skin and swallowed her tears. “I… I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He sat up, helping her crawl into his arms and rest her head on his shoulder. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong? What happened?”

He tilted her face up to look at him, and he quickly kissed away the remaining tears on her face. Shepard’s lip trembled and she grabbed at him tighter. 

“I just really need you here right now,” she said, her voice wavering between tears.

Kaidan kissed the side of her head and cradled her closer. “Oh, sweet heart. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. What happened? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Just a bad dream about something happening to you,” she said. “It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have been so worked up about it.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. It’s terrifying. I know. But I’m right here, with you. And nothing is going to change that. Nothing and no one could take me away from you, Shepard. I would never let it.”

She nodded. “I hope not.”

“Never, ever, baby. You’re stuck with me.”

“Good,” she replied, kissing the base of his throat and giving a weak smile.

“Hey, let’s try to get back to bed, alright? Come here,” he said, leaning back and letting her curl up in his arms, facing one another. “I’ll stay awake until you’re back asleep.”

She snuggled up against him and wrapped her arms around his body. He draped an arm over her, and kissed her forehead. He stroked his hand up and down her side, telling her how much he loved her over and over again, until she was fast asleep.

Long Train Runnin’, pt. 8

In which Kaidan gets arrested and Shepard proceeds to annoy the hell out of everyone in the precinct.
mShenko, 4.6k and T for this chapter, by captainshakespear​ and myself
first chapter (AO3) | this chapter (AO3)


When Kaidan finally, finally makes it back to his apartment, he feels more tired than he has in years, not since his Alliance training ran him ragged in a desert planet simulation for days with only protein packs and a single canteen of water. He’d had a lingering headache for a week after that run, and now feels like it’s not going to be any different. He thinks about foregoing food so he can just crash, but he knows he’ll regret it if he did. Food helps with the headaches, so he stumbles into the kitchen for a bowl of yogurt and granola, exhausted and a little listless, replaying everything in his head.

Shepard. Shepard’s actually a criminal, a dirty cop who had Kaidan fooled this entire time. Probably had everyone in the precinct fooled, too, maybe even Garrus and Tali.

Alone in the kitchen, he scrubs a hand down his face, wondering how he could have just let all this get so out of hand, how he could have passed off all the little things that rubbed him the wrong way in the moment: the weird reports, the late nights, never talking about work, what happened after Apollo’s. He’d let himself be distracted from all the obvious signs that Shepard wasn’t who he said he was, and now he was paying the price. Maybe he was slipping, letting his feelings get in the way of his principles. Not five years ago, he’d never let those sorts of things slide under the radar, not in the Alliance.

Now, he’s just a tired barely-Alliance officer who let his attraction to one man blind him from doing his duty.

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Maybe Shepard found peace in dying.

Seeing Jenkins die on Eden Prime was part of the job. It hurt, but there was nothing to be done about it.

Leaving either Ashley or Kaidan on Virmire hit a lot harder. Guilt racked at Shepard for days - all they could think was, “That should of been me”

The only comfort when Shepard was choking, burning up, drifting through space after the SR1 had been destroyed, was that they’d finally made their sacrifice - exchanging their life to save someone else, just like Ashley or Kaidan.

Being alive again was a small shock, and Shepard was kept awake many nights by one thought; “Why?”

The Reapers finally invading, and Shepard finding some comfort in the fact that the death tolls didn’t give the same feelings of guilt or failure as they thought it would.

That changes when Shepard realises Mordin wasn’t coming back from the Shroud Tower. There he was, rising to his death, and a part of Shepard felt weak for not stopping him and taking his place.

Many sleepless nights followed from Udina’s coup - not from avoiding the usual haunting nightmares, but from the moment that blade cut Thane like he was nothing. It took Shepard days to stop berating themself; to stop thinking of all the ways they could of distracted Kai Leng, turned the attention away from Thane, risked their life instead. Even the fact that Thane’s death was inevitable brought little comfort.

Legion hurt a little less; Shepard knew there was no way they could of took Legion’s place and done its job for it. Still, it tugged at Shepard’s pre-existing guilt. Even a Geth had been willing to sacrifice its own life, and yet Shepard had watched countless people do the same and been too much of a coward to do it for them, to save one more life on top of the ones they had saved already.

Sitting by Anderson as he drew his last breath, and the only thing matching the grief was the feeling that Shepard should have done more, not give in to the control and not pulled the trigger. Should have been stronger.

So, when the Catalyst gave Shepard those three choices, and explained that each of them would likely kill Shepard, they didn’t feel sadness, but relief. Shepard, running towards whichever choice they made, was finally free of guilt because at last, they were finally making the sacrifice.

Maybe Shepard, before dying, thought “Now it’s my turn”

smileslikeparentheses asked:

97. Enthusiasm for Wrex and Charley!

“Sheparrrrrd.”

Wrex’s voice rang in her ears as she tried to aim. Charley gritted her teeth, trying not to laugh at the ridiculous way her name sounded coming from him. She couldn’t help, but goad the krogan. “Wrex.”

“Sheparrrd, shoot ‘em already. I thought you were supposed to be good at this.”

Garrus sighed from where he hid with his own sniper rifle. He was trying his hardest to ignore the pair, but the sound of Wrex’s gruff voice was hard to miss.

“While I appreciate the enthusiasm, Wrex, please shut the fuck up.” Charley muttered, her dark gaze focused on her target and not the enormous krogan beside her.

Wrex grumbled under his breath while he adjusted himself. He didn’t like sneaking around and found it increasingly difficult to sit still while his comrades did their jobs. Charley, however, enjoyed every moment of it. It’s the reason she’d begun to take these jobs in the first place.

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“And now I am home…” // Mshenko GMV

Last part of the GMV I’m finally going to upload in the near future after working on this for almost 3 years. Yeah, that’s a really long time…

So take dis teaser and cry over your mshenko feels. I know I will.