coming home

I didn’t forget you, I don’t think I could ever forget you!” she insisted.

“Then why is everything so different now?” he burst out, doubting her words.

Misty-eyed, she replied sincerely, “I think I found myself.

—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write, 57
“You were my crutch, but now I have wings”
Coming Home - Steve Rogers

Title: Coming Home

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve comes home after two years. And maybe just maybe (Y/N) and he could finally talk about that unspoken thing between them. 

Words: 3’941

Warnings: Spoilers for Infinity war

Genere: fluff

A/N: This scene is taken from Infinity war. I don’t remember the exact dialogue so I made up my own. But if you haven’t seen the movie beware of spoilers. As always I’m not from an English speaking country, so excuse my mistakes.

Here a song you can listen to while reading this: Coming Home - Leon Bridges

- Katie xx

(Y/N) - your name

My Masterlist

Your name: submit What is this?

Steve couldn’t say he felt well when he stepped foot into the Avengers base. Being here brought up so many memories. Some of them good some of them bad. But he only let himself acknowledge the good ones. Sitting here letting (Y/N) cook dinner for him and Sam. Them watching the crappy movie that Wanda always liked to put on. It still felt somehow unreal that he lost all of that. Was (Y/N) here? Maybe she was on a mission, and she wouldn’t be here to welcome them. He did want to see her. He really did. He missed her badly, but he felt uncertain of how she would react. She could come up to him and hit him over the head with a baseball bat, you never knew with her. And Steve? He would let her. There was always some unspoken thing between the two. Both of them had feelings for each other. None of them admitted it. And Steve regretted never telling her about his feelings. And now he was gone for over a year, and she was probably over him by now. A girl like (Y/N) didn’t need to wait for him. But he was still hung up on her. He kept her picture in his suit since the day he put it there. A very romantic and foolish notion of Steve. But it helped him stay sane. 

“No, Ross, Rogers wouldn’t be in this position if you hadn’t declared him a criminal,” he heard Rhodes say.

He was having a conference call with the head of national security. Great. What a great moment for them to come home. But Steve was over it. He had learned in the last years. The American Government wasn’t what it used to be. It had betrayed him too much. It took to much from him. That is why the name Captain America didn’t suit him anymore. Everytime someone called him by that name he had a bitter taste in his mouth and felt a hole in his heart.

“You have the guts to show up here?” Ross said as he spotted them, and the hologram version of him stepped closer, “It’s too late to ask for forgiveness.”

He tried to intimidate him. Steve frowned. He was angry that this man was bold enough to try to put him down after everything he went through. Steve pushed his shoulders back and stepped down a few steps. He tried to put as much swagger into his step as possible.

“Mr Ross, I am not here to ask for forgiveness. Earth just lost his greatest protector. So you got us. And I will defend our home if you want to or not,” Steve told him sternly.

There was a second of silence and Steve thought he had won him over.

“Arrest them,” Ross said to James.

He and his friend exchanged looks before Rhodey turned back to Ross.

“As I said. Over it!” Rhodey told the man and ended the call with a push of a button.

A small smile graced Caps lips. At least he could count on him. A huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, he didn’t even know he was carrying. He wasn’t so sure that they would have been welcomed here. He didn’t know how it would have been if Tony was here. But apparently, he disappeared.

“Cap, nice to see you.”

They exchanged greetings, and he told him that they looked like crap.  Another laugh from the group. This was good. There was no hate or bad feeling here. At least that was how Steve interpreted this.

“The hotel rooms weren’t exactly 5 stars,” Sam added still half carrying Vision over his shoulders.

This felt new. Being back here. The rooms even looked different. But he still saw it as home. The years he spent here were important. He felt most save here. This was also where his girl lived.

“I for once think you look good,”  a small voice said to their left.

All of them turned around to Bruce stepping into the room. Steve couldn’t believe his eyes. He was back. He saw Nat gasp and a small smile covered her face. Steves’ eyes followed their reactions. He didn’t know how their relationship would be. Well, the had a certain awkwardness around them. Just like he and his girl probably would have.

“Bruce,” Nat sounded surprised.

“I think Rhodey is right. But hey you get to join my club.”

Steves’ eyes snapped to the woman that entered the room. She put her batons on the table with force and pointed at herself. There she was. In full tactical gear, with a cut above her brow and dried blood on her clothes. The first thought that crossed his mind was: how stunning she looked. Absolutely beautiful. The second thought was the blood. Was it hers? Her walk was more like a strut, she was angry and severe. Every step placed with force. But he could spot the slight limp of her left leg.

“(Y/N),” Steve whispered.

Okay, it was more of a gasp actually. He couldn’t believe she was here. He had dreamed of seeing her again so many times. And it was sad that it was under these circumstances. He should have come to find her earlier. But he knew Tony was here, and he didn’t want to show up here again unannounced all up in his old friends face. Or maybe he just felt guilty and sorry for himself, and that was why he didn’t dare to come here before. 

“Hi Steve,” she said and gave him an unsure smile and a little awkward wave.

“Are you okay, you look hurt,” Steve said without a thought.

He stepped closer with three quick struts. And suddenly it felt like old times. Him checking her over, after she came back from fights. He just wanted to make sure if she was okay. He really didn’t care if they were on speaking terms or if making a show in front of everyone was embarrassing. Steve had waited for way too long to see her. He just needed to touch her, feel her presence and smell her perfume. His hand hovered over her shoulder and then over her eyebrow. His eyes checking her over again, for an indication of an injury.

“What happened to you?” he asked and softly placed his large hands on her shoulders.

She seemed so small next to him. He had to duck his head to look into her eyes.

“Well, tried to grab Peter, when he was beamed up to a spaceship… well didn’t go so well. Fell a few feet. Thank god one of the wizards saved me,” she explained and shrugged her shoulders.

He laughed at that. (Y/N)’s explanation didn’t make any sense at all. They really needed to catch each other up on their last few hours. There wasn’t actually any time for a long, sappy reunion. She had raised her hand and tapped his cheek.

“You got a beard. I like it. Lumberjack Steve looks great,” (Y/N) pointed out.

Yes, exactly like old times. This is how it used to be. Light teasing and flirting at once. He had missed her so much. Even now when she gave him a lopsided grin and raised her chin at his next move. It was like she was daring him to kiss her. But he did none of that. There wasn’t any time.

“I missed you too,” he then mumbled and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

She giggled at him. And Steve was sure he heard his friend Sam mumble something like: “Well this is awkward.”

But Steve felt great. Her warmth covered him and pulled him in. He really didn’t feel like letting go of her.

“We really need a plan. Thanos is coming. He came for the time stone, and Vision is going to be next,” Bruce said and paced the room.

“Yea, and he brought some nasty friends,” (Y/N) mumbled between clenched teeth.

Natasha was wrapping up her swollen ankle. (Y/N) was sitting on a table and Natasha crouched down in front of her. Steve would have loved to do it himself, but he was never good at keeping a cool head when it came to his girl. He wouldn’t be able to wrap it up tightly so she could walk, in fear of hurting her. It wasn’t broken luckily, but Steve still didn’t like it.

“We need reinforcements,” Natasha added.

“What about Scott and Clint?” (Y/N) asked again, as she put her boot back on.

She pulled a face. The action must be causing her pain. Steve wished he could give her some of his healing ability.

“They struck some kind of deal after what happened. Something to do with their families. They are under house arrest,” Natasha answered as she got up from her position.

Steve wasn’t really sure what that deal was, but he understood. If he had that kind of family, he would have done the same. But he didn’t. He was a soldier, and this was his job.

“Who’s Scott?” Bruce asked.

“Ant-Man,” Steve answered with furrowed eyebrows.

He was still watching (Y/N). He had his arms crossed, and his mind was more on her than on the answer. He didn’t like it one bit. Seeing her like this. 

“There is an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?” Bruce asked.

(Y/N) giggled slightly. Bruce really needed a lot of catching up. Both sides did. Bruce did mention that he was the Hulk for over two years and that they had some issues now. Whatever that meant.

“I thought about this thing in my head a lot, and we need to destroy it not protect it,” Vision said from their right.

He had been quiet for a few minutes and still looked away from the shocked Wanda. She turned around frowning and whispered his name in an upset matter.

“It is the only way,” he said and stepped closer to the young woman.

He touched her cheek and gave her a weak smile. Steve couldn’t help but look at them with a certain envy. He wanted something like this. He always did. But how could he? The girl Steve wanted, sat a few feet from him, still the same but so different. Still to brave for her own good, still to cheeky and still beautiful. But he also could see that she went through some things. Because when he left not just his life changed, but also hers and he had absolutely forgotten about that. The moment their eyes met there, it was again. That unspoken thing. He could feel their tension, the pull between them. As if destiny wanted them to move closer to each other. But there wasn’t any time for that.

“Vision this could kill you,” he said after he broke their eye contact.

Vision let go of Wanda and turned to Cap.

“And we don’t trade lives here,” he added.

It was hypocritical of him to say that. He knew what he did. But as he said, he learnt over the years. Sometimes, people, his people were more important than the world. That was selfish, but the world had taken a lot from him.

“Captain and when you put that plane down in the ice 70 years ago, how many people did you save? Why don’t I get to do the same?” he asked.

The anger in Visions voice surprised him. And yes he did strike a nerve with that comment.

“What if we don’t have to,” Bruce said, “What if we can remove the stone?”

All heads turned to the doctor. A hopeful glint appeared in Wanda’s eyes. Steve understood her. She loved him. Even if the concept of loving a Robot was weird to him, he knew how it felt. If it would have been (Y/N), he would never do it. He couldn’t. 

“And he could be saved? And still be the same?” she asked.

“Yes, Vision isn’t just the stone. He is a combination of things. Of Ultron, Jarvis, Tony and me,” he added.

Steve did make a face when he mentioned Tony. He couldn’t help himself. The sadness that overtook his features was noticeable.

“Can you do that? Because there isn’t a lot of time,” Rhody said.

Bruce gave him a look and shook his head. The fire and passion left his eyes. He needed Tony. Steve knew that.

“Not alone and not here. Without the equipment.”

He knew a place. And he knew he had to do it.  Steve sighed. He didn’t want to bring them there. He didn’t want to bring T’Challa more trouble. He already saved Bucky. And now they needed him to save Vision.

“I may know a place,” he said into the silent, ”Wakanda.”

It was quiet for a second and six pairs of eyes gave him a confused look. He explained the thing about Bucky. How the princess saved his best friends life. After that, it was quiet again.

“Okay, let’s go to Wakanda,” (Y/N) said happily and jumped off the table she was sitting on.

The moment her left foot touched the ground, she frowned. She also swayed a bit, and Steve took a cautious step closer. So he could catch her if she fell.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled and swatted Steves hand away,  he didn’t even know he was stretching out for her.

He knew she hated being babied. It was not like he could help himself. It was a subconscious thing he did. Trying to help her.

“You sure you can fight? You can stay here if you want,” he told her concerned.

He had to ignore the curious looks of the others. Steve had only eyes for her.

“Yea, as if. Vision got stabbed, and no one asked him if he is okay,” she mumbled and shifted her weight on her right foot.

Steve chuckled at (Y/N)’s fury. He knew she was in pain and that her jokes and certainty should cover that. She hated feeling useless, and she was sure as hell not going to let him bench her. She never did. Not even back when they used to work as a team.

“Yea, but Vision is made of Vibranium (Y/N)” Sam pointed out.

She turned her head to him angry. The Falcon ducked his head. Regretting even saying a word.

“Shut up,” she rolled her eyes.

Steve gave Sam a nod with his head. Which meant as much as he should get the team ready and he would take care of the girl.

“I’m gonna call ahead and tell the king, Natasha and Wanda can you get the jet ready. And Rhodey gear up. Oh and get that Hulk buster armour ready for Bruce, if our green friend really doesn’t wanna show up,” his right-hand man said.

The team was out of the room a split second later. Maybe this was their time to talk. Or not. He had to find out (Y/N)’s mood first. He didn’t want her to punch him in the face. She did that before when he tried confessing his feelings.

“I am fine Steve,” she mumbled angrily and stepped away.

He hated pissing her off. Like now where she avoided his eyes. Her mood had changed, and he felt like the (Y/N) that hugged him before was gone.

“I just need some of that magic juice called Adrenaline, and I can fight like always,” she explained.

Her smile seemed forced. And Steve tilted his head to the side, trying to figure her out. Why she was putting a distance between them. There was some unresolved anger she had. He knew her just hugging him and welcoming him back was too good to be true.

“But you don’t have to, you know. I just don’t want you getting hurt, when we have to fight off an Alien army,” he explained slowly.

He tried a reasonable way, but she just laughed humourlessly. Oh, he struck a nerve. That was good, maybe she would tell him now what was wrong so he could get that out of the way and just kiss her after.

“Steve, this is my job. And it’s not like I had time to lay low and have a spa day over the last year,” she mumbled and grabbed her batons from the table.

He watched how she put them back into her tactical belt. Steve stepped closer to her again cautiously. He didn’t really understand what she meant and why she sounded so strained when she said that. But he realised that this was because of him.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She spun around and raised her eyebrows at him. She looked like she couldn’t believe he didn’t know. Her expression turned cruel, and Steve was afraid of what was coming next.

“Steve, when you left, everyone left. Sam, Natasha, Wanda and you were off doing your secret Avengers stuff. Clint was with his family. You pulled him from retirement, and he hated Tony for what he did to them. That he let them take you guys. We couldn’t reach Thor or Bruce, because they were somewhere in space or whatever. And Vision? He hated being here. He just came here because he needed Tony and Bruce to update his systems,” she sounded hysteric.

Steve never thought about this. That she was alone. He was very selfish last year. And rather concerned about himself.

“And what did that leave? Us. It was just Rhodey, Tony and me. The only people left to defend the world. Well, Tony went as far as wanting to recruit a kid,” she explained with another humourless laugh.

"And what did you do? Oh, you were kicking some ass underground. You never felt like calling. I mean, I was worried, but it was not like you cared,” she rambled on.

She seemed to have worked herself up. Only now he realised, that he did leave the world in their hands. But he did that because he knew he could. Because there was no one better for the job than her and Tony. But he never understood that the Avengers went from about ten members to three. He stepped even closer to her. The need to comfort her was nagging at his heart. He hated seeing her hurt.

“But that isn’t the only thing is it?” he asked softly.

He knew there was more. And as scared as he was of (Y/N)’s answer he also knew, that he needed to know. He was desperate to know, what really caused her pain. She gave him a sad smile.

“I was hurt or still am. Because you came back for everyone. You even gave Tony a stupid phone that he could call you if he needed you, but not me. You never gave me anything. You just left me here,” she mumbled her eye focused on his chest.

She was right. Steve never did. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t want to jeopardise her safety. Steve was a mess of a man. He was a criminal, and she wasn’t, and he wanted it to remain that way. Cap wanted her to stay pure. So she wouldn’t have to make hard decisions like he had to. But there it was. She said it. And he needed her to say more. He needed to know it all. All her pain. So he could take it away from her. So he could mend her broken heart. But she didn’t want to, because she took a step back.

“You know that doesn’t matter now. We don’t have time for this. We need to save the world,” (Y/N) said with a fake cheer in her voice.

Steve shook his head at her a small smile slipped past his lips. He couldn’t help it. She turned to the door and took a step in its direction. But Steve wasn’t having that. He grabbed her arm and spun her back around. And it felt like an electric pulse went through him. The shock was written on her face, but Steve just smiled.

“Well, then we’ll make time,” he mumbled.

He was done waiting and hurting her. And he knew he could never explain to her why he left, but he didn’t really care. (Y/N) didn’t move a muscle as he grabbed her hand and tugged at it.

“You know. I have thought about this hard. Us meeting again. And in my head this went very different,” he mumbled and tugged again a bit more forceful.

She stumbled closer to him. Her hands placed on his chest so she wouldn’t crash into him with full force. She looked up at him her face adorably confused.

“How did you imagine it,” she then whispered.

He hoped her cheeks were this red because their closeness did the same to her as it did to him. Because her palms on his chest made his heart sink lower and he felt like he was about to melt.

“There was a lot more hugging and touching involved in my head,” he mumbled.

Old Steve would have never been able to say something like that. But this Steve did. He had seen too much and felt too much. And (Y/N) would definitely call this his bad boy phase. Her blush deepened, and she whispered his name confused. Good, she was surprised at his boldness.

“You know, there wasn’t really a day I didn’t think of you. And where I regretted not telling you this major thing I really should have told you.”

She looked at him with a grin. She seemed confused by his sudden change in mood. But Steve thought maybe this was the only way to do it. Just tell her. He knew she loved him too. When she looked at Steve so sad that he left her, he knew. He realised that her feelings were still the same. Just like his. So he could tell her, right? He had nothing to lose. The chance that they wouldn’t survive this battle was big. He would do everything so she would survive, but he needed to tell her before that.

“What thing?” she asked him.

He could barely form a thought when her hands moved from his chest around his neck. She started to play with his hair. And he was sure she knew. She knew exactly what he wanted to say.

“Well, that I am in love with you,” he said casually.

Inside he was shaking. He said it. There was no coming back from that. But the moment he spoke the words, she smiled brightly. And then he knew.

“Interesting. I was just about to tell you the same thing,” she played it cool, “Cap.”

Steve was done playing this game as soon as he heard her say his nickname. He grabbed her around the waist, pulled her closer and placed his lips on hers. He would have done it softly at first, but (Y/N) just pulled him closer the moment they touched. He laughed into the kiss at her eagerness. And he just thought how good this felt. And then he asked himself why he was so stupid to not do this earlier. This was his girl. She always was in some weird way. They were always meant to end up like this. It just took them very long to actually do this.

“About damn time,” Sam said suddenly to their right, ”Nat pay up. I told you he would do it.”

They stopped kissing but didn’t let go of each other. Steve pressed his forehead against hers. Squeezing his eyes closed with embarrassment and she just giggled. It was like an angelic sound. And he had forgotten how much he loved her laugh.

“Guys we really have to go by the way,” Sam then said to them and stepped out of the room again, “Nat, Seriously you should have seen this.”

Of course, they would be interrupted. But sadly Sam was right. They had their moment. The world needed to be saved. (Y/N) laughed at the ridiculousness of her friends. And Steve thought maybe it was like old times. Just better. He pecked her lips and then let go of her.

“C’mon doll, let’s go fight some Aliens. And let’s get you that Adrenaline shot,” he said and grabbed her hand.

Their fingers intertwined and he never wanted to let her go. He had entirely given up on benching her. He would have to have an eye on his girl, but she was right. No one had gone easy on her, and he wasn’t about to start either.