coming out resources


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Here is a template of what I use to inform my teachers of my name and pronouns at the start of the school year: 

I am a student in your [period, subject] class. I am getting in contact with you to let you know that my name will probably show up on your roster as [birth name], but I go by [name] and use [x/y/z] pronouns. I will be putting [name] on my assignments. Please use my pronouns and call me [name] in class and when you do attendance. 
If you have any questions or concerns, you can ask me directly at my e-mail address here: [email]
Thank you, 
[full name] 

I also like to CC/BCC a guidance counsellor/principal/parent of all communications with my teachers regarding properly gendering me and such so they are aware of any situations that may happen. 

I know it can be hard to start a new year and have new teachers and classed but you can do it! 

Jake Graf: On Coming Out

When asked for my coming out story, I always reply: ‘Which one?’. It feels like I’ve done it so many times now that my poor old mother must think I’m either really, really indecisive, or that I’m a rampant attention seeker.

The evolution in reactions from my Mother (whom I consider the true litmus test, as to my friends it’s all pretty much irrelevant) has been marked. My first coming out (which I fondly refer to as ‘the lesbian one’), aged 19, was explosive to say the least. Having walked into what she thought was an empty house, my mother had heard myself and my girlfriend at the time engaging in some pretty noisy 'exercise’ locked in my bedroom at the top of the house. As she had always seen my lady friend as nothing more than a work colleague, you can imagine her shock when we emerged red faced and somewhat dishevelled sometime later. Waiting only for ’S’ to leave, things rapidly descended into tears (mine), confusion (hers), and a general desire to be anywhere else in the world but there (mutual). We were slow to properly discuss it, but when we finally did, some months later, she made it clear that as long as I was happy, then so was she.

Fast forward 9 years to my second coming out (the trans one!), and I had just returned from an eye opening and life affirming 6 months in NY, during which time I had met my first trans man, a great guy called Nicco, who had finally given me the courage to tackle my gender issues head on. Back in London, I had gone to my mum’s for lunch, adamant that I would tell her that I had already seen a psychiatrist, who had flicked his pen across a little box, and confirmed that I wasn’t just crazy (phew!), and that I would be ‘allowed’ to start testosterone in the near future. After a lovely afternoon together, and with no sign of an appropriate segway to lead into what I thought would be a reaction of cataclysmic proportions to my news, I decided to start an argument, to help things along. Loosely summed up, this centred around the fact that she wasn’t correctly separating her recycling, as certain bottles belonged in certain bins, and the ensuing and entirely proportionate anger at this allowed me to neatly announce that I had always known that I was a boy, and was in fact about to transition. There followed tears (mine), a briefly stunned silence (hers), then several glasses of wine (mutual), before she asked, matter of factly: 'Well, what are we going to do about it?’.

To be honest, all that’s really left to be said is a huge thank you to my old mum, for always being quite so amazing. I know I am one of the lucky ones. Now my staunchest supporter, she proudly tells anyone who listens of the work I do, and the films I make. She’ll frequently come home with stories from dinners where she has happily discussed me, and all of my ups and downs, and, on more than one occasion, has met and counselled parents of similarly misgendered children. Quite the hero among her circle, from what I hear!

I suppose that I should briefly recount the last time I 'came out’ (the gay one…) Earlier this year, dating a man for the first time, I was over at the family home, repeatedly referring to 'my friend Danny’, when mum looked at me over the top of the newspaper, and enquired: 'So, are you dating this Danny?’, to which I replied a not very nonchalant 'yes’. Returning to her paper, she simply replied: 'Go and put the kettle on, dear. Biscuits are in the cupboard.’


Heard of a pro-life organization?  More than likely, they offer all kinds of neato services or referrals to things like pregnancy care, suicide prevention/counseling, information on the foster care system, and more.

Seriously: actually try to genuinely get to know the kind of things are out there, a resource out there may help you or a friend someday.  They are not perfect, but ignoring that they exist hurts more people than it helps.

Reblog and add a link if there is a specific group or service you want to give a shout out too. Here’s mine to start it off.

Also gonna tag @lifemattersjournal because they have all kinds of resources.

When cis people want to be acknowledged for getting your pronouns right 60% of the time

Dear Cis People:

Sorry if you’re doing your best. I know. I know not everyone has the same level of proficiency with pronouns; I know rehabituating to language is difficult. Here’s why it’s not enough to stick up for how hard you’re trying:

As someone who does not in any way pass as trans (and what does it mean to pass as NB anyway), if I’m calling you out it’s because I care about you and want to feel more comfortable around you, and therefore I need this thing from you. 

I’d love to be only surprised by misgendering once in a while and be able to lightly correct people and it make a difference. I am misgendered several times a day every day. I sign my emails with my pronouns and nobody uses them when I come into their meeting; I introduce my pronouns at a check-in and no one uses them; I don’t have the opportunity or time to correct and explain to randos that I meet that I don’t use he/him and no I’m not a man. 

So when I say, addressing a group, that people are not using my pronouns — THEY SIMPLY AREN’T. I’m sorry if you are, I’m sorry if this group of people is doing better; but if I ask you to do better, it’s because I still can’t distinguish you from everywhere else where I am misgendered, and it’s because being misgendered slightly less is just not enough.

If you are doing your best, if you use my pronouns most of the time, I thank you – and I ask that you do better. Period. People always use your pronouns – do everything in your power to make me feel like people often use mine. 

For many genderqueer or gender non-conforming people, coming out is a marathon, not a sprint; every act of gender self-determination is a significant step on a much longer journey. Thinking about coming out as a process rather than a singular moment can help take the pressure off around the holidays, because even if this year with your family is awkward, you often have another chance in the future.
The Holiday Season: Coming Home and Coming Out

Don we now our gay apparel … make the yuletide gay …

Yes, it is that time of the year. The holidays are upon us once again. And with it comes the four “F”s : Family, Friends, Food, and Fighting. After all, what are the holidays without a little family strife? Eight days of gift giving, eight chances to light Great-Aunt Mildred’s short fuse instead of the candle. The big family Christmas dinner with a Turkey that is as cold as your sister’s black heart.

This year many people accepted the truth of their own sexuality. This year many people came out for the first time. This year many people have made the decision to come out over the holidays. This year, many people who are already out at work and with their friends have decided to stop playing it straight when the family gets together. This year, for many LGBTQ people and their families, things will change, and a new “F” will play a big role: Fear.

Coming out is not an easy process for anyone involved. Things change. The old way of life is no longer an option for anyone. We cannot make it any less fearful in the moment, but we have found that education and information can make it a little easier.

The following posts have been written to address the friends and family of the person coming out, and the brave soul move out from the other side of the closet door. In the end, love is what matters. If you can hold on to that, you can get through the rest easily enough.

The Coming Out Process

Understanding The Stages of Grief

Non-Violent Communication

Safe Space Resources

If you or a loved one has come out, the most important thing you can do is be visible in your support. To that end, may we recommend joining our campaign, taking part in our TAKEMEHOIMEFROMNARNIA’S LGBT HOLIDAYS action and declaring your internet presence as a SAFE SPACE FOR ALL.

Happy Holidays in whatever form it takes for you, and remember that this time of the year has been marked from the dawn of time as the end of an old way, and the beginning of a new way. Good luck as you begin your new year and new life.

On gay rumours and forcible outings

People who have bad personal experiences with forcible (near-)outings can find discussions about the subject deeply uncomfortable or triggering. Considering today’s debates, we would like to ask everyone to be respectful, and allow people to back away whenever they feel the need to. Also be ready to acknowledge people’s lived experiences and feelings. To keep making your blog a safe space, please refer to our resources on coming out, respectful dialogue and non-violent communication.

Coming out is a difficult process to many LGBTQ+ people, and for far too many, there’s a real risk of discrimination, losing friends and family and even violence. Outing someone against their will, or threatening to do so, is not okay. It’s an act of violence against the person in question, and it sends the signal to other LGBTQ+ people in the closet that they aren’t safe, and that respecting their choices and wishes isn’t important. Forcible outing is not a joking matter.

At the same time, we want to remind people that speculation and gossip is not the same thing as outing someone. Restricting conversation about LGBTQ+ sexualities and gender identities reinforces hetero- and cisnormativity and contributes to the closet. Gay rumours are no different from straight rumours–both are just that: rumours. Please do not trivialise a serious issue for LGBTQ+ people by claiming that speculation and rumours are forcible outings. It’s not the same thing.

stardestroyerevans-deactivated2  asked:

I was wondering if y'all or anyone else had advice about coming out to a parent as bisexual?😊 I wanted to come out to my dad as bisexual for bi week since i was gonna do it anyway id figure this week is great lmao

I’m thinking about coming out Officially on bi visibility day, but I’m one of those people that took a really long time to accept the label. I’ve been slowly telling people close to me for the last year or so, which has gone pretty well (including a girl I might’ve once dated, but she was uncertain then too and now also identifies as bi). My biggest hesitation is that now, I’m married (my husband knows) and in my late twenties and I’m worried no one will believe me. Any advice or reassurance?

I know this is a bit late but here it is for you guys!

Unfortunately, I have not come out to my parents and a lot of my relatives so I don’t have any personal experience with it. My parents are fairly homophobic and I try to keep things as easy, breezy with them as possible since we live fairly close geographically. That being said, I’m moving very soon and plan on coming out to them before I do so I’ve been trying to do a bit of research into how to go about it (because I’m a giant nerd and need to control how everything happens). 

The Bisexual Resource Center is a great place to start. They have a lot of anecdotes and tools for you to use in the process of coming out. One that I’ve been looking at can actually be found on their tumblr here. It helps you examine why you want to come out to someone and how to handle different situations. It also gives your family or friends resources to learn about things on their own after the conversation is over. 

Good luck, and I hope it all goes well!
Mod Bee
WATCH: 5 LGBT Celebrities Share Their Coming-Out Stories
Even the rich and famous experience all of the confusion, joy and anxiety of coming out. These are their stories.

Posted: 08/30/2015 08:33 AM EDT | Edited: 08/30/2015 07:40 PM EDT

The process of coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or any other non-heteronormative sexual identity can be both daunting and cathartic. Even after mustering the courage to vocalize your truth, there is no crystal ball to anticipate the cacophony of reactions you might get – or how you might feel yourself. But the truth is that being who you really are always feels better than wearing a mask, as these celebrities can attest.

(In the videos below), five LGBT stars open up to HuffPost Live about their coming out experiences. While no two accounts are the same, there is a common thread: All of their lives drastically improved once they embraced who they are.

Sir Ian McKellen is among today’s most recognizable LGBT icons. He’s been out publicly since 1988, which clearly hasn’t impeded a vastly successful career. And he remembers well the beautiful feeling of relief that came with announcing his sexuality. “[Coming out] was the best thing I ever did in my life, as every gay person will tell you. I grew up overnight, and was born again. Everything went better, and it felt as if a great millstone had dropped from my back that I didn’t know had been there.”

“I was about 12 when I realized what gay meant and that I had it. It felt like a disease to me,” Lynch remembered about discovering her sexuality. But she hopes that her own work through the years, most notably playing Sue Sylvester on “Glee,” can become signs of hope for the LGBT youth of today. “I’ve obviously turned out okay, I’m doing well. But I’m glad that [‘Glee’] and the fact that I’m out and open about it will perhaps ease the hearts and minds of some kids where it’s not so easy.”

For Clay Aiken, an “American Idol” runner-up turned politician, coming out was something to be done on his own terms. Though many fans wondered why he didn’t do it during his run on “Idol” in 2003, Aiken asserted that he waited until the time was right for him. “When it comes to an issue like [coming out], that’s a personal path for every single person. It’s very different for me than it was for Neil Patrick Harris. … I don’t second-guess anyone’s decision to do it when they do it.”

For Major League Soccer star Robbie Rogers, coming out for the first time was easier with someone he didn’t know at all. He was at a London bar when he met a stranger who casually asked if he was gay or straight. After so much time spent hiding his identity, Rogers finally spoke his truth. “I had been thinking about it a lot. I just was so sick of lying that I wanted to get the ball moving. So then I said it and I was like, 'Oh my gosh, that felt so great to say that.’ … It felt so amazing, and I’m sure [this woman] didn’t realize what was going on.” He came out to his family a month later.

“I was an angry person. I tried to control it. It’s interesting, some of my straight liberal friends urged me to not come out when they knew I was planning it, because they thought it would diminish my ability to be effective on other issues after I came out,” said former Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank. “[They] said, 'Well, we’re glad you did it, because you’re better at the job. You’re easier to get along with, you’re less likely to get angry, you accommodate disagreement better.’ And I think that’s probably right.”

For more information about the Coming Out process and to find helpful resources, links and helplines, check our Coming Out Series

To see which public people and celebrities Takemehomefromnarnia has supported in the past, check our Coming Out Today’s Actions

So today’s coming out day and I’d like to say a few things:

• You are under no obligation to come out. If your not ready, that’s totally fine and you’re still valid
• if things go badly, just try to keep your head high, sometimes people just need a little time.
• if things go too extremely south and you really need assistance, try the Trevor Hotline (+1-866-488-7386). They will support you and definitely want to help.
• You are so strong, and I’m proud of you. You are not alone.
• I love you and you are such a strong person. You’ve got this.
• no matter what please stay safe

If anyone needs anything, always feel free to send a message. You are all lovely people, and I love you. Stay safe


“What happens if the way you have been identifying no longer feels right? Can you change it?”

In this video, Ashley Wylde discusses her personal process of changing gender and sexuality identifiers. (Woman->genderqueer->nonbinary; lesbian->queer.)

Remember: Labels are just ways to describe our experience to others. The same label (or lack thereof) might honor you forever, and it might not. Both are valid.

anonymous asked:

I'm 16 and i think im bisexual or lesbian im not completley sure which one how would i know? And how would i come out?

Sorry for the delay in responding to this. How do you know if you’re bi or lesbian? Only you can answer that. Only you know to whom you are attracted.

How do you come out? I’ve written on this several times recently (check through my posts) but here are some good sources with specific advice: here (Gay and Lesbian Resources) and here (GLSEN). ♡