“Sure, anyone can come out, and for queer folks coming out is an ongoing process rather than a onetime event. But in my view, the concept of the public coming-out announcement is most often a privileged and white one. A public coming out implies a waiting audience, folks there waiting to receive your declaration of self, and in my experience, most people of color don’t have this type of audience waiting for them. Rather, they spend their whole lives and formative years being told who and what they are, or what they must be if they want to survive in this world.”
Do not, and I mean do fucking not out someone. If they haven’t told people yet, it’s because they aren’t ready. You outing them doesn’t make it any easier. in fact, it makes it a lot worse. So do us all a fucking favor and keep your goddamn mouth shut. thanks.
when you come out to your mom (at the age of 30 because it took a long time to get the nerve up) and you’re so awkward dancing around the subject that she starts to get nervous and when you finally tell her she sighs and says “Oh god, I thought you were going to say something bad. My god, I’ve been attracted to women before too don’t worry about it. That’s great though, whatever make you happy. I love you.”
Description: Dan and Phil go to a small party at Chris’. They play ‘Never have I ever’ and secrets are spilled.
A/N: This is one of the first things I wrote so please be nice!
They were supposed to be leaving now but as usual, I was still not ready.
“Come on Dan! We are going to be late!” Phil yelled frustrated at me, as I was still in the bathroom straightening my hair.
“I’m coming, just calm down,” I walked out of the bathroom finally ready. We quickly left our flat and took the tube to Chris’s where the party was.
In reality, it was not really a party. It was just a small group of friends meeting up and having fun, at least that was the plan. When we got there, Phil knocked on the door and a very cheerful Chris soon opened the door to let us through.
There were not many people there. I looked around the living room, where we were all gathered, and saw only familiar faces; Chris, PJ, Alfie, Zoe, Caspar, Joe, Louise, and now me and Phil. All of our British YouTube friends. Well except Marcus and Niomi. And Cat. However, she was not really friends with the rest of them so of course she would not be here.
“So, we are all here. Let the games begin!” Chris said so that everyone could hear him. It had been a long time since we had all done something together, so everyone had agreed that we were going to play some games to get the party started. After a short discussion, we settled on starting out with Never Have I Ever. Therefore, we all sat down in a circle on the floor, and PJ filled everybody’s cups with alcohol.
“Who wants to start?” Chris asked, as the host he was eager to get the game started. Nobody was eager to start and so it ended up with Chris choosing Alfie, who was always good at stuff like this.
“Ok…um…Never have I ever…watched Titanic,” Alfie did nothing, as everyone else, including me, drank from his or her cup. “Am I the only one who has never seen Titanic?” Everybody nodded as Alfie looked around in disbelief. “Anyway, Zoey, it’s your turn,” he looked to his side where Zoe was sat.
She smiled up at him as she spoke, “Never have I ever dyed my hair,” she looked around the room with confidence knowing most of us had done that at some point.
“Mean…” Phil mumbled, from beside me, as he drank from his cup. In addition, Caspar, Louise, and I all drank from our separate cups.
“Haven’t you bleached your hair once, Zoe?” Louise said, questioningly.
“Yes, but that’s not the same as dying,” Zoe responded cleverly. Louise shook her head in disbelief.
I gently nudged Phil with my elbow and whispered in his ear, “You are right, that was mean, but also kind of clever,” he laughed and turned his head to smile at me, eyes twinkling. “Speaking of clever, remember that time in Vegas where you-,” I was cut off by Phil’s hand on my mouth.
“Don’t go there,” he all but sneered, “Wrong time. Wrong place,” he stated probably a bit too loud as Chris seemed to have heard.
“What’s it the wrong time and place for?” he asked a teasing smirk placed on his face. Phil shook his head as if saying that he did not want to tell. Chris obviously wanted an answer or maybe he just wanted to embarrass us, as he and PJ were the only people that knew Phil and I had something going on. “Don’t you wanna tell the group what you two were whispering about?” he said, loud enough for everyone to hear. They all went quiet and looked over at the two of us. We were sitting closely together, and I was leaning slightly into Phil my head still quite close to his after having just whispered in his ear.
It had been a long time ago since Phil and I kissed for the first time, but until recently, it had not happened while either of us were sober. It had always required a certain amount of alcohol to kiss the other. But recently things had changed. Six months ago, we had had our first sober kiss. Chris and PJ had soon figured out that there was something going on, but they were yet to realise how serious we had become. At first, we were just fooling around, but in the last month or so, it had gotten a tat more serious. We had sat down and talked about it, and decided that we wanted to be together – I guess you could call us boyfriends. Thing was, we had yet to tell anybody about our recently updated relationship status, and we definitely were not ready to either.
Phil looked over at me, looking like one big question mark, obviously wanting me to come up with some clever response. I had no idea of what to say, and so I sarcastically said the first thing that came into my mind, “Your mum,”
A second passed and then everyone broke out laughing. If Chris continued the teasing now he would probably end up looking really dumb, so he did not, and just chose to laugh with the rest of us. I looked over at Phil and saw the thankful expression on his face as he smiled at me. I sat up properly so that I was not leaning on Phil, not wanting this scenario to repeat itself.
The game continued on and loads of stupid Never have I ever’s were said. And of course the sentence that I dreaded most in this game soon came out of a, by now quite drunk, Joe’s mouth, “Never have I ever…kissed a boy,” I looked around the circle and saw Chris and PJ drinking from their cups. All of us knew they were together, so that was no big deal. I got confused seeing Caspar drink from his cup, but then I remembered that video where he kissed Marcus. I looked over at Phil and saw him slightly nodding. We both lifted our cups and drank. When I put my cup, back down I saw all of our friends starring at us in pure shock. Only Chris was smiling triumphantly at us.
The importance of reacting positively to your child coming out
This time two years ago, I started coming out to the people closest to me. I came out to my older sister first, who gave me the most support I could ask for. I think we grew closer after I came out to her, honestly.
And when I came out to my parents.. Different story. I had made a video earlier that day explaining my sexuality, to send to friends if I wanted to come out. Later that night, I had a weird burst of confidence and decided to email the link to the video to my mom. About twenty minutes later, I hear the front door slam shut.
I tried to tell myself that maybe my dad had to go over to my Aunts house that was only a couple blocks away. But from my room I can hear almost the entire house, and I hear the door open again, then loud footsteps pacing the house. Theres a knock on my door and it opened quickly, “Are you busy? Do you have a minute to talk?”
I made my way into the master bedroom and sit on the bed. I blocked most of this out, but my dad started rambling about “influences”, such as the media, and my sister because she has a lot of LGBTQA+ friends. He talked about the bible and blamed multiple sources for my queerness including shows i watched. The most memorable line from this talk was “I’m not angry at you, i’m angry at the world!”. He dismissed me, and I ran to my room, sobbing.
I texted my sister to update her, and she called as quick as she could. She tried to calm me down over the phone before asking me if I wanted her and my brother-in-law to pick me up, but my mom shut me down because she knew my dad was mad at her, for some reason. I was so heartbroken in that moment, because I couldn’t escape that place.
My mom was crying, I was crying, everything was a mess. My dad went to bed (well, laid down, he didn’t sleep that night). My mom looked over at me and said, “I’m okay with it, but i’m scared for you and your dad’s relationship.” She kept a neutral front at night, and still is keeping it. I’m slightly bitter about this tbh.
The next day he came home from work and asked if I wanted to play cards, as if nothing had happened. Later he told me he was acting out of anger the day before, and, I quote, “Its like you were stuck in troubled water, and I was trying to save you. I was using a stick instead of a paddle. The stick was anger. I should have been using a paddle, which represents love.” (His way of saying “I want to fix your gayness with love”)
I was twelve fucking years old. He was practically yelling at this twelve year old kid, that the shows she loved made her a sinner. That he was mad at her sister for supporting LGBTQA+ people. He was “mad at the world” because I liked girls.
I started to withdrawal myself from them quite a bit after this. My confidence in myself plummeted, and talking to them about myself wasn’t an option. I started hiding myself, and thats not okay. I realized i’m non-binary, and having to hide that about myself is slowly tearing me apart.
Don’t put your children through this. Don’t put your siblings through this. Don’t put your friends through this. Don’t anyone through this, for fucks sake.
You know how weedgate was "leaked"? Could you imagine if HL got so fed up with all this bullshit and decided to "leak" a sex tape? I know its highly improbable but could you IMAGINE? Like I honestly don't think I would survive it.
They wouldn’t. But people have discussed the possibility (and relative implausibility) of them “leaking” other stuff that would be undeniable evidence of a relationship.
Hello friends, most (if not all) of you know via either my description or me outright telling that I am pansexual. Within the next few hours I plan to embark on a mission to tell my mother. My republican, conservative Christian mother. I’m not out to anyone in my family, none of them have a grasp on any sexuality beyond heterosexuality or preconceived notions of homosexuality. I’m kind of freaking out. Like freaking out a LOT. The main reason I’m telling her is because I want to join my school’s Queer-Straight Alliance and she would maybe believe me if I was like “I’m joining as an ally” but I am already so sad all the time because I need to keep myself under wraps that I can’t keep pretending. I won’t be kicked out of their house, so don’t be too worried, I just know I’ll get a lot of “it’s a phase” and “you’re confused” and I don’t want to be told I’m invalid by my family. I’ve held off for a pretty long time, and it’ll only be her who knows so I’m hoping it will be better this way. Thank you and I’ll report back after I’ve talked to her!
Coming out to my parents is a big step, that I believe I’m ready to take. My plan is to write a letter. (I won’t be able to do it in person. I’d fall apart.) I’ll write a letter explaining how I feel, how I hope they feel, and what would happen if they didn’t support me. After I write the letter and wrap up the book, I’m going to put them together with instructions to read the letter first.
I won’t be giving them the letter/book for a while.. but wish me luck guys!
Shout out to everyoneisgay for writing a kickass book! You can go to their website (where you can buy the book yourself) right here.
This is a link to an interactive page that I found through the NHS website. It is aimed at the teachers, parents, guardians, carers etc of gender non-conforming young people- including non binary people.
It discusses the importance of being supportive, the respectful use of preferred pronouns and names, the value of advocacy, the rights of gender non-conforming young people, and includes interviews from trans men, trans women, and non-binary trans people. Additionally, it puts emphasis on self-identification and communication.
This could potentially be a good resource to have ready if you plan on coming out, if you feel it helps explain and describe your experience.
Hi, so I have a question. My son has come out as gay to his friends and I have been aware of this for a while. But he hasn't come out to his mother and I and he doesn't know that we are aware. I'll still love him and I will still accept him being gay. But is there a way to make him feel comfortable coming out to us without directly confronting him?
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us. This is definitely a tricky situation, one that, unfortunately, doesn’t have a simple answer. A lot of it depends on what your relationship with your son is like, and you also need to keep in mind that your son has a right to privacy during his own process of coming out.
I'm bisexual and still in high school and therefore under my parents roof. should I tell them? I just don't want more rules tbh
It depends. You certainly don’t have to tell them anything, especially if you think they’ll react badly. However, whether your parents know or not, you should be careful about exploring your sexuality if you choose to do that - stay safe!
So basically this is me coming out. Basically my whole life, I’ve been told there’s no such thing as a bisexual. You’re either gay or straight. For example, when I was little and my aunt came out as a lesbian, everyone was fine with it. My other aunt just joked, really just joked about being bi, and the room exploded with how they were just people wanting attention and bisexuals were only filled with lust by trying to be sexual with everyone and we’re going to hell for it. Even my atheist mother. She’s an atheist. An atheist. She still legitimately thinks bisexuals are going to hell.
Basically all my life I just told myself, hey, you just think girls are super pretty? Yeah okay you like boobs, but maybe you just watch too much anime? There’s no problem with just thinking girls are sexy? That doesn’t make me bi?
At the same time, I’ve always had crushes on boys. I do have dreams of getting married and having tons of kids with my hunky husband. I do want to be intimate with guys after going on cute little dinner dates with them. I mean, my obsession with Joseph should be enough to say to you I like guys. Which, in my family means I can’t also like girls.
But I do. I do.
So, okay, I’m sorta just done writing this shit. I’m done with trying to prove to people my sexuality.
I’m fucking bi.
I know that means nothing on the Internet nowadays, but saying it just means so much to me. So if you send me hate for trying to make it seem like it’s a big deal, right now, I don’t give a fuck. This means so so so much to me to say this.