Some horoscopes, or personality summaries, MAY NOT correlate with the actual birthdays of the characters or the cast.
SOME characters will not be used. Sorry!
Aries (March 21 – April 19): Randy Marsh Extroverted/Leader Powerful and Raw Element: Fire
Dominant, persuasive, a natural leader. People born under the Aries sign are truly rams, and you do whatever is in your power to get whatever you want, even if it means taking out the horns. When you know something has to get done, you do it, no questions asked. You are friendly and you have a circle of friends. You tend to want all of the control, because you know how to get it done right (the first time…for the most part). Fire signs tend to act rather than observe, and you are no exception.
Others respect you for your desire to change the world, and they will follow you. You are attracted to those who spark influence in others, and you also crave intellectual interaction. You don’t always wear your emotions on your sleeve, but you also feel, just like any other sign, and when you fall in love – you fall hard. A person who is loved by an Aries will never miss out on a love that will last an eternity – or at least, a passionate one night stand. Just don’t make them angry, you might not live to see the outcome.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Craig Tucker Introverted/Traditional Easy-Going and Practical Element: Earth
You enjoy the simpler things in life. You don’t ask for much, and you don’t really need to. Respectful, practical, sensual – all of these come naturally for the chilled Taurus. You provide an aura that others will feel comfort in, and you care deeply for those who come into your life. However, you also speak the truth more than others might appreciate. You don’t tolerate liars or trashiness, and you are very upfront about how you feel.
You are attracted to those who make an image for themselves – people who carry themselves. You have an eye for beauty, and you appreciate it when people take domestic characteristics seriously – cooking, cleaning, etc. You actually love food, and you have a keen taste of what it means to make delicious dishes. Taureans are known for their slow mind-set – you don’t mind taking the longer road to get where you’re going. The journey really is more than what the destination could be, and you don’t fret of how long it will take to get you there.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Kyle Broflovski Extroverted/Intelligent Chatty and Witty Element: Air
People can spot a Gemini from a mile away, and how is that? From their immense intellect, and their mental encyclopedia of knowledge. Those born of this Air sign tend to be extremely conversational. They love making friends and joining in the social circle. In fact, making friends is like a second nature to a curious Gemini. Others will constantly (almost to a point where it annoys you) come to you for advice or just for the casual talk, and of course, you enjoy helping as many people as you can. You are extroverted, but that doesn’t meant you hate the sidelines. You enjoy being both the center of attention and having your own time to yourself.
You are attracted to those who can keep you interested, someone who is different than the rest of the bunch. You need constant verbal and mental stimulation, someone who can keep up with the weird and goofy puns that come from those lips of yours. You also fall in love quickly, but it isn’t your fault, when you attract others like flies to a light. Actually, that is the main word to describe you: Attractive. And as long as you can get the final word in something, you wouldn’t change it any other way.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Kenny McCormick Introverted/Cautious Institutional and Observant Element: Water
Cancers are known for their observing personality, and this fits you to a tee. You are the most keen of the zodiac signs, and you observe things more intensely than you probably should. You are emotional as the moon takes its tides, and you fall in love more passionately than the other three elements, considering you are a Water sign. In all actuality, you have a high need for sex - you long for intimacy and for someone to envelop you in physical pleasure. You have to develop a particular trust with someone before letting them take your heart. You won’t settle for someone who is less than you are, and while you appreciate an adventurous type, you would rather rest at home and relax. You have an endearing personality, and when you make friends, they stick by you because of your loyalty. You never break the bonds you make with others, and you go through with something until the very end.
You can also be a leader, when you want to be, but other times you let the others have the reigns. Sometimes it is hard for you to express your feelings exactly, and you tend to over-analyze what others think of you. However, if you believe in something strongly enough, you will stand by it, no hesitation. Cancers may not be the most loud, or extroverted, but you will always care for others who stay by your side, and that is really enough for you.
Leo (July 23 – August 22): Eric Cartman Extroverted/Exciting Loud and Life-Seeking Element: Fire
Leos don’t need to throw a party – they are the party! Chances are, making friends with a Leo might be one of the best decisions you ever make, because they are everything you ever need to have a great time. Leos are admirable, loud, and they definitely speak their mind. They don’t take crap from no one – and you sure can believe that a Leo can help you break from your shell to see what the world is made of. You are courageous, confidant, and not to mention, you are always doing what you believe is right. You appreciate when others stick by your side through the thick and thin, and you are attracted to those who can take the driving wheel and take you for a ride!
You are social and you love meeting new people, especially those who can buy you a drink and engage you to dance on the floor. You love to lead, so having someone who can be your equal is precisely what you need. You are a true friend, because you always back your friends up, and even if it’s an inconvenience for you, you help out in any way you can. Leos are a mixed bag, full of so many different things – you never know what you’re gonna get!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Tweek Tweak Introverted/Honest Wise and Perfectionist Element: Earth
This sign is represented by The Maiden –analytical, down-to-earth. You are a perfectionist to the core, and you enjoy knowing you did something to the best of your abilities. Because you are an Earth sign, you can be rather stubborn at times – just like the rock that refuses to move. Yet you are the most compromising of the signs, and you are willing to adapt for either a loved one or anyone who deserves it. You keep your emotions inside for the most part, but it doesn’t meant you don’t feel things strongly, because you do. You are wise, and others come to you if they need advice for anything. You don’t settle for idle talk that doesn’t mean anything, whenever you have something to say, it is always relevant. You enjoy watching as the days go by, living your life the want to live it. You are attracted to those who are intelligent and those who are altruistic to their neighbors. You aren’t loud or extroverted, but you have tight bonds with your friends. You don’t have too wide of a circle of friends, but the friends you have are the best ones you got. You enjoy taking things slow, but you always get things done quickly and efficiently. You truly a working type, and you love the pay off. Virgos are many things – wise, observant, and also good with money – but you really are more than others could possibly take you for.
Libra (September 23 – October 22): Stan Marsh
Extroverted/Diplomat Balancing and Charismatic Element: Air
Charming, caring, a hopeless romantic – you are the wild card of the zodiac. Libras are known for their peaceful and diplomatic personalities. You believe intensely that everyone should have a chance to say what is on their mind and be equal. You don’t like it when people lie to themselves, and you are also extremely opinionated. Air signs like to engage in conversation, and you are an addition to that rule. You like sweeping others off their feet, and you are known to be a flirt, in the best possible way. Others find solace being with you, because they feel like you are genuine and real. When you have a point, you stand by it and you don’t back down from it. Libras are known as the balance in astrology, so you like to be on good terms with everyone – doesn’t mean that it actually happens, but you can’t help it when some people don’t understand what kind of person you are.
You are extroverted, but you are also emotional as well. Out of all of the air signs, you hold your emotions more tightly, and you are more likely to fall in love than the other two signs. You don’t let go of others easily, even though it may seem like you have many admirers (chances are that you do), and once you reach the point where you give yourself completely for someone else, it will take all of hell to break that down. You are truly a gifted individual, enjoying the arts such as painting and writing. You are literate, and you enjoy conversation regarding classics. Libras are not the type to happily engage in a trashy relationship or friendship, so consider yourself lucky if one of these signs sticks with you until the end.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Mr. Slave Introverted/Sexual Honest and Selfless Element: Water
Out of all of the zodiac signs, you are by far the most passionate, and we are not just talking about sex (although you are known to be the master of pleasure). You feel things so deeply, you think so intently, and you analyze everything in your life so accurately that others are drawn to you as if it you didn’t try. All you have to do is smile and they melt right in front of you. Being a Water sign, you are more likely to expose your inner emotions rather than keep them bottled inside, and you definitely have a strong sense of opinion.
You love saying the first thing that comes into your mind, but you often leave a mysterious impression on others. They really can’t figure you out at times. You call people out if they lie to you – Scorpios gets angry just by the thought of someone lying to them. If in a relationship, you better not lie or go behind a Scorpio’s back, otherwise you might not ever see them again. They take trust in a relationship seriously. You are impressive when it comes to taking a leadership role, since you love taking the imitative. You are attracted to those who love the idea of romance, and you are especially drawn to those who need you. You love protecting the ones you love, no matter what.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Bebe Stevens Extrovert/ Party-Animal Comical and Adventurous Element: Fire
The Archer really does live up to their name, and you especially love arching arrows at…well, anyone. In fact, you never miss, because once someone rips on you in any way, you take revenge, hardcore revenge. A Sagittarius is hilarious, they easily have the best sense of humor of anyone in the zodiac. You also enjoy taking the lead rather than let other people do the work for you. Actually, you have a set way of getting things done, and when someone comes in and tries to do it for you, you tell them to back off. You are opinionated, firm in your beliefs, and you crave adventure.
You enjoy the highlights of life, and you also are a true friend. You only fall in love when the other person loves the same risk-taking way of life that you do! You don’t wait around for someone to save you, you know that you can do it yourself. You are independent, and you don’t care for meaningless flings or romances, although you are known to be hot in the bedroom. You are feisty, witty, comical, and full of surprises, and nobody can say no to the archer.
Capricorn: (December 22 – January 19): Mr. Garrison
Introvert/Ambitious Down-To-Earth and Go With the Flow Element: Earth
You are the most ambitious of the signs. You tend to put far more effort into whatever you are working on than anyone else, and you don’t stop until your project is a hundred percent perfect. Capricorns are known to be loyal and always there for support. You like being on the top of everything, and you are good when it comes to business and marketing. You push yourself to the limit you can carry yourself, and you never give up, even when it could be easily done. You love to read and write, and you also would rather sit down and read a good book rather than go to the club and party. You are many different viewpoints of what the world is, and what kind of people inhabit it, but you are welcoming. You accept people for who they are than their accomplishments or their past. You are not the type to judge, and you are attracted to those who don’t need help from anyone else. You like others who can influence others, and you love following in the footsteps of those who encourage you. You absolutely crave recognition for your feats, and when someone realizes what you have done, and praises you for it, you can’t get any happier. Capricorns are true go-getters, and in order to stop them, you will have to face the goat’s raging horns.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 19): Wendy Testaburger
Extroverted/Influential Opinionated and Individualistic Element: Air
People born under the Aquarius sign tend to be more individualistic. This means that they don’t care if they fit in with the crowd or not – they make their own path. They realize that they are different than how society wants them to be, so they accept what makes them be unique, and they flaunt it. Expect an Aquarius to be involved in rallies and social gatherings – they are butterflies in this aspect! They love shouting what they believe in and making others believe in them as well. Aquarians make great politicians and counselors, because they tell it how it is, honestly and explicit. Those born of the Water-Bearer sign also enjoy sex, but they are more fluid about how they come across it. They enjoy one-night stands, and they don’t normally commit themselves completely to one person, but when they do, it lasts a lifetime.
They are artistically creative, normally partaking in poetry slams or art auctions. They respect those who make their dreams a reality, and those who follow their word. They feel deeply as well, but they don’t make it obvious when their feelings are hurt. In fact, some people associate Aquarians as apathetic, but this just isn’t the case. It is only because they rarely give people their trust because if it broke, the Aquarian would be just as broken. Aquarians love the get the party started, and keep the ball rolling, and chances are, if your friend is from this sign, then don’t worry – you have a friend that will always keep your life interesting!
Pisces (February 20 – March 19): ButtersStotch Introverted/Dreamy Kind and Creative Element: Water
You are dreamy, whimsical, and you love fantasy. You are the daydreamer of the zodiac signs, and you constantly think of what the future can bring you. You love creativity and you are more entranced of romance and love songs than your friends. In fact, you relinquish on previous events on your life and you have a strong enough memory to remember all of the minor details. Your love is irreplaceable, and once people leave you behind, you have an incredibly hard time letting go. You will do whatever you can to keep those you love in your life. You can be manipulative at times, and your persuasion is unbeatable. However, you are also caring, and you make friends easily. You tend to look younger than you actually are, and you have a childish aura, but the best kind of way since we are all kids at heart.
You cherish family, and you are always there for your siblings or parents, regardless of what happened between you and them. You are burdened with emotion, more than likely letting it take you down, but you also let that emotion drive you. You let it be your burning passion, and you often use it for creative outlets. Pisces are symbolized by fish, which makes sense considering you are always swimming, always adapting to life’s changes. You are vulnerable but not incapable of taking care of yourself. You are the most selfless of the signs, often sacrificing yourself for others.
#10. My Knight and Me: Cartoon Network’s first new show of the year takes us to a land of knights, dragons and wizards. Sounds like my kind of show, right? WRONG!!!! While I do like fantasy and tales of old folklore, Cartoon Network has already shown us that they fail to do interesting concepts the justice they deserve. Long gone are the days of Powerpuff Girls, Samurai Jack, Courage the Cowardly Dog and Ben 10 where concepts were executed brilliantly and became classics. Now we get shows like We Bare Bears, Long Live The Royals and Mighty Magiswords where good concepts turn into wasted potential. Judging by the trailer alone, you can tell it’s just another addition to the steaming pile of poorly executed concepts; the character design looks terrible, the humor doesn’t work and it looks as formulaic as your average Stupid Sitcom.
#9. Brickleberry: Comedy Central is notorious for making lazy knock offs of popular shows; Legends of Chamberlain Heights is a rip off of South Park, Ugly Americans is basically China, IL, and Brickleberry is clearly every Seth MacFarlane show ever made. From the fowl mouth bear, to the generic setting, all the way down to the character design, this show screams lazy and unoriginal. It also doesn’t help that critics ripped this show a new one and we already know “adult” cartoons these days are just stupid, immature kids shows that are allowed to swear and make as many sex and drug jokes as they want instead of, you know? Treating its audience like actual adults >:(
#8. Dawn of the Croods: DreamWorks Animated shows range from decent at best to downright terrible at worst (with the exception of Dragons and Dinotrux of course). The Mr. Peabody and Sherman show was their absolute worst; it was so bad that I skipped Dawn of the Croods when it came out. But that’s not the only reason why this show is on this list; in fact, I was tempted to just check out the first episode to see if I misjudged it. Then, on November 11, 2016, it happened; DreamWorks pulled the plug on The Croods 2. Now, instead of a sequel that would fix the problems of the original, we’re stuck with a shitty spin-off that makes the original look like cinematic genius. FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU DREAMWORKS!!!!!! >:(
#7. Chozen: FX’s most popular and so far only cartoon, Archer, is one of the better cartoons made for adults. The main character is funny, but the animation is stilted and the supporting characters aren’t as memorable. Not bad, but not something I want to see another show done in a similar style. But FX said “Fuck that noise” and made Chozen, the Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping made 2 years before and animated in Archer’s style. Seriously, who the hell thought that this animation style could apply to any show outside of Archer? It took me years to finally watch Archer only because the main character had the best jokes; Chozen doesn’t have that quality, therefore it’s just another “adult” cartoon. No fucking thank you -.-
#6. Shnookums and Meat: The minute I heard Mr. Enter call this a Ren and Stimpy clone MADE BY DISNEY, I was like “Are you fucking serious?!” Don’t get me wrong, Disney, as great as it is, has had their fair share of fuck ups (list coming soon), but to stoop so low as to copying the success of one of Nickelodeon’s best shows? I couldn’t believe it and I refuse to see it to believe it. I can accept Pickle and Peanut as a mistake, but Shnookums and Meat? That’s not a mistake, that’s a disaster!
#5. Moonbeam City: Another Comedy Central “adult” cartoon that not only looks generic, but also looks so appalling. It’s bad enough that we have a show where every character is yellow for no Goddamn reason, now we have a show where everyone’s white for now Goddamn reason. HOW THE HELL IS THAT ANY BETTER????!!!!!! Characters being 1 specific color isn’t creative; it’s boring! The show is supposed to be a parody of buddy cop movies; problem is, that parody already exists. It’s called 21 Jump Street, you know? With Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill? Got rave reviews, a sequel and a crossover with Men In Black in the works while this one died on arrival? Yeah, that’s the parody I plan to see while Moonbeam City can go fuck itself >:(
#4. Bunsen Is a Beast: Really Hartman? Really Hartman?! REALLY HARTMAN????!!!!!! This is your next project after T.U.F.F. Puppy, Danny Phantom and the living corpse that is The Fairly Oddparents?! Oh no, instead of bringing Danny Phantom back for some new adventures, we get Teacher’s Pet staring Adam Lyon from My Gym Partner’s a Monkey. Seriously, it’s Teacher’s Pet, it has a blue anthropomorphic character for Christ’s sake! I’d expect this from some dude Nickelodeon hired, but not the guy who made one of my favorite Nickelodeon shows >:(
#3. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2017): Despite being a bit formulaic, the Cloudy movies were still energetic, funny and wonderfully crafted family films. They planned a tv series, but I thought it didn’t get off the ground because audiences have moved on from the Cloudy franchise. I thought wrong! Cartoon Network is going to release this show on their channel soon and judging by the trailer, it looks terrible. The designs of the character look like a poor man’s imitation of their original designs from the movie, it lacks the humor that made the franchise memory and it carries the biggest flaw off the movies into the writing and shows no sign of improving it. I would’ve been find if this show never got off the grown; now I’m sitting her wishing it didn’t >:(
#2. Ben 10 (2017): I’ve already explained why I won’t see this show, so I’ll keep it brief. After the catastrophe that was the Powerpuff Girls reboot last year and the clip Cartoon Network posted on their YouTube page, any chance of this show being something to look forward to was shattered to pieces.
#1. Futurama: It’s no secret that I hate The Simpsons and everything they stand for. The one aspect of the show I particularly can’t stand is the design of the characters. Why do people like this design? It looks absolutely terrible and disgusting. The creator apparently identifies himself with this design and uses it in his second show, Futurama. I’ve heard people praise, reference and parody this show ever since I was a kid and yet I never brought myself to watch it and I NEVER will. Not just because of the design of the characters, but the last time I watched an adult cartoon that was universally praised, I ended up sitting there frustrated and dumbfounded as to how a terrible, unfunny and poorly written show got a standing ovation. Futurama looks like it’s going to be just that and I refuse to let history repeat itself.
Conclusion: I get that some of the cartoons on this list have there fans; and there’s no shame in that. You’re not wrong for liking any of these shows, this is just my opinion. These shows bring up so many red flags for me that I just can’t bring myself to watch even a second of these shows. What’s a cartoon you blacklisted? Tell in the comments of this post; thanks for reading and I’ll see you next time.