comedic fiction

"Print All"

By Tori Tucker

I’ve been working at the public library for six years now, as a page. A page’s job in a library mostly consists of shelving books, but sometimes we have other responsibilities as well, such as withdrawing books or putting books into the catalogue system. This task requires the use of a computer that has a librarian’s access to the entire library catalogue, as well as the use of a special printer that prints spine labels on special sticker paper that is very expensive.
In my six years working at the library I have done this once. I swore after the first time I was tasked with printing spine labels that I would never do it again, and here is why:
When printing spine labels you have the choice of printing one at a time by selecting a single spine label and pressing the “Print” button; a tedious process, or you can print as many as you wish by selecting each spine label and pressing the “Print All” button, thus printing off as many as you have selected; a process that is slightly less tedious that the former.
Thus, the first and only time I ever printed spine labels I made the mistake of pressing the “Print All” button. Now, my boss had failed to warn me, when she had explained the printing process to me, that if you press “Print All” before selecting the spine labels that require printing, the computer will assume that you want to print the entire contents of the catalog on the highly expensive sticker paper.
You see, when I hit “Print All”, and the printer began sputtering away, not only did it print spine labels for the entire library catalog; oh no, it printed the title, author, ISBN, book description, the date the book was entered into the system, every name of every person to check out every book, author bios, and for some reason the coffee order list for the librarians that worked at the circulation desk in the 1990’s.
To my horror the printer shot out page after page of glossy sticker paper, covered in black ink descriptions for each and every book ever entered in the library catalog system. Panicked, I pressed the big red button on the printer, what I could only assume was the cancel button, but not only did the printer not stop, but it began incessantly beeping very loudly, alerting the entire adjoined room, which happened to be the children’s section, of my mishap.
The children, hearing the beeping began running frantically for the emergency exit door, assuming that the beeping could only be the library’s fire alarm, and knowing what was required of them at school took this expertise and applied it to the real world. As each child pushed their way out of the emergency exit, the actual fire alarm began to blare overhead, and the children’s parents rushed out as well, hoisting child carriers, blankets, books, bottles and more over their shoulders and hurried out into the back garden.
As for the librarians, they couldn’t bare to see the thousands of humble books go up in flames, and so the ladies from the circulation desk rushed forth with waggons and began clearing the shelves, toppling biographies, maps, fiction and non into the waggons, others wielding carts with squeaky wheels, all adding to the calamity of the beeping of the printer and the whirling of the fire alarm.
Meanwhile there I was, still in the office with the printer, desperately pressing button after button trying to get the papers to stop– tears streamed down my face at the thought of what my parents would say after I lost the first job I’d ever had after only a few short weeks. After thoroughly depressing myself with this thought I gave up and slumped down onto the floor, allowing my head to flop back under the table where the printer was, the many papers with the first half of catalog and the coffee list from the 90’s printed on them cushioning my fall. That’s when it caught my eye. Of course! The plug!
Scuttling forward across the many expensive glossy sticker pages, I pulled it out of the wall, effectively silencing the printer. As I looked out into the children’s room I took in all the chaos that my mistake had caused and began to panic all over again. I couldn’t let my boss see the horrible mistake I had made. Thinking fast, I gathered up the papers in my arms and tossed them onto a cart like the librarians were using to gather the books and skillfully covered the many glossy pages in as many withdrawn books as I could find so as to camouflage the sticker pages. This done, I hurried out into the library and made for the elevator.
Of course with what everyone else assumed was a fire well underway, no one would be near the elevator, so I quickly got in and pressed the button that would take me to the top floor. Once there I quickly checked around. No one seemed to be upstairs. It looked like the librarians had gone to the top floor first and cleared their way down. Loose pages hung from empty shelves. Computers were overturned and I knew this would be the perfect place to put my plan into action. Flipping the cart over and letting the papers fall, I pushed the glossy sticker pages into a pile on top of one of the toppled computers where its screen had smashed. From there I ran to the top floor help desk and reached into the top drawer where I knew Barbara kept her cigarettes and lighter.
Taking the lighter I rushed back to the computers and clicked the lighter once, twice, three times and on the third click the flame was ignited. I lowered it slowly to the glossy papers nestled against the broken computers and watched as my grand mistake went up in the flames of what everyone else would think was an electrical fire.
Then it was my turn to get out of there. Hurrying to the stairs, I was about to descend, when something caught my eye. On the special display stand a librarian had overlooked our most treasured item, our first edition, 1828, Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Thinking fast I reversed my tracks and made a beeline for the giant book, slamming it shut and taking it up in both arms before waddling my way back to the staircase and went down, two steps at a time.
When I reached the bottom I found the library quite empty. Books had been stripped from their shelves and there wasn’t a person in sight, and so dictionary in hand, I exited the building, smoke pouring out behind me as I threw open the old oak door where I was greeted by great applause from all the librarians and fellow pages. I had saved the library’s most treasured artifact at the risk of my own life, and so on that very day the mayor was called and I was awarded the city medal of honor for brave deeds and library work.
Now, in my sixth year as an honored library page and employee, I still recount my brave escape from the library to the new pages as I explain to them how to print spine labels on the expensive glossy sticker sheets and remind them to only ever use the “Print” button.

8

Comic science fiction or comedy science fiction is a subgenre of soft science fiction or science fantasy that exploits the genre’s conventions for comedic effect. Comic science fiction often mocks or satirizes standard SF conventions like alien invasion of Earth, interstellar travel, or futuristic technology. (x)

Cyrnao de Bergerac. Comical History of the States and Empires of the Moon. 1657.

L’Autre monde ou les états et empires de la Lune, was the first of three satirical novels written by Cyrano de Bergerac that are considered among the first science fiction stories. The illustration above for part two, wherein a new machine that focuses solar energy through mirrors to generate bursts of air sends the narrator to the Sun. Those living on a Sun spot teach him about the solar system by relating it to how atoms move. Upon the surface of the Sun, in the Kingdom of Birds, he is tried for all the crimes of humanity, but a bird who knows him sets him free. 

AD Podcasts, Christopher Moore, and Turn-of-the-Century Impressionism

So this week I’m re-reading one of my all-time favorite books. It’s called Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d’Art, by Christopher Moore. 

Moore is a writer of comedic speculative fiction, combining fantastical elements from a variety of cultural sources with the sometimes over-ordinary events of daily life. He’s one of my all-time favorite writers; particular gems include Sacré Bleu; Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal; Fluke (or, I Know Why The Winged Whale Sings); Fool; and A Dirty Job (and its recent sequel Secondhand Souls). I’m not sure if Moore has a Tumblr presence, but he’s on Twitter @TheAuthorGuy.

Sacré Bleu is a story that mostly centers on Lucien, a (fictional) baker in the Parisian district of Montmartre, where congregated the great artists of the Impressionist era during the late 1800s. Lucien was taught by Renoir, coddled by Pissarro, sneered at by Degas, condescended to by Monet, and mourned the death of Vincent Van Gogh right alongside Dr. Gachet and Henri Toulouse-Lautrec.

It’s also about a timeless muse whose skin exudes magical memory-altering blue pigment harvested by a Neanderthal. But that’s not really why I’m writing.

What’s struck me on this second read is how plausible it is to me that all of these great artists knew each other, drank together, suffered together, and orbited each other throughout their lives. Because of course they did! They were all living in France, their paintings hung in the same galleries, and they drank in the same bars! But more importantly, they were the only other people crazy enough to believe with all their beings that their art would sustain them. (ok yes, some of them came from money, so they needn’t have worried–– just stick with me here, the point is coming.)

(collage courtesy of Ryan Estrada)

Back in the spring, I was invited to a group forming online which now includes most of the people who make your favorite fiction podcasts: Wolf 359. Wooden Overcoats. Archive 81. Kakos Industries. The Cleansed. We’re Alive. Our Fair City. Small Town Horror. The NoSleep Podcast. The Truth. The Black Tapes & Tanis. Within the Wires. ars Paradoxica and the Bright Sessions, of course. And that’s just some of the more well-known examples. I could go on for a huge wall of text listing all the shows who contribute. (To all of my podfriends I did not list, I love you all as well, and please feel free to tag yourselves!)

Not only do we discuss the ins and outs of writing, production, recording, gear, publishing, marketing, and social media – did you think #AudioDramaSunday happened by accident? – but we also have an incredibly lively Random/Off-Topic section where we talk about video games, food, TV shows, events, school, work, illness, life stresses, and general shenanigans. We’ve become a huge group of friends. I’ve honestly never seen a more supportive, welcoming, and friendly group of people, especially one so large and whose member list is constantly expanding. I feel so, so lucky and grateful to be included in this wonderful weird audio drama podcast family.

We support each other because we are the only other people crazy enough to believe, with all of our beings, that our art will sustain us.

the signs + the type of book they would write
  • Aries: drama
  • Taurus: classic fiction
  • Gemini: comedic fiction
  • Cancer: gothic romance
  • Leo: memoir
  • Virgo: psychological thriller
  • Libra: erotica
  • Scorpio: satire
  • Sagittarius: young adult contemporary
  • Capricorn: tragic comedy
  • Aquarius: historical mystery
  • Pisces: urban fantasy

anonymous asked:

lol at the austin powers comparison by iHeart. it feels like a gag tweet and harries are of course replying harry wore it better with passion! don't they realize that their style icon is being compared to a fictional comedic character in a 70's parody movie? that's not flattering. either they're in on the joke or they're just clueless on how it looks like to the public.

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Makeup

Foundation:
Finding affordable, good foundation is difficult when you have sensitive skin and you only use cruelty free products. Elf was a no-go because their foundations all have SPF and I’m allergic to sunscreen. My face blows up like a balloon, but at least and as I’m floating up into the sky, waiting for the swelling to go back down I don’t have to worry about getting sunburnt at the high altitudes.
Hardcandy’s line was fine for a while until my face started getting sticky. Pixi was great, except you have to pay an arm and a leg for their products, and I wanted those back because as much as my face looked amazing, I looked pretty funny hobbling around everywhere.

Highlighter:
Last year contour was in. If you didn’t look like a hybrid of one of those evil elves from World of Warcraft and Kim Kardashian you were doing it wrong. You had to be matte. Your cheek bones had to cast shadows over the plebeians below that couldn’t even hope to blend everything just right. But this year? It’s the opposite. Matte is in the past. Now if you don’t look like a dewy fish creature with killer cheekbones (all about those cheekbones…) you aren’t doing it right.
Obviously you need the rainbow highlighter from Wet n’ Wild. You need it. Even if you only use it that one time on your Instagram to show off the fact that you have one. For everyday wear however, I recommend Elf’s baked compact. What’s baked about it? Couldn’t tell you, but I’ll need to be after stressing so much about getting my cheekbones just right. Utilize your old makeup wipes to wrap into a joint. You deserve it.

Lipstick:
If you’re a real makeup guru like me you’ll know that it’s impossible to walk out of a store without a new lipstick. Thus there is a never ending mountain of lipsticks, some not even used, piled up on your bathroom counter. There are pinks and reds and nudes, colorful ones in purple or green, that one black one that you never use because it looks like a demon has been sipping from your coffee cup– and so it goes. You will also know that there is one. Yes, one of these that you use every day while ignoring the mass grave of forgotten lipsticks that’s slowly growing beside your sink like some kind of weird purply-pink fungus. My favorite lipstick is called Root-Beer Float. This is a stupid name for a lipstick because neither is it brown, nor sweet. I would know I tried to eat it once.

Spagoots HQ

This is a sorta test of a new Spagoots project we’ve been planning for a little while now. We wanted to make more story-based, comedic, fictional things with the Spagoots “canon”, if you will, and recently we decided that comics would be a fun way to do that!

So here we have Spagoots HQ, a series of stories that aims to answer a very specific question: What possible situations would Jordan, Ava, Kay, and Ryan get into if they lived in the same vicinity?

At the moment, there are no plans for a specific schedule of release for Spagoots HQ entries, as this project is mainly experimental in its current state, but hopefully this can be a way to ease the wait during possible future hiatuses and provide some more Spagootery that you can enjoy! :D

- Jordan

Congratulations @ponyregrets​​ [Chash] on winning Best Comedic Fiction for she’s touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now

And, congratulations to our runner ups -

To view the category totals, click below.

Keep reading

nytimes.com
Garry Shandling, Star of Groundbreaking Sitcoms, Dies at 66
Mr. Shandling was known for walking the tightrope between comedic fiction and show-business reality on two cable sitcoms.
By Peter Keepnews

Garry Shandling, a comedian who deftly walked a tightrope between comedic fiction and show-business reality on two cable sitcoms, died on Thursday in Los Angeles. He was 66.

A spokesman for the Los Angeles police confirmed the death but did not give a cause. TMZ, the gossip website, reported that Mr. Shandling had had a heart attack.

Mr. Shandling, who began his comedy career as a writer and went on to become one of the most successful stand-up comics of the 1980s, was best known for “The Larry Sanders Show,” a dark look at life behind the scenes of a late-night talk show. It ran on HBO from 1992 to 1998.

Mr. Shandling’s Larry Sanders was the host of a fictional show within a show, interviewing real celebrities playing themselves in segments that were virtually indistinguishable from real talk shows like “The Tonight Show.” Mr. Shandling had frequently substituted for Johnny Carson as the “Tonight Show” host. But the Sanders show was mostly concerned with what happened when the cameras were off, especially the interplay among Larry, his bumbling announcer and sidekick (Jeffrey Tambor) and his mercurial producer (Rip Torn).

“The Larry Sanders Show,” often cited as a groundbreaking precursor of shows like “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and “30 Rock,” was the second show of Mr. Shandling’s to take an unorthodox approach. The first, “It’s Garry Shandling’s Show,” seen on Showtime from 1986 to 1990, freely admitted that it was a show, with Mr. Shandling often breaking the fourth wall by speaking directly to the audience.

Rest In Peace, Gary!  Thank You For All Your Entertainment and Talent Which You Shared With Us!

Phroyd

So Much for Aquaman

By Tori Tucker

There had been a time that Aquaman had been hailed as the guardian of the deep. He was the badass merman dad everyone wanted to have; right up there with Superman and Batman. But now, with off-shore dumping and the mass environmental murder of the ocean, Aquaman has become nothing more than the butt of jokes.
They get to him sometimes. I can see it. He’s been swimming a little slower recently. Is it any wonder though? Sometimes I feel like all we breathe down here are plastic particles. It’s gotten so bad we bought him a respirator for Father’s Day. Father’s Day. He tries not to wear it around the family much, but we know it’s helped.
I fear I’ll have to step up for him someday soon, but I just don’t know how I’ll fill his flippers. Sure, I’ve had plenty of training as “Aqualad,” but “Aquaman” is a whole other position. I honestly don’t know how he’s done it all these years. And how could anyone replace him? He’s one of the greats, and for us Atlanteans I think he always well be.
It seems that his spirit is gone and is it any wonder? Villains and sea creatures you can at least win in a fight against, but when your greatest enemy is plastic bags then what? Just the other day we were catching up in the Hidden Lair when something floated across our radar screen. “By Neptune’s beard!” Aquaman exclaimed. “Is that Black Manta?” But after further investigation we found not the fabled villain of old, but rather a cluster of old plastic bags and fishing nets. Needless to say it’s enough to break anyone’s spirit.
I’m afraid he’s beginning to give up. He rarely speaks to anyone anymore, not even me. Everyday I’m afraid I’m going to find him bobbing around the ceiling of the Atlantean Royal Palace, belly-up.

The Futurama episode “Jurassic Bark” is perhaps the only cartoon you can admit to full on bawling at as an adult and not having people judge you. … It’s an episode that made many people ask, “How is it I can cry at a comedic science fiction cartoon, but I can’t express my feelings to my friends and family?” Well, get your Zoloft out, because the episode was originally going be about Fry finding the body of his mom. … Unsurprisingly, this premise got the ax after the writers realized that Fry dragging his mom’s fossilized corpse around New New York would be “too upsetting” to viewers.

5 Scrapped Episodes That Almost Ruined Famous TV Shows

I’m watching Agent Carter with my dad and he thought it was a comedy because the lead is a strong woman who kicks men’s asses. He said the joke got old after the 3rd or 4th fight scene to which i graciously informed him that it’s not a comedy, but an action/drama, and asked how he liked the Equalizer which is just Denzel Washington in various timed fight scenes??
Why can’t strong women be seen as realistic instead of comedic fiction?

It’s an episode that made many people ask, “How is it I can cry at a comedic science fiction cartoon, but I can’t express my feelings to my friends and family?” Well, get your Zoloft out, because the episode was originally going be about Fry finding the body of his mom.

Yeah. Mentally walk yourself through the episode with that switch made.

5 Scrapped Episodes That Almost Ruined Famous TV Shows

I promised to talk a bit about A Young Doctor’s Notebook and add some context to your watchihng experience, so here’s some off the top of my head:

  • The show is based on a series of short stories and a separate story called Morphine by Mikhail Bulgakov, who by the way also wrote The Master and Margarita (aka that utterly brilliant book that every Russian claims to be their favourite book ,thus slowly spoiling it for hipster asses like me who actually love that book. Anyway, read it. It’s about a witch and satan and a writer and pontius pilate and jesus and stuff and things.)
  • …back to Bulgakov. The stories are autobiographical, he did study medicine and was sent to god-knows-where, as depicted. Amputations took place. It was depressing.
  • “Mophine” is written separately and about ~another  ~fictional person~~, but guess what.
  • .Bulgakov did have to take morphine for abdominal pain, and developed and addiction. So they just went “what the hell” and mixed his writing into this overly fictionalized dark comedic account of his own life. (as it should be tbh)
  • my favourite part is that Jon wears an outfit referencing one of Bulgakov’s most famous pictures, so it just screams “lol we’re doing a biography, except not really, except YES”)
  • so.. yeah, that’s your basic knowledge.
  • oh, and he also had this supercool wife who had to deal with all that shit and probably facepalmed all the way. (and i ~think she assisted him as a nurse? and tried to help him stay off drugs? *correct me here, guys)