This isn’t a love letter.
I’m writing this because I can’t love you anymore. And it’s not because I’m selfish and it’s not because I’m broken. It’s not because I don’t want to, because God knows I’d love you forever if you’d let me. We reached the end as soon as you started seeing her as more than just another person. As soon as you took glances at her that were more than just a look. I saw it coming before you even knew it. I watched you begin to love parts of her while you still called me baby. I felt the words “I love you” lose their meaning as they slipped through your mouth as if it were just another sentence. I heard the sound of your voice lose its happiness when you said my name. It starts slow, someone falling out of love with you, and then you wake up one day and it’s all gone. And you don’t know how it happened or where it all went, you just know that the person you love doesn’t love you anymore, and there’s nothing left. You sit there and let it all crumble, right there, right in front of you. And there is nothing you can do to stop it. Because you can’t make someone stay. And you definitely can’t make someone love you. It’s been over a month since you left and I’m still holding onto bits and pieces of us. Whenever I think I’m over you and I’m okay without you, it all comes back and memories of us and images of you and anagrams of your name start flooding my head. And then I’m back to where I started. But this isn’t about the end. This is about my love for you. I still love you. You know that. Anyone could see it. But you love me and then you don’t. It’s there and then it isn’t. Some nights you give me false hope and I truly believe there will be another us again. And then there’s days like today where you shove another girl’s name down my throat and then abandon me completely. And I’ll have to wait and wonder when the next time you’ll decide to love me or just talk to me again will be. I can’t keep letting myself wait for someone that’s never coming back. You’re impulsive. You left impulsively. And you almost came back impulsively. And if you did, I don’t know what I’d do. Because I want you. I want you in every way possible. But as soon as someone more beautiful comes along, someone who says your name in a softer voice, someone who has more curves, a brighter smile, a sexier gaze, you’ll be gone again. Out of impulse. You won’t ever choose to love me every day. You won’t choose to love me even when you don’t want to. You will never choose me. I know that now. I know that you’re my world and I’m just another girl living in yours. I know you won’t be sad without me. I know you don’t let stupid things like love get to you. I hope you know that I’m going to miss you for the rest of my life. My heart is going to ache until the very end. But despite it all, I love you forever. The hardest part is walking away from the only person you wanted to stay. The worst part is knowing that they don’t care that you did. The saddest part is knowing that they’ll never stop you, even though you’d run forever to stop them.
My love, this isn’t a love letter.
This is an, I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted, but I’ll always have dreams in which I could’ve been, letter.
This isn’t a love letter because love letters don’t end in tears.