Hey :) So after going through my 4 years of college, I've finally accepted that I'm bisexual and have more or less started to come out to all my friends who have all been great. Unfortunately, I don't think I can ever come out to my family. I don't think that I could take the emotional trauma of the rejection. They've always been proud of me and to see that permanently taken away would destroy me. But at the same time I want to take pride in who I am. I'm so lost and I really look up to you. ♥️
Omg…first off, big hug for you, bb. <3 <3 <3 And let’s count up our positives here, because having friends you can trust and be yourself around is everything. It’s honestly everything. Good friends are the family we choose, and they’re the ones that we go to when our blood relations disappoint us. Which they invariably do seemingly whenever they get the chance. <3
But I feel this feel so so much. I’ll never be out to my family either. My mother and father both died a couple of years ago and they never knew I was bi. My surviving family members won’t ever know either.
My husband knows and my kids know. And they love and support me.
I’m in no way an expert on this (Hell, I didn’t even know I was bi until a couple of years ago, and I just turned 31), but to me, coming out was something I did for me. I did it to feel good about myself and I came out to the people who I knew would be happy for me as well. I knew that telling my siblings and my parents wouldn’t make me feel good about myself. It would never be something I could tell them without fear of backlash. And therefore, I kept that part of myself to well, myself.
So Nonny…if it makes you feel unsafe to even think about coming out to your family, just stick to your friends and those you know will support you. I remember it being difficult for me to make that realization about myself. I flip-flopped for years and years thinking something was wrong with me. It really helped to not have to worry about backlash from people around me on top of that.
My husband was super supportive. We’d been married almost five years when I came out, and we just celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary this week. We’re happy and I feel good about myself and about my identity. I don’t feel like I’m hiding anything and I don’t feel like I’m lying to everyone around me, because the people who matter to me? KNOW ME. And I’m proud of me. And while I can’t really be out like everyone else, I can make my peace with that. I’ve accepted this and I’m okay with it. <3 And tbh? My siblings aren’t people I see an awful lot of to begin with. I spend most of my time with friends and my husband and my kids. Who all know ME.
But listen. It’s different for everyone. And I’m no expert on coming out or being bisexual or anything like that. And I’m not so sure how good this advice was, or even if it was advice. It was just simply my tiny little coming out/self discovery journey. <3 For me, a lot of it was admitting it to myself.
I can however, give you all the hugs and offer my inbox (or my messenger if you want to come off anon) up for whenever you want to talk. <3 I can also send you positive vibes and love. Because I hate that you’re feeling lost rn. <3 Just know that I am in the same boat as far as family goes. I know that battle (for me) is going to be a losing one and the possible casualties are more important to me than the outcome. </3 I hope you can find some light and figure out where to go from here. If you ever need a hand to hold, though, just reach out! <3