come back to me right now

i took today off sick, but gave my students a lot of computer work to do. we use a program that has a messenger system between teachers and the students, so i sent them a message this morning saying i was sick but should be back tomorrow

a few kids wrote back saying they hope i felt better soon, etc. but

ONE KID WROTE ME:

“Hi Miss Squelette, this is [student] i hope you feel better. and if you’re not back tomorrow i hope you’re on break from school. You work too hard, take a break from us please. Sincerely, [student]”

and then 10 minutes later he sends me another message:

“Some people are out of control so I hope you come back soon”

jfc i’m fucking dyinggggg right now

Anti’s New Buddy

                  Jack jumped as he heard a loud thud come from outside the house, his knee banging into his desk. “Ow, fuck!” He rubbed his sore knee, pausing the game he was playing. “Hey Anti? Mind going outside and seeing what just made that noise? I’m kinda in the middle of recording right now,” Jack called from his recording room. “Fine! But if it’s some nutjob and they try ta kill me I’m holding you responsible!” He heard Anti shout back. Jack chuckled before replying, “You’ll be fine ya big baby! Besides, if it is some random lunatic you can just pull the spooky demon routine and scare them off.” “Touche!" 



                  Anti got up off the couch he had been sitting on in Jack’s cinema room, brushing off some lint that had gotten onto his shirt. Today he had felt like wearing the outfit that the fans had come to associate him with since he had started showing up in Jack’s videos, aka the tight black shirt and torn black skinny jeans. Though instead of the black and white sneakers he was wearing his green and white ones and he was wearing his choker rather than leaving the scar on his neck exposed. He was also wearing a black and green bracelet on his right wrist. He ran a hand through his spiked up dark green hair, brushing aside a strand that had fallen onto his face. He left the room and headed outside, going around the house towards where the sound had come from. He paused when he saw the wheely bins had been knocked over. That must be what made the noise. But who or what knocked them over? 

                      He was about to set the bins upright again when a noise reached his ears. It sounded like, mewling? He picked up the lid to the one trash bin and his eyes widened when he saw a kitten. It couldn’t have been more than 2 months old. It was black with white front paws, ginger on it’s hind paws and a little bit of its hind legs, it had a white tail tip, a patch of white on it’s chest, and a tiny spot of white on it’s forehead that kinda looked like a four pointed star. It was it’s eyes that really got his attention though. The left eye was green and the right was blue, just like his eyes, though the kitten’s were a paler shade. The kitten looked up at him, wide-eyed. He stooped down and picked it up carefully, mindful of it’s claws. He was surprised when it started purring, snuggling up against him. To say his heart melted would be an understatement. He hurried back inside, eager to show the adorable little thing to Jack.

                       
      
                         Jack was startled when Anti suddenly burst into his recording room, holding out a ball of fluff and saying, "Can I keep it?!” Jack frowned when he realized the ball of fluff was in fact a kitten. “Anti, you know I’m allergic to cats. I’m sorry, but no.” “Aww come on! Mark let’s Dark have Jasmine! I want a little buddy! And besides, your allergies aren’t that bad, nothing clariten d or whatever couldn’t fix. Please? Just look at his cute little face! I promise I’ll take good care of him!” Anti begged, bringing the kitten closer to Jack’s face so he could take in the adorableness better. Jack glanced between the big mismatched eyes of the kitten and the pleading ones of Anti. He heaved a sigh. “Fine. But you better take really good care of him and brush him regularly so his fur doesn’t get all over the house. Or we will find him another home, got it?” “Got it! Come on Shadow, let’s show you the rest of the house!” Anti promptly left the room with the kitten in tow, presumably to give him a tour of the house. Jack shook his head in amazement. Who would have thought that the guy who tried to cut his throat last year would be parading a fuzzy kitten around a house they now shared. The world works in mysterious ways.


(( @magic-marvin-protection-patrol @chase-brody-protection-squad @save-antisepticeye-squad @the-safety-circle @anti-protection-squad @schneeplestein-support-squad @robthezombie-support-squad thought you guys might be interested in seeing this ))

One of my coworkers died over this past weekend and human resources just told us about it today. It wasn’t someone physically located in my office and I never met him in person, but we had some email correspondences on a project as recently as last month. It’s kind of eerie going back and seeing that name come up on big reply all email chains and I suspect I’ll continue to see him cc’ed on stuff for a while from now once this project ramps up for construction. What really trips me up was that he was basically the same age as me, and at the same stage of life that I’m at right now. It’s one thing to think about death as a purely philosophical exercise, but I guess it can hit pretty hard to home when it happens to someone who is living a very similar life to yours, even if you don’t know that person very well.

Last post

Im…gonna go into a short hiatus…i just cant seem to catch up with school and the blogs and hhh stress is getting to me…ill try and be back before spook-tober…but for now i have to finish some projects i have in hands right now… This goes for all my blogs… Ill try and come back now and then… Ill go lay down for a bit before my next class.

HELLO

I KNOW you’ve been wondering just where is our favorite Harlan Hook??? HMMM??? I am here to tell you! But first I just really wanna apologize for this hiatus, I know I suck I just lost muse for Harry for quite a while?? I really do hope to come back to him someday and I hope you’d still want to rp with me when i do!

That said, right now I’m mainly on my IT multimuse I made which you can find at @clownfearing my Liam Dunbar @angrybabybeta and my GOT blog @liittlelcrd! Hope I see you there! I know a few of you already found me XD I’mma set this on queue and reblog this from those blogs as well! I LOVE YOU! 

2

Ok SM better give us something to work with EXO-Ls are starting to lose their shit 😂😂😂

Too Much To Ask

waiting here for someone
only yesterday we were on the run
you smile back at me
and your face lit up the sun
now i’m waiting here for someone

and oh, love
do you feel this rough
why’s it only you i’m thinking of

my shadow’s dancing without you for the first time
my heart is hoping
you walk right in tonight
and tell me there are things that you regret
‘cause if i’m being honest i ain’t over you yet
it’s all i’m asking
is it too much to ask
is it too much to ask

someone’s moving outside
the lights come on down the drive
i forget you’re not here when i close my eyes
do you still think of me sometimes

and oh, love
watch the sun coming up
don’t it feel fucked up we’re not in love

my shadow’s dancing without you for the first time
my heart is hoping
you walk right in tonight
and tell me there are things that you regret
‘cause if i’m being honest i ain’t over you yet
it’s all i’m asking
is it too much to ask

my shadow’s dancing without you for the first time
my heart is hoping
you walk right in tonight
and tell me there are things that you regret
‘cause if i’m being honest i ain’t over you yet

my shadow’s dancing without you for the first time
my heart is hoping
you walk right in tonight
and tell me there are things that you regret
‘cause if i’m being honest i ain’t over you yet

it’s all i’m asking
is it too much to ask

it’s all i’m asking
is it too much to ask
it’s all i’m asking
is it too much to ask

Young Zeref Portrait

Can’t believe Mashima looked at this face and said “yes I think I’ll destroy his life and trap him in it for centuries.” >:) I find myself drawing young Zeref a lot as I play with brushes and styles. I don’t usually get attached to basically non-canon characters but I can’t get the original Dragneels out of my head <3

Please do not alter or repost :)

Draco Malfoy's Potions Notes 🍆

He’s doing it again.

What?

You know. The thing with his eggplant.

Who are you talking about?

Don’t tease me, Pans. You bloody well know who.

Pans?

Fine, I’ll stop calling you that, but believe me, it’s a vast improvement on Pansy.

Excuse me?

You can hex me later. In the meantime, can we please get back to the matter at hand? Harry Potter is fondling an eggplant. In the middle of class.

And that bothers you?

Of course! It’s like he’s teasing me on purpose.

Are you serious? It’s a potions ingredient, not a dildo.

He could have fooled me. Look at the way he - oh merlin now he’s basically wanking it off right here in the middle of class.

He’s wanking off an eggplant? Are you okay?

No I’m not. I’m going to have to leave early.

Are you kidding me?

No, it’s really come to that, Pans. This is killing me.

Oh yeah, I should probably let you know right now that I am not Pansy.

Please tell me you’re joking, Pans. This isn’t funny.


Pansy dropped an open book on my desk earlier in class and your notes just sort of appeared in it.

Oh merlin, who is this?

You probably don’t want to know.

Potter?

Malfoy?

Fuck. Please let this be a dream. This is the worst - POTTER, FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN, COULD YOU PLEASE PUT THAT FUCKING EGGPLANT DOWN ALREADY???

Threaten my livelihood, don't be surprised when I come at you harder.

This happened a few years ago and it’s somewhat lengthy but I’ll try and keep it reasonable. TL;DR below.

It all started when I moved to Nevada with my dad because my parents had divorced relatively recently and he wanted me to stick around and help him with my younger siblings. He is the hardest working man I’ve ever met, and I didn’t have anything really going on besides kind of roaming, so when he asked if I could move in with him and just kind of be there for my little brother and sister in exchange for room and board, I wasn’t going to say no.

Anyway, we ended up moving to Nevada in our travels because he was in the mining field and there happened to be a mine there.

A little later on, he hooked me up with a job at the mine too. Nothing special, just working in the warehouse doing various duties. It paid well though and I was pretty strapped for cash so I was glad for it.

I actually enjoyed it for the first 2ish months.

Keep reading

I think the core thing that caused The Last Airbender to be the horrible, piece of shit movie that it is was the fact that Shyamalan clearly looked down on the TV series as just some dumb children’s show and not for the good thing it is. It really shows through in the movie that he thought that the show’s just a mindless cartoon made to momentarily distract children too dumb to comprehend the world around them. That was his first of many mistakes, and that, combined with his incompetence, laid the foundation for the film.

anonymous asked:

Hey there! I was just wondering if you had a list for Sterek Breeding kink? Like Derek and Stiles both know that Stiles can't get pregnant but it doesn't stop Derek from getting off on trying

Breeeeeeeeding kiiiiiiiiiiink! WOO!  So here for it, wish there was more -Emmy

Obscene by ml0692 

(1,782 I Explicit I Complete)

Stiles can’t help but notice that Derek’s transition to becoming an Alpha is accompanied by a substantial increase in the size of his bulge.

Make a Sentence by badwolfbadwolf 

(2,189 I Explicit I Complete)

Stiles never feels more like a wrung out slut than when Derek has him spread out and gasping for it, dripping wet and moaning into the pillows. The rough words roll over him, ghosting along the peaks and valleys of bone and sinew, lodging in the base of his skull and the tip of his uncomfortably hard and untouched cock.

Takin’ Your Knot So Perfectly by myrandomnesslife 

(2,350 I Explicit I Complete)  *teen!derek

Stiles and Derek enjoy themselves while the Sheriff is away.

You’re My Favorite Kink by wafflesmakebabies 

(2,443 I Explicit I Complete)

Sequel to “Who Do You Think About?” (Completed)

Plushwolf by the_ragnarok 

(2,550 I Explicit I Complete)  *noncon/dubcon, underage

So suppose Stiles slept every night with his plush wolf doll, to ward off bad dreams. Only that doll was Derek under a spell, and he came alive in Stiles’ dreams. Specifically, in the type of dreams that involve coming.

Anything Goes Between You And I by hexthejinx 

(2,661 I Explicit I Complete)

Derek has a secret impregnation kink and one day Stiles discovers it. He’s not freaked out by this, though - quite the contrary.

No actual mpreg in this story! They just like to imagine stuff. :)

The Last Temptation by queerly_it_is 

(4,008 I Explicit I Complete)

Derek always gets stuck between making too much noise or just gasping silently.

He knows he’d been making noise earlier; when Stiles walked them both into the bedroom he’d been humming into kisses and mumbling dry responses to Stiles saying he “had plans”; when Stiles tugged at his clothes he remembers he’d said something meant to pass for controlled about patience that had made Stiles roll his eyes.

And when Stiles pulled his mouth off Derek’s dick with a slurp so lewd it had to be at least half on purpose and told him to roll over with his voice gone rough, Derek’s sure he’d breathed out, “Yeah. Yeah okay.”

Fever by Little Spoon (JaydenNara) 

(4,227 I Explicit I Complete)

Stiles was all for rough. He loved when Derek manhandled him, showed off his strength, and left marks on his skin, but Derek had always held back. Stiles had just never realized how much… until now. 

Give Me Everything At Once by SleepDepraved 

(4,366 I Explicit I Complete)

The missing sex scene.

or the one where Stiles and Derek have been drinking, and then there is filthy sex.

Briefcase by ColetheWolf 

(6,306 I Explicit I Complete)  *stepfather/stepson, also Derek/Sheriff (mentioned), infidelity

Derek comes back home to pick up his briefcase, but instead finds his stepson in an extremely compromising, yet arousing position.

Baby, Give Me Light by MereLoup 

(14,598 I Explicit I Complete)   *fake mpreg

“How long do we have?” Derek’s breath was husky and aroused, his eyes never leaving Stiles’ lingerie clad body.

Derek had a slight lisp from where his fangs had dropped down into his mouth, his salivary glands working overtime in his arousal, and his claws were extended, digging mercilessly into the mattress. Derek was so turned on right now and the Wolf was so close to the surface, Stiles’ didn’t know where he had found the restraint to sit there as still as he was. He sounded so close already, Stiles just wanted him to let loose.

“Until sunrise.”

Derek raised an eyebrow, too slowly and too meticulously to be casual. “That’s quite a lot of time.”

“Let’s make the best of it.” Stiles’ fingers brushed over his swollen belly and Derek growled in answering arousal.

youtube

New Vid early: A Half in the Bag type rip off review of the new PPG Special

It’s early since it’s topical. I got some mental things going on right now but I’m getting better. Had heart palpitations from stress but I’m getting better. Had to take a break from editing. The last Top 10 took 7 days to edit. So here’s this vid edited in under 10 hours. It’s a vacation for me. Things’ll be back to normal by the next video. But maybe I should do it again with animated movies coming out like Ninjago. MAYBE. I need to work on Top 10s and reviews after.

EVERY VID EVER PLAYLIST

How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

“Did You Just Stab Me?”

Pairing: Bucky X Mutant!Reader

Words: 1685

Warnings: Sort of angsty. I don’t know what to file this under. I guess some humor?

Summary: “Did you just stab me?”

A/N: This is for @bladebarnes 4K celebration Writing Challenge. CONGRATS DARLING :) :) :) Permanent tag list is closed. Sorry! Bucky tag list is nearly closed. Others are still open so let me know if you want to be tagged and what you want to be tagged in HERE (in anything but the permanent tag list).

Originally posted by wintersthighs

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Marichat May - Kiss it Better

It’s super late, but I said I’d do it!

The moment I saw the prompt, I thought of the song Kiss it Better by He is We, which is a straight shot to the feels and I’d definitely recommend it as background music if you ever need to write an angsty scene.

TW: Blood and Character death. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. See the tags for more thoughts.

Paris lay in ruins.

Paris lay in ruins and Chat Noir was alone.

He had split away from Ladybug nearly ten minutes ago so she could recharge her kwami. The akuma, a vastly destructive force that went by the name of Dévastateur, had spent the better part of the past hour turning the streets to rubble and carving chunks out of buildings. Monuments were crushed beneath his power – and for once, Chat wondered if Hawkmoth regretted releasing a power like that into the world.

The akuma wasn’t anything special, really. He was granted power, great power, which gave him strength beyond imagination. It was his heart, however, that had darkened to a point that no mortal should ever near.

Chat didn’t know why the victim had turned so cold. He wasn’t sure he cared – not when Ladybug was still missing in action and Paris was a bona fide mess. But he did know that the damage wasn’t entirely Hawkmoth’s fault. No. This was personal on some level. The man beneath the mask wanted to tear the world apart on his own terms.

In Ladybug’s absence, Chat had reverted to a new plan – evacuating as many civilians as he could as quickly as he could. There were times for showy heroics, and there were times when all that mattered was preventing a bloodbath. This happened to be one of the latter.

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I (female, important) work sometimes at a pretty big game store. I’ve got many stories about this place, but I’ll stick to the most recurring one for today.
So usually when I worked, it would be me and either Amanda (which is also my name), Jordan, or Dylan as managers, each with their own amazing personalities! Def some of my fav people. Amanda and myself were two of the only 3 girls working there.
Often I’d be on the floor, most people I greet would say they didn’t need help, in and out. Others would eventually need help.
Then there were the lovelies. “Oh, I don’t need help” only to walk directly over to my male superior and get their help, usually when they’re doing manager stuff. The guys would always try to push them back to me, but 9/10 times, they’d insist on needing their help.
One time when it was Amanda and myself, a guy came in. I greeted him, he responded, “…yeah can I talk to you manager?” I say sure and go get Amanda. The guy says “…are there any males working right now?” We say nope, just us. “…I’ll come back tomorrow. Girls don’t know about video games”
That’s cool man fuck you too it’s not like all I do is play at home lol
Because in case you were curious, girls aren’t capable of knowing anything about video games :) Even tho I was more qualified than the two guys that got turned down while myself and Dan got hired :)

2

09.09.17 / 6:28pm / serendipity - jimin

i love not posting for a whole month and then coming back with two posts in a day, don’t you? also, i’ve been listening to 1989 the whole day and i’m concerned for myself.

someone send me motivation please!! @studyoblivion and i have been in need of an intervention for a while. ((JUANA I’M STILL PROCRASTINATING)) and if you’re procrastinating right now, remember it’s normal but ya just got to try n do that work!!