“If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable… but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I’ll get revenge soon enough. fuckers shouldn’t have ripped on me so much huh! HA! then again its human nature to do what you did… so I guess I am also attacking the human race.”
“I want to grab a few different girls in my gym class, take them into a room, pull their pants off, and fuck them hard, I love flesh…..the smooth legs, the large breasts, the innocent flawless body, the eyes, the hair, jet black, blond, white, brown, AHHHH I just want to fuck!!!”
- Excerpt from the journal of Eric Harris, dated November 12, 1998.
On January 30, 1998 (19 years ago today) Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were arrested by Jefferson County Deputy Tim Walsh for “criminal trespass”. They had broken into a van and stole $400 worth of electronic equipment.
Eric wrote an apology letter to the van owner, meanwhile ranting about it in one of his journal entries.
I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem — when Dylan Benet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body … as I see the people at school — some good, some bad — I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess).
“Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of one’s self. I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted. love is greater than life even. As i look for love, i feel i can’t find it. ever. but something tells me i will. Someday. Somewhere. As my love will find me. She feels as i do right now, i can feel it. we will be inseperable. Her & i. Whether it is [edited] or not, i think ill find it. (my love). we will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness… no limits… no limits. Nothing will stop us.”
My existence is shit to me – how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake – artificial, induced by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart…. & I sit & think …
“Existence….. what a strange word. He, set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing realevent to himself. The petty destinations of others & everything on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the indefineable, of the unknown. He explores the everything…using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions…. the everything is his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything. Then, ocuring to him, the answer. How everything is connected yet seperate. By experiencing the petty others’ actions, reactions, emotions, doings, [scribble] and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle. Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever-existant compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall. Questions make answers, answers conceive questions, and at long last he is content.” - Journal entry by Dylan Klebold