things that annoy color guard members

-when the wind takes your flag to the other side of the football field
-when it rains and your silk gets heavy and sticks to your body/your weapon slides right out of your hands
-when you order new gloves and you have to break them in and until then you can’t squeeze
-when your flag comes untaped in the middle of flag block
-when your friend’s flag comes untaped in the middle of flag block
-when it’s windy and you’re holding a pose or something and your flag makes the “whoop whoop whoop whoop” sound
-when your instructor says “one more time” (lie)
-when you tell people you’re in color guard and they’re like “oh cool my friend is in rotc”
-when you tell people you’re in drum corps and they say “i didn’t know you play the drums”
-when you have to wear performance blacks because your uniform isn’t ready yet
-when it’s hot outside and your uniform is 72829922 layers
-when it’s cold outside and your uniform is very revealing
-glove tans

The Marching Instruments as Awkward Senior Portraits

piccolo:  the shell-shocked (couldn’t hear the photographer count down over ringing in their ears)

flutes:  the i’m-trying-too-hard

clarinets:  the pikachu

bass clarinets:  the “maybe now you’ll remember i exist, fuckers”

any of the saxophones: the sex god

trumpets:  the “hot shit”

mellophones:  the cat photo

trombones:  the i-forgot-about-senior-portraits-until-the-day-they-were-due-to-the-yearbook-so-i-had-my-friend-take-this-outside-five-minutes-ago

euphoniums/baritones/tubas:  the what-the-fuck

pit percussion:  the my-instrument-is-my-child pose

drum line:  the casually-holding-a -deadly-weapon

color guard:  the dance costume

drum major: the ruler of all things music