It Wasn’t Me (Evan Hansen x Reader)
It Wasn’t Me (Evan Hansen x Reader)
Notes: Soooo the idea of Evan being roommates in college with Jared and Connor makes me extremely, happy so I wrote it! I might write more of these? I don’t know. Anyway, this is after Evan’s been getting therapy and meds for his anxiety, so obviously that’s still there, but he’s doing a lot better. Connor is also doing better (although as you will see below, the boy still has some, er, anger issues).
I may or may not have been inspired to write this after listening to Will Roland sing “It Wasn’t Me.” Also, I may more may not have put in a reference to Connor finishing the milk. And I may or may not have started giggling stupidly when I wrote it.
Warnings: Swearing. Also Jared keeps interpreting poor Evan and the reader’s kissing as something more, but it’s not really crude or anything, just him teasing Evan a little. This is all basically pure fluff.
“Does that help you think better?”
Evan glances up at you. The two of you are sitting on his bed—or, more accurately, you’re sitting. He is lying on his back, his knees propped up and upper body hanging over the edge of the bed upside down, his head only a couple inches above the dingy dorm room carpet. “No,” he says. His awkward position and the quiet Owl City music drifting from his hand-me-down iPhone make his voice come out oddly muffled. “My back was just hurting.”
You smirk at him. “And you think that will help?”
He attempts to shrug and slips farther off the bed.
You return your focus to the biology textbook in your lap. It’s your first semester away at college, and you are lucky enough to share a class with Evan. When you were deciding on colleges, everyone warned you not to choose the school based on where your boyfriend was going. And you hadn’t, exactly. It was just that it was only a couple hours from home, wasn’t too expensive, and had a good psych program. You couldn’t help it that Evan had gotten a scholarship here.
“Okay,” you say. “Describe the characteristics of bryophytes.”
Evan’s face screws up. The tip of his tongue pokes through the side of his mouth as he thinks, and it reminds you of back in high school when you would quiz each other before algebra tests. “They’re smaller than most other plants. Um, some examples would be moss, liverwort, and, ah … oh, hornwort. They use spores instead of seeds. And … oh, and they get their food and nutrients through diffusion.”
“Yep.” You sigh a little as your eyes wander over Evan’s textbook. Large chunks of text are highlighted in crisp, straight yellow lines with certain words circled in blue pen. “They should have a condensed class for psych majors. I’m never going to use any of this stuff.”
“But it’s fun to know.”
“For you.” You shove the book off your lap and lower yourself onto your side, cocking your head so you can look down at his face. “Are we still going to the Finger Lakes National Forest tomorrow?”
“Hopefully.” Evan rubs his temple; his skin is starting to turn red from hanging upside down. “Jared keeps giving me shit about it, though. Apparently there’s some gaming club on campus, and they have a big meeting tomorrow. He thinks I should go or something. I don’t know.” He winces and shifts a little as if to get up, but then droops back down to the awkward position. His face turns sheepish. “I think I’m stuck.”
You laugh. “God, Ev.”
He grabs the side of his head, although a smile darts across his lips. “Help me up, I feel like my brain’s exploding.”
There’s just enough room beneath the top bunkbed to sit upright, so you get up on your knees. Bending over Evan, you grip his hand and help hoist him back onto the bed. His hair flops over his forehead, messy like when he’s woken up from a nap. It’s so cute you lean forward and kiss the tip of his nose.
His mouth curves up at the corners. “What’s that for?”
“Just because.” You scoot closer to him. Jared Kleinman and Connor Murphy, his roommates and best friends from high school, have for once left the two of you alone in the room, and right now with your knees pressed up against Evan’s and the only sound in the room the whimsical voice of Adam Young, this little nook feels wonderfully cozy. You let yourself bend toward him until you’re mouth hovers just an inch or two from his. “Is your brain okay now?”
He gives a tiny nod. Then, after quickly wiping his hands across his jeans, he bends forward and kisses you.
Lovely little shivers climb up your spine as hands find their way into hair and noses nudge. Evan kisses your lips, then your cheek and your nose and then your lips again, each kiss a tiny peck that leaves your skin hot. His kisses are frantic, as if he can’t get enough, but they’re also soft and gentle, like he’s afraid of breaking you. He’s always been like this with you—eager, but cautious.
Your relationship always been like this, soft and careful and loving, and you adore him for it.
The song on Evan’s iPhone switches to another Owl City song, this one driven by a cheerful guitar rather than synthesizers. Between kisses, you catch a glimpse of Evan smiling, and the sight of it pulls you in deeper. You cup his cheek in one hand and kiss him longer, your noses tucked against each other and foreheads pressed together.
“Get a room, you two.”
You and Evan jerk away from each other and whip toward the door. Jared stands in the doorway, a half-eaten cookie in one hand and a lazy smirk hanging on his mouth.
A furious blush spreads from Evan’s neck up to his ears as he glares. “Maybe you should knock next time.”
“Hey, I live here, too.” Jared bites off a chunk of the cookie and, lifting his other hand in a wave, speaks around the mouthful. “Hi, Y/N.”
“Hi,” you say, your voice coming out a little wobbly. The fact that you’ve known Jared Kleinman since elementary school and have seen him wandering around the dorm in smiley-face boxers on numerous occasions doesn’t take away the embarrassment over him walking in on you and Evan kissing. You run your hand over your hair and tuck it behind your ears, then pick at a loose thread on Evan’s comforter. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch Evan shrink back into the shadows, although his eyebrows are still drawn in irritation.
The three of you are silent for a moment before Jared motions at the two of you. “Go ahead, continue,” he says. “I’ll just sit here and be quiet.”
Evan chucks his pillow at Jared, although it misses by several feet. “Don’t be gross,” he says.
Jared lets out a strangled sound around a mouthful of cookie. “Again, I live here too! What else am I supposed to do? I can’t just leave every time you guys need some sexy time—”
Evan sputters. “It wasn’t—we weren’t—”
“We were studying biology,” you say.
Jared lifts his eyebrows at you. “Right,” he says, dragging out the word.
When Evan fiddles with his shirt and you go back to picking at the thread on the comforter, Jared shoves the last bite of cookie in his mouth and shrugs. “Okay, well, guess I’ll just grab my Theory of Computation book and head back out. Hey, when I’m gone, why don’t you guys put a sign on the door or something? That way Connor won’t walk in when—”
“Jared,” Evan mutters. His ears are still bright red. “Shut up.”
“Whatever, bro.” Jared wanders to the desk beneath the loft bed across from Evan and Connor’s bunkbed and picks through the layer of junk. “Guess I’ll go hang out at Starbucks. Hell, at this point I spend so much time there they should start charging me rent.”
Evan gets up to retrieve his pillow from the floor. “Or you could just hang out in the common room instead of whining about not being in here.”
Jared aims a look at him over his shoulder. “Or you could.”
Evan frowns as he climbs back onto the bed but doesn’t say anything. The boys’ dorm is the kind where there are two rooms connected by a small living room/kitchen and a bathroom. You’ve met the boys in the other dorm a couple times, and Evan says they’re nice, but there’s something fundamentally uncomfortable about sharing a living space with people you don’t know. Especially when you’re already prone to feeling uncomfortable around people, no matter the living situation.
The door swings open for the second time in the past two minutes, and Connor storms in. “Kleinman,” he snaps, and Jared’s head jerks up. “Did you eat those cookies Mom sent me?”
Jared blinks wide eyes at him. He slowly dusts his hands off on his shorts. “No. Obviously not.”
Evan snickers beside you.
Connor’s eyes go steely. “How many times have we told you not to mess with our stuff? If you want something from home, ask your own damn parents.” He turns to Evan, as if looking for backup, and Evan jerks his head in a nod.
Jared props a hip against the desk and shrugs. “If you’re so concerned about it, just go buy some more cookies.”
“I can’t, those were my mom’s homemade cookies.”
“That’s a bummer.” Jared goes back to searching the desk for his textbook. “Like I said, bro, it wasn’t me.”
Jared’s mouth falls open. “Who says it had to be me?” he asks, his tone pitching up in indignation. “Why not Evan? Why not Y/N?”
“Because they have boundaries and know not to go through other people’s stuff.” Connor lifts his hand in a half-wave at you. “Hi, Y/N, by the way.”
“Hi,” you reply.
Jared shuffles a collection of pencils around on the desk. “Since when do I eat your crap? I mean, yes, there was that one time I borrowed some of your peanut butter …”
“How does one borrow food?” Evan asks, biting down on a grin, and Jared casts an irritated glance at him.
“You ate the whole fucking jar!” Connor snaps. “And then a week later you ate all of Evan’s cereal.”
“And you finished the milk,” Jared says. “So either way, he was screwed.”
“That was communal milk, you dick.”
While the two boys continue arguing, you nudge Evan with your elbow and mutter, “Do you think they’ll ever stop?”
“Probably for a few minutes until one of them finds something else to get angry over.” Evan hugs his pillow to his stomach and smirks. “We should get popcorn.”
“To throw at them?”
He laughs into his pillow.
“Okay, so I ate Evan’s last bag of gummy bears the other day!” Jared shouts. “Big deal!”
“Yes, Jared,” Connor says. He says it in a quietly sarcastic voice, and somehow it’s a hundred times more intimidating than Jared’s yelling. “That was Evan’s. And we’ve told you not to do that anymore.”
“I don’t, it was just once—”
“Just once?” Connor begins ticking items off on his fingers. “There was the peanut butter, then the cereal, then the M&Ms, then the brownies—”
“Hey,” Jared says, “those were for all of us.”
“No, they definitely weren’t.” Conner holds up his hand, all five fingers splayed. “And then you ate Evan’s gummy bears.”
“Don’t forget when he stole your nail polish,” Evan says.
Connor’s eyebrows wrinkle as he seethes, “You did what?”
Jared’s face flushes red. “I didn’t steal it,” he says. “I was—I was just—it was going to be a prank—”
“Okay, that’s it.” Connor thrusts his finger toward the door, his arm rigid. “Out.”
“Out?” you whisper.
“Connor likes to try to kick Jared out every time he steals our food,” Evan murmurs back. “Usually it ends with them making up and playing a videogame in the common room.”
“How sweet.” You watch the two boys glaring at each other for a moment. “I have a better idea.”
Evan gives you a funny look as you slide off the bed and step between Connor and Jared. “How about instead of yelling, we all go back to my house tomorrow?” you say. “I’ll bake, like, four dozen cookies. Those should last a while, right?”
“Not with Kleinman around,” Connor mutters.
Jared frowns. “Hey, that’s not—”
“Guys. Focus.” You cross your arms and glance up at Connor; you’re not that much shorter than Jared, but Connor towers over you. “Evan and I were going to go to the Finger Lakes National Forest. We’d probably visit our families before heading back up here anyway. So it’s no big deal. Okay?”
“Y/N,” Jared says, a relieved grin lighting his face, “that may be the best idea you’ve ever had.” He swipes his textbook off the desk, where it has been sitting under a pile of t-shirts, and saunters toward the door. “See you guys for dinner!”
“We still need to talk about you stealing our food!” Connor shouts after him as the door shuts. He blinks at you, then at the biology textbook on the floor and Evan kneeling on the bed. “What are you guys doing?” he asks.
“Studying,” the two of you say at the same time.
The four of you pile into Jared’s minivan on Saturday morning and head toward home. Despite the extra passengers, you still go ahead with your plan to stop at the Finger Lakes National Forest. As soon as the road heads into the woods, Evan’s face melts into a smile that reminds you of when he was younger, and it makes something inside you flutter so hard it tickles.
You spend a good four hours hiking. Evan is almost giddy with it all; he’s taking pictures of everything and keeps pointing out various flowers and trees he hasn’t seen before. You bend down to study every new kind of moss he discovers and even let him put a salamander he finds in your hand.
Connor and Jared at least act somewhat interested at first, but toward the end of the hike they’re both nearly growling every time Evan stops to take a picture of something. Connor keeps griping about their lack of food, and Jared has drugged himself up on allergy meds and is hanging onto Connor’s arm as he tries to stay awake.
“They should be fun to drive with,” you murmur to Evan when Jared trips over a tree root and nearly takes Connor down with him. The taller boy lets out a string of swear words loud enough that it startles several birds up from the underbrush as he helps Jared back to his feet.
“They’ll probably fall asleep,” Evan says, snapping a picture of a mushroom that looks utterly unremarkable to you. “Or Connor will listen to his music and brood until we get food.”
Evan bends toward you and plants a swift kiss on your cheek. “You can sit up front with me and pick the music.”
You kiss him back, this time a tiny peck on his lips that leaves him blushing. “Good.”
The drive to Evan’s house goes remarkably smoothly; as Evan predicted, Connor and Jared fall asleep within twenty minutes of leaving the national forest. You turn on Evan’s Owl City playlist, and the two of you listen to it in peaceful silence all the way back to his house.
When you arrive, you, Connor, and Jared follow Evan to the front door. You don’t even get inside before Heidi bursts out and smothers the four of you in hugs. “I’ve missed you so much,” she murmurs, kissing Evan’s forehead. “All of you.”
Evan’s cheeks go pink as his mom continues hugging him, but his mouth bends in a smile that, just like the one in the forest earlier, reminds you of when he was younger.
The four of you follow Heidi inside and spend a good half hour in the family room telling her about school. A giddy smile that looks remarkably similar to her son’s lights her face as she listens. At one point you follow her to the kitchen to get water for yourself and the boys, and she gives you another hug and says, “I’m so glad to see you again. I’ve missed our chats.”
You let the hug linger for a moment; ever since you became friends with Evan, Heidi has loved you. She’s so much easier to talk to than most adults you interacted with during high school, and she almost feels like a second mom, or maybe an older sister. “I’ve missed you too.”
She lets you go and begins pulling glasses down from the cabinet. “Are things still good with you and Evan?”
You think of last night on his bed and how at home you felt when it was just the two of you, studying and talking and kissing. The memory alone sends a warm little flutter through your stomach. “Things are perfect.”
“Good,” she says. She’s biting down on a smile, almost like she’s trying to downplay how excited she is for you and Evan. It’s a little reminder of how much she cares about the two of you and it makes you love her even more.
You return to the family room, and after another fifteen minutes of chatting with Heidi, she says she has to run a few errands before her shift. Evan kisses his mom goodbye, and it brings up hundreds of memories of spending evenings at his house and watching his mom steal a kiss on the cheek before running out to go to work or school. Somehow those days feel both so long ago and like they happened only yesterday.
You were so young back then and don’t want to go back; you aren’t the type of person to miss high school. But right now standing here in the Hansens’ house, surrounded by the warmth and love with your family only a few minutes, a part of you wishes you could just stay here and spend your evenings with Evan goofy shows and, at the end of the night, returning home to your family.
A gentle tug on your hand pulls you from your thoughts. “Come on,” Evan murmurs, his fingers wrapped around yours. “We should start baking.”
Baking cookies at the Hansens’ has always been a fun activity. It started sometime back in high school; you and Evan were bored one night and didn’t have anything good to eat, so the two of you Googled a bunch of cookie recipes and decided to try them. It quickly became a popular activity for rainy days or times when you or Evan didn’t feel like leaving the house. One evening Heidi came home from work to find every surface in the kitchen covered in various kinds of cookies and you singing showtunes so off-key Evan just sat on the floor laughing.
Despite it being several months since the two of you baked anything, when you get into the kitchen, it’s like you and Evan are magically synced up. You begin cracking eggs into the mixing bowl and beating them with brown sugar while he carefully measures flour into a second bowl. Jared and Connor stand off to the side, watching the flurry of activity with dazed expressions.
“Can we help?” Connor asks, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.
You shake your head as you scrape butter into the bowl with eggs and sugar. “Not yet, we’re good.”
Evan carries his bowl over to yours; he’s added all the dry ingredients and quietly stirs them with a wooden spoon. Whenever the two of you bake, he somehow ends up getting flour on him and today is no different—there’s a smudge on the tip of his nose as well as a spattering of it across his navy blue t-shirt.
You brush the tip of his nose with your index finger, wiping away the flour, and then plant a small kiss there. “You’re messy,” you murmur.
A crooked smile jerks at his mouth. “But I make damn good cookie dough.”
“Only ’cause I’m helping you.”
He shakes his head. “I made you cookies after you had your wisdom teeth out, and they were good.”
You laugh. “Evan, those were the most undercooked cookies I’ve ever eaten.”
“They were supposed to be soft so you could eat them.”
“Soft, not raw.”
Evan dips his finger in the bowl of flour and smudges a line of it on your nose. You flick at his finger, giggling. If it were just the two of you, you would both probably end up with flour all over your faces and clothes, but with Connor and Jared watching, you just flick a tiny bit of flour onto Evan’s cheek and then turn back to the mixer.
Evan watches over your shoulder while you slowly add the dry ingredients to the mixer; eventually he lets his hands rest on your hips, timid at first. You lean back against him a little, and he wraps his arms around you and rests his chin on your shoulder, his cheek against your hair. You close your eyes for a moment and focus on the way his arms feel around your stomach, wishing desperately for it to be just the two of you because you would turn around and kiss him until you couldn’t breathe.
When you open your eyes again, Jared is beside you with a spoon in his hand. He shuts off the mixer and reaches to dip the spoon in the bowl.
You swat his hand away. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Jesus, Y/N. I was just going to taste the cookie dough.”
Evan lets his arms fall away from you and takes a step back. He nods at the batter. “It has raw eggs in it.”
“I’ve been eating raw cookie dough my entire life, I don’t think it will kill me.” Jared goes to get a scoop, but you swat his hand away again and receive an exasperated huff in return.
“Come on,” Connor says from the other side of the kitchen. “If you’re not gonna let us help, at least let us have some of the dough.” He tucks his hair behind one ear and clears his throat. “Or, um, let Kleinman have some.”
For some reason, the image of the brooding, tall boy savoring a spoonful of cookie dough makes your lips twitch with a smile. You lean back against the counter. “I didn’t know you liked cookie dough, Connor.”
“What kind of moron doesn’t?” Jared asks, quickly swiping his spoon through the dough before you can tell him not to. “Besides, he’s the one who freaked out over me eating the last cookie.”
“Because it was mine.” Connor crosses his arms over his chest. “I’ll have a bite once you put chocolate chips in it.”
You shoo Jared away before he can double dip and say, “Evan and I were planning on putting in raisins, actually.”
Evan gives you a funny look for a few seconds before he seems to catch on. “Oh yeah,” he says. “Y/N and I, um, specialize in raisin cookies.”
A look of utter revulsion passes over Connor’s face. “Are you fucking kidding me.”
“Raisin cookies are good,” Jared says, licking the last bit of dough off his spoon. He squints at the mixing bowl. “Although I don’t know why there’s no oatmeal in the batter if—”
“Shut up, Kleinman.” Connor stalks closer to you, and you bite back the laugh that threatens rise from your throat. “Are you honestly telling me we drove two hours and spent four hours in a fucking forest just for you to make raisin cookies?”
Evan starts snickering before you can say anything.
Connor glares at the two of you. “You’re hilarious,” he deadpans. “Truly.”
Evan’s laughter grows louder and harder, to the point where he’s clutching his stomach, and you and Jared start laughing, too. “You’re face,” Jared hoots, pointing at Connor. “You looked—god, I think you were more pissed than when I ate the cookie yesterday—oh god—”
“I was just surprised.” Connor maintains his scowl, but you notice the corner of his mouth twitching. He bites down on his lip. “Obviously I don’t care.”
Jared gasps out another laugh and claps Connor on the shoulder. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Murphy.”
Sunday night, the four of you have returned to school, and you and Evan are once again sitting on his bed, quizzing each other for tomorrow’s biology test. Or, you were until ten minutes ago when you flopped down on the bed and announced that you were going to go blind from looking at that textbook so much. Since then, the two of you have been curled up together, scrolling through pictures from the national forest on Evan’s phone.
Evan’s lying behind you, his chest to your back and arm draped over you so the two of you can see his phone. He tucks his cheek against yours, peering over your shoulder as he scrolls through the pictures.
“Look at this one,” he murmurs, stopping on one of Connor shimmying up a tree like a monkey.
“Mm, I like the ones of you better.”
His cheek flushes warm against yours, and you turn and kiss him before he can worry about figuring out a response.
Evan lets the kiss linger a long time; he lays his phone down and twists so he can hold your face with both hands. It’s like a strange dance programmed within you; the two of you are thinking only of kissing, but somehow your bodies know to turn and rise up on your knees, hands going to faces and tangling in hair.
A loud bang sends the two of you falling away from each other, so fast Evan smacks his head on the side of the bunk bed. He winces as the two of you look at Jared standing in the doorway, a cookie clutched in one hand. He’s only wearing a t-shirt and Spider-Man boxers.
“Were you in the common room?” Evan asks, rubbing the back of his head. “In that?”
“Yup.” Jared shoves half the cookie in his mouth and motions at the two of you. “Sorry to interrupt again. Like I said before, you should really put a sign on the door.”
A blush rises in your cheeks. Evan’s ears burn red, but he just rolls his eyes.
Jared pulls a chocolate chip from the cookie and pops it in his mouth. “Carry on.”
“Oh god,” you groan, and bury your face in Evan’s pillow. The soft smell of his shampoo overwhelms your senses and fills your stomach with butterflies, and then you’re blushing all over again.
“Did you, uh, do you need something, Jared?” Evan asks. It takes him a moment to find the biology textbook, which has apparently fallen to the floor. He bends to pick it up and holds it up for Jared to see. “We were just … studying.”
“Uh-huh.” Jared waves his cookie at the upper bunk. “I finished my homework early and was going to try to sleep; the last time I got a good night’s sleep was in, like, my junior year of high school. But I mean, if you two need me to go …”
You groan again and smoosh your face into Evan’s pillow.
“We can go study in the common room,” Evan says.
When you glance up, Jared’s eyebrows are raised. “You can study out there?”
Evan steals his pillow from you and throws it at Jared. It bounces pathetically off his stomach.
Jared scoops the pillow off the floor with one hand, his other still holding the remainder of his cookie. He tosses it back to Evan. “You know, James and Devin are out tonight. And last I checked, Chris was going to try to sleep, too. So no one’s gonna bother you if you just go out there and—”
“Kleinman!” Connor’s voice bellows from somewhere out in the common room, and Jared freezes. “Did you fucking eat the last cookie again?”
“No!” Jared shouts back. He shoves the last bite of the cookie in his mouth and points at the two of you, his voice coming out garbled around the mouthful. “I swear to God, if you two say anything …”
But you and Evan are too busy laughing for him to worry about that.