college bursar

  • Federalists: Hey!
  • Hamilton: Why were you talking to Aaron Burr?
  • Federalists: I don't know, I mean, he's so weird, he just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about Congress.
  • Hamilton: He's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Aaron Burr. We were best friends in King's College. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then after we graduate, I started going out with my first girlfriend, Eliza who was totally gorgeous but then she moved to New York, and Aaron was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Eliza, he'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my cabinet meeting, which was an all-boys congressional party, I was like, "Burr, I can't invite you, because I think you're a southern democratic-republican." I mean I couldn't have a southern democratic-republican at my party! There were gonna be federalist there in their *knee breeches*. I mean, right? He was a SOUTHERN MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRATIC-REPUBLICAN. So then his friend Jefferson called my friend Lafayette and started yelling at him, it was so dumb. And then I dropped out of college because I punched bursar, and when I saw him after the revolution, his political party had changed and he was totally weird, and now I guess he's in Congress.