colleen ann fitzpatrick

Vitamin C, aka Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick, is best known for “Graduation (Friends Forever).” It’s a song that deals with promising to maintain friendships with beloved people after graduation, totally ignoring the fact that you won’t see these people for 14 years and then you’ll bump into them as they scream at their kids in a local Pizza Hut.

It’s a song that deserves to have three minutes shaved off of it, because, as Vitamin C proves repeatedly, there are only so many ways (two) to say “I’m excited about life, but I’m going to miss my buds.” If you asked your valedictorian to wetly fart out their graduation speech, you’d get the chorus of this song.

After writing songs for young pop stars like Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, and a pre-American Horror Story Emma Roberts, she became the VP of music at Nickelodeon, where she helps manage the careers of teen singers that belong to Nick Records. This means aiding young people in that weird transition from “People like to listen to me sing! Can you believe it?” to “Everyone in the world knows what I look like, and adults blame me for the downfall of good music.” This includes singers like Ariana Grande, who can now give us things like “Focus” without us constantly remarking, “Wasn’t she on that Nickelodeon show? What a talentless fraud! Leave the singing to the actual singers! #idontwannagrande #realmusic.”

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Vitamin C - Me, Myself and I

Man, Vitamin C was kind of hot. This was my seventh grade jam (along with S Club 7 and BSB, AND BILLIE PIPER WHEN SHE WAS JUST BILLIE).