Today has really tested my patience. I got a total of 1.5 hours of sleep last night, and the first thing I did when I got out of bed this morning was step directly into a bowl of last night’s leftover tomato soup (my fault for not doing the dishes). My morning shower was cold, and on the bike ride to campus, I swallowed a bug… As soon as I sat at my desk, I realized I’d forgotten my iClicker at home, so I received no participation points for the day and thus, get no credit for tonight’s homework assignment. My favorite pair of funky socks have ripped, and I cannot for the life of me find the charger to my GPS watch. I’m now sitting at a booth in my favorite coffee shop, drinking a chai soy latte that’s far too sweet for my taste, and trying to hold back tears.
These are the days! I mean it. These are the days that count. Not the sunny, brunch with friends, nap in the afternoon types of days but the days where nothing seems to go right, and yet, I persist and wake up the next morning. I can think of a hundred more reasons to be upset, but I can come up with a thousand reasons to be thankful. I once read that tomato juice is a great skin moisturizer (tomato soup works too, right?). That bug that just so conveniently flew into my mouth? Protein! Participation points, shmarticipation points. GPS watches are overrated anyway, someone in an alternate universe obviously needed those socks more than I do, and the amount of sugar in this latte is making me forget about the fact that I’m running on one hour of sleep…
At 3 a.m this morning, I fell in love with a song called Lament for a Teenage Millionaire by an artist who calls himself Meursault. It’s goes a little like this…
Come on young heartless won’t you show me your hatred if that is all you can give then that is all that I’ll take and I will climb to the top of this terrible canyon and I’ll discard them like ashes upon the whole world and you will find in yourself something that is forever absent and you will watch it dissolve just as quick as you found it
I suppose that may hold different meanings (or none at all) for different people but it really resonated with me… This goes without saying, but the more time you spend angry at the world, the less time you have to actually live in it. We all have our moments - I’ve locked my keys inside my car twice in the past three weeks. In the moment, it felt like the end of the world. Was it? Of course not. Will it happen again? Probably! But I can laugh about it, and that’s progress. There are days where it feels like the universe is trying to swallow you whole and times when you actually wish it would… But I think that few people realize just how much power our thoughts hold. You’re in control - not fate, not destiny, not luck. Today, I came to the realization that how you choose to react to the bad days and low points says more about where you’re going than where you’ve been… and today, I’m choosing to move forward.
The way rose petals feel in your hands, scented lotion, tea parties, a growing garden, oak trees with new buds, the feeling of the sun on your back, daffodils, newborn bunnies, dancing in the rain with your best friends, seeing kites high in the air, puddle hopping, staring at the sky
Baseball games, hopscotch, iced tea, singing in the rain, reading books by the window, big umbrellas, pranks, new sandals, trying on swimsuits, letting your hair blow in the wind, letting balloons go, sitting outside a coffee shop with cold drinks, bike riding, long walks, swimming even though the water’s still cold
Going to the library to get out of the rain, feeding ducks, picking flowers, picnics, making plans and forgetting them when the moment comes, looking for constellations, matching clouds to animals, making candy, popsicles, birdwatching, play tag, setting up hammocks
Bonfires, football, catching snakes, rock climbing, sleeping outside, finding bugs, fishing, street hockey, drawing with chalk, water gun fights, going to the zoo, skipping rocks, catching fireflies, singing loud at night, running, climbing trees, daring each other to do crazy things, napping in the sun
I have a book light. I push on it’s yellow skin and it makes the words light up on my page.
When I am finished reading, I pass two more settings before the light is extinguished.
The light starts to spaz.
My book light is a bike light.
But, is she both?
Is she living as a book light since this is her new desire?
I could try and see if she’s up to being both, but I’d rather not put her through an identity crisis.
After all, it’s too cold to ride bikes.
If my book light is listening, I want her to know:
You don’t have to have multiple identities just to please people.
You don’t have to act on all of her abilities.
People told you that you had a specific function, a set plan.
Your fate was already determined.
But you decided differently.
I admire you for that.
I might try the same thing.
Take a breather, and explore.
Let’s do it together.