coin rides

Highlights of family Christmas D&D:

- My sister’s paladin got in a fight with a panda coin-op ride, which was inanimate.

- My other sister’s bard viciously mocked a zombie until it cried, and then her girlfriend’s cleric tied it up and left it on the floor of a dollar store because she didn’t want to kill it.

- My brother’s rogue seduced an angry elf named Craigory who had been made to dress in a Santa’s-elf costume, and later stole him yoga pants to wear.

- They all fought Vampire Mall Santa, but due to a combination of more vicious mockery from the bard and really bad rolls, by the time he got down to half HP he was so demoralized that he just let them go. The cleric nevertheless felt deeply betrayed that Vampire Mall Santa had turned out to be a bad guy.

- The paladin very nearly got into a fight with a Brookstone massage chair, which was inanimate.

- The rogue seduced an apparently inanimate smoothie machine into giving him a free smoothie and also shoplifted skinny jeans from Hot Topic.

- The bard did damage to a whole horde of zombies waiting in line for the new iPhone by shouting that Android was better.

- The paladin kept running at enemies from a distance with her morningstar and getting up too much momentum, so she’d just slide on past without hitting them.

- The cleric spent a turn petting the evil demon bat endboss because he was fluffy.

- Somebody said the words “it’s a vore-vore-vore world” to the endboss, which would have haunted him for the rest of his days if he had survived the encounter.

That adorable little fella up there is Wind Up, a micro-machine that, yes, is somehow street legal, despite looking like a nervous cough would explode it into shrapnel. If Perry Watkins’ ridiculous, 41-inch-high, 26-inch-wide car looks like a coin-operated children’s ride, that’s because it is a coin-operated children’s ride – with a chassis from a Shanghai Shenke quad bike and wheels from a Monkey motorcycle.

To qualify this thing as street legal, Watkins and the folks at Perrywinkle Customs made sure that the Wind Up could hit speeds of up to 40 mph and came equipped with a windshield wiper. So never mind that you’re barreling down the street in live traffic crammed into a fetal ball, protected from asphalt death by the shell of a kiddie ride – you can see where you’re going when it rains. Safety first.

8 Insane Vehicles You Won’t Believe Are Street Legal

Rouge has to go to the store to get groceries cuz they’re out of milk or something but she doesn’t want to leave Shadow and Omega alone because they’re gonna get into trouble she just knows it so she makes them come with her. Omega can’t get through the doors though so he has to wait outside and he’s just uncomfortably shifting around and this little kid mistakes him for one of those coin operated rides and climbs up on him and he’s like ‘Small human no this is not safe please get down before you injure yourself’ and some other kid can’t get their prize from the claw machine and they start crying so he punches through the glass to get it for them. The alarm goes off, security comes to get him. Rouge hears the intercom telling the ‘parents of Omega e-123 please come to the store entrance’ and Rouge is like ‘maybe it’s another omega’ but she knows it’s not and just goes to pay for the damages because she knows there are definitely gonna be damages.