She said: I like my men like my coffee – black-souled and bitter with tongue-burning kisses that leave you shaking, grasping the half-filled mug for dear life until you’re left lonely, but strangely awakened to earth’s everyday tragedies.
Maybe it killed you to see that I could smile without you, that I could laugh with someone who wasn’t you. Maybe you finally realized that I could breathe and live, and that I didn’t need you after all.
Because at some point I got tired of chasing, chasing someone who was never going to come around. I was a fool, going back and forth playing your stupid, little game. The difference between you and I though, I tried to get through to your heart - I cared, I loved, and you didn’t. You could’ve let me in, you should’ve let me in, you needed to let me in.
But you made a decision, and your decision wasn’t me.
And then all of a sudden you find that all your broken pieces start coming back together. This fits here and that goes there, and little by little you start to build back up. You can breathe again, and remember when that felt like it’ll be the last thing you ever do? Look at you now. And even if it only took one person to be the reason for the storm in your eyes, you finally realize that another could be the reason why you never give up…
I guess it really all does happen for a reason, the good and the bad.
I’m a very troubling thing - I’m the good and the bad. I make your head spin and your fists clench, but I can make your nose crinkle and breathe at ease. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a headache and sometimes you don’t understand why you do the things that you do; but I can tell you that it’s all because of me. I can make your eyes flood with tears and your chest feel empty while your lungs slowly start to collapse because it finally hit you that I’m all too much. I can and I will pull you in all different directions. Because I don’t make sense, and I never will. But, you cannot live without me; I give you life, I give you hope, I am your home. Through all those tears, and all those scars, all that emptiness - I am everything you’ve ever wanted. I am the one thing you will spend your whole life looking for. Because I can make your heart stop, dead in its tracks, and bring it back to life in one split second.
I was losing my grip and you just stood there, watching me, suffocating and drowning, until I couldn’t make another sound. I was losing me, losing myself, and you didn’t stop me. You knew exactly what I was doing, where I was going, how this would all turn out, and not once, did you ever try and stop me. Maybe that’s why I could never seem to let you back in, because you left me. And even though I pushed and pushed, you were supposed to come back. No matter how far, you were supposed to come back, you were always supposed to come back, but you didn’t. And now, I have no one, because it was supposed to be you. It should’ve been you, it was always you.