coding standard

This vacation double standard, a coded dog whistle for ‘lazy black guy’, is the core of GOP populism.

$40,000,000/month for the four years = $1,920,000,000.

That’s TWO BILLION vs $87 million. The GOP silence is deafening.

Donald and Melania are grifters.

Choosing an Earth Religion That’s Right for You!

By Da’hou Ungherstahnk

If you are planning on visiting or moving to Earth, you may want to align yourself with a religion* to form a deeper bond with humans. While there are hundreds to choose from, here are some fast facts about the five most dominant religions on Earth.

There are many wacky quirks on Earth, but none are wackier than the concept of “religion.” Instead of distilling a code of ethics through Standard Galactic Protocol or the SovereignQUBE, humans take a more whimsical approach. They instead choose to worship vague ideas or deities as a way of framing the world around them.

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My new school has a dress code.

We are not allowed to wear anything that could be perceived as offensive.

I am no longer permitted to wear anything containing an inverted cross, (but anything with a regular cross is fine because it is “religiously appropriate”) because that could be offensive.

I’m not allowed to wear a bunch of mcr tees because they portray death.

I’m not allowed to wear ripped jeans because they’re not, “ladylike attire.”

I’m not allowed to have tee shirts that say things like, “Your Presence Is Unappreciated.”

I’m not allowed to wear shorts that are shorter than just above the knee.

I’m not allowed to wear tank tops.

I’m not allowed to have visible bra straps.

So basically, I and many other girls going to my school, (a public one,) will now have to spend a large amount of time and effort, not to mention money, purchasing new, “school appropriate” clothing in order to now fit society’s image of “a proper girl.”

Did I mention, that the only thing the boys aren’t allowed to do is wear hats?

Well, I’m off to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on an entirely new wardrobe. Wish me luck.

Nonbinary characters in Steven Universe

Steven Universe has been (rightly) praised for its inclusion of nonbinary gender characters. We live in a world where media almost exclusively presents characters who are men or women (and often treats binary trans people, when they’re even included, as if they are an additional “middle” gender even if they don’t identify that way). So of course, characters who are agender or nonbinary are long overdue and worth celebrating.

HOWEVER.

Steven Universe includes two forms of nonbinary characters, and they both involve aliens. We have Gems who come from space and are largely femme-presenting nonbinary aliens (who use she/her pronouns, but that does not make them female), and we have Fusions whose gender and pronouns are shifted to neutral or undetermined when Steven is included.

While it’s still great to have such a cool science fiction show that’s got nonbinary characters, presenting their nonbinary gender as a consequence of “mixed” genders or extraterrestrial origin subtly associates nonbinary gender with being nonhuman. 

Stevonnie is referred to canonically as “they/them,” and it sets a great example, but we know they are a Fusion of Connie (she/her) and Steven (he/him). 

Smoky Quartz has been referred to as “they” in a context where it was unclear whether it was them or their components being talked about, but given the precedent, I assume Smoky is also they/them: another Fusion of a she/her and a he/him. Fusions of Gems who both use “she/her” are also referred to as she/her, so these pronouns are not reserved for Fusions.

I know several nonbinary, trans, and otherwise gender-atypical people who relate really hard to Stevonnie and/or Smoky, and are thrilled to have this kind of representation. It’s so excellent to see Stevonnie, with their femme-leaning androgyny and their clear attractiveness to guys and girls on the show, developing confidence and never dragging the audience through a Very Special Episode where they feel required to disclose and discuss their gender. They’re worried about other things, but this gender thing? It just is, and people in their life don’t make a big deal out of that part of it. But I think we need more, and I think Steven Universe is just the show to do it.

We currently DO NOT HAVE any known nonbinary characters in the show who are not either aliens or Fusions. If we continue to represent nonbinary characters as having a nonbinary gender only because they’re a mixture of male and female or influenced by nonhuman gender concepts, we’re presenting it as a concept but not as one that might be applicable to someone in the non-magical, non-alien, everyday Earthly world. 

But nonbinary humans are everywhere, and I would love to see someone show up in the show with casually referenced nonbinary representation–so we know this isn’t a gender concept we can only accept in association with fantasy concepts.

What’s interesting is the Steven Universe COMICS are already doing this. First, in Issue 1 of the ongoing comic series begun in early 2017, Steven, Peridot, and Lapis find a baby bird. Steven automatically defaults to they/them pronouns for the bird, and after they argue about the bird’s name for a while, they settle on naming them Susan. 

Susan is a name pretty heavily coded as female in Western society, but they set a great example here by NOT having Steven change to she/her pronouns to refer to the bird just because they have a traditionally feminine name. There is no discussion of what pronouns to use and no justification of this. It’s just there for you to accept, casually, as it should be.

In Issue 2 of the ongoing comic series, we have Stevonnie going to prom with Kiki. There is plenty of weirdness associated with this because Kiki doesn’t know Stevonnie is a Fusion of two kids and they’re both struggling with teen awkwardness that has nothing to do with Stevonnie’s Fusion status, but what’s significant about this is Kiki’s automatic, consistent use of they/them pronouns for Stevonnie when introducing them to her friends. 

Plus, Stevonnie and Kiki use the same dressing room when trying on dresses, try on a variety of clothes (some of which are traditionally gendered either male or female), and don’t completely ignore the issue. 

Kiki asks Stevonnie if they prefer to lead or follow, and that’s a really nice acknowledgment that the expected gender roles have to be redefined for a dance couple like them. 

If you just present a nonbinary character where no one’s ever confused about how to treat them, you’re ignoring programming nearly everyone in our society has, and it’s inevitable that someone like Stevonnie would sometimes confuse people if they’re trying to squeeze them into a gender box–and unfortunately, that also sometimes means being misgendered, like when Kevin called Stevonnie “girl” during their first appearance on the show.

But then, most notably, in Issue 4 of the ongoing comic series, Peridot goes to a Renaissance Faire and watches a joust, with a visiting knight named “Sir Render.” And Sir Render, despite their traditionally masculine appearance and title of “Sir,” is consistently referred to with they/them pronouns. 

Even though they’re a pretty beefy, hefty knight, and even while they’re getting booed by audience members who want them to lose. Nonbinary people do not have to be androgynous, and they/them pronouns can apply to people who are frequently perceived as traditionally feminine or traditionally masculine. Sir Render doesn’t HAVE to “try” to look androgynous or less traditionally masculine to have their pronouns respected. And Sir Render is a background human. Not a Fusion and not an alien. This comic also includes the phrase “Lords, ladies, and gentle-enbies.” Wow.

Some people have criticized Steven Universe for featuring so many same-gender relationships between Gems without broaching that subject with humans. Gems are not women/girls, but because of their gender presentation and consistent use of she/her pronouns, they are clearly designed to at least be very relatable to female and femme audiences. Nonbinary people are certainly supposed to be able to see themselves in the Gems, but girls and women can too–it’s amorphous and up to interpretation, and couples like Ruby and Sapphire or Pearl and Rose can be very meaningful to fans who feel their relationships are more like their own relationships than most anything on television. But when it comes to humans, the explicitly romantic relationships and crushes that include them are surprisingly straight. (And this is acknowledging that human men’s crushes on Gems are not “straight” crushes, since literally any relationship that includes one of them is a queer-coded romance by human standards, but these men are likely perceiving the Gems as women and being attracted to them for the same reasons they are attracted to women.)

Jamie crushes on Garnet. Mayor Dewey crushes on Pearl. Greg crushed on Rose and fell in love with her. Sadie and Lars have, well, something. Steven and Connie are developing a close friendship that will likely one day be a straight-up romance. Lars’s parents Martha and Dante appear to be a straight couple. Connie’s parents Doug and Priyanka appear to be a straight couple. Vidalia had a child with Marty and married Yellowtail, and those appear to be straight relationships. I of course have to be cautious here and acknowledge that characters who LOOK like straight couples may not be straight, especially since bisexual and pansexual people who “settle down” in a relationship are often misinterpreted as being an orientation they don’t identify as just because of the gender of their partner. But given no evidence to the contrary, the show does appear to be showing us humans coupling up only in cross-gender partnerships.

The only exception I can think of besides non-speaking background characters is Mr. Smiley’s relationship with Mr. Frowney. It is not explicit, but subtext certainly suggests that Harold and Quentin used to be a thing. 

There is also Pearl pursuing Mystery Girl and receiving her phone number, which does suggest Mystery Girl was attracted to femme-presenting people at the very least. 

Oh, and of course we also see Peridot rooting for the Percy/Pierre ship on her favorite show, even though the canon of the show has Percy being pushed toward Paulette. And Uncle Andy made a reference to one of his relatives having a “partner,” which seems like something he wouldn’t do if it was a cross-gender relationship considering he also assumed Greg had a wife and used the word “wife.” (This was offscreen, however–not even pictured characters.) 

But overall, what we’ve seen is that we can have same-gender relationships as long as we can hide it behind aliens for plausible deniability. (Though at least in the United States, I think reports of Cartoon Network actively attempting to stop “gay relationships” from getting on TV is highly exaggerated.) It would be fantastic to get some explicit representation of humans having these relationships too. But at least there are some hints and some subtext, while we really don’t have much of anything for human nonbinary characters.

Like most other situations in the show, I think the usually sensitive writing and nuanced understanding of these important issues would be in reach for the Crew on this topic. I really hope we will see nonbinary characters on this show in the future when there is no “alien” or “Fusion” explanation. Plenty of nonbinary humans exist in the real world, and this show would be a perfect place to start reflecting that.

Masking happiness

Have you ever thought about how we hide from reality? The fact that we are all in the end alone? Everyone is temporary and the term bff is used loosely because of the word “forever.” We go on vacations to take selfies and post on social media for likes. Is it possible to enjoy the moment anymore? The world has become a place where if you don’t post things on social media, you practically don’t exist. Why is that? Because people don’t remember you unless you give them a constant reminder. In the end we are alone and it is our goal to purse happiness without the reliance on others. So what’s the point? Is social media worth it? Some people wouldn’t work out if they weren’t able to post a work out selfie. Sometimes it feels as though social media helps us feel connected to people… while people are in reality disconnected.

“I don’t give a fig about her sexuality. Except that I don’t believe she’s a lesbian, demand proof of this from my other children and am wondering if I should confront her. But I definitely don’t give a fig.“

When being the class clown backfires.

went to a Catholic Military high school back in the late 90’s and was a noted class clown. I was known to eschew the dress code and grooming standards with flagrant but petty violations, and just kind of stick it to the military admins who put a lot of stock in following rules and orders. Here’s some examples:

  1. Coming in without shoes on - it was always a bet to see if they’d send me home or give me new shoes from the supply closet. They never sent me home, and I think I was given three new pairs of dress shoes in my senior year.
  2. Having facial stubble for uniform inspection in the morning (done by the JROTC students in our class) and getting a fail (have to report to 1st Sergeant for explanation), and then using an electric shaver before reporting to the sergeant. I’d always do this for the inspecting students I really didn’t care for, who would get an earful from 1st Sergeant for failing me when I was obviously clean shaven.
  3. Repeatedly calling military personnel by the wrong rank, and sometimes calling the brothers “monks” and “rabbis”. This was great because it’d always result in demerits and I’d regularly get demoted, which leads to:
  4. Constantly stealing ranks and medals from the supply closet (when they’d bring me there to get new shoes). I didn’t care about getting demoted because I always had a fresh set of higher ranks to wear.

I was a solid B and C student for most of my time there, but senior year I was dangerously close to failing Physics (I think - it’s been a long time and some of the details are hazy). I wound up passing the REGENTS exam, but the head Brother informed me that for me to get a passing grade for the class I’d need to attend summer school.

This really sucked because it was our last summer before college, and summer school started promptly at 7am and lasted through late July. But, for the first four days it really didn’t seem that bad. Generally it was myself and some fellow underachievers just kinda hanging out for four hours, no focus on academics at all.

On the last day of the first week the head Brother walks in and says:

“Mr. Popjr, what are you doing here?”

“I was told I needed to be here to pass.”

He smiled deviously at me and said “Oh?”

Those fuckers had pranked me back and had me attend a week of summer school when I didn’t need to. I had passed the class, but grades hadn’t been mailed out yet, so I had no idea.

I wasn’t even mad - it was pretty awesome of them to get the last petty jab in before I’d leave the school for good.

Homesick

Living alone for the first time is bittersweet. Having some independence feels liberating! The first few days are exciting, but once you get into the routine, it kind of becomes lonely. This has taught me that no amount of money and luxury can replace the good people that support you. Maybe you will have the time of your life, but no one can replace family. It’s possible that when you have more time and nothing to do, you think more deeply about what you lack. Anyways, if you are in a situation of recently moving away, just remember, things will get better and there is always something great to look forward to. No matter the distance, people will always send you their love.

liz-the-lemur

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Hey pals, I’ve put myself under a news blackout…

Leverage gang goes to Costco?

Yessssssssss.


“What do we need?”

“Don’t you have the list?”

Eliot gave him an unimpressed look and held up a scrap of paper. “This list you made, that just has the word ‘EVERYTHING’ underlined three times?”

“Okay, so we need three of everything,” Hardison said, wheeling the cart deeper into the Costco. “What about that is so hard to understand?”

“The part where everything could mean anything, Hardison!”

“Well, in this case, everything means everything I use to make our equipment, so half the electronics aisle. Surveillance cameras, bluetooth headsets, microbatteries, spare solder–”

“Isn’t that what we got last month?”

“Yes, it is. And now we need more of everything, because you people treat the precious, delicate pieces of equipment I spend my weekends painstakingly assembling like they’re friggin’ legos, and we’re down to three working comm units.” Hardison pulled into the electronics aisle, walking past all the desktop PCs and zeroing in on the do-it-yourself circuitry supply bins. “You want to try running a con without earbuds and button cams?”

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7+1 tips for coding…

I had this post sitting on my drafts for a few weeks, so I decided to make it pretty and post it. Enjoy!

Based on what my teachers told us.

1. Think before coding.  →  Take 10 minutes, 20 or even 30, whatever you need and think about which design pattern (if any) is appropriate for what you are going to code. Really think about it, you’ll be glad for those “wasted” minutes when you have to change or add something on the code and it only takes you 30 minutes instead of 5 hours.

2. Comment your code. →  Seriously, there’s nothing worse than check your own code two months later and don’t remember what it does. Comment everything important, avoid really obvious things.

3. Write clean code →  Indentate. Use spaces. Separate your code in blocks by functionality.  Read Clean Code by Robert C. Martin, it’s really useful. Also, follow whatever convention/standard the code has (like the Java Code Conventions), especially if it’s a shared code.

4. Refactoring is your friend. →  Nobody likes those looooooooong methods with tons of lines. Usually (almost always), that means you’re mixing functionality. Separate the code in more manageable methods. It also helps to make the code more reusable… which lead us to 5.

5. DO NOT COPY AND PASTE CODE.   →  If you have the same chunk of code twice or more times, you’re probably doing something wrong. Read no. 4.

6. Use meaningful names. →  It’s always funny to name your int variable “elligent” or your char, “mander”; but that doesn’t say anything about what it is for.

7. Test your code. →  Test, TEST, test, tEST. Also, test as you code. Don not wait until you’re done with the program to test it or you’ll regret when you find a giant bug you don’t even know where it came from.

7b. Automated testing is usually worth it. It also helps to save a lot of time with retesing and regression testing.

7+1. Learn to debug. →  In my first year, I used to think that I could manage without knowing how to do it and by printlning every time I had a problem. Wrong. Sometimes, I wouldn’t even find the bug and checking for “lost” println is a waste of time.

3

OKAY! I totally forgot to post these back when I was blonde.

So, I have this really cute “crop top.” As you can see it covers most of my torso, and my pants cover almost all the rest.

I wore this top to get my ASB picture taken a few days before school started. I helped out at my mother’s (CHRISTIAN) wives’ ministry in this outfit, minus the hoodie bc it was hot af. My father (who is pretty conservative) saw me that morning and said nothing bad. It’s just an outfit that’s more “modest” than a lot of outfits at my school. Like, I’ve seen girls wear crop tops that hardly even cover their breasts (nothing wrong with that, but just to give you an idea of things people wear at my school).

So, I had to use the bathroom during second period. Since I’m nb I’m allowed to use the gender neutral bathroom in the nurse’s office. So I walked through the hallway toward the bathroom when I got flagged down by a staff member I will refer to as Mrs. M (If you go to my school then you know who I’m talking about).

Mrs. M was on the phone, but decided that an inch of my stomach was important enough to flap her hands like a bird and motion towards my stomach. She whispered “You can’t show your tummy here at school.” She seriously kept it up until I zipped up my hoodie. For the rest of the day it was setting off my sensory overload.

Honestly, I would be okay with it if I wasn’t the exception. Yes, technically speaking my top broke dress code. Yes, it should my stomach. But, no, it has not gotten other people in trouble.

The only people who get into trouble for it? Females who are a size eight or larger (I am a size sixteen). Remember those girls I mentioned who wear tops that even right after their boobs and don’t get into trouble? They are all under a size eight. My friend is probably a size six or something and wears crop tops just a little shorter than mine all the time. She never has gotten in trouble for it.

This isn’t just a fatphobia thing (even though most people don’t see a size eight as fat lbr), this is also a sexism thing. The next day this boy at my bus stop ore a shirt with a black and white photo on it. Of women. In bikinis. If you looked at him for only a split second it looked like they were in the nude. He didn’t get in trouble.

This guy is larger than me, his face isn’t aesthetically pleasing to most, he’s an ableist, misogynistic, and racist asshole, and he’s in my grade. He has these things that everybody knows, but since he’s a white, cisgender, heterosexual male who happens to be on the football team he didn’t get in trouble.

tl;dr: I got in trouble for showing one inch of my stomach while other people can wear whatever the fuck they want.

Guilt trip

I took a trip once. A guilt trip. I decided to have some fun, and ended up feeling guilty the next day. Is it worth it? I have terrible guilty thoughts as I zone out at work, in the car, or even in my dreams. I wish I could take it back, you wouldn’t believe. I feel guilty. People know. People judge. And you have to just pretend not to care. It takes at least a year or 2 to recover. I know not to do it. But I do it anyway. Dumb.

I Do...Hate You//Derek Hale

Characters: Derek Hale, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Malia Tate, Lydia Martin, Reader.

*REQUESTED FROM PROMPT LIST*

Derek Hale was a grade A douche bag. You never understood the appeal. He constantly smarted off to you, not once had said anything nice to you.

“If we go in here.” Scott points at the map in front of you. “We can sneak up on them.”

“I don’t know, it seems too easy.” You look at the younger boy.

“We need easy. We can’t keep doing things the hard way because you think it makes more sense.” Derek says.

You turn to face him, crossing your arms. “We don’t do them because I think it makes more sense. We do them because I don’t want anyone to get killed. I know you’ve lost your pack members but I won’t lose mine.” You turn back around, rolling your eyes.

You went in the easy way like Derek said, they were waiting for you. You’re currently up against another pack. They’re all older, and are in Beacon Hills because they say your pack doesn’t follow the standard code. Whatever that means. They say they’re here to train you, and teach you the ways of a pack.

“No one ever listens to Y/N. No, I never want to take the easy way.” You say, peeling your blood-soaked shirt from your body.

“What about all the times we missed the easy way? Huh?” Derek glares at you, his ripped shirt in his hand. Whoa. You’d never seen him shirtless.

“We almost died and you’re seriously asking me that?”

“Guys just stop fighting. We can talk at my house.” Scott climbs into the Jeep with Stiles.

“I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Seriously? You’re acting like you’re four years old.” Derek rolls his eyes.

You flip him off as you climb into the back seat of the Jeep.

When you get back to Scott’s you’re met by the alpha of the other pack.

“I need to speak with Derek Hale.” She says as she walks down Scott’s front steps.

Derek walks up behind you, “What do you want?”

“I need to speak to you. Alone.”

You all exchange looks before going inside the house, leaving Derek.

He comes inside thirty minutes later. He grabs your arm and pulls you up the stairs. “Watch it!” You push him off of you.

He gives you a once-over.

“What?” You snap.

“Marry me.”

“What the hell?” You push him away.

“We have to get married.”

“I don’t think we do.”

“Will you just shut up and let me explain?” Derek sighs. “In order for us to be a “proper pack” or whatever she said, we have to get married. The oldest in the pack have to get married and guide the rest of the pack, no matter who the alpha is.“

“No thanks.” You scrunch your nose up at him before walking away.

He grabs you before you can get far, “We have to do this. She’ll kill Scott if we don’t.”

“What?” You look up at him.

“Exactly. She didn’t come right out and say we have to get married, but I got this gist of it. This has to look real.”

“Is this some ploy to get me to fall in love with you?”

“Haha. You’re funny.”

“I don’t want to marry you.”

“Scott will die, no ifs ands or buts.”

“Will I get a nice proposal?”

“A fancy public one.”

You sigh, looking at him as you think. “Fine.” The two of you walk back downstairs, everyone looking at you strangely. “Don’t ask.” You sit on the couch and cross your arms.

The next morning Derek texted you, telling you to dress nice and he’d be there at 7. This is not how you thought your engagement would ever go.

You wore your favorite dress, at least you could be happy that you looked cute. When he came to the door you couldn’t help but laugh. “Derek Hale in a suit.”

He glares at you, “It has to look real…just…just come on.”

You smile, watching him walk ahead of you. You get in the car and he looks over at you.

“Not even the pack can know this is fake.”

“They’ll know.” You laugh.

“Not if you don’t tell them.”

“Derek, we hate each other. We’re always at each other’s throats. Now we’re magically in love and engaged?”

“We’ve seen the light. We’ve been in love with each other all along.” Derek raises an eyebrow.

You scoff, “I acted in high school. Drama club.”

“That makes sense.”

“Hey! Shut up and let me finish. I am a good actress, so if you’re in I’m in.” You cross your arms.

“We have to be physical, you know. PDA.”

“Okay, now you’re milking it.” You laugh.

“No, I mean you’re attractive, but I’m not milking it.”

“Oh, I’m attractive?”

“I didn’t meant to compliment you.” Derek shrugs.

You laugh and look out the window, “I never imagined getting married to look like this.”

“Well, me either but here we are.”

“So how is this going to play out?”

“We’ll go in, get some drinks, we’ll be so in love that we have to leave before the main course.”

“Put your game face on, Hale. I play a good woman in love.” You smirk as you step out of the car.

You both walk inside and he holds the door open for you.

You smile, looking over your shoulder at him. He’s staring at your ass. You can’t react really, he’s supposed to be your boyfriend. You try to give him a look and when he catches your eye he smirks.

“I have a reservation for two. It should be under Hale.” He tells the woman at the front. She types something in the computer and seats the two of you.

“They’re here.” Derek mouths at you.

“Is this why you picked this place?” You raise an eyebrow.

He nods, “If it was up to me I would’ve proposed at a McDonald’s.”

“Oh, lovely. Thanks.” You roll your eyes and he laughs. “What’s the cut?” You lean back in your chair.

“What?”

“The cut. Of the ring?” You thank the waitress when she brings your drinks.

“Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” You smirk.

“Princess, if you must know.”

You feel the gaze of the pack from across the room. They believe this. “Perfect.” You smile.

“You’re crazy.” He laughs.

“For wanting to know the cut of my own engagement ring?”

“You’ll know in less than ten minutes.”

“What can I say? I’m impatient.”

“Clearly.”

The two of you talk for a bit, learning things about each other you never could’ve guessed. He wasn’t that bad when you weren’t with the pack.

You tried not to laugh when you watched him drop to one knee. Everyone in the place turned to look at you.

“Y/N Y/L/N…I’ve known you for a very long time, and I’ve never been so in love. We’ve been through a lot together, you’ve stuck with me through thick and thin.”

You smile at him, trying to look like it’s out of adoration rather than teasing.

“You’re the woman of my dreams, and I’ve never met anyone like you. Will you make me the happiest man on the planet and marry me?”

You put your hand to your heart, “Oh, Derek…of course I will.” He slides the ring on your finger and you stand up, wrapping your arms around him.

“I love you so much.” You grin before he kisses you, catching you off guard. Everyone in the restaurant claps and cheers.

He pulls away and smirks at you. You admire the ring as he throws a twenty on the table. “Let’s go, baby.” He places his hand on the small of your back and leads you to the car.

“Heartfelt.” You raise an eyebrow as you slide into the passenger seat.

“Oh yeah? Thanks.” He starts the car.

“Nice ring too.” You grin.

“It’s just enough boujee for you.” He laughs.

“Hey!” You swat his arm. “I am not boujee.”

“Says you.”

“I hate you.” You roll your eyes and look out the window.

“I’m staying the night with you.” Derek says as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“No you aren’t.”

“We just got engaged. It makes sense that an engaged couple would…y'know.”

“Jesus Christ, Derek…I don’t need the explanation you can have the couch.”

“Thank you.”

“Not like I had a choice.” You murmur.

He did sleep on the couch, in fact he slept on the couch in just his underwear.

You crept down the stairs, yawning as you scroll through your phone.

“Good morning.” Derek smirks at you.

You practically jump out of your skin. “Jesus…I forgot you were here.”

“The huge engagement ring on your hand wasn’t an indicator?”

“Haha.” You flip him off as you give him a sarcastic look.

“Hey..is that..my shirt?” Derek stands up, crossing his arms. You never expected the first thing you saw in the morning would be Derek Hale in tight underwear.

“I mean..yeah? You left it here a couple weeks ago after a fight. I washed it and meant to give it back but it’s super comfortable…so…”

“You’re wearing my shirt…” He grins.

“And you’re standing in my living room in your underwear. So, put some clothes on and we’ll never talk about it again.”

“Y/N.”

“What, Derek?” You were getting agitated.

“You don’t have any pants on, so I think this is pretty fair.”

“I…do you ever shut up? Seriously?” You roll your eyes.

He laughs, the sound of your front door opening making you both turn your head.

“Woah.” Scott stood in the doorway, glancing between the two of you.

“I told you to get dressed.” You sigh before going upstairs to change. You come back down and you’re greeted by the entire pack.

“When did everyone get here?”

“We all came together.” Scott shrugs.

You sit on the couch, Derek’s eyes following you across the room.

“Oh my God, Y/N. That is a rock.” Lydia’s jaw dropped at the sight of your ring. She picks your hand up and admires it. “What aren’t you telling us?”

“Actually…” You glance over at Derek, nodding.

“We’re engaged.” Derek smiles at you.

“Oh, what the hell.” Stiles raises an eyebrow.

“That’s impossible. Are you pregnant?” Malia asks.

“No, I’m not pregnant.” You give her a look.

“Are you sure?” Scott raises an eyebrow, clearly recalling the sight he caught when he walked in.

“I am 100% not pregnant. Good lord.”

“We just..I don’t know..figured us out I guess.” Derek shrugs.

You exchange a look, smiling.

“Vast improvement.” Stiles shrugs. No one questioned it any further.

“Well, congratulations.” Lydia smiles.

“Thanks. We’re really happy.” Derek reaches over and takes your hand in his.

You’ve been moderately happily engaged for a couple months now, and the wedding day was here.

“Y/N, that dress looks gorgeous on you.” Lydia smiles. You were getting dressed upstairs in your room.

You look at yourself over your shoulder, “Thank you.” You smile.

“Hey, Y/N? Are the ties supposed to be this color?” You heard Derek come down the hallway.

Lydia jumped up and opened the door a crack. “You can’t see her.”

“And why not?” You could hear the grin on his face.

“She’s wearing her dress. I can relay the message.”

“Ask her if the ties are supposed to look navy.”

“Yes.” You answer before Lydia can pass it on. “And tell Stiles when I come out I better not see him in a flannel tux…or Converse.”

Both Lydia and Derek laugh. “Will do.” He says before taking off down the hall.

You walk down the aisle, Derek actually looks happy to be there.

“You look beautiful.” He smiles as he takes your hands.

“And you clean up nicely.” You tease and he chuckles.

Everyone was crying, this actually seemed like a real wedding. “You may now kiss the bride.”

Derek grins at you, kissing you with everything he had. He hadn’t kissed you since the night he proposed.

Everyone cheers, the two of you lighting up at the sight of everyone before you.

You two sit at the reception, watching as everyone dances. He knocks his knee into yours. “We’re legally married now, y'know.”

“What’re you hinting at?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Nothing…you’re just…my wife now.”

“Mmm?”

“Are you not in any kind of shock that you’re sitting here married to someone you just told last night that you hated?”

“Nope. I got over that awhile ago.”

“You’re a very mysterious person.”

“Thanks.” You laugh and he shakes his head.

“Dance with me.” You grin at him.

“I don’t dance.” He deadpans.

“You do with me. You’re my fake husband, deal with it.”

He stands as you pull him out of the chair. “This is going to get old very quickly.”