cocoa crunch

the signs as cereals
  • Aries: Apple Jacks
  • Taurus: Honey Nut Cheerios
  • Gemini: Frosted Flakes
  • Cancer: Rice Krispies
  • Leo: Cookie Crisp
  • Virgo: Lucky Charms
  • Libra: Reese's Puff
  • Scorpio: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
  • Sagittarius: Cap'n Crunch
  • Capricorn: Cocoa Puffs
  • Aquarius: Froot Loops
  • Pisces: Trix

Tagged by @theantmancometh

1. Are you named after someone? 

2. When was the last time you cried? 

3. Do you like your handwriting? Surprisingly yes

4. What is your favourite lunch meat? German bologna or ham

5. Do you have kids?
 nope, never will either

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Never really thought about it but I guess so

7. Do you use sarcasm?
 not all the time, but i do use it occasionally

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
 Yes, not my adenoids though

9. Would you bungee jump?
 hell yeah

10. What is your favourite kind of cereal?
 why must you ask me this. Frosted flakes, captain crunch, golden grahams, cinnamon toast crunch, cocoa puffs…. It’s endless

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I don’t always wear shoes with laces but when i do, i don’t untie them

12. Do you think you’re a strong person? 
I put on this persona that I’m very strong and can handle anything but inside i’m smol and sensitive

13. What is your favourite ice cream? Cookies and cream, or cookie dough, or anything chocolate really

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? If theirpresence is nice or if it annoys me

15. What is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? Ummm probs my stomach, fucking insulin shots made my stomach icky.

16. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? Pants, black. Shoes, black. I’m even wearing a black sweater. woops.

17. What are you listening to right now? Kiss this by the struts (playing on the radio at my office)

18. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Purple

19. Favorite smell? 
rain on hot pavement, don’t judge me

20. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? A coworker

21. Favorite sport to watch? 

22. Hair colour? 

23. Eye colour? 

24. Do you wear contacts? 

25. Favorite food to eat? 
just like the cereal question, let’s see, pancakes, veal parm, donuts, seriously it’s endless

26. Scary movies or comedy? Comedy, fuck scary movies

27. Last movie you watched? 
 pretty sure it was Inside Out but i don’t remember

28. What colour of shirt are you wearing? 
black and white knit sweater

29. Summer or winter?
 Summer, hands down. Winter can die.

30. Hugs or kisses? 
Depends on my mood

31. What book are you currently reading? I just finished The Girl on the Train, currently reading The Loving Diet which is for people with chronic illnesses, haven’t decided what fiction book i’m gonna read next

32. Who do you miss right now? Right this very second? No one

33. What is on your mouse pad? Don’t have a mouse pad

34. What is the last TV program you watched? Avatar the last airbender. Currently watching the series for the 1,523,784th time

35. What is the best sound? Fire crackling or waves crashing on the shore

36. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? 

37. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? Australia (i’m in the states)

38. Do you have a special talent? It’s not special but i’m good at softball

39. Where were you born? Good ol pennsylvania (hate it here)

I tag @pandafrick @masterangeljophiel and @cleaofthedarkdimension

The Signs as Cereal

Aries: Captain Crunch
Taurus: Chex
Gemini: Lucky Charms
Cancer: Cocoa Pops
Leo: Rice Krispies
Virgo: Cheerios
Libra: Frosted Flakes
Scorpio: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Sagittarius: Apple Jacks
Capricorn: Raisin Bran
Aquarius: Froot Loops
Pisces: Frosted Mini Wheats

“But you’ll be missing out on life’s greatest joy!”

You say that. But…

If children are life’s greatest joy - and bearing in mind this is a life rich with all the opportunities of the entire world around us… why are so many of you so deeply, desperately unhappy?

I’ve seen all the newspaper adverts of sunshine-filled family holidays, buckets and spades and matching hats. I’ve seen cereal adverts that tell me parenthood is a blissful fucking dream, so long as you buy them the right kind of Cocoa Crispy Crunch. 

But honestly? I’m just not buying it.

With good reason.

I do weekend work now. It’s in customer service, in a place that is very popular with families. I was there last weekend, people-watching to pass the time - like I do every weekend. This means that at least one day of every week, I’m watching people being parents - not at a time when they’re trying to convince me I should join the club, but when they’ve let their guard down.

And far from life’s ‘greatest joy’, everyday parenthood looks like its major ingredient is boredom - with good measures of resentment, misery and exhaustion.

I spend my weekend observing people who were once independent, happy adults like me, and are now basically slaves to the whims of kids. I see people silently handing over cash they can’t afford for things that the children don’t really want but scream that they really, really do. 

I see people trailing numbly after hyperactive infants, just watching them - no joy in their faces, no excitement, no love. They don’t interact with the kid. They don’t spend time with it. They just follow it, numb, unenthusiastically making sure it doesn’t kill itself. 

I see people bored out of their skulls and shattered from another 5am wake-up, leaning against a wall somewhere while their kids rampage nearby, just trying to spend a little time on their phone in peace.

‘Life’s greatest joy’?

I don’t want to be among those exhausted, overworked people who remember all of their freedom, all of their happiness, and hate that they traded it all for some sulky, ungrateful little person. I don’t want to be the person handing over money for tickets, bottled water, ice creams, gift shop crap, burning up with resentment that this isn’t what I was promised. “Life’s greatest joy”, they said - and now you’re stuck in some god awful expensive place, packed in with other people’s horrific kids, who are even worse than your own, and there’s no end in sight, and now they’re claiming they didn’t want strawberry, they wanted chocolate, and it’s boring here…

Seriously. Do a shift somwhere family-friendly on a Saturday. 

Don’t expect your hope in humanity to last the day. Happy parents with happy children are rare, and I know that’s depressing, but it’s right there for you to observe every single weekend

Far more common are parents who tell the childless that there’s no such thing as joy until you’re a mum, then tell their kids they can’t wait until they’re gone.

who else wants the wear rain boots and frolic through piles of leaves and cozy up in soft sweaters while reading your favourite books to the light of your favourite candles and sit in a mountain of blankets and gaze out the window as rain falls while drinking hot tea or cocoa!!!!!!!! LEAVES CRUNCHING ON BRISK AUTUMN STROLLS SURROUNDED BY TRAGICALLY BEAUTIFUL COLOURS!!!!! fall