cocktail-glass

The Element EVERYTHING in Your Story Needs

To all the writers who have ever felt lost, alone, and completely confused during the labyrinthine journey that is writing anything, and felt like screaming this at your story …

There’s hope.

There’s a light at the end of that darn tunnel. First, let me describe how I used to fight my way out of these periods of confusion and hopelessness. 

Usually, I would try to force myself to get back into the groove of the story. I would reread it, and be yelling at myself in my head, “Remember why you love it! LOVE your book again! Keep reading and FALL IN LOVE, damn it!” I’d go over descriptions, bits of dialogue, banter between the characters. I’d go over settings and imagery, and try to make myself remember how much they’d once excited me. I’d read things that had made me laugh when I typed them, sentences that I was particularly proud of, paragraphs that made me feel particularly clever. But the thing was, it didn’t work. 

I didn’t care.  

What was the problem? The problem was some of those descriptions, settings, images, and witty episodes of bantering had no Story Reason to be there. They were just there because they amused me. Just because I found the imagery beautiful. Just because I found a sentence or joke really clever and wanted to share my wit with the world. But the world didn’t care about my wit. Because the world (the people reading my book) knew subconsciously that there was no story to give that so-called witty sentence substance and meaning. I could create the most breath-taking images, I could make the most well-rounded living and breathing character, I could make a setting that you wanted to run away from home and live inside … and it didn’t matter. If the thing didn’t have a purpose for being there within the narrative, nobody cared. And I didn’t either. 

So what is a Story Reason? 

Everything in a story exists to support one of three things. 

1. The A-story: The surface plot, the quest of the main character to achieve a specific tangible goal. What the story is about on the surface. 

2. The B-Story: The love story, or relationship of the thing. Usually this relationship is instrumental in causing the third element, which is …  

3. The Character Arc. The theme of the story, the purpose, the piece of truth the story seeks to prove to the main character and the audience. 

If something in a story doesn’t contribute to the progress of these three, there’s no reason we should care about it. It has no point. Because in the end, all we care about is the story!

When it comes to scenes, story reason means continuity. It means the way the story unfolds logically. If every scene is there for a darn good reason, the scenes after and before will make total sense, they’ll connect seamlessly, a steady progression of events. Every scene’s turn triggers the next scene. 

And to do this, every scene must be able to be linked with three words: Because of that.

Because of the turn of one scene … 

The next scene happens. 

And because of the turn of that scene the next scene happens.

To illustrate how this works, let’s look at a small movie you might have heard about called Zootopia. (Thanks to @inked-withlove for the movie suggestion!)

So let’s start at this point, the turn of the scene with Clawhauser and Judy searching the file on Emmitt Otterton. 

Turn: “I have a lead." 

Because of that …

Judy has to get Nick to tell her what he knows about Otterton.

Turn: It all goes poorly, and now Nick and Judy are stuck together by an incriminating adorable carrot recorder. (The B Story, the relationship, has intertwined with the A Story.)


Because of that …

Nick takes Judy to the place he saw Otterton go, a place he thinks will cause her to give up. 

Turn: She doesn’t quit, she marches right in. (B Story: Nick sounds surprised, and a little impressed, that she didn’t back down.)

Because of that … 

She has to question a rude yoga-performing elephant. 

Turn: Though the elephant is absolutely no help, the seemingly addled yak is more than helpful – he even remembers the license plate number of the car Emmitt left in. 

Because of that …

Nick thinks his part in this endeavor is complete. But Judy remembers that she’s not in the system yet, and thus can’t run a plate. Nick, however, can. And he’s going to, or else. 

Turn: It just so happens that he has a pal at the DMV. 

Because of that …

Sloths. He takes her to a DMV run by sloths and wastes as much of her precious dwindling time as he can.

Turn: “It’s night?!”

Because of that …

Legitimate Enterprise Car Service (at least that’s what it’s called in the screenplay) is closed. Judy doesn’t have a warrant and Nick is enjoying her suffering tremendously. After a spat, she tosses the carrot over the fence instead of handing it to him.

Turn: Because she has now seen a shifty low-life climbing the fence, she has probable cause, and doesn’t need a warrant. She can go in. (B Story: Nick is looking at her with more respect.)

Because of that …

They find the car and begin investigating. The car is a crime scene; claw marks everywhere, the missing otter’s wallet … and a cocktail glass etched with a "B”.

Turn: And it all adds up for Nick. This car belongs to Mr Big, a notorious crime boss. And his polar bear henchman are right outside. They grab Judy and Nick and yank them off screen. 

Because of that  …

Judy and Nick are wedged between the bear henchman, on their way to face Mr Big. 

Turn: Nick sold him a very expensive rug that happened to be made from the fur of a skunk’s butt. Or in other words, Mr Big really doesn’t like Nick.

Because of that …

They wait fearfully for Mr Big to appear, and even when he’s revealed to be a tiny shrew, Nick still launches into obsequious and panicked mode. He tries talking his way out of it, but Mr Big really REALLY doesn’t like him. And when Judy shouts at him that she’s a cop and she has evidence on him –

Turn: “Ice ‘em.”

Because of that …

“No icing anyone at my wedding!” Fru Fru Shrew is not a happy camper. Father and daughter bicker about his promise of no murder on her wedding day, and the fact that “I have to, baby. Daddy has to.” Until – 

Turn: “She’s the bunny who saved my life yesterday. From that giant doughnut!” Well, Judy is now in Mr Big’s good books. He’s going to pay her kindness forward. Nick is floored. 

I’m gonna stop there.

SO! After going through that analysis of how the scenes are linked together, let’s abandon the “everything needs a story reason to be in there” rule, and see what happens. 

After the scene where Judy and Nick reluctantly join forces, we could add a scene where Nick is trying to remember the name of the place, and where it is. Then we could have them asking around, searching the city, refusing to ask for directions, lots of banter. THEN we can finally get to The Mystic Springs Oasis.

And after they get the plate number, maybe Nick grabs the carrot pen and makes a run for it. Then we can have a chase scene, but he gets away. Then we can have Judy trying to run the plate on her own, before realizing she isn’t in the system, and failing. Then we can have a scene where she has to track down Nick again. Then a scene where she figures out how to blackmail him into it. THEN they finally get to the DMV. 

And you know what would have happened then?

Zootopia would have made everyone bored. 

All of these inserted scenes are unnecessary. Sure, they might add conflict, add complications to Judy’s quest, but they’re ultimately just filler. They’re just there for the sake of bulking out the story. This is why that tip I hear so often in writing circles always perplexes me: “Figure out the worst possible thing that can happen to your character, then do that.” If people went with this rule, they’d just keep throwing terrible things at the characters for no apparent reason, one after another, and the reader or audience would be expected to be entertained by it (but wouldn’t be). It would be like cartoons before Mickey Mouse came along and applied story to animation: before, cartoons were just gag after gag, slapstick situations mashed together like a funny video compilation. Except with books and movies, it would just be conflict-heavy situations strung together, taking an inordinate amount of time to make any actual progress.  

Once you make sure everything has a purpose within the narrative, things get so much better.  And I find, when I reread my work I don’t have to scream at myself to “love your book or else” if everything has a reason for being there. And instead of feeling like yelling at my story like an angry overworked crab, I feel a lot more like this gif.

I hope it works for you too.

A Shitty Description of Gorillaz Albums

Self Titled: Stoner music. The smell of weed clinging to everything that you own. Jamming with your friends in your parent’s garage. Bloody noses. Bruised knuckles. Shitty arcade games from the eighties.

D Sides: Black light. Shitty bowling alleys in the middle of nowhere. Having fizzy drinks come out of your nose. Broken glass. Molotov cocktails. Fluorescent lights. Fading highway lines that stretch on forever. Knock off raybans.

Demon Days: Edgy. Drawing on your sneakers with sharpie. Chain smoking. Old zombie movies. Dance music tinged with murder. Being suicidal but seeing the beauty in living.

Plastic Beach: Being shipped to summer camp. Sunlight burning you to a crisp. Old tubes of paint. Music playing far away in the distance. Sand beneath your toes. Sun burn.

The Fall: Mid November. Being stuck in a hotel room in a city that you’ve never been to. Smoking on curbs. Crying but you don’t know why. Pills making your mind go blurry. Feeling numb all the time.

Humanz: Vibrant. Mid July. Drugs, but quality drugs that make you fuzzy for hours. Fancy bar cocktails. Hickeys. Waking up in a stranger’s bed. The scratchy sound that old records make. A TV just buzzing with white noise. Knowing all the lyrics to songs that you’ve never heard. Lipstick. Tights.

Bar Knowledge: Glassware.

You can’t serve an Old fashioned in a coupette glass and you can’t serve a Mojito in a margarita glass. Don’t be an ass, and know you glass. Here is a list of the glassware you have or should have in the bar you work in or your own home bar. Let’s start with the basics…

  • 1. Martini Glass- Used to serve drinks straight up without ice. Most common would be a Martini where the name comes from or the Manhattan.
  • 2. Margarita Glass- A glass stylized like an upside down sombrero should only be used to serve the margarita or any type of margarita variation and nothing else.
  • 3. Pint Glass- Beer and Beer/Cider based mixed drinks. example Black velvet, shandy or Black’n’Tans.
  • 4. Rocks Glass/ Old-Fashioned- Used to serve liquor like good quality vodka or whisk(e)y, and cocktails with ice or neat. Examples of different drinks that go into a rocks glass: Negroni, Old Fashioned, Margarita on the rocks, Sazerac (Neat).
  • 5. Shot Glass- The name itself says it. Used for shots! I imagine everyone knows this and at this point I’m just covering basics for the sake of it.
  • 6. Highball Glass- Used to serve long drinks, aka spirit and mixers, aka highball drinks. Examples are: Screw Driver, Cuba Libre, G&T.
  • 7. Collins Glass- Slightly shorter and wider than the Highball glass, this one is used to serve a good Collins, Fizz, or Rickey.
  • 8. Brandy/ Cognac Glass- Used to serve Brandy/Cognac. Just make sure to swirl hot water inside it before pouring in the spirit. It should be served in a hot glass.
  • 9. Wine Glass- There are different types for white or red wine but this is the standard everyone should be familiar with.
  • 10. Champagne Flute- Used to drink sparkly wine, champagne or serve the following cocktails: French 75, Champagne cocktail.
  • 11. Hurricane Glass- For blended frozen drinks and exotic drinks.
  • 12. Irish Coffee Glass- Thick Glass with a handle used for hot drinks such as the Irish Coffee, Hot Toddy or Hot Buttered Rum.
  • 13. Coupe Glass- The coupette is another great glass with a stem used for ‘straight up’ cocktails like the martini glass. I like to use this one for cocktails containing egg whites.
  • 14. Grappa Glass- Used to enjoy Italian grappa.
  • 15. Absinthe Glass- Thick and beautifully designed glasses used to drink Absinthe. Served with the iconic Absinthe spoon for the sugar.
  • 16. Tiki Glass- There are many types of these glasses around and this is just one of them. They are ceramic and usually depict imagery from Melanesia, Micronesia or Polynesia. They are especially used for ‘Tiki’ style exotic cocktails based on rum blends and fruit juices.
  • 17.  Buck Mug- Copper mugs used for Buck style cocktails, the most famous being the Moscow Mule.
  • 18. Julep Cup- Iconic metal cup used only for the Kentucky Mint Julep.
  • 19. Sour Glass- These are not used that much anymore, but they were the official ‘Sour’ glass for sour style cocktails.
  • 20. Tasting Glass- Used by spirit connoisseur’s for tasting fine Scotch or Gin for example. 

    If you enjoyed this article share it with people and hit that like button! Also if you have any questions or want to share your thoughts please comment below. - UM. Thanks guys!

Kiwi: Part One

A little impromptu mini-series based in Jamaica during the writing/recording of Harry’s new album. Enjoy. xo



The music in the bar was pounding as the sounds of the Caribbean flowed through the humid air. It was a small establishment, one that could probably only accommodate for two hundred people at most. It definitely wasn’t a tourist place; most of those were on the other side of the island with the copious amounts of resorts and hotels that offered travellers sanctuary.

Harry wasn’t there to vacation, though. He was there to write and record his new album.

The bar, “Pipo’s Shack”, was about a ten minute walk from the recording studio that Harry had been working in for the past little bit. It had been a productive couple of days; he’d spent the first night there having a few beers and getting to know his team better. After all, they were going to be working together until this thing was done, so they might as well be comfortable with one another. They all got along splendidly, and the handful of songs they’d managed to bang out so far were promising, but not quite right yet. After a couple of days of straight work, Harry decided that he needed a night off to himself.

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“Tame You” - Jay Park X Reader (Smut)

Description: You and your friend have been dating Jay Park and Simon Dominic of AOMG for quite a while before they both decided that their careers were getting in the way of your relationship as their schedules were getting busier by the day. An encounter in a club located in Seoul happens a month after both relationships ended.

  • Word Count: 3827 words


Your hips swayed once more on the beat of a menacingly slow song before you left the dance floor, making your way towards the bar. Your friend lifted her hand in the air to attract the bartender’s attention and she ordered what was probably your favorite drink, seeing as she knew all too well what this little escapade was about. To be fair enough, you both needed it more than you actually thought. It felt good to let go for once. After all, it’s been over a month since it happened and you never got a call or anything close to that. 

Your hand gripped the shot of Jager and you gulped it down, allowing the burning sensation to set in your throat for the third time tonight. 

“Do you think they know we’re in Seoul?” (H/N) asked, eyeing you from behind her cocktail glass as you traced your finger around the mouth of the now empty shot. 

“If they do, they did a poor job of actually finding us,” you rolled your eyes, turning your gaze towards the bartender. Your hand shot up in the air as soon as he looked at you and you motioned for him to bring you another glass of the fiery drink.

 "They come out here frequently, I don’t think they want to find us though, so,“ you shrugged, emptying another shot of Jager, “let’s at least have fun." 

Your heels hit the floor as you got up on your feet and dragged your friend back on the dance floor, swaying your hips once again, catching every note of the song in mesmerizing moves of your body. Your eyelids felt heavy as you closed them and got all caught up in the mood, not even feeling your own breathing but the sound of your heartbeat succumbing to the body-vibrating bass. You forgot all about Jay, about the breakup and the lame excuse he gave you, his whispered "I love you” as you ended the call, tears pouring down your cheeks.

 The animalistic side of you drew you further into the mass of people dancing out of sync as you felt a single presence behind you, imitating your moves.

 "All alone tonight?“ you barely heard the voice over the blasting music. You bobbed your head up and down into a nod, pointing at your friend that was currently too lost in the music to notice, "only with her.”

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trick shot (m.)

;pairing — jimin/reader

;warnings — heavy drinking | cursing | oral sex | jimin being sleazy | hoseok being an asshole | lots of pool references | just adult things

;summary — jimin’s the bartender, you’re the billiard hotshot who frequents his bar and challenges him to a clean game of 9-ball after hours. “see if you can make this shot with my hand down your pants” au

;word count — 8k

part i | part i.v | part ii

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Alisha, Isaiah and Alberto fucking slayed this episode?! Like wtf? I am still in shock?

Every single fucking scene with them, I never wanted it to end. All the scenes were so visceral and raw. Maia and Simon bonding over experiences so different yet similar. Luke saving a broken Maia. Maia and Simon saving a broken Luke.

I am so gone. 

Break-Up Novella.

PART THREE: JEALOUSY.

PART ONE | PART TWO |

It’s quite a short part… I’m sorry! I just lost all inspiration for this one, I think. Harry’s hit with the vicious green-eyed monster in this part to the Break-Up Novella. But, he deserves to suffer, don’t you think? One step closer to them getting back together though, I can assure you. 

I can’t promise you that part four will be any better but part 5 will be so jam-packed of a whole load of things and emotions.

Thank you SO much for the feedback on the last two parts to this little novella/story. I’m stunned that Part One is getting close to 500 notes That’s insane. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you so much for that. I really do. I think that is the most amount of notes I’ve ever received on a story; and for it to happen on one that I was a little weary on? It just makes me feel even better about it.

As always, feedback would be incredible! You guys know how much I appreciate that.

Enjoy! xx

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Baby Shark's Tooth

What you need

  • Cocktail Glass
  • Grenadine 
  • Lemon Juice
  • Orange Juice

How to make it

Add as much Grenadine or as little as you want (due to it being a very thick sweet syrup it depends on peoples tastes). Then get around 2oz of Orange Juice and pour that into a mixer that contains ice. Add 0.5oz of lemon juice to the Orange Juice and shake well to add a slight zing to the sweet drink. Once shaken pour carefully and slowly down the side of the glass so that it sits on top of the Grenadine rather than mixing with it. It make take a few goes but after a while it should be all good! If you want to get the full flavor try to drink in one! It also lends itself to be a very tasty shot too!

Craig’s Gang as Alcoholic Drinks

Part 2 and follow up to my Main 4 as Alcoholic Drinks post bc @earily asked that if I had more drinks for other characters that I share them, and you bet your ass I’ve got more!

(Although I see him more as part of Stan’s gang, I’m gonna include Butters here because I didn’t add him in the main 4 post)

Craig Tucker: Pisco Sour

  • 1 cup Pisco or White Rum
  • 1 cup Guava Nectar
  • 2 Tsp Superfine Sugar
  • ¼ cup Lime Juice
  • Angostura Bitters
  • Lime Wedges
  • Mint Leaves

In a glass pitcher combine the Pisco or rum, guava nectar, sugar, and lime juice. Add a few shakes of Angostura bitters; stir well to dissolve sugar. Divide mixture among 4 glasses. add ice; top with a lime wedge and fresh mint. (This drink is traditionally made with egg whites instead of Guava Nectar, but I chose not to do that. If you want to make it the traditional way, just substitute the Guava Nectar for the egg whites! It’ll create a cool little foam on the top if you do!)

It’s been a long-standing debate in the fandom whether Craig is a bitter asshole or a guinea pig loving dork. But let’s be honest, the answer is probably a little bit of both! Like Craig, this drink is a little sweet and a little sour. Light and limey, but still strong! Not to mention it’s also the national drink of Peru, so if you’re a fan of the “adopted Craig” headcanon, then this one holds double significance!

Tweek Tweak: Spiked Thai Iced Coffee

  • Strong Black Regular Ground Coffee (Enough to brew 4 cups)
  • 4 Tbsp Sugar
  • 4 Tbsp Heavy Cream
  • 2 Tsp Ground Cardamom
  • 3 ounces Amaretto
  • Crushed Ice

Add the cardamom to the ground coffee. Brew the coffee according to makers instructions. Pour the coffee into a pitcher or large glass. Add the sugar and Amaretto, and stir to combine. Fill four 12 ounce glasses with crushed ice. Pour the coffee into each glass and top each with 1 tablespoon of cream.

It wouldn’t be Tweek without coffee! This drink is sweet and spicy, just the right thing to calm you when the anxiety is hitting hard. But luckily it’s still light enough that it won’t give you a case of the GAH jitters.

Clyde Donovan: The Crybaby

  • 1.5 oz. Breuckelen Glorious Gin
  • 1 oz. Sour Beer
  • ½ oz. Rosemary Syrup
  • ½ oz. Lemon Juice
  • ¼ oz. Yogurt Whey
  • Angostura bitters
  • Rosemary Sprig

In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine Breuckelen Glorious Gin, Sour Beer, Rosemary Syrup, Lemon Juice, and Yogurt Whey and shake. Mist with angostura bitters and garnish with a rosemary sprig. Serve neat.

A seriously sour sip to drown the pain of rejection, family deaths, and realizing that there’s no glory in being a pirate (Poor Clyde!). This drink is a little heavier than most others, but if you feel like bursting into tears it could be just what you need!

Token Black: Chocolate Coquito

  • 1 can (13.5 oz) Coconut Milk
  • 1 and ½ Bars (3.5 oz) Bittersweet Dark Chocolate
  • 1 can (15 oz) Coconut Cream
  • 1 can (14 oz) Condensed Milk
  • ½ cup Evaporated Milk
  • 2 Tsp Vanilla Extract
  • ½ Tsp Ground Cinnamon
  • ½ Tsp Ground Nutmeg
  • 2 cups Light Rum

Break chocolate into medium pieces and place in a bowl. In a small sauce pan, warm up coconut milk. Once hot, pour over the chocolate and mix well until chocolate has melted and combined with the coconut milk. In a blender, combine chocolate mixture, coconut cream, condensed milk and evaporated milk. Add the vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. Finally, add the rum. Blend until all is well combined. Pour into glass bottles, seal well and refrigerate. Serve cold in small drink glasses and garnish with a sprinkle of shaved chocolate. Shake well before serving. (Note: This drink will become very thick once it gets cold. Let it sit out about 15 minutes before serving to thin it a bit.)

Dark and rich, sweet but not too sweet, with a calming effect and plenty of personality, now that’s a Token drink! Dark chocolate has also been shown to have brain boosting benefits, which even the naturally gifted Token wouldn’t mind, I’m sure! Should balance out the brain stupidifying properties of alcohol! …right?

Jimmy Valmer: Anabolic Steroid (Shot)

  • Blue Curaçao
  • Midori
  • Cointreau

Hold a spoon against the side of the shot glass and allow the alcohol to gently pour onto the back of the spoon into the glass.The Blue Curaçao goes in first so you don’t need to do the ‘back of the spoon’ trick. Fill it about one third of the way up the glass. Next get your Midori, if it helps, rather than pour from the bottle you can pour some Midori into the Midori lid and then pour that onto the back of the spoon really really really slowly. It might look like it’s mixing but if you look from the side you can see there is a difference between the blue & green. So again, another third of the glass is filled and then finally you want to do the same with the Cointreau. Slowly filling the shot glass until you get to the top.

No, this isn’t real steroids like the ones Jimmy used to try to win the Special Olympics, but it’ll make you feel like a w-w-winner regardless! Its vibrancy and fun look is sure to be a crowd pleaser!

Butters Stotch: Topical Painkiller

  • 2 ounces Dark Rum
  • 1 ½ ounces Coconut Milk
  • 3 ounces Orange Juice
  • 3 ounces Pineapple Juice
  • Pineapple Wedge and Cherry to garnish

Fill cocktail shaker about half full with ice cubes. Add Dark Rum, Coconut Milk, Orange Juice, and Pineapple Juice, seal and shake. Pour into a small cocktail glass filled with ice and serve.

Sweet, fruity, and seemingly innocent, but with quiet a bit of feistiness! And after being the butt of so many jokes and suffering parental abuse for as long as he has, well, Butters could probably use some (tropical) painkillers.


Well, that’s it for this one! I guess if people like these, the next post will be drinks for the ladies of South Park!

2

The Churchill Martini, made famous by Sir Winston Churchill

Ingredients:

One bottle of ice cold gin

One unopened bottle of vermouth

Martini glasses

Cocktail olives

Instructions

  • Stir gin and ice together.  
  • Gaze at the unopened bottle of vermouth while stirring.
  • Strain into chilled glass.
  • Add olive for garnish.

Yes, essentially what you get is a glass of gin.  Winston Churchill liked his Martinis served without the vermouth actually being added to the drink, just present in the same room. He is quoted as saying of the drink, “Glance at the vermouth bottle briefly while pouring the juniper distillate freely”.