club crawl

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What’s the hottest place in New York City to take your mom? Take it from the offspring of Ms. Stefon and David Bowie: Stefon, our favorite SNL City Correspondent.

Stop #2 on our Stefon’s Everything Club Crawl is “Spicy” - which opens in 2017 on the upper east side of a dumpster. It’s a 24-hour bitch fest and is the creation of club owner Rabbi Jew Diamond Phillips. This place has everything: sand worms, geishas, rock eaters, and a seven-level course in adult education.

Just the mention of this club has Stefon feeling a little spicy towards Seth.

Nevada Local Cultus
  • Poseidon of the Plains-wild horses run through the plains in northern and central Nevada
  • Amphitrite of the Wasted Sea- there was an inland ocean here a LONG time ago, and school in Vegas will take field trips into the mountains to look for shell fossils
  • Artemis Charleston- Mt. Charleston is a forest covered mountain outside Las Vegas
  • Dionysus Freemont- Freemont street in Las Vegas, bar crawls, club hopping, neon, music, and the art festival on the first friday of each month
  • Ares Nellis- Nellis airforce base
  • Hermes at the Dam- I will fight anyone who tells me that Hermes doesn’t hang out at Hoover damn in his khthonic aspect to guide lost souls
  • Hekate of the Desert- just try to tell me that the desert isn’t a place for wandering, for making decisions, for finding yourself when you’re lost. They may not be crossroads, but those sands have just as much meaning for me with Hekate as any intersection does

We’re going on a Club Crawl this week with everyone’s favorite City Correspondent: SNL’s very own Stefon.

Today’s club, “Mmmmmhmmmm,” is an active crime scene that has everything: stickballs, pick pockets, and cookie crisp. Stick it out and you might become good friends with Derek Zoolander, just like Stefon.

It only gets better from here. 

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Stop #3 on our Stefon’s Everything Club Crawl is Booooooooof: a round-the-clock puke party with pugs, geysers, doo-wop groups, a wise old turtle that looks like Quincy Jones, and a coked-up Gremlin named Gizbo. Really, it has everything.

Meet us in the abandoned orphanage on the lower, lower east side of Chelsea.

We bet you’ll break as many times as Bill Hader does in this sketch.

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Did I mention the people in Paris were really unfriendly? Well all except for the bartenders who are absolutely wonderful people, and they didn’t cheat us out of alcohol by flooding the drinks with mixers, which I really appreciated. What with the language gap they could’ve totally gotten away with it. We went on a magnificent club crawl on this really cool little street in the Bastille area that’s just lined with tiny clubs. My list of drinks for the night was:

1) Absinthe 

2) Nikita

3) Havana Club 7 yrs

4) Tequila

5) Caipirihna

6) Orgasme

7) Kalachinkov (pictured)

Aaaaaaand probably a couple more that I don’t remember.

Also!!! I found Nicolas Flamel. Not as hard as the HP trio made it seem…