club 300

el-scorchooo  asked:

You still taking prompts? You're my fave Jopper author from way back S1. How about... Hopper giving El the birds and the bees talk (bonus points if you somehow get Joyce in there)

“Sign this,” El ‘Jane’ Hopper commanded, slapping a document onto the kitchen counter. Jim Hopper turned his attention away from the eggs and potatoes he was frying up in a cast-iron skillet and squinted in the direction of the paper.

“You need to wear your glasses, and not just when Joyce is around to yell at you. It’s a permission slip.”

“Oh?” Hopper inquired, turning his attention back to the skillet and stirring the contents with a wooden spoon. “Where are you going?”

“To the biology classroom to find out about Boning.”

Hopper turned the dial on the stove so hard that it nearly came off in his hand, his other hand was burned when he misjudged when blindly grabbing at the handle of the skillet. “GODDAMN IT!” he thundered, running for the sink and turning on the tap so he could run his injured hand beneath the soothing waters.

“What, what exactly do you mean by that, kid?”

El shrugged and walked over to the stove; she turned the flame back on medium scooted the skillet over the flame and promptly took over for Hopper. “Dustin said they would put the boys and the girls in two different rooms and we would learn how to bone. That’s what he said, but I don’t know–…

Hopper cut her off with a relieved chuckle. “Not quite. That kid really is a moron sometimes. It’s a class about puberty. They throw in a little bit about sex, though.” He turned off the tap and focused his attention on El, cool relief flooding him when he noticed she still looked terribly confused, and then he felt terrible about being relieved. It was okay to be happy to know that the Wheeler kid wasn’t pushing her to do anything she wasn’t ready for, it was quite another thing to revel in her ignorance.

“You look like you’re going to have questions ahead of the class,” he remarked.

“Yes. Sometimes when I ask questions, the other kids laugh. It’s like I should know these things, and when I don’t, people think I’m weird or stupid.”

Well, goddamn it. Hopper was going to let her just save her curiosity for the class and leave her to the people who got paid to inform her, but the thought of her being bullied and vulnerable going into the class… especially when most kids her age learned about these things either from classmates, siblings, TV or (he shuddered) experience, was heartbreaking. 

Hopper glanced at the clock. Joyce wouldn’t be home for another twenty minutes or so. She always knew what to say, and how to say it. Hopper suddenly felt tongue-tied and wrong-footed.

“Finish that up and have a seat at the table,” he grunted, wandering from the room in search of his First Aid Kit. 

When they were both situated at the table, Hopper at one end, El at the other, he cleared his throat and shrugged. “Shoot.”

“Is ‘sex’ the same as ‘boning’?” 

Right to the uncomfortable stuff.

“Yes,” he began carefully, stretching the word out as he pondered his next move. “Kind of. ‘Sex’ is the proper term, ‘boning’ is the word people use when they’re too immature to have sex. I always say ‘if you can’t call it by its proper name, you shouldn’t be having it’.”

“‘Sex’.” El echoed with a frown. “So I’m ready to have whatever it is?”

Hopper choked on his coffee. “No! That’s not - fuck! - excuse me, kid, I didn’t mean to swear, I’ll put a dollar in the jar in a second - no, it doesn’t mean you’re ready and I’m getting to why.”

“I heard someone call it ‘fucking’ too.”

“Now you owe a dollar.”

El crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged. 

“But yes, people call it that too. But sex is a physical act between two people who want to show more affection than just kissing and holding hands. It’s a private thing that is usually done in the bedroom and preferably by people who are willing to stay together. Older people. Maybe even people in their mid-twenties who have finished college and can afford the distraction and the risk.”


Hopper took another deep, shuddering breath. “Sometimes, when sex happens, the woman can get pregnant. With a baby.”

El nodded, her brain beginning to comprehend. “So my mom had sex.”

“Yes, I think so?”

“And you had sex.”

Hopper could only nod slowly.

“And Joyce had sex.”

“I think you got the point, kid.”

“But she hasn’t had sex with you.”

Hopper scoffed and sputtered for a few moments before managing, “What makes you say that?”

“You don’t have any babies with Joyce.”

His forehead hit the tabletop with a thud. “So, that brings us to protection…”

“Like a gun?”

anonymous asked:

The ask thing with 28 and 30 with J-hope please? Thank you ^^

Wild Thoughts

Reader x fuckboy!Hoseok

word count: 2687  


Inspired by this prompt list.

summary: I really don’t know what to say about this one….except it was really fun to write…and fuckboy Hoseok does things to me.

Originally posted by hobies

University was a new world. Everywhere you turned there would be a new person you had never seen before or noticed and in a large lecture room that happened to occur very often. You made your way up to the middle of the back and sat down next to a girl that had become your friend, her name was Jia, an 18 year old fresh out of high school who was really outgoing.

“Who’s the guy in the corner over there?” You asked Jia quietly while looking in his direction.

“That’s Hoseok,” Jia replied, “Pretty cute huh?” She winked.

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