...welp.

Little brother Oliver (who watches all these Scooby episodes with me) needed to go shopping in preparation for an ugly Christmas sweater contest.

I went along to help him out.

In the end… I found more than just reindeer sweaters.

I found way more than I bargained for.

Name: Terrifying Wizard Clown Doll

Distinguishing features: Mysterious yellow foot stains, “I’m so hungover” expression, feeling unusually heavy like it’s filled with wet sand

Perfect gift for: A kid you don’t like

Name: Broken Dog-On-Book Lamp

Distinguishing features: Damage like it’s been through a wheat thresher, soulless black eyes, random uncovered lightbulb sticking out the side

Perfect gift for: Grandma, she’ll prolly still like it

Name: The Twin Abominations

Distinguishing features: Look like eyeless ducks made of resin with no limbs, uncomfortably-flaky sides, having no conceivable use or purpose

Perfect gift for: Someone you want to give nightmares to

Name: Bacon Wave™

Distinguishing features: Hilarious premise, extreme overpricing at $2, allegedly being featured on TV

Perfect gift for: Someone who agrees that quotation marks exist for emphasizing, and should be put on the phrase “in your microwave.”

Name: Terrifying Hand-Painted Clown Chair

Distinguishing features: Just look at it, seriously

Perfect gift for: Anyone, at any time, for any occasion