cloudy skys

Second Love (pt. 01)

Pairing: Yoongi | Reader.
Genre: Angst, SummerLove AU, Fluff & (future) Smut
Word Count: 9k

A/N: This is the first part of this “short story”. I’ll upload the second part next week. Enjoy! <3


Winter, 2016

You hate Sundays.

You have always hated them. There’s something about them you can’t quite decipher… 

Is it because you know the weekend has come to an end and a new boring week is going to start? Is it monotony? Loneliness? Sadness? Nostalgia?
You hate Sundays, but this specific Sunday, today, you can feel a heavy feeling in the back of your head.

Is it because of the cloudy sky? Or is it just you? Is it the cold weather of Seoul’s Winter? Or is it just you?

You sigh and rub your temples as you place your head in the window, the only thing separating you from the freezing glass is your grey beanie.

It has been a rough day at the hospital. Running up and down and not even stopping to have a cup of coffee. The snow has blocked some of the main roads and it has caused a few accidents. Blood, bones, people crying, more blood…

You hate Sundays. No, you hate winter Sundays.

All you want to do is arrive to your small apartment, call your mom, call your sister, have a nice bath and eat some pizza while cuddling in the sofa with your American Stanford: Pongo.

As the bus makes its way through the crowded streets of the city you moved in when you were ten, you look at the skyscrapers, the lights, the snow that covers the pavement, the people (hating Sundays as much as you do for what you can see in their faces) the cars, the streets… You would usually read a book as you always spend forty five minutes in the bus, but you finished the one Mei lend you last week and you have already read all the books you own, which are a few to say the least. 

It seems like another boring ride home on another boring Sunday evening. Or at least it seems so until the bus stops. 

You love observing people, debating whether they are good people or not. If they are happy or not. If they have someone waiting for them at home or not. So, having nothing to distract you with, you start checking out every single person that enters the bus. Some of them greet the driver, other just lower their heads and go straight to take a seat as if their lives depended on it. 

The bus closes its doors then and the driver starts the engine again until you hear some noises from the outside. A boy is running next to the bus, his fist hitting the door once in a while until he gets the attention from the driver and the bus stops. 

Ding
Ding
Ding

Your attention is drawn back to  your phone in your hands and it distracts you from what is going on inside the bus. 

Mei: heeeey girl :)            19:51 PM

Mei: what r you up to?     19:51 PM

Mei: Jae called me asking if you were coming tonight *black moon face emoji* lmao  19:51 PM

You sigh and look up, seeing the boy already sit on one the front seats of the bus. 

You: heeeeey <3    19:53 PM

You: don’t know… i’m really, really tired :(  19:53PM

Mei is determined in pairing you up with someone, so she has been introducing you to every single one of her boyfriend’s friends, even his younger brother and a couple of cousins. What was her problem? 

You had broken up with your ex boyfriend just a couple of months ago and you didn’t even felt sad about it. You are really good friends now and you’re happy with how everything ended. You don’t need anyone in your life right now, except from Pongo of course.

Mei: ohhhhh, c'mon Y/N…  19:54 PM

Mei: the boy seems really interested in you *black moon face emoji again* wink wink  19:54 PM

You can’t help but smile as you make a mental list of pros and cons about going out tonight with your best friend, her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s best friend. You had met Jaebum two weeks ago or so, at a bar when you “sporadically ran into” Mei’s boyfriend and his friends. You already knew a few of them and you had refused to be nothing but friends with them. But you had never seen Jaebum. Apparently he was one of the lawyers of an important firm and he was really busy. 

You: i don’t know Mei… If it was a Saturday night… But tomorrow is Monday and we have to work  19:55 PM

Mei: so?  19:55PM

Mei: Jae and Jackson have to work too, so they’ll bring us home early  19:56 PM

Mei: pleaseeee… :)))  19:56 PM

You huff and start typing something when you hear a familiar laugh in the bus.
It can’t be… No.

You must have heard wrong.

He lived now in Daegu, didn’t he?

It can’t be him.

Your eyes wander around the bus in search of the thin, pale boy, landing on a little kid that is looking at you with his finger stuck up his nose. You search again, relaxing when you don’t see the boy.

But when you lower your head again to look at your phone, you hear it again. Clearer this time, you are sure it’s his laugh.

What the heck? He now  lives in Daegu, Y/N. It can’t be him. There are plenty of people with that raspy laugh. Right?

But the laugh sounds again trough the silent bus, as if it wants to let you know it is there. It is a bit raspier than you remember. But it is his. You have no doubt now. 

You lock your phone and look again through the bus, your eyes landing on that little kind again, moving his finger non-stop into his nose. You smile at him, but the kid frowns and continue his search into his nose as he tears his gaze away from you.

That’s when you snap and you finally see him.

He had been the boy that had ran till de bus stopped. He. How can you have not recognised him since the very beginning? 

He must be reading something funny in his phone or something, but you can’t see it clearly since his back is to you. He is wearing black…

What a surprise! 

His hair seems tidier and so do his clothes. He looks like the boy you met ten years ago, the same that made you hate him with all your soul and then love him with your entire heart. He looks like the boy you met at the countryside ten summers ago, the same that dreamt about being free and rebellious. The one that dreamt about writing songs that could free and rebel souls. 

And you can’t help but feel yourself drift away from that bus, on this cold Sunday evening, and go back in time to that warm Sunday ten years ago when you met Min Yoongi.




Summer, 2006

You hated Sundays. 

You had always hated them. There was something about them you couldn’t quite decipher. 

Was it because you knew the weekend had come to an end and a new boring week was going to start? Was it monotony? Loneliness? Sadness? Nostalgia?  

You hated Sundays, but that specific Sunday, you could feel a light feeling in the back of your head. 

Was it because of the bright and clear sky? Or was it just you? Was it the warm weather of Summer in the countryside? Or was it just you?

Since your father had been travelling non-stop that year, and he had barely been at home; he had came across with the fantastic idea of renting a cottage in the middle of nowhere to spend more time together as a family. And you loved the idea.

You loved Summer. You loved the countryside and you loved spending some time with your family. 

So, as your sister was playing stupid games with her boyfriend (who she brought everywhere lately) in the pool in the backyard, and your parents were either taking a nap or watching a movie in the living room; you sat in the swing that was in the front porch, a book in your hand and a glass of cool lemonade next to you. You hated Sundays, but that Sunday was starting to become more and more tolerable.

“Hey!” you suddenly heard a feminine voice coming from the front of the porch.
You looked up, your eyes finding a girl, more or less you age, with long black hair and a radiant smile on her lips. She was carrying a tray. 

“Hey” you said, closing your book and standing up from the swirl, nearly smashing the glass full of lemonade on the floor in the process. You didn’t know what to do. Were you supposed to give her a hug? To take the tray? To stand there smiling at her like an idiot as you did?

“I’m Suni, but you can call me Sun” she said, her smile never leaving her full lips. She was really pretty standing there in her bright yellow summer dress, with her hair contrasting with her pale skin and her pink cheeks adorning her round face. You suddenly felt out of place, with your hair – dirty from the pool - in a messy bun (but not a cute messy bun), you old dad’s t-shirt and a pair of shorts. 

You saw her extend her hand towards you and you shook it with the one that wasn’t holding the book you were reading, your cheeks slightly pink from the embarrassment of being as shy as you always were. “I’m Y/N, but you can call me… Y/N, I guess… That’s how everyone calls me” you said, trying to say more than one word in the same sentence. That was the first possible friend you had met since you arrived on Friday, you didn’t want her to think that you were weird. But instead of thinking you were weird, Sun thought you were really cute and her smile widened. 

“I know you arrived here on Friday” she said, tearing her hand away from yours and handing the tray that contained a very yummy-looking sponge cake. “So I wanted to say hi and give this to you. I made it myself but I won’t give you the recipe cause it’s a secret.”

You laughed, a bit of your nervousness fading away. She looked like a really easy-going girl, and since you were the opposite from easy-going, you liked that. “How bad, it looks delicious.”

“Thanks, it is” she smiled again. “Will you be here for the rest of the Summer?”
“Yeah, unless my father has planned some new adventure he has yet to told us, I’m staying here till September.” 

Sun looked at the door behind you, inspecting the whole place.
“Oh shit, sorry, you must think I’m so rude. You wanna come in? We can…” you started to say so fast your brain wasn’t eve processing your words.

“Yeah, I’d love to. You have the rest of the Summer to get to now me, but let me tell you I’m super noisy and I love seeing other people’s houses” she said in a high pitched voice.

You showed her the small cottage, your parents looked really happy seeing you making friends and they thought Suni was a really nice girl. You ended up eating the sponge cake in your room while you spoke about everything: series you liked, your favourite films, your music tastes… You discovered she was really into reading and fluffy cats, just like you. She lived there all year – in the house that was just on the other side of the road, in front of your cottage - and went to a nearby high school that was just a few villages away. She had your same age and she had an older brother. By seven o’clock she was heading to her home again. 

“Oh” she said, turning around. You looked at her holding the front door with your left hand. “I forgot to tell you that tonight I’m going out with my brother and his friends. You should come.”

With her brother and friends? You were already shy around new people, let alone boys. Boys who were older than you and - for what Sun had told you – reckless, adventurous and wild. Nevertheless, you had boy friends back home in Seoul. What was the difference? Well, the difference was that you met them when you first moved in Seoul, you had teen years and you didn’t know what being shy was. Now that you had seventeen, everything had changed. From the way you saw yourself to the way you saw boys. Boys weren’t just your friends anymore. They were beings you sometimes found really attractive and that made you ridiculously nervous. But a part of you was willing to say yes and so you did. At the end you would spend the following three months in that village. Having some friends wouldn’t hurt, right?

                                                            ***

You were extremely nervous as you let Suni lead you to the place you would meet her brother and his friends. What would they think of you? Would they accept you or would they find you boring and tell you not to come over again? Were they nice or just some stupid teenagers messing around? Suni was walking by your side, talking non-stop about something you wasn’t hearing. You knew you were being rude by not hearing what she was telling you, but since she came to pick you up and you saw her in a beautiful pink skater skirt and a cute t-shirt you had felt nothing but insecure. You loved the black short overalls you were wearing and the orange oversized t-shirt too, but you felt really ugly compared to her. 

“Don’t be nervous” Sun suddenly said, snapping you back to reality. “They’re really cool laid-back guys.”

Her tone was really soft and her eyes were shining in the dark. There was no bad in her, and you trusted her words. “I’m just a bit shy whenever I’m meeting new people. I’m really talkative once I get comfortable, but it takes me a bit of time.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be by your side and whenever you wanna go home I’ll go with you. You’re the only cool girl in this village right now, I have to keep you.”
You wanted to ask her if there were more girls in the village, but the bright lights of a football field came into view. The field was nearly out of the village and it had took you half an hour to arrive there.

“There they are” she said, starting to speed up in the direction of the football field. You could hear the loud voices of the boys from afar. They were laughing and screaming at each other. You could see them too, they looked really cool and funny. “Hey boys!” She screamed, opening the door of the fence that delimited the field. 

You entered behind Suni and you could feel all the boy’s eyes on you. You were sure your cheeks were burning red, but you tried to hide it lowering your head and letting your hair fall into your cheeks. You followed Suni to the stands where some of the boys were sitting. As you approached, the smell of something you recognised became strong. 

“Suni” a tall boy said, climbing down the stands and handing what looked like a joint to another boy. “What are you doing here?” He lowered his voice as he approached you both. 

“You told me you were coming here this morning” Suni said, menacingly looking to the boy that looked just like her. He had his hair shorter on the sides and then longer at the top, styled away from his forehead. He had the same full lips Suni had and you could see two small dimples on his cheeks every time he opened his mouth. 

Who you supposed was Suni’s brother sighed. “Right, but don’t be all over Tae as you were the last time” he didn’t even look at you, giving your cheeks time to return to their normal shade. “And don’t tell mom that we were smoking.”
“Okay. I won’t tell her. But you have to let me and my friend play football.” She said, proudly lifting up her chin. “Y/N, meet my brother Namjoonie, Namjoonie, meet our new neighbour and my new friend Y/N.”

“Namjoon, thanks” he said through gritted teeth, slowly killing his younger sister with his gaze. “Nice to meet you. You’re the girl that moved in the small cottage last Friday?” Namjoon was now staring at you with a wide smile on his lips, showing you his adorable dimples. 

“Nice to meet you too. Yeah, I’m gonna stay here all Summer.” You said, trying not to blush again under the handsome boy’s gaze. 

“Cool. Let me introduce you to this assholes.” He turned around and made a high noise with his mouth. “Guys!” He shouted, catching everyone’s attention. The rest of the boys stopped doing what they were doing and looked at you, making you blush again. Shit, they’re gonna think I’m an idiot or something. “Guys, listen. Tonight we have a guest. She’s Y/N and she’s staying at the cottage across my street. You better show her some respect.”

“This is Hoseok, my best mate here” Namjoon introduced you to a boy with a wide smile on his face and bright eyes. His hair was longer than Namjoon’s and was parted to the side. “Hey Y/N, nice to meet ya’” the boy said with his graceful voice. 

“This is Taehyung…” Namjoon started introducing you to the boys one by one. You thought they were all really cool and nice and you started to feel more relaxed as one by one started greeting you back with wide smiles. They were seven boys in total counting Namjoon and Hoseok: Taehyung, Jin, Jimin and Jungkook, a boy who seemed the shyest of them all. He was the youngest, only a year younger than you. And then Namjoon introduced you to the boy who he had passed the joint before. He seemed the most laid back of them all. He nodded in your direction from his seat on the stands when Namjoon introduced you to him. His name was Yoongi. It attracted your attention how the black of his hair and his clothes contrasted with his pale skin.

But throughout the night that attraction slowly faded away. 

You were playing football in a team with Hoseok and Taehyung. Jungkook was complaining about Jimin and Suni being too slow and bad. Your team had scored two goals and their hadn’t even touched the area near your goal. Your eyes escaped from time to time to the stands, where Yoongi was smoking his joint and writing something in a black notebook, not even looking upwards for a minute. Jin and Namjoon laughed next to him, commentating on the match.
You never knew why - with boys as nice as Hoseok in the group - your attention was drawn back to Yoongi every once in a while.  Later that night, when you were back at the cottage, in your bed, you couldn’t stop thinking about that blank expression and that bored expression on his face. And you wondered… How can someone seem so empty while doing such a thing as writing on a notebook at one AM.

                                                             ***

The following weeks were spent with Suni and the boys. What started like any other boring Summer, soon became the best Summer of your life. And it was just the beginning. 

You spent the mornings sleeping or at the pool in your cottage, with Suni, gossiping about girls you didn’t even knew. She told you about the other group of girls in the village. They considered themselves better than the others and they kept bitching around, that was why Suni ditched them and now they were like number one enemies. She told you about her and Tae and how she really liked him but he was so into his own little bubble that he was oblivious.

You spent each afternoon at Suni’s house, where the boys would play water polo in the pool or volleyball.  When you had been in the pool for so long your skin could barely bear it, you would put on your dry clothes and ride your bikes to the forest, where you would see the sunset sat on a high rock, singing, playing the guitar and laughing to nonsense. 

At night Suni and you would join them in the football field, Jungkook always asking for the rematch. But most of the nights Suni would just stay at your cottage because the boys had met with the “bitches”, you would watch a film and talk till you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore.

But as always, Yoongi would remain silent, away from the group, just watching you and the boys play or writing in his notebook again. You wondered what he wrote. Was he some sort of poet? He didn’t seem so. You didn’t want to ask Suni about him because she would say you liked him and bla, bla, bla. You didn’t like him. How could you like someone as dull, boring, serious and impassible as him? But then again, you found yourself thinking about him each time you closed your eyes. About his blank expression as he wrote in the notebook, or about his dark eyes that you sometimes caught looking at yours.  

It had already been three weeks since you meet Suni and the boys when the Summer Festival started. It was a week full of cattle exhibitions, tractor races, competitions and attractions. They settled a big wheel and other attractions and more and more tourists started to arrive to the small village. Your parents were amazed by everything and your father always told your mother “See? It was a great idea coming here!“ 

It started Friday and ended the following Sunday. 

It was Friday and you were helping your parents. You were going to have dinner at the field in which the fair was settled. It was full of attractions, tents in which the kids sold their handicrafts and people setting their tables. That week, people used to bring their tables and their food and they would have dinner in the middle of the field, sharing with their neighbours. You and Suni were speaking on your way to the field as you carried trays with food, you were being very careful to not trip over and ruin the food your mom had spent cooking the entire day. 

After you had dinner, your parents stayed there till late, speaking with Suni’s and some of the other boy’s parents. 

You and Suni, went to the football field, where Namjoon told you they would be. But when you arrived, you and Suni’s faces completely changed as you saw the group of bitches playing and flirting with the boys. Anger started boiling through your veins. 

"I’m gonna kill those bitches with my football skills” you whispered through gritted teeth. 

Suni laughed at your comment, but she turned serious when she saw one of them specially flirting with Taehyung. 

“Holy shit, you better not touch what is mine kitten” Suni whispered too, grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards the field. She opened the door of the fence like she was doing an epic entrance. 

You saw five girls and you saw they were all beautiful. Suni had told you that not every girl lived in the village all year, some stayed only for the summer, like Jimin and Jin.

“Hey Namjoon, what are you guys up to?” Suni said. Namjoon, who was laughing with two girls, one by each of his sides, looked at Suni and you like he wanted to kick you out of there. You were really good friends and sometimes he had even spent the entire morning at your pool playing with his sister and you, but at the end of the day you were just that: his sister’s friend. And you were Suni’s friend to the rest of the boys too. You saw in the boys expressions you were a bit out of place. You felt your heart sink in the back of your chest. But mostly, you felt anger all over you. How could they be like that? They spend every single day with you and Suni and they had a lot of fun with you, but when they wanted something more than friendship they forgot about Suni and you and suddenly they were only available for those stupid girls.

“We… Er…” he started to say.

From the corner of your eye you caught Yoongi laughing with one of those girls. Shit, he must have liked her if he was letting her invade his personal space and touch him. His black notebook that was always by his side was nowhere to be seen. It wasn’t the first time you saw him laughing, but it was very rare you got to see his small teeth peeking through his full lips. You loved his smile and the way his eyes closed, looking even smaller than they were. But you keep it as a secret. Just as you kept in secret how you loved his snarky remarks that made you bit the inside of your cheek to avoid laughing. He hadn’t direct a word towards you in the three weeks you had known him, but you sometimes caught him looking at you, with that same impassible expression on his face. You didn’t know what was in him that seemed to attract you, but the one thing you knew was that Yoongi wasn’t so fond of you as you were of him.

“We’re going to drink and play some truth or dare,” a high-pitched voice announced. The girl that had been flirting with Tae appeared in front of you and Suni. “I’m sure you would get bored, right Suns?”

You saw Sun open her mouth to fire back at that girl, but Hoseok appeared with his bright smile and his sweaty bangs from playing football with Jimin, Tae and Kookie. 

“Hey girls.” he smiled. “Are you gonna play tonight?”

Suni flinched next to you when the girl that had spoken to her intertwined his hand with Tae’s. Ugh, she was such a bitch. You could tell she was going to say no. You were shy, but you weren’t letting those bitches win. 

“Yeah, we are” you said before Suni could say otherwise. 

“Great!” Tae said, clapping his hands. 

“We are seven boys and seven girls then” Jimin said, placing the ball on the ground. 

“No guys, I’m not gonna play” you heard the low voice come from behind you. You turned to see Yoongi standing from the stands, leaving the other girl alone.

“Ohhh, c'mon Yoongs” Jimin pouted.

“Hyung, if you don’t play we won’t be even anymore” Jungkook protested.
“I’m tired of this childish, stupid game,” he said, adjusting his black t-shirt. “I’m in for the drinks, but not for the game.” he repeated.

“Ohhh, c'mon Yoongi, play with us” the girl that was sat by his side stood up too and approached him. “I’ll get bored if you don’t play.”

“I really don’t care, all I wanna do is drink with my mates, but lately we’re surrounded by girls no matter what” he said, sounding more angry than ever before. But he wasn’t angry at you nor at Suni or the other girls. He was angry with the boys. You finally understood why Yoongi had been so distant. Maybe he was as uncomfortable around girls as you were around boys? It can be so, I saw him earlier all touchy with that girl.

“We’ll drink later, mate. I promise” Namjoon spoke for the first time since the first girl interrupted him.

Yoongi seemed hesitant. 

“C'mon Yoongs!” Hoseok said as he jumped on Yoongi’s back. The older boy seemed not so pleasant about the other boy’s show of affection, but he ended up sighing.

“Okay. But I’ll only play a few rounds and then I’ll go home. And this is going to be the last time we play this stupid game” he said. Wow. That had been the longest sentence you had heard from him. You couldn’t help but get nervous at the thought of playing truth or dare with he. Well, you weren’t only playing with Yoongi…

“Are they gonna play then?” the first girl asked then, looking at Suni and you as if you were the most disgusting thing on Earth.

“Yes” that was the only thing you said.

“Who the hell are you?” she asked. 

You were going to open that - sometimes - big mouth of yours when Suni beat you up. “Her name is Y/N and if I were you, I would make sure to speak to her with more respect the next time.”

“Woah, woah, girls stop” Jin said. “Let’s play”

Twenty minutes and a few rounds of truth or dare later you were sat in the middle of the field, in a big circle. As you were an even number, a boy was sat in between each girl, having Hobi and Jimin by your sides. You laughed non-stop with them when someone had to do an embarrassing dare and blushed when, each time you chose truth, everyone complained about you being boring.

You were willing to do a dare, but you were afraid they would make you do something like fake an orgasm as they had made Suni make. Or even worst, you were afraid they’d dare you to kiss someone. They had made Irene - the bitch of all bitches - kiss with Kookie, making the boy blush fiercely. 

“Y/N, truth or dare?” Hobi asked you.

You were going to answer when a plain voice interrupted you. “Why do you even ask, mate?” Yoongi said. “She’ll pick truth. Dare is too much for her.” You saw the devilishly smile on his face and you wanted nothing but to erase it from his beautiful face.

“Dare” you said, making Yoongi shut up. 

“Woah, what a surprise” he said. He had had a few shots from the bottle of Vodka and now he seemed more relaxed. 

“I dare you…” Tae started, with a small smile on his lips. But then again, Yoongi interrupted him.

“No, let me think of a good one. I don’t think she will ever choose dare again” he said with a malicious smile on his face.

You swallowed, afraid of what Yoongi was thinking.

“I dare you to go to the Gong’s farm and steal a chick” he said, making everyone laugh but you and Suni.

“You have to be kidding me” you said through gritted teeth. “I’m not gonna do it” you crossed your arms and frowned. How could he be so cruel?

The Gong’s were an old couple whose farm was just next to the football field. They had been working in it all their life and you knew how disrespectful stealing from their farm was. Plus, you weren’t going to take a chick from his mother and siblings.

“Ha” Yoongi laughed in your face “I knew you wouldn’t do it. Then you have to take your overalls" 

"What?! I’m not gonna fucking take my overalls!” you was screaming now, red - but not because you were blushing. You were red from anger.

“Ts… Coward” you heard Yoongi, making the girls laugh.  

“Stop, Yoongi” Namjoon said.

“Why should I?” Yoongi snapped. “I’m tired of seeing you treat her like she is ten. She is fucking seventeen for fuck’s sake! She can defends herself too.”
So he saw you as a ten year old kid, uh?

“Let’s see who is the ten year old kid here.” you said, standing up from your seat and storming out of the field.

“No! Wait Y/N!” you heard Suni “You’ll get into trouble!”

“I don’t fucking care!” you screamed back.

You could hear everyone laughing behind, most of the laughs being feminine’s. You were sure you were acting like a ten year old by doing just what Yoongi wanted you to, but he was right: they all saw you as a ten year old kid, just because you were a bit shy, even though you have proved to be nothing but shy when you started feeling comfortable around them. And you were going to change that.

You felt bad for the Gongs, but you were only going to take a chick and then you would bring it back the following day. You would take care of him and then you’d apologize. You heard steps behind you once you were far from the field. 

“Why are you following me?” you said, recognising Yoongi’s lazy steps. “Do you think I’m gonna cheat?”

“Yeah.” you heard his voice.

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. How could you smile when he was being cruel to you and laughing at you?

“Just go away, they’ll catch us if we are two. One is more silent.” you whispered, approaching the fence to the Gong’s farm.

“They won’t catch us. They are seventy years old, they barely even heard.”
You laughed at that, but it was an ironic laugh. “They are just older people, having more than sixty years doesn’t mean being deaf.”

“They won’t catch us because I saw them having dinner with my parents in the field. They aren’t home.” he said. You paused just behind the fence and you turned around to look at him. He was more beautiful than ever, only illuminated by the moon, his black hair somehow making him even more handsome. You shook your head and crouched down so you were able to make it through the wooden fence. 

“No.” you said as you saw Yoongi doing the same. But he ignored you. “We’re going to make more sound if we enter together, the animals will get scared”

“Oh my God Y/N…” He said, entering completely into the farm. You didn’t think twice about how he had called you for your name for the first time, or how he was even speaking to you for the first time. “Stop being such a brat and do it already.”

“You’re an asshole…” you grunted as you approached what you thought was the barn. Yoongi followed you. He was more silent than you thought he would be. “I think it’s here” you said, hearing the soft noises the animals made. You didn’t want to disturb them, so you opened the door cautiously. You and Yoongi walked through the sleeping cows until you got to where the chickens and hens were. 

You opened the small fence that separated the hens from the rest of the bigger animals. You saw a couple of chicks sleeping next to their mother. You were slowly approaching them when you heard soft noises and voices coming from outside the barn. 

“Holy shit” Yoongie whispered. “Speed up.”

“Yoongi, it isn’t worth it, we can run now and go unnoticed. If we stay here a little longer…”

“Oh, c'mon” he flicked his tongue making a loud noise that made all the hens and chickens to wake up. Just as they saw you, they started cheeping loudly.

“What’s wrong with you?!” you half whispered, half shouted. “Oh my God, my parents are going to kill me” you whispered as you ran to Yoongi, who was chasing after a chick. You grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and stopped him. “Leave the poor chick alone and get the fuck out from here” you said. 

But the loud noises of the hens had woken up the rest of the animals and the dog that was chained at the door started barking like crazy.

“C'mon Yoongi, we have to go” you grabbed his shirt again and pulled him out of the place the hens were, making sure you closed the small door behind your backs.

“What is going on here?” you heard a male voice coming from the door of the barn. The dog was still barking, following you both with his fiery eyes. Luckily, Yoongi had been right and Mr. and Mrs. Gong were old people, so Mr. Gong didn’t even see you.

“Here” Yoongi whispered, pulling you towards a small space that was in between the cows and the wall of the barn. “Run! C'mon, Y/N, run!” he shouted, but you could barely hear him through the noise the animals were making.
You let Yoongi guide you and suddenly you were mere inches from the door.  

“Yuna!” you heard Mr. Gong. “Call the police I think someone’s in here!”

You felt sorry for the poor adorable couple. They were probably so scared their old hearts were about to explode.

“We should let them know we aren’t going to do any harm to them” you whispered. 

“Do you wanna get punished, because I don’t” he said.

“This is all you fault.” you whispered back. You could barely hear each other. “If you hadn’t came up with that stupid dare, then we wouldn’t be here.”

“My fault?!” Yoongi ironically laughed. “You were the one that accepted it.”

“It was it or taking my overalls” you spat, anger getting the best of you.

“No one was pointing at you with a gun to do the dare or take your overalls, you could have just gone hom - ” Yoongi started saying, but you knew he was right and didn’t want to admit it. Taking advantage of Mr. Gong’s being on the other side of the barn, you started running towards the entrance.

“Hey! Wait me!” you could hear Yoongi.

“HEY! YOU TWO! COME BACK HERE!” you heard Mr. Gong’s voice.

You ran as fast as you could, but screamed when you saw Mrs. Gong just in front of you, outside the barn.

“You’re the Y/L/N’s younger daughter?!” she said. “We were just having dinner with your parents” she started to say, but just as she was going to say something else, Yoongi collided with your back, nearly crashing you to the ground, wouldn’t have it been for his surprisingly strong hands that held you up. “Yoongi?! What’s going on here? What were you doing in our farm?! And what are you doing with one of my chicks on your hands?!”

You looked at Yoongi, with the poor chick on his hands. You wanted to kill him. When did he catch it? And how hadn’t you had noticed it? The poor animal was so frightened, he was trembling, calling for his mom.

“Yuna, who-? Yoongi, boy, what are you doing here? And who are you?” Mr. Gong said, out of breath and with an old riffle on his hands.

                                                                  ***  

“I can’t believe this…” your mom said, pacing back and forth in the Gong’s living room. You and Yoongi after being caught red handed, followed the Gong’s into their house so they could call your parents and they could bring you home. You were both now sat on the sofa in the living room, hearing your parents apologise to the Gong’s. “Why would you do this?” your mom repeated. She looked sad and stressed. You knew you had messed everything up and now your parents would be upset with you. 

“I’m sorry mom, I didn’t want to cause such a scene.” you said, your eyes fixed on the floor. You weren’t able to look at anyone in the eyes in that moment, let alone the old couple that was still recovering from the shock. 

Yoongi was sat in the couch, keeping his distance from you. He, unlike you, seemed relaxed and not even a bit sorry for the shock you had both caused in the farm. He remained impassible even when his dad shouted at him.

“Why are you like this, Yoongi?” his father continued. “Is is too difficult for you to not get into trouble for once? Your mom and I are tired of fixing what you break." 

"It’s okay, they are young and wanted to have some fun. We aren’t mad, we were just a bit frightened. We only called you so you could come and pick them up” Mrs. Gong said. You felt really sorry for what you have done. They were old people. What if they had had a heart attack because of you or something like that? After all you and Yoongi had done they were still defending you. 

“No, Mrs. Gong” your father said. “They could have caused huge damage. And they did cause some damage at the barn. The least they could do is help you out in the farm for the rest of the summer.”

“What?!” Yoongi suddenly said, speaking for the very first time since your parents arrived. “I’m not working at a farm.” He crossed his arms and frowned. You remained silent, knowing that it would be worst if you answered back like he did. You deserved it and the least you could do was help the old couple in their farm. You loved animals, so it wouldn’t be such a punishment for you. 

“I think it’s a great idea.” Yoongi’s mother said. “You’ll help Mr. and Mrs. Gong at the farm every morning until the summer ends.”

“Oh, c'mon. You have to be fucking kidding me” Yoongi cursed. You could see the fire on his parents eyes. “Until the summer ends? No fucking way."  

"You will, Yoongi.” his father reassured. “It’ll maybe help you get away from that small bubble you are always in. You are twenty and you need to start doing something with your life other than write songs and daydreaming.”

For the first time since you met him, you saw his cheeks turn red with anger. But he didn’t say anything.

                                                              ***

You woke up the next day at six AM in the morning so you could be at the farm at eight. You weren’t expecting to see Yoongi in the farm since he was so angry when he left with his parents the night before, but when you arrived at the Gong’s farm he was already there. For the very first time he wasn’t wearing black. He was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a red t-shirt. Even dressed like that, with his sleepy face and his messy hair you thought he was the most beautiful thing you had seen in your entire life. 

You worked in silence, cleaning the barn and helping Mr. Gong fixing what the animals broke the night before when he got scared. You fed the animals and helped milk the cows. When you arrived at home you were so tired you skipped lunch so you could sleep a bit. 

You saw Yoongi again that afternoon when you met with the boys at the fair. He looked like shit - still being a beautiful shit - just like you, but you were sure you weren’t as beautiful as he was even with his tired face. Why did he look so handsome to you when he had done nothing but get you in trouble and ignore you? The boys laughed like crazy when you told them what had happened the night before and what your parents had made you made. Yoongi looked angry still, not opening his mouth and at one point, storming out and disappearing.
The Summer Festival ended and things came back to how they were before. The tourist had gone and the fair too. Waking up at six AM to help Mr. and Mrs. Gong at the farm had became a routine, a routine you started enjoying. You were happy helping Mrs. Gong feeding the hens and sheep. You were happy helping Mr. Gong in the field, colleting various vegetables and taking care of them. You were happy, but Yoongi wasn’t. 

Each passing day he would be there when you arrived to the farm and he would disappear without even saying goodbye. You would see him every evening when you met with Suni and the rest of the boys, but he was even quieter than before, his black notebook was nowhere to be seen anymore. Now he just passed the hours smoking and looking at the sky as you played with the rest of the boys.

Finally, when you had been working at the Gong’s farm for a week and a half, you asked Suni about Yoongi.

“Why are you asking me about him?” she said, taking a sip from the lemonade your mom had made you. You were both lying on the grass as the rest of the boys played water polo in your pool. Yoongi had stopped going out with you and the boys. “Do you like him?” Suni asked, wiggling her brows.

Your cheeks reddened and you tore your eyes away from your friend.

“Oh, gosh, no!” you said, too soon and too fast. You took a sip from your lemonade too, trying to hide your embarrassment. You liked Yoongi, yes. Why would you deny it to yourself anymore? You kept looking at him as he helped Mr. Gong in the field, you kept thinking about him when you went to bed, and you kept dreaming about him. You wouldn’t deny to yourself that you liked Yoongi, but you could still deny it to Suni… Right?

“Oh, don’t lie to my little shit. I know you like him, you can’t take your eyes away from him and since he hadn’t been around you are… Less happy.” Suni said. Shit, you couldn’t deny it to Suni either.

“Ugh Suns. I don’t know why I like him, he’s an asshole and he hasn’t even shown any interest in me.” you lowered your voice so none of the boys could hear you. Hobi was screaming like crazy and Jin’s laugh was really loud, but you were afraid they would hear you confessing your liked their friend. 

“Yoongi never shows any interest towards anyone or anything. Well, anything but his black notebook.” she smiled. 

“What does he write on that notebook?” you asked the question that had been rounding your mind since Yoongi’s dad mentioned it the night you got caught at the Gong’s farm. “I heard he writes songs?”

Suni was about to answer when Tae appeared behind her and grabbed her by the waist, throwing them both to the pool. You happily smiled seeing your friend so happy with her crush, but you couldn’t help but wonder what Yoongi was doing in that moment. Was he writing on that notebook of his? 

You looked at the clear blue sky, imagining what it would be like if the boy you liked so much liked you back.

                                                           ***

“Y/N” you heard your sister’s voice from behind your door. “Are you ready?”

“Not yet” you said, rummaging through your drawers, searching for the summer dress you were sure you had brought. Mr. Min had invited your family to have dinner at their house. You were nervous because you were going to see Yoongi, even though you had just seen him that morning. It had been two weeks since you both had started helping the Gong’s at their farm, and it had been a week since he stopped going out with the boys, Suni and you. He had always seen you with your short overalls - you had more than three pairs of them - so you wanted him to see you with something more… Girly. You weren’t even sure he would be there. 

Ugh, you’re daydreaming again. He’ll probably go out with the boys knowing you won’t be with them tonight. He’s really good at avoiding you. 

Mrs. Min opened the door for you with a big smile and the delicious smell of food filled your nostrils. Your mom complimented her about that and gave her the cake she had made. Your parents went to the living room and started talking about football and politics. Since the day they had gone to the Gong’s house to pick you and Yoongi up, they had became really close. Mrs. Min didn’t mention anything about Yoongi being at the house, and you suddenly felt stupid for dressing up. You hated dresses and you were wearing one. You were sure you seemed stupid. 

“Hi, I’m Baek” a tall boy with a gummy smile like Yoongi’s greeted you. He looked like Yoongi, but older. You didn’t remember he had a boyfriend, even thought you heard Suni mentioning it to you. 

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” you smiled, trying to hide how you were feeling inside. Why were you feeling like that? Yoongi didn’t even speak to you, why would he have dinner with you?

Your sister and her boyfriend greeted Baek and they were suddenly speaking about things you didn’t know. You felt out of place and alone, you felt alone. You wanted to go to your small cottage and cry like a lovesick teenager would do. But you had to keep your shit together, and you smiled and laughed at the silly comments Baek made.

“The dinner is ready.” Mrs. Min announced. You stood up from the couch you had been sitting, speaking with Baek and your sister and his boyfriend. Baek looked like Yoongi, but he was the opposite pole. “I’m going to call Yoongi.” she said then, leaving you breathless. You composed yourself as you took a seat at the table. He was there.

Your lungs ran out of air when you saw him enter in the living room, the same tired expression he had been carrying for the past few weeks on his face. He was wearing his usual black jeans and black t-shirt, but this time his hair was wet, as if he just had stepped out of the shower.

He greeted your parents and took a seat at the table, growling when his mother told him to seat next to you. You shifted on your chair, pulling your dress down your thighs. Should you greet him too or should you remain silent? You stubbornly opted for the second option. If he didn’t greet you, you wouldn’t greet him either. 

The air between you two was thick, the tension palpable. You both ate in silence while your parents laughed and joked about stupid things. Mrs. Min asked you about high school and what where you going to do after graduating. You politely answered and you heard Yoongi grunt next to you when you did. Your mom tried asking Yoongi too about what he was doing. He apparently worked at his father’s company. They had a few fields no far from the village and they sold what they cultivated. He answered, but he did it quickly and then turned silent again. 

Dinner ended and Yoongi excused himself to go to his room again. Yoongi’s parents said he was going through a rough time because he wasn’t happy at his dad’s company, but he didn’t want to go to university like his brother did and he was obsessed with the idea of becoming a producer. You though it suited him, but you were secretly angry with him for ignoring you all dinner, acting as if you weren’t even there. 

That was why you wanted to cry when his mother asked you if you could tell Yoongi you were going to eat the cake.

You climbed up the stairs slowly, fear running through your veins. When you were finally upstairs you could hear a soft noise coming from the door that was at the end of the large corridor. The Min’s house was bigger than you had imagined. You supposed it was Yoongi’s room, so you knocked softly on the door. You waited, but you got no response. The only sign that let you know that he was inside was the music getting slightly louder. You grunted and opened the door without thinking it twice.

Yoongi was lying on his bed, his eyes closed. You took the couple of seconds you had left until Yoongi caught you. The room was dark, as so where the clothes that were all over the floor. The walls were full of old Hip Hop posters, you were surprised he liked Snoop Dog, Lil Wayne, Jay Z, Nas… You loved Rock, but you loved Hip Hop too. The only light that illuminated softly the room coming from a set of lights that hang from the headboard. The room screamed Yoongi.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he said, finally opening his eyes and standing up from his bed.

“Your mom wants to know if you’re going to eat the cake with us” you said, hoping the darkness would hide your red cheeks. “I knocked on the door, but you didn’t answer.”

"You know, when someone ignores your knock on the door you should know they probably want you to fucking go away.” he said through gritted teeth. His room was such a temple for him, he didn’t even let his mother in. He felt like it was being invaded by you. 

“I guess you aren’t going to eat the fucking cake with us” you replied. Your words were filled with venom, specially the word “fucking” that he always used when he spoke to you.

“You guess right.” he told you with a devilish smile on his face. His eyes were burning yours. “Now if you don’t mind, get the fuck out of my room.” he said, repeating the word “fucking” just to tease you.

You thought about turning around and slamming the door so hard, all his stupid posters would fall to the floor. But something was eating you up inside and you needed to let it out. So just as you were going to walk away, you turned around to face Yoongi, your left hand holding the doorknob. 

“Why do you hate me so much?” you asked, immediately biting your tongue after the words left your mouth. You felt like you were humiliating yourself, but you needed to sort things out with him. You saw him frown, his black eyes not leaving yours even for a second. He really liked to torture you. “I mean, I’ve been nothing but nice with you since the day we met and you’ve been nothing but an asshole to me.”

You could swear you saw something crossing his eyes in that moment, but he quickly composed himself again. “I don’t know what you mean.” he shrugged. “I’m like this to everyone.”

“That’s a lie.” you said. You had nothing to lose at that point. “I’ve seen you speaking with Mr. and Mrs. Gong and you’re not like this. You’re actually… Bearable.”

He sighed. “I don’t hate you.” he said, making your eyes go wide. “What I hate is that you like me.”

Your breath got caught again. What had he just said? How did he know you liked him? Was it that obvious? No. Not even Suni had realised it till you asked her about Yoongi. But then again, he was looking at you like he was so sure of it. He maybe hated the fact that you liked - more and more as each day passed by - him, but you hated the fact that you liked - more and more as each day passed by - him.

“What? Woah, you’re so full of yourself. I don’t like you.” you said, trying to act as calm as possible.

“That’s a lie.” he said, repeating your previous words. “Don’t lie to me, Y/N, I’ve seen how you look at me.”

You growled. He couldn’t be serious. “I look at you because each time I’m with you I feel your eyes on me. And I look at you the same way I would look a turtle.”

“Okay, keep lying to yourself” he said, suddenly his previous anger disappearing.  He lied on his bed again and stared at you with that sided smile of his. “I just want to warn you. I’m not an asshole just to you. I’m an asshole to everyone because that’s the way I am. I am an asshole. Not because my life was harsh, because it wasn’t. I had a happy childhood, I was a happy child and everything. But as I grew up I turned into this.” he signalled himself. “I know why you like me. You think you’re the good girl that’s going to turn the bad boy into a good boy. But I’m not a bad boy, Y/N. I’m just Yoongi.”

Your mouth was shut and your lips formed a thin line. You didn’t say anything, even though you knew he was waiting you to do so. You felt humiliated and so embarrassed you wanted to cry, but you wouldn’t let yourself. Not in front of him.

“There’s nothing behind this.” he touched where his heart was supposed to be. “I’m just what you see, because on the inside I’m empty. That’s just the way I am, I was born like this. You’re not the first girl that feels that way about me. Get over it before you start to fall even deeper." 

"You sure are empty.” you finally said, letting all your anger roll through your tongue into those words. “But you’re empty and alone because you want to. And I surely don’t like you.” you turned around and stepped out of his room, slamming the door shut behind you. 

You hadn’t even been out of his room a couple of seconds when you heard the loud music again. He surely was an asshole. And you surely really liked him. But that had to stop, and you were going to make it stop one way or another.




Winter 2016

You are sure by now that the boy in the front of the bus is Yoongi. 

Your phone is still on your hand as your eyes are fixed on the back of his head, the boy you “liked” that Summer of 2006 unaware of your presence. You debate on standing up from your seat and saying hi to him. But it had been so long…

As the bus came to a stop, your mind drifted to that Summer ‘06 again.

Back when I was a kid my parents used to take us to this very beach, pulling my brothers and I down the large hill and trail in a red wagon. We’d play in the water on giant pieces of driftwood like rafts and poke around the sand for fossils. Our Australian shepherd Ranger would turn into a giant mess and shake water and sand all over us.

Then the idea of the beach became something different, swimsuits, shaving, being hyper aware of every body “flaw”. My friends were content to lay in towels tanning themselves. The beach was a beauty treatment, a judgement zone. I wasn’t invited to some of the beach vacations my friends took so the beach became about exclusion. I hated the beach.

Now the beach is about magic again. Finding ancient things, marveling at tiny fish, eating lunch on giant driftwood trees the waves tossed up. Seeing the changes tides and the seasons bring. Soaking up both the sun (or cloudy sky) as well as the atmosphere. Maybe that’s what my friends were doing too and I just couldn’t see it at the time. I’m glad I love the beach again.

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Fly over and then through a cloud deck, descend, and land at the airport in Zurich with this timelapse video.