we have a problem
when girls from the age of ten
are being told that they shouldn’t wear shorts out in public
for fear that they’ll be given looks
by older men
men old enough to be their fathers
men that despite their physical maturity
cannot seem to apply this to their dicks
if you can control your arm
or your leg
or your facial expressions
why are you incapable of controlling simply another body part
when it is faced with a stimulus
that is fresh faced yet was barely in the world
when you were already your own person?
we have a problem
when rape victims are told
that because of the way their hair
falls daintily over their breasts
or the delicate arch of their back
or the length of their sleeves
they were basically asking to be violated
because, of course,
it is a privilege for a woman to be looked at by a man
and a right for men to take what they want from women they deem worthy of this attention.
we have a problem when authorities
those who are paid to protect us
look away from this as a matter of principle
because ‘boys will be boys’ and you need to take the precautions.
when a public figure
is deemed as less guilty
because of their popularity and their skill
an athlete did not make a mistake
they are a criminal who can swim.
we have a problem
when a woman’s attempt to be seen as acceptable by a sexist society
is seen as ‘false advertising’ and ‘wasting a man’s time’
I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that my body was a product
a DVD player or a bar of soap that still can’t wash away the stink of your misogynistic narcissism
my only purpose to cleanse the sins of your twisted beliefs.
we have a problem when abortion is the only medical procedure
that you are denied because of how you got in the situation
when a drunk driver that killed a child can get an organ transplant at the tip of a hat
yet a woman who was violated cannot have this man’s production taken out of her own body because “YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO THIS AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES”
when a sixteen year old is denied an abortion because they are old enough to deal with it
but cannot adopt because they are not mature enough to handle a child.
If I am too young to be wearing these clothes then I am too young to have my body sexualised.
If my right to report a crime is lessened because of my vagina and the visibility of my underwear
then stop saying my body is a temple because if the God of it does not have rights then what’s the point of having one in the first place?
If I do not have control over my body and what happens to it then why should I exist? For your pleasure? No.
We have a problem
when women are shown to have no right over their bodies
when their only purpose is to be pleasurable for a man to look at
we have a problem
when women as seen as lesser than a man
and we have a problem
when women are seen as nothing.
I’ve stumbled across a few fandoms in my time; real life ships vs on screen. Many who expose themselves pretty early on as being nothing but pushing a person(s) career along, networking a show, promotion of a movie or movie franchise and so on. It’s usually pretty easy to point them out; getting faces out there, carefully planned shopping trips or eating out in places ‘all of Hollywood’ go to eat. A stroll down a street that is ear marked by paps as the street a certain someone or someone’s will be walking; my PR calls your PR agency to arrange a time and a place.
I could list the amount of 'PR’ couples who have and still do just that, but I’m not writing this to name names and point fingers. I’m merely putting across that this did, does and still happens in the show business industry. And those who are new to following shows or movies with fandoms attached, better train your BS skills in to what is 'fact’ over what is 'fiction.’ A real couple (as in one who have got together privately off screen, regardless of time, work ethic or closeness) know the dangers involved in getting together; media attention, scrutiny from other cast, fan scrutiny and public appraisal or disappointment. Outside of work is very limited to where you can go without being seen, particularly if you don’t want anyone to know about you. It’s too easy to get trapped into that kind of pressure, actors are after all still human and stress over the same things you and I do. Except their lives are like living in a goldfish bowl, swimming around aimlessly while the outside world judges them and boy! Do we judge.
So…it’s not uncommon for a 'private’ relationship to remain private for the time being. If you are 'like most shows/movies’ a couple who are linked romantically in the storyline; your face and acting are the main base for promoting, it becomes even more stressful, when forced to understand that a movie or shows success rides heavily on your 'believable’ chemistry with your lead. When it becomes 'too’ believable, well that’s when tongues wag and if tongues wag it can mean failure to not only the show/movie, but also the financial investment (studio, media advertisement, merchandising, futures tie ins etc) as an actor you are known as the cash cow; marketing earns money of your back. A show that may have the prospect of longevity, does not want to damage itself, bolting before it’s been released from the stocks. Nor does the movie want to cripple itself financially, before it’s even released to the public. So yes, a 'private’ relationship between two actors can cause a huge headache for both investors, studios and networks trying to push an investment and again I will stress TV shows or movies are financial investments as are the actors, whose faces 'market’ that investment.
You’re only as good as your last performance.
Many believe that you have a choice, fans seem to think you can March right into the board of directors, demand they allow you to live your life, that they cannot tell you want to do with your private life as it belongs to you - wrong, so very wrong. Everything about an actor belongs to a studio. Your public life is a performance, your private life should never be seen. You are a piece of clothing, to be promoted, advertised, displayed and sold to the highest bidder…as long as your agent and manager get as much money as you are worth out of it, of course.
This is unfortunately the black and white, you need to earn money, they need to earn money, the studio or network of studios need money and financial investors need the money they put into the project they invested heavily in, in order to create a profit and success. Romantising in a different light does not work, simply because it’s not reality. Your 'private’ relationship is the difference between success and failure. Off screen romances are a huge no no, your agent, manager, studio want nothing more than it to remain hidden from the public. Studio bosses will be sweating with clauses you many have broken, NDAs are scrutinised and checked to make sure no leaking to the media happens…it’s a financial noose around a studios neck, particularly a very young TV show or the beginning of a movie franchise with the hope of more movies to come.
So…this is why a couple, who no fault of their own, but human nature, fall in love on set, off set - in the privacy of their own private bubble…find themselves in a situation were they cannot disclose what really is going on. Instead play the dumb 'we are best friends, best buddies, supportive and deeply fond of each other’ card. Except body language tells a different story.
The wonderful world of a 'PR’ relationship.
A relationship with nothing to hide. Happy to walk arm and arm down a busy street, go shopping together, get seen at wineries or dinner in an exclusive well known restaurant. Go to public events together or are simply seen as nothing short of 'fake Ken and Barbie’ it’s all to do with image, with promotion and little to do with personality. A good PR agent will see the opportunity of promoting careers, help image, get work. It’s all to do with networking a story, get the media chatting, all along its just a performance. Friends yes, they would need to have some kind of razor or slight chemistry to pull it off. Although there have been a few awkward ones in the passed where neither looked entirely happy to be with each other and yet were supposedly selling a sizzling romance? You also get others behind it; work colleagues, people with clout in the industry, well known faces or names to support this 'showmance’ and yes it has been done in the past, to act as someone’s 'beard’ (ie to cover up the truth) mainly due to the actors sexual orientation or (despise the use of the word gay) relationship with another… they are easier to spot, its always promoted in such a way to get it out there, it doesn’t gradually appear, it just gets put into the public eye in a way that just screams 'too much’
Don’t believe me? How many recent romances, indeed horribly ended marriages have happened due to PR? How many look at a recent paparazzi saturation of a couple, who just looks 'too convenient, too set up, short lived’ to not want you to roll your eyes so far to the back of your head? I can name a few famous singers, whose agency promotes that kind of romance; when an album or single is about to drop, or the eye candy at the time has a movie needing a lot of promotion? As I said PR romances or showmances happen all the time. Self serving for a period of time and then it’s time to move on. No self respecting actor wants their private life splashed across the media. Have fan sites dedicated to pap photos taken of them when they don’t want to been seen. Get hounded by endless questions by parasites (photographers freelance) at airports, calling your name, insulting the person you are linked with by nasty comments to get a reaction from you. That unfortunately is what happens when your 'private’ life is 'out there’ but a PR relationship they are humorous with. They, like other keen sighted people know it’s just for show, so don’t really make much of a fuss over it. It’s titillation, because they (media) know it won’t last for long…they never do.
So before you join a fandom of a movie or TV show, think long and hard of what you are about to get yourself into. There will be tears, there will be tantrums. And unless the object or objects of your desire are already married to each other or another person, then the likely interest will be purely on the cannon story arc and not off screen romances. But then again, frenzied fans see that as a challenge to ship the couple regardless and hate on their real life husband or wife, but that’s going down an even more darker path of fantasy. Or as it has happened in the past, marriages are tested when working very close with your co star, and unfortunately end. Sad but true - that’s just life…I suppose.