closed door

You taught me my emotions were something to hide.
Something to be ashamed of.
Something to bury, to deny
to shut behind closed doors.
When I was younger,
you told me to go to my room when I was upset.
By sixth grade, you didn’t have to tell me anymore.
I shut myself in my room whenever I felt myself slipping,
falling under the weight of these new emotions I’d never felt before.
Now I’m sixteen and I can’t leave my door open
even a crack without feeling vulnerable.
The sound of my door latching
is a sound of safety, of comfort.
I am allowed to feel sad when there is nobody watching.
I am allowed to break when there is
nobody to slip on my shattered pieces.
But I am not allowed to open that door
and walk downstairs
and tell you how I feel.
I know I can’t change the past,
But I can’t help wondering-
how much would be different now
if you had only knocked on my door one day
and ask me how I felt?
—  love really is an open door // c.r.h

“When I open a door, no one can close it. And when I close a door, no one can open it. Revelation 3:7
Psalm 84:11-12 says, "The LORD bestows favour and honour. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
God loves us too much and knows us too well to give us everything we ask for. A closed door may seem like failure on our part but it’s in fact His sovereign protection over us, perhaps from potential harm or danger. It may be a divine detour into something amazing. Be sure that His plan for our lives is always better.
God is not setting you up for disappointment or failure. He’s setting you up for something better. And when He opens the right door, no one will be able to shut it. God’s plans for you will succeed and His promises stand firm forever.


Acting and photoshoots

BAFTA interview and Q & A with Benedict Cumberbatch. First question from the audience came at 33:33. ‘Considering all the different techniques and styles of acting out there, which one do you work with or choose…do you have a process?’

BC: ‘waffle - directors’ ‘waffle - homework’ ‘waffle - Meryl Streep’.   At 39:33: “Some directors, they want to position you. And they say wait, we’re just going to feel what this is like. It’s going to be lovely. Now, just put your left finger up, then there, there. No, no, there, there. And you’re like - this isn’t really…”

End of answer - 40:51


#magnus looks as though he’s trying hard not to show how much of him is breaking#still looking straight at alec#keeping his emotions in check#magnus waits until the doors close to finally fall apart

Date: So what are some of your hobbies?
Me: Well….