Sam’s trying to keep it together but it isn’t easy with Dean wandering off like a child, nothing even resembling a lead on the witch, and the metaphorical clock ticking so loudly that he can practically hear it. The television kept Dean’s focus for a while, but now he’s restlessly wandering around the motel room, complaining. Racking his brain for a game to pull up on his phone to keep his brother occupied, Sam entreats him to sit back down on the bed, but Dean shakes his head.
“I wanna go outside,” he says again.
“I need to keep working so we can get you…better,” Sam says, with a false note of confidence. “If you could just give me some time to research—“
“I wanna go outside,” Dean insists, like a child who wants to play. Sam’s trying not to snap at him when Dean’s suddenly present again with a pained lucidity in his eyes that Sam hasn’t seen for the past few hours. “It’s too much being cooped up in here, Sammy, waiting for whatever I’m gonna lose next. I need some fresh air. I need to see the sky.”
Sam’s on his feet in an instant. It’s bad enough when Dean lets Sam lead him around, happy to be along for the ride and pleased with whatever simplistic answers Sam gives him. But at least in those moments Sam can pretend it’s a stranger wearing his brother’s body. These flashes of awareness are exponentially worse and Sam is determined to give him whatever he needs.
“Ok, Dean,” he suggests. “How about this?” He moves a chair into the motel doorway, propping the door open with it. It will leave him close enough to get a signal while he keeps one eye on Dean outside. The Impala is parked right at the curb and he leads Dean to it, hoping that the familiar sun-warmed feel of the hood will comfort him in a way that words can’t. Dean climbs onto the hood with his eyes trained on the clear blue sky. As Sam watches, Dean begins to relax, leaning back against the windshield. “You want your sunglasses?”
Dean doesn’t answer, just shakes his head no. Sam gets back to work.
The calm lasts about a half hour until clouds begin to move in, marring the blue with a promise of rain.
Dean clambers awkwardly down from Baby and comes to stand before Sam. “The ocean,” he says with no preamble.
Sam blinks up at him. “What about it?”
“I want to go see the ocean.”
“Dean.” Sam tries to keep his voice calm and gentle. “We’re in Arkansas. There’s no ocean here.”
“But I want to see it.”
“I’m sorry, Dean. That’s not something we can do right now.” Dean’s face begins to crumple, so Sam quickly adds. “I have an idea,” and that’s enough to elicit Dean’s interest. Back inside the room, Sam takes out Dean’s laptop and types ocean into Google image search. “How about you look at pictures of oceans and tell me which one you want to go see when we’re all done here?”
Dean’s already fixated on the blues and greens filling the screen and he reaches for the computer.
“Just click right here to make each one bigger.” Sam points to the trackpad and he’s treated to an eye roll from his brother that he finds equal parts jarring and reassuring.
“I’m not an idiot, Sam.”
You forgot your own name, Sam wants to say, but there’s no point in burdening Dean with that.
“Ok, Dean. Find the one you like best.”
Sam gets back to his research as Dean takes his assignment to heart. There’s a steady stream of clicking and muttering as Dean opens and then rejects photo after photo. Finally, he stands and brings the laptop over to Sam.
Sam smiles at him and takes a look to be polite. It’s a beach in French Polynesia with tropical waters as deep and blue as…
“Good job, Dean. I’m gonna call Cas, ok?”
Dean nods, never taking his eyes away from the screen.
On his way to meet Rowena, Sam pauses in the doorway. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he tells Cas, who is sitting on one of the beds.
Calmer than he’s been all day, Dean lies with his head in Cas’s lap. When Cas turns to say goodbye to Sam, Dean reaches out a hand to Cas’s cheek, angling his face so he can continue to stare up into his eyes.
On the right: Yarichin Bitch Bu MANGA VERSION (the one we’re working on)
Both official work by Ogeretsu Tanaka. Look at them. Click them, make them bigger, compare them AND PLEASE TELL US AGAIN HOW COMPLETELY UNNECCESSARY AND USELESS IT IS TO WORK ON A REBOOT.
(There is so much stuff that has been corrected, but I can’t upload more here ^^)
AN: Here is the second part to You Don’t Know What It feels Like! Finally after all this time, Sam is finally getting his own story. After this, the story is going to become more about Sam and his road to happiness, and less about the readerxdean story in the first part. I guess you could say the first part was a prequel to this new series. I know that I traditionally write for Dean, and I normally focus on reader or casxdean pairings… but I’m trying something new. Please let me know what you think! I always appreciate feedback! Love you all, more to come!
Sam was laying in bed later that night, with a bottle of
Jack Daniels and Lord of the Rings on his TV. Since he had witnessed you and
Dean kissing in the shooting range, he wasn’t exactly up for socializing, so he
had shut himself in his room to avoid any unwanted conversation. He wasn’t in
the mood. He didn’t know when it had happened, but he had somehow fallen head
over heels in love with you. “I’m an idiot,” Sam said out loud to himself, and
he was right. He was an idiot. He should have known better than to fall for a
girl who was in love with his brother. “Who does that?” He sat up slightly and
took a large swig of the brown liquid, hissing at the burning feeling it left
in his throat. He returned the bottle to the nightstand and grabbed his phone.
After several attempts of typing in his passcode he was rewarded with access.
Pressing on the photo icon, Sam pulled up his photo library and began scrolling
through its contents. Pictures of the three of you, and occasionally Cas, filled
the screen, but he stopped when one of the two of you together caught his eye.
He clicked on the photo, making it bigger and just stared at it. It was a
selfie that you took one night on a hunt. Dean had gone out to get some food
and you and Sam had stayed to look into some lore. As always, Sam had been nose deep in a book,
and you had stolen his phone in an attempt to get him to ‘lighten up’. He
smiled at the expression on your faces, your lips pursed and your eyes crossed
and him just smiling at your antics. As much pain as he had experienced in his
life, he always seemed to let his guard down around you. When he was with you,
he didn’t have to pretend to be this ‘big macho tough guy’. He could tell you
anything and not be afraid of your judgment. ‘This is gonna suck’ he thought to
himself. If it were any other guy, he would fight for you… but this was Dean,
and the two of you were in love. How was he supposed to get over you? Just
watching the two of you together was enough to crush him, and he knew that he
couldn’t bare it if he stayed around it. Sam pushed himself off the bed,
stumbling a bit when he attempted to stand. Walking over to his closet, he
pulled a large duffel from the bottom and began pulling clothes from hangers.
He hadn’t realized how drunk he was until he was trying to fold one of his
flannels. He was on his second attempt when he heard a small knock on his door.
A moment later his door opened and you poked you head in.
“Hey” you said, giving him a large smile. “Got a minute?”
“Yeah, come on in.” He continued to pack his bag, a bit
slower this time. He didn’t want you to know he was drunk.
“So…” you began, “Dean and I talked.”
“Yeah..” you waited a moment. “We kissed.” You stated
excitedly, waiting for his reaction.
“I know.” Sam said, throwing some socks in with the rest of
his clothes. He looked over his shoulder to see you frowning.
“I kinda saw you guys…” he cleared his throat. “I didn’t
want to intrude.”
“Well, don’t sound so excited for me or anything.” You
chastised, clearly getting annoyed with his reaction. Sam sighed and turned to
“I AM excited for you.” he said, sensing your annoyance. It
was silent for a moment. “So you together now?” he asked, hoping his fake
interest would get him back on your good side. You smiled, fidgeting with a
strand of your hair.
“I don’t know. We still need to talk about it but… he said
he loves me.” Sam smiled at the happiness in your voice.
“I’m happy for you guys.”
“Thanks Sam.” You let out a happy sigh and looked around the
room, your eyes landing on his suitcase. “Did you find a case?” Sam followed
your gaze and shifted slightly on his feet.
“Um… not yet.” He resumed packing, avoiding making eye
“Yet?” Sam ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
“I um… think I’m going to South Dakota for awhile. Stay in
one of Bobby’s cabins… visit Jodie and the girls… I’ll find something when I
get there”. He zipped his now full duffle closed and walked to his bookshelf,
pulling several books out and making a small pile.
“Yeah. I think I just need to go for awhile, clear my head.”
Sam reached over and grabbed his bottle of whiskey, taking a swig before
closing the lid and throwing it on top of the duffel.
“Are you drunk?” you asked, growing concerned. You walked
across the room and gently grabbed his arm. “Sam. What is going on?”
“I’m fine, (Y/N). Just… I need to be by myself right now.” He
responded, a bit harsh. You looked at him, your anger growing by the second.
“Well, you’re not going anywhere tonight. You’re in no
condition to drive.” You countered, releasing his arm and grabbing the keys to
his car laying on his dresser. “Sleep it off. We will talk tomorrow”. You left
him then, leaving the scent of your perfume in the air. He threw himself down
on his bed, not even bothering with blankets or pillows. He was tired, he was
upset, and he just didn’t care enough anymore.
Sam woke up early the next morning with a pounding in his
head. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and sighed. It was 5 in
the morning, and he knew that you and Dean were probably sleeping, and that he
should wait to talk to you before he left, but he didn’t think he could wait
that long. He rolled out of bed and got took a quick shower before getting
dressed. He did quick scan of the room, making sure he had everything he
needed. After grabbing a few extra lore books and his duffel he left his room,
making sure not to make a lot of noise. He loaded his truck with his belongings
and got in before he remembered you taking his keys. “Dammit” he mumbled to
himself, getting out and heading back into the bunker. He was passing through
the library when he spotted Dean sitting at one of the tables; feet propped up,
a drink in his hand. He gave Sam a look before reaching into his robe pocket
and pulling out Sam’s keys.
“You might need these.” He said, tossing them onto the
table. Sam stepped forward, and grabbed the keys.
“Thanks”. Sam nodded to his older brother before turning and
making his way back to the garage.
“That’s it?” Sam stopped and turned to see Dean walking
toward him. “No explanation… just gonna take off without saying goodbye?” Dean
was standing in front of him now, arms crossed and looking pissed. Sam took a
“Look. I just need to get out of here. What do you care
anyway? I’ve gone out on my own before!”
“I care because
(Y/N) came into my room last night tore up because you were a drunk asshole!”
He shouted, pointing a finger at Sam. “What the hell was that about anyway?”
“I was drunk, Dean… you gonna pretend that you don’t turn
into an asshole when you drink sometimes?” Dean stared at him.
“Well, you got me there…” Dean shook his head, and sighed.
“You check in, got it?” Sam rolled his eyes, but smiled at his older brother’s
“I mean it, Sam. If I don’t hear from you every four days,
I’ll track you down and beat the shit out of you myself.”
“Okay, Dean. Every four…” Sam clapped his
brother on the shoulder, before walking away. He stopped for a moment, one foot
out the door and whispered. “Tell her I said goodbye.”
Giveaway Time!! (End Date 20/06/17 3pm AEST, with 24 hours to respond before a redraw)
You can click on the Rules pic to make it bigger but otherwise here:
You must be following me to enter, and 1 Like = 1 entry and 1 Reblog = 1 entry, but only one reblog will count!
I’m also doing a giveaway over on my twitter account (@erazonpo3) and it’s impossible for me to monitor whose accounts are linked or not so you can enter on both platforms, however if you win on tumblr you will be taken out of the running over on twitter and vice versa.
I’ll draw for any fandom but I won’t be doing nsfw this giveaway.
Thanks for following me and good luck! ..and a reminder that my commissions are open if you aren’t feeling so lucky ;)