clever t shirts

an SI-5 sequel to this

anonymous asked:

Prompt: Hugo takes Damien to a wrestling match

Hugo had expected a lot of different reactions.

Laughter. Dismissive hand waving. On-the-fly excuses.

But not the dazzling smile that brightened Damien’s face when Hugo had quietly asked if he’d like to see a wrestling match.

“Is…is that a-”

“Oh! Most certainly, yes!” Damien exclaimed, and had even pecked Hugo on the cheek with such earnest and sincerity that it was impossible to doubt things would go extraordinarily well.

At least, until the day of the match. The same nervous jitters fluttered up in Hugo’s stomach as he paced outside Damien’s house, clad in old jeans and a vintage wrestling tee. He had knocked on the door three times already, and hadn’t heard a single sound from the Bloodmarch residence.

Had Damien…had Damien stood him up?

Hugo ran his hands through his hair, biting down on his lower lip. He paced again, and nervously checked his phone. And as he looked up from the screen, the front door creaked open ever so slightly. Damien peered around almost uncharacteristically shyly, his hair tied back, his glasses perched on the edge of his nose.

“Hugo I…” his fingers rapped along the edge of the doorframe. “I am uncertain how to dress for a wrestling match.”

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Sizzy: YouTube AU

Anon prompted: Sizzy prompt: Simon and Isabelle are youtubers and they are making a video about their relationship on youtube.

This was so fun to write!

‘Is this thing even on?’

‘You forgot to press the button again, Simon.’


‘Honestly I still can’t believe you have so many subscribers and you can’t even tell when the camera is on.’

Simon glared at his best friend Clary. She was small with green eyes and fiery red hair that matched her personality. She was always supportive of everything Simon did, he didn’t remember a time when Clary wasn’t by his side so when he had told her about his idea of making videos on Youtube, she had fully supported him and he was grateful for that.

‘Hey everyone! I’m Simon Lewis and look who’s with me today…’ Simon tried for the Clary-popping-up-from-below-on-to-the-camera thing and it worked out well.

‘Hey guys, it’s Clary. Not the little girl.’

‘Believe her when she says that I mean you have not been on the end of her punch let me tell you…ow! Jesus, woman!’

‘You’re Jewish.’

‘No, I’m Simon.’

‘Dad jokes, classic Lewis.’

‘Shut up, Fray.’

Ola! It’s Izzy here and I have decided to give you guys some tips on makeup, it’s been too long since I last made a video like that and guess who’s with me today.’

Isabelle turned around and his brother’s boyfriend Magnus appeared behind her, wiggling his fingers at the camera in a gesture of hello. He was wearing a white shirt with a shimmering purple vest over it and a pair of golden trousers that matched the color crusted around his eyes. His hair was spiked up. Isabelle was wearing a blue dress that went past her thighs, her ebony hair pulled into a ponytail and her red lips curled into a smile.

‘I think we all would be offended if I hadn’t invited Magnus for this video.’ Isabelle grinned, her white teeth flashing, her smile dazzling as always.

‘Fear not biscuits for I come bearing fashion tips!’

Isabelle scrunched her eyebrows at Magnus. ‘I never got that term, why do you call everyone biscuit?’

Magnus pointed a finger at her smiling in a mischievous way, his eyes glinting. ‘That is a long story and I admit an interesting one but it’s not for today. Shall we get started?’

Isabelle nodded and looked at the camera. ‘So I thought we’d make it a little bit interesting and look who agreed to let us use the products on him!’

‘It was a bet! I lost.’

Alec was huffing at Isabelle from behind the camera, his brother was dressed somberly. He was wearing a baggy sweater with a few holes at the hem and plain jeans. Magnus grinned and extended his hand out, Alec sighed and took it to let himself be pulled forwards, he really hated that YouTube channel sometimes.

‘Hey everyone! I’m Simon Lewis and something very strange happened to me today! Okay so you guys know how I’m lame at picking up girls at how I’ve dated exactly 2 girls in the past years of my life, Clary can vouch for that. Anyway I didn’t get a date, atleast I think I didn’t get a date, but I met a girl and she’s breathtaking and I know saying all this on a video is probably a stupid thing but it’s not like she watched my videos but here goes, okay.

So I was at Java Jones minding my own business when this girl appears out of nowhere, she had the longest black hair ever and she was beautiful. That’s the word for it, anyway I, being my clumsy self, tripped over my two feet, yes over my feet,  and almost knocked her to the ground. Long story short we exchanged a very awkward conversation and sorry’s and I came home and found her number on my coffee cup.’

Simon raised the Styrofoam cup with a expression of exaggerated surprise on his face.

‘I don’t even know when she did it, what was she like a ninja or something?’

‘Hey guys! I’m Isabelle and I did a very stupid thing today, stupid by my standards. I’m hoping the guy doesn’t watch my videos, I don’t care if he does, but anyway I gave the said guy my phone number. He isn’t even my type. I was at Java Jones, the cafe up in Brooklyn and I’m standing there minding my own business when this boy trips and almost knocks me down. Then we started talking and I was thinking about how cute he was, even though every part of him screamed geek. He wore glasses and those clever geeky T-shirts that I don’t get and when he wasn’t looking I kind of wrote my number on his coffee cup. Yeah, I bet you’re enjoying this, Magnus though I have a feeling Ragnor and Raphael are enjoying it a tad bit more than you are…’

Simon grimaced at the taste of whatever Clary had made him eat and swallowed, trying not to gag; the things he did for his subscribers.

‘Oh!’ Clary made a disgusted noise at the back of her throat. 

‘You will pay for this,’ Simon told her firmly and Clary smirked at him. 

‘Alright so before I end this video I’d just like to say that I asked the girl out-’

‘-yeah after five days of should I call her, what if she doesn't pick up, what if she left her number accidentally-’

Simon shut her up by throwing a pillow at her which made her laugh harder than ever. Normally her laugh would make his heart stutter considering he had been nursing a crush on her since forever, but for the first time he didn’t. Instead he thought about how pretty Isabelle looked when she laughed. It did, infact, take five days for Simon to muster up the courage to call her. He started with a lame joke which made her laugh and call him an idiot and he asked her out to movies, she said yes. Simon smiled, remembering the way her face when she laughed, her eyes bright. They had gone for coffee afterwards and they had sealed their date with a kiss and a promise for a next one.

Simon still couldn’t believe his luck.

‘You shouldn’t be the one to talk Miss I have a boyfriend with an ego bigger than Antarctica and dyed blond hair-’

‘-his hair is not dyed, Simon-’

‘-And with that happy note I’ll see you guys next week with hopefully me making Clary eat this stuff.’ He scrunched his nose at the bowl in his hand. 

‘And this is how this hairstyle is made, I hope you guys enjoyed the video. I did go out with that guy I was talking about, we went to the movies and it was really nice…’

Isabelle grinned. She really did enjoy her date. Simon was cute in a geeky kind of a way, he was shy and he made her smile with his sarcasm and his lame attempt at making jokes. It surprised her still, how she agreed to go put with him, he wasn’t the kind of guy his parents would disapprove of, he wasn’t troublesome at all, infact he was the exact opposite of what kind of guys Isabelle usually went with. He was different but Isabelle saw the honesty in him, the way his cheeks flushed when he was pleased or when he was embarrassed, she saw his none too elegant gait, she listened to him blabbing about his one too many obsessions and she loved it.

‘If you like my video give it a thumbs up and subscribe if you want to see more of my freakishly awesome tips, I will see you guys next week!’

Isabelle got up from the bed and turned off the camera. She saw Jace standing in the doorway. He had a dopey smile on is face which was freaking her out.

‘What?’ she demanded.

‘Ah, look at you all in love,’ he sighed theatrically tossing his head back in an attempt to push his hair back from his face.

Izzy scoffed, ‘You’re the one to talk.’

‘Fair enough,’ Jace shrugged. ‘Have you, oh dear sister of mine, heard of a particular YouTube Channel called ‘The Mortal Simon’?’

‘Um, no.’ Isabelle scrunched her eyebrows at the weird name.

‘Well today is your lucky day then,’ Jace strode into her room, snatched her laptop from her dressing table and sat on her bed.

‘I found your boyfriend online,’ he told her. ‘And apparently he’s just as love sick as you are.’

‘So, uh, you guys remember that girl I was dating, turns out she has her own YouTube Channel. It also turns out she happens to be with me this very instant!’

Isabelle popped up from below, her hair flying everywhere. On her it actually looked like a very impressive hair flip.

‘Hi guys! It’s Isabelle here-’

‘-And Clary-’

‘-And her breathtakingly beautiful boyfriend Jace-’

‘-And forcibly dragged along Alec-’

‘-And Alec’s dashing boyfriend, Magnus.’

Simon and Isabelle blinked and turned around. Sure enough everyone was there, all of them leaning forwards to look into the camera.

‘We couldn’t miss a historical moment like this,’ Clary said seriously.

‘You guys even have a name now, Sizzy!’ Magnus grinned proudly.

‘That’s a terrible name,’ Simon countered.

‘It is not since I came up with it and everything that I come up with is naturally fabulous,’ Magnus countered and Alec rolled his eyes affectionately. 

‘Okay,’ Isabelle said loudly over the bantering, shutting them up. ‘Recording a video here.’

They settled themselves in Simon’s bed, which was small so they were all crammed into it.

‘Yeah let’s redo this,’ Simon turned off the video camera. He had a feeling they would be redoing the video for a long time and he found himself not minding it.

In This Twilight (Voiles)

Voiles Week Day One: The nogitsune possesses someone else’s body.  

Author’s Note: Special thanks to bxdcubes for editing this at the very last minute~ You’re an angel!


Stiles knew that he was dreaming.

Knew, because the person standing next to his bed and peering down on him was himself.

No, that wasn’t quite right.

This apparition looked like him—the same mole-dotted skin, upturned nose, eyes the color of aged whiskey, although obscured by the pitch-black veil of a moonless night—yes, for all intents and purposes the vision was a carbon copy of Stiles Stilinski.

But it wasn’t him.

There was a darkness clinging to the figure, a darkness that had nothing to do with the lack of light in his room but rather with an air of violent hunger that surrounded it like an aura, the poised way it held its head, the stillness of its posture. It was as if the world around this creature had paused, holding its breath to observe what it would do.

“Let us in,” it whispered and Stiles couldn’t help but shiver.

Assuming it meant his bed, Stiles fumbled awkwardly with his covers before he was able to fold them back enough for his doppelganger to slip in if it wanted. Even in his dreams he didn’t quite dare to defy this creature just yet. And really, what difference did it make whether Stiles-mark-two was in his bed or not? If it wanted to hurt him, it could do so easily from where it was standing motionlessly next to the bed, staring down at him with unblinking, hooded eyes.

It cocked its head and regarded Stiles with a pleased smile that made the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up, made him feel like a mouse caught in a trap.

Just when Stiles started to think he couldn’t take the suspense any longer, it climbed into his bed with an eerie, supernatural grace that caused him to wonder whether he should have refused.

But instead of attacking Stiles the creature just settled in next to him, head bedded on his pillow, and continued to stare at him, its gaze like a bottomless pit, an abyss that promised far more terrifying things than death and destruction.

When Stiles didn’t think his dream could get any worse, it raised its hand and traced his cheek with dancing fingertips.

He didn’t dare even blink.

“We will take care of you, Stiles,” it promised in a spine-crawling tone of voice. “Nothing can hurt you now.”

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Of Tattoos and Flower Shops: Sizzy AU

@izzylcwis prompted: hey :) can i request a sizzy fic? :) an au, izzy and his family have a tatoo store when in the front of it moves on a flowerstore that simon’s family own <3 and idk imagine how cute that will be <3

Simon couldn’t believe he was doing this. He lost the stupid bet with Clary and now he was standing in the tattoo store with the his red-headed best friend who had a triumph grin on her face. His family had just moved in the apartment a few blocks away, moving their flower shop with them which happened to be across the tattoo parlor Simon was standing in. The place was…cozy. The walls were painted a dark shade of purple with numerous posters of tattoos depicting snakes coiled up in various fashions, birds soaring into the air, runes that probably had some deep meaning that Simon could not comprehend. There were comfortable couches in the waiting area, a counter where a girl was writing something on a paper, her ebony hair falling like a curtain hiding her face.

‘I hate you,’ he told him best friend who just grinned wider and pushed him lightly, urging him to move forwards.

‘I hate you too,’ she reprimanded. ‘But you lost fair and square and this is what happens when you lose.’

‘Getting a tattoo on my butt was not on my ‘things I want to do before I turn 19′ list, Clary!’

‘And I get to pick the tattoo!’ She was smiling so widely now that Simon was surprised her face hadn’t cracked by now.

‘Why am I your friend again?’

‘Because I helped you draw that apple in grade 1 that you couldn’t draw yourself.’

‘I drew it fine!’

‘It looked like a butt, Simon.’ Clary deadpanned. 

Simon sighed, feeling defeated and walked towards the counter, his sneakers squeaking a little making him self-conscious and he winced.

‘Um, hi,’ he cleared his throat. The girl who was sitting at the counter looked up and Simon stared, he couldn’t help it,

She had the blackest hair Simon had ever seen, her eyes just as dark melting into her pupils. Her lips were painted a red color and so were her hands, her long slim fingers toying with the pen in her hand. She raised her eyebrows in question, smiling faintly as if she knew what kind of effect she was having on him.

‘I-um,’ Simon stuttered. ‘Tattoo. I’m here to get a tattoo!’ Simon tried not to be too proud of enunciating actual words.

‘Really?’ The girl said, her smooth voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘I would have never guessed.’

‘He wants to get his butt tattooed because he lost a bet,’ Clary’s voice chirped from behind and Simon groaned, kicking at Clary’s leg for a good measure.

‘Well, in that case follow me,’ the girl said. ‘I’m Isabelle and my brother does most of the tattoos, I’m still learning.’

Simon glared at Clary who ignored him and struck up a conversation with Isabelle instead.

Two days later, Simon now tattooed, bandaged and sore, was in his shop. His shift was after school after which his sister took over. Simon was waiting for a delivery to arrive, which he had ordered two weeks ago and he was frustrated because how long did it take to deliver a bunch of flowers in the same town? Clary was on a date so she canceled her plans to rant with him about the horrible delivery service when the door opened and Isabelle stepped inside.

Clary kept telling him she liked Simon but he refused to believe it. Girls like Isabelle just didn’t go for guys like Simon specially since he made such a fool of himself infront of her. Simon gaped for a moment then gathered his thoughts, his face feeling impossibly hot, and he suddenly realized that his glasses had a broken lens yet he was still wearing it and-

‘Hi, how can I help you?’ Simon managed swallowing the lump in his throat.

Isabelle smiled at him and looked around for a moment before saying, ‘I need roses. A bunch of them, different colours and just make them loud or something.’

Simon nodded, already walking around the counter to reach the roses near the window. 

‘Are they for someone special?’ Simon asked, trying not to sound too curious. 

‘My brother,’ Isabelle said. ‘He has been dating this guy and he is hopeless when he comes to romance-’

‘Well he’s not the only one.’ Simon laughed nervously.

‘I can see that,’ Isabelle smiled, her white teeth flashing. ‘Clary told me you worked here. How is that tattoo?’ She raised her chin, gesturing at Simon’s hip.

‘Sore,’ Simon shrugged. ‘But it’s healing.’

‘Alec is great at tattoos, you don’t have to worry about a thing.’

‘You sound really sure,’ Simon said observing the steadiness of her voice, watching her determined face.

‘I am sure,’ Isabelle said in a beat. Simon nodded, finished with the bouquet and handed it to her. Isabelle stared at his work for a moment before lifting her head up and meeting his eyes, Simon swallowed.

‘It’s beautiful,’ she said and Simon shrugged feeling sheepish. He bit his lip, trying to process his thoughts. 

‘Would you-um-’ Simon tried.

Isabelle smiled at him, encouraging him to continue.

‘Would you like to have coffee with me sometime? I mean I know I’m probably not a guy you usually go for, I’m-I wear stupidly clever T-shirts and my hair is always a mess and my glasses are broken and I’m too lazy to fix them and-’ Simon babbled, unable to stop until he felt Isabelle’s soft lips meeting his cheek and he froze.

‘I’d love to have coffee with you, Simon.’ Isabelle said. ‘Say tomorrow at 3?’

Simon nodded, his cheeks burning. 

‘Awesome.’ Isabelle patted his arm and walked out leaving Simon in awe.

And now he lost yet another bet with Clary. This time he didn’t mind it at all.

Why not let one of the very best things about the ‘90s (Super Mario 64) invade another of the best things about the '90s (Jurassic Park) right around that scene where the characters do something you did throughout the '90s (house a ridiculous amount of ice cream). This Muldoon-praise-worthy design from Paka comes on a reptilianly green shirt, because we are pro-fictional reptile, even though a lot of prehistoric beasts scare us to this day. [GET IT HERE]

Jurassic World: uh (c)

to quote one of the greatest philosophers of our time, your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.

After taking (more than) a few deep breaths I decided to write a big post about Jurassic World, as somehow I feel that I’ll have to explain why I hated it. A lot. (I mean explain a lot and hated a lot. Everything happened a lot. I wanted to claw my eyes out, but I love myself too much for that.)

There will be spoilers, but not too major.

Let us start with this: we all wanted to like it. I’m a millennial. My dream as a kid was to become a paleontologist. I made up games where we divided on human squad and raptor squad, and one team chased the other. I grew up, and I still own a “Clever Girl” raptor t-shirt. I revisited paleontology museum not longer than 2 months ago. I fucking love dinosaurs. I mean, even if this movie was not good, I’d enjoy the dinosaurs. Or I thought so. I am emotionally invested in many aspects of Jurassic Park.

Aspects like: the story having an actual point, dialogue full of one-liners by all the characters, scientists that are equal in skill and their role in the plot, kids that are both smart and capable (one is savvy in paleontology in an adorable childish way, the other can program, both brilliant in solving tasks - that kitchen scene, that kitchen scene), Ian fucking Malcolm who’s totally lying on that table for the sake of the plot and is literally described as a rockstar-mathematician-womanizer yet he’s never offensive or half-written. Even the characters who die get a good say and are remembered (”…clever girl” ©). 

One of the most beautiful points was, of course that life, eh, finds a way. The unruly, beautiful, powerful nature that is too far beyond our reach to control. The magnificent symbolic T-Rex with Jurassic Park banner falling slowly across the screen. Raaaaaaaaaaaawr. John Williams pouring out of the speakers like a mighty waterfall. A shiver running through you at the subconscious understanding of how small and arrogant humanity is. Or how safe you are in the theatre/at home.

Not to mention the amount of work and research that went into that movie and how ground-breaking it was, let’s not even go there. Let’s go, instead, back to *shudders* Jurassic World.

I don’t want to ask how plot-wise it was even permitted to build Jurassic World in the same universe where the events of the first three movies happened, I want to ignore that just for the sake of my own health, so I’m going to talk about the rest of it. What Jurassic World in fact is - is a recycled version of the first movie, that ends up feeling like you’re chewing paper for 2 hours, because it doesn’t have a taste, or smell, it’s unbearably… empty. 

Everything in this movie is like a worse version of something you’ve seen before. Most likely in Jurassic Park.

2 kids getting lost on their safari trip? Check. But with less brains, and both of them are boys. A background character commenting on how science should think twice before doing something? Only this time it’s a mix of Dr. Malcolm and Samuel L. Jackson’s Ray Arnold, and with no actual role in the plot. He just sits there. Saying words.

What Vincent D’Onofrio was doing there (except reminding me that I should finish watching Daredevil) is a mystery. Also Omar Sy. We could’ve had it all.

And, of course, a rendition of dinosaur handler Muldoon, but pushed to the front and made into a cheap Indiana Jones, who’s, like, besties with the raptors. It doesn’t matter that there’s a scene in the beginning where he’s not, and the raptors are ultimate predators. Life doesn’t find a way in this movie. What life finds is that you can’t have a summer blockbuster in 2015 without Chris Pratt playing some kind of an epitome of ~life force~ opposite to a female character who’s a ~stiff careerist~ finding joys and values of life via banter with said ~life force~, and a few kisses slapped into the screenplay at random. (??? w h y) Other values she finds via parenthood. She prances around the woods in high heels. It’s ~practical. The other three female characters are her assistant unable to do her job, a girl in the background whose purpose was 50% reading from screen and 50% serving a bit of unnecessary comic relief, and the boys’ mom who’s there for, idek, 5 seconds. 

You know the funny thing about the joys of parenthood by the way? In Jurassic Park the two people finding/displaying their parent side were Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm. Ian runs out with that flare to save the kids. Alan is left to care for them. In fact, there are 2 jokes in the screenplay about gender roles and issues. The one about dinosaurs eating men, and women ruling the earth. And another where Hammond suggests that he should go outside because he’s a man and Ellie just rolls her eyes and says that they can discuss sexism later. It’s in the text.

Lex saves everyone by programming the locks/fence. 



In all honesty, I can’t believe Jurassic World was released in the same year as, say, Mad Max Fury Road.  I can’t believe it was released 20 years after Jurassic Park and looks like it was written 20 years prior.

Even with the cardboard cutout stack of characters I still hoped (halfheartedly by then) I’d enjoy the dinosaurs. The, you know, raaawr, nature, amazing things. That shiver down your spine, the awestruck feeling of human vs. nature. But even the dinosaurs in Jurassic World are not exactly sure what the fuck they’re doing there. There is no big reveal - Indominus Rex is a weak uncharismatic attempt to do exactly what the characters try to do - attract people and money. The raptors went from a bunch of team-playing door-opening problem-solving smarties to an indecisive crowd for some reason seeing a human as alpha (let’s pause to think about the fact that the character is literally an alpha male. it’s in the script. *gulps down bile*). The mosasaurus is all in the trailer, and the rest of the dinos are mostly props camera doesn’t care much about. The cute little behavioral things, like T-Rex overturning a car to try to bite its belly in Jurassic Park are mostly absent too. When Indominus Rex attacks the aviary, the pterodactyls don’t panic or disperse, and instead head directly to the coast to feed and randomly attack visitors. The bastards have been waiting for the day when they could go to an amusement park, I guess. 

What of Indominus Rex’s behavior, it just has none. (That’s also in the text.) It’s only interest is killing shit, it’s not socialized. And then it’s suddenly socialized, and then it’s not. It doesn’t make any sense, but obviously we needed raptors to fight both the Indominus and the people, so nobody in the writing room gave a fuck.

I never even thought that one can write characterization of a dinosaur badly, yet here we are. 

to quote one of the greatest philosophers of our time again:  You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn’t earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don’t take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you even knew what you had, you patented it, and packaged it, and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox , and now you’re selling it.

Hey, may I please ask something:

The short version: I am selling T-shirts that I’ve designed on teespring, so please check some out when you get a chance! I am loaded to the brim with commissions I need to do, and plan on taking care of those, but I am still in need of money in the meantime.

The long version: I have been noticing lately that my mood and mental health have been horrible because I haven’t been able to get out much this past year. I don’t drive (don’t have a license, don’t plan on getting one very soon, cars are expensive af)

I have exercise-induced asthma, but biking is one of the few types of exercise I can do without being worried about having breathing problems, and helps me get around the area I live in. And exercise is supposed to help with mental health, yadda yadda- I need a new bike so I can feel way less like shit and be more productive. A generic new bike from a store like Target costs somewhere in the ballpark of $150. (I used to have one but the front wheel literally gave out. That was over a year ago)

I’m not asking for this for free, because you’ll get a clever t-shirt or hoodie in exchange! But please consider spreading this post around so that I can be a little less stir crazy. If you can’t afford a t-shirt, I do stream artwork regularly on Twitch and, and if you stop by one of my art streams and like what you see, I’d appreciate a tip. It can even be as little as a dollar, every donation helps in some way!