Rainy Horoscopes 🌂🌁 ⚡
(and other bad advice the rain may suggest)
♈ aries: if the clouds cover the sky, then the sun never rose. crawl back under the covers. time has less meaning than it did before. if it had any less meaning it would be real.
♉ taurus: close the umbrella. you will get wet anyway. open the umbrella. you will get struck by lightning anyway. avoid rubber boots. they will protect you, but then what was the point?
♊ gemini: splash in puddles the way you did as a child, with reckless abandon, childish glee, and no fear of pneumonia. tomorrow, they will not be here. tomorrow, neither will “you”.
♋ cancer: it’s raining, grab your umbrella. nevermind, it’s snowing. nevermind, it’s hailing. the cuter it is the less it will help, but the happier you will be.
♌ leo: you will wake to the soft melody of rain tapping on your window. you needn’t look. keep you eyes closed. don’t focus on the sound. deep in your heart, you should know by now it isn’t the rain.
♍ virgo: bright yellow galoshes! what are those? who knows! but you wear them anyway. it is the uniform. and endless battle against the outdoors, that only ever has wanted in.
♎ libra: is it raining or is it…simply wet? don’t look up, but it’s always been this way. don’t question it. things will start to unravel. your fingers prune. you have already begun.
♏ scorpio: dry, dry skin. it hurts. you catch the rain in your hands, but everything still feels dry. no lesson, just pain.
♐ sagittarius: hate the rain all you want, it will still love you. loving it won’t stop it either, that would only encourage it. try a restraining order.
♑ capricorn: curl up with a book in the windowsil, a mug of something hot, and the rain pounding at the window. it is peaceful, isn’t it? it’s practically picturesque. people look at you strangely. no one actually does this
♒ aquarius: drink from the puddles. or don’t that’s unsanitary. but find a way to drink from them. in a weird, metaphoric way.
♓ pisces: when raindrops race down the window, watch them with amusement. don’t pay attention to the prophecies of destruction and loss they foretell. it is not for you to read.