clever disguises

It’s always cute when a giant responds to the whole “oh no don’t hurt me, please!” Thing people do with a lot of apologies and reassurance but have you considered this-
A giant so fed up with it all they just respond in pure snark and sarcasm:

“Please don’t eat me!”
“Yeah, whatever. I don’t eat trash.”

“Agh! Giant!”
“Oh, wow well done you saw through my clever disguise- how on earth could you tell I was a giant, what could have possibly given me away”

“You’re huge!”
“Yes, well done. Ten points to you.”

“Oh, nice. Sweet alright I’m just going to take a nap here. You carry on.”

All That I Need is a Clever Disguise

It’s more femspeare! Yay! 

Willow’s face burned as the spy reported the news to her. She wanted to curse Nick up and down and call him a hundred different awful names that would never be forgiven by even the most lenient of preachers. But she was so dizzy with rage, and her words were so stubborn to leave her throat, that she couldn’t muster the strength to.

“That sneaky little thief…” she choked out.

She gripped the edge of her desk. Her knuckles paled.

After all the hell he put her through and all the hell she put herself through for his sake, he still couldn’t leave her alone. She had always wondered what the final straw would be. He could torture her for years, but she had always waited for that single moment that would finally push her off the edge. And when she went off that edge, she would show no mercy to him. She wouldn’t hold back like she had for years.

Willow pushed her desk in a short burst of violence. It barely moved but lifted off the ground just high enough to scatter her papers and knock her inkwell to the floor. One of her servants would clean it up later.

Trey quickly ushered the spy out.

Willow threw open her desk drawers, rummaging through the papers and trash she had stuffed in there in her moments of laziness. Her day had already been awful.

Keep reading

Okay guys but imagine if Isabella IS evil but DOES NOT DIE

And she perseveres and lives on to be the queen of hearts or whatever villain they’re writing her to be. For years to come she terrorizes Gotham, even into the days of Batman, as a villain in her own right, long after the fake love triangle is over.

Oswald will hate her for the rest of time, both for hurting his beloved Ed all those years ago as well as stealing him away in the first place. He will have a personal vendetta against her, so she lives in clever disguises to escape the bounty he has on her head. Every once in a while, she will show her face to the Penguin, if only to taunt him for her own satisfaction.

And Ed…there will always be a part of him that is terrified of her, not only for what she can do as a villain, but also for the way she haunts him. They will cross paths occasionally, and her presence - her face alone - will cripple him with memories of Miss Kringle and the way he thought he had a second chance. In so many ways, she will be his every nightmare.

You guys, Isabella would be the greatest female villain this show has ever had.

Originally posted by redorkulous

Grocery Store AU’s

-I work here. You are completely enraged by the lack of plums. I’m sorry, but they’re out of season and hey you’re kind of cute.

-We run cash register aisles next to each other and are having a serious, deadly competition over who can check the most groceries in a minute.

-I found you crying over the avocados. Are you sure you’re all right? 

-I am buying a LOT of junk food and you’re super cute and now I’m really embarrassed because I’m not actually having a party this is all for me.

-This must be your last day working here because you are laying on the sass, but it’s actually kind of hilarious and a little hot please continue. 

-I have a crush on you and I hang out in the dairy department so that I can watch you lift milk jugs. 

-I’m in college and I practically live off of free samples by disguising myself and coming back for seconds but you have seen through my clever disguise how awkward.

-I tripped and knocked over a whole SHELF of salsa and then fell into the salsa and you are giving me the weirdest look. 

Old Habits, Young Love, and Other Things That Just Won’t Die

Summary: Despite their branding, Dan and Phil haven’t actually been friends for all of the seven years that they’ve known each other. For almost two of those years, ‘best friend’ was just a label they used on the internet, a clever disguise used to keep people from knowing what they really were. Because from the day they met until the day they broke up, Dan and Phil were something else entirely. Not something more. Just something else.

Rating: T

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: vague references to 2012, little bit of implied internalized homophobia/biphobia, food mentions, one swear word

A/N: Written for @eamn-resu, who requested a fic based on this (really cute) phanart by @houseplantsandmadbants. Sorry it took so long. I thought this was going to be a cute little drabble but I should have known that I would accidentally turn it into 4000+ words of angst followed by obscene amounts of fluff. I hope this isn’t too far off from what you wanted.

read on ao3

Keep reading