You’ve seen the “Goth Look” get co-opted by mainstream fashion so many times that you no longer get snarky and dramatic about it- instead, you patiently wait for the trend to fall out of vogue so you can score great clearance items.
“Seven dollar black lace shirt? Yes, please! Clearance bin of patterned fishnets?? SCORE!”
-A woman brought up two items, one she wanted, one for price-comparison. I am used to this. However, she insisted I give her the lower-priced item for the higher cost. I think I see where she is coming from, but this is not the place for oneupmanship.
-I will never forget the advice that one elderly woman gave another in regards to buying clearance Halloween items. Whenever I am making a decision, her voice will echo in my head, whispering, “do it, because of YOLO.”
-I was asked to double bag $80 of Halloween decorations in the largest bags we had in stock so that a woman in her sixties would be able to hide them from her husband in the car. For my next heist, I will undoubtedly be in contact with her to plan our seamless getaway.
-A kindly, sweet man in his seventies paid for his purchase with money from a large, studded, jet-black, leather chain wallet. This man keeps Hot Topic afloat.
-A man sat on my register, setting the example for two other men to sit on adjacent registers. The trendsetter remarked, “Why stand like a chump when you can sit?” My response was almost to suggest manners as a reason, but then I realized I would be playing directly into his hands and revealing my true nature as a chump.
-I was informed by a guest that, due to the fact that the counters on the registers were just slightly taller than the carts, I was guaranteed to be a VP someday. He told me that it could be for Nickelodeon, or possibly the Bahamas, but the where does not matter when this man has so much faith in me.
-Making faces at a baby strapped to their mother’s chest resulted in the infant excitedly jumping up and down as much as one can when confined to a living straightjacket. Despite all of the fun that young one was having, the warden was having none of it.
-Entering the store, a man threw his arms out and shouted, “Hello, Target,” and I aspire to take after this man and star in my own movie at every minute.
-I asked a man if he wanted me to bag his bottle of Mountain Dew. He looked at it intensely and told me not to, as he had plans for it. I hope beyond hope that his plans involved drinking it.
I went to kmart today and saw a fuzzy Hannah Montana folder, a yugioh notebook, and a high school musical activity binder that included blendy pens. I think it’s safe to say nobody rotates stock at the local Kmart.
You don’t want to miss out on these Memorial Day sales!
Ready, set, go! We’ve got super stylish pieces for guys and gals at crazy low prices. It’s hard to believe, but all the items highlighted in this post are under $50, except for on maxi dress that’s slightly over! Don’t wait, check ‘em out now!
Want to see more of our Memorial Day sale picks? Check out our fave sale pieces from yesterday, and stay tuned for more fashion deal updates throughout the weened. Have an awesome Friday, and have a great Memorial Day Weekend!
Get 15% off any order with discount code THANKSBUB
Get 25% off any order above $75 with code GENEROUSBUB
All clearance items are marked 50% off
The gift of BUB is not only an amazing gift to friends and family, it’s a gift to to homeless animals in need. A generous portion of all proceeds benefit Lil BUB’s Big FUND, which has raised more than $100,000 for special needs pets in its first year.
I always manage to purchase clothing that doesn’t go with anything. I continue to buy it in the hopes it will go with something. It ends up not matching, but I force it to because I got it, and I want it to match with something. Sigh.
Ahhhh I love love LOVE 😍 seeing you guys in your Blogilates gear! Please keep posting so I can feature you! I also cannot wait for you to use your Fit Planner in 2015! Omg, 5 more days till the new year!? What is life right now!?! Anyway, super big clearance sale on www.shopblogilates.com! 20% off all clearance items with the code “newyearnewyou” til Sunday! Including the 2015 Fit Planner and Wall Calendar combo. Love you guys so much!! What are your plans for New Year’s Eve??
Reddit Nosleep: My Daughter is a Doll by Reddit user TheyAreBack
Let me start off by saying I’m not crazy, or at least I don’t think I am. I suppose I’ll leave it up to the reader. I couldn’t tell you if I’m dealing with a ghost, a demon, or something else beyond my grasp. Any light you could shed on the subject would be great.
My story starts out innocently enough. Two months ago I was in WalMart, when I saw a life size doll that looked just like my daughter, Abbie. Again, WalMart. Not at an estate sale, not in an abandoned building, and not even some creepy, one off clearance item without a box or price tag. There were dozens of them; I’ll even add the link to the doll at the end if I remember. Anyway, I texted my wife a picture of the doll, and she admitted they looked similar, so I bought it on a whim.
When I first showed Abbie the doll, I asked her who it looked like. “It’s Baby Shrek!” She squealed, clearly not on the same page as me. “Don’t you think it looks just like you? It could be your twin sister!” I asked feeling foolish, hoping to convince her to side with me. “Twin sister, twin sister” she yells, grabbing the doll and dancing around the room. Mission accomplished!
I take Abbie out for ice cream, and ask if she wants to bring her sister along. “Yes daddy! What’s my sister’s name?” I’m not very quick witted, so I’m surprised when I instantly blurt out: “Tabitha”. “Tabby!” she says with delight. She’s smart for a 3 year old, but struggles with bigger words. Actually, Abbie and Tabby would be perfect names for twins; twin names always have that corny and awkward ring to them, like my twin friends Donnie and Danny.
A couple days later, Abbie and Tabby were inseparable. Abbie has never had an imaginary friend, so I was surprised to see her get so attached to Tabitha. We live in a small town and so far the only neighborhood kid even close to her age is 7 and he’s a brat, so I’m happy to see her bonding with someone until she starts preschool. I start to play along and begin to share my daughter’s enthusiasm for Tabby, talking and playing with her just like I would my actual daughter.
My wife tells me she needs to take Abbie to finish her immunizations. She knows I won’t go because she’s stronger than me. I can’t bear to see my baby girl cry when they poke her with a needle. I load Abbie in the car seat, and kiss her forehead. “Sit here sweetie while I go get Tabby!”
“Tabby doesn’t need her shots daddy, she’s a doll.”
Surprised at her change in perception about her sister, I ask: “Don’t you want her to keep you company?” “No, daddy, you take care of her while I go to the doctor.”
The car pulls away and I wave goodbye and blow kisses as I always do. As soon as they’re around the corner, I sprint up to the attic. I have a mini fridge up there to keep my beer out of Abbie’s hands. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a cold beer to myself, and with a couple hours to spare, I might as well take some ‘me time’. I crack one open and bring the rest of the six pack downstairs. I haven’t seen adult TV shows in so long I’ve forgotten how to swear effectively. Always Sunny in Philadelphia is on, and I’m in the zone.
I’m only a few minutes in, when I feel the stare. There’s Tabitha on the other end of the couch looking right at me. As a rational man I try to shrug it off and laugh. I taunt her with: “Eat shit, you porcelain bitch!” The show is rubbing off on me already, and I can’t stop giggling. Time for a pee break. My bathroom is on the other side of the room, so I freeze when I emerge to Tabitha once again looking directly into my eyes. Spooked, I move all around my living room trying to escape her icy lifeless stare. This doll is like the fucking Mona Lisa, and I’m not about to let it ruin my daddy time. I man up and toss it into Abbie’s room. Although still weirded out, I enjoy a few more episodes of Always Sunny, and polish off the beers. It’ll take a lot more than a creepy doll to keep me from enjoying these precious few moments alone.
Two days later I had entirely forgotten the whole thing. Abbie, Tabby, and I were back to our usual selves playing tea party, writing postcards to grandma, and living the American dream. We plan a picnic together and head out to the backyard to feast. Abbie and Tabby nibble on their snacks while I lay back in the hammock. I hear whispering and look over to see what they’re up to. The first thing I see are those fucking doll eyes. Her head is twisted around behind her and she’s looking directly at me, while Abigail is sitting on the opposite side of her. “What did you do to Tabby’s neck, sweetie?”, I stammer. My daughter looks at me with that same cold stare. “She’s looking at you because she doesn’t like you daddy”.
It gets worse. It gets so much worse. 3 weeks go by and that doll always seems to be somewhere she shouldn’t be. Every time I wake up, Tabitha’s eyes are the first thing I see. No matter who is in the room, her eyes are always focused on me. I’m not about to admit to anyone what is going on, so after 2 sleepless nights I’m relieved to have to go out of town on a work trip. I hit New Orleans and call my wife from my room’s phone to let her know I made it there safely. I’m halfway through telling her goodnight as I’m sleepily opening my luggage for my pajamas. I scream when I see Tabby glaring at me. My wife is laughing as the people next door pound on the wall to get me quiet down.
I don’t have a chance to compose myself when I hear my daughter in the background begging for the phone. “Daddy, did you find Tabby? I sent her with you so you guys could learn to be friends. I miss her so much, please take good care of her.” My instincts are to chuck the fucking thing right then and there, but I’m a grown ass man and my daughter deserves better. I take the doll down to the parking lot and shove her into the trunk. I get back up to my room and can scarcely sleep. I finally pass out about 6 AM and wake up with a start, one hour later. I open my eyes, expecting to see the doll in bed next to me, but I’m alone. After a miserable continental breakfast I pop the trunk and there she is. I’m shocked that she stayed put, but after a month of torture and a few sleepless nights, I’m at my wits end. I decide to just buy my daughter a new toy. Hell, I’ll buy her a dozen new toys to get rid of this thing.
There’s a dumpster at the other end of the lot and I take great joy in marching over there to end this nightmare. I open the lid and just as I’m about to drop her, I get that same feeling I got when I first saw the doll. This looks just like my daughter, I can’t do this.
I somehow finish my meetings in Louisiana and decide to just tough it out and drive back home tonight. I was a psychological wreck, and needed my wife and my daughter. I put Tabby in the front seat, and talk to her the whole drive home. I think I see her turn her head to me out of the corner of my eye, but I choose to ignore it this time.
Somehow I make it back in one piece; my daughter gives me a kiss and yanks Tabitha out of my arms. “Tabby I missed you so much”. I was happy to see my daughter smile and dance around the room with Tabby; they really do look so much alike! As Abbie carries her twin sister down the hall into her room for bed, the doll’s head twists around and glares daggers right through me. “I can’t believe I fell for that”, I think to myself. ”She conned her way out of the dumpster this morning, but this ends tomorrow. “
So here we are, today is the day. I haven’t slept a wink last night, and my wife is taking my daughter to her sister’s house for brunch. My two little girls sit hand in hand on the couch and I scoop Abigail up and carry her to the driveway. My wife rushes past and sits in the front seat. “Sorry you’re not feeling well” she says. “We’ll see you in a few hours”. I hurriedly buckle Abbie into her car seat and tell her that Tabby and I will be here when she gets back. I shut the door before she can protest, and I excitedly wave goodbye and blow kisses. I sprint back to the house as soon as they turn the corner.
I probably took a little too much pleasure in disposing of that evil fucking doll. Even though she never actually hurt me, I knew what she was capable of, and I had to strike first. The first thing I did was pop those ghastly little eyes out. “No more ghoulish stares from you.” I ripped all of her hair out, shredded her clothes and swung her into the coffee table by her feet. I couldn’t believe how much better I felt. It only took 15 minutes to finish Tabby off. I put her in my neighbor’s garbage can so my wife and daughter wouldn’t stumble across her.
I come around the corner and am surprised to see my wife pulling into the driveway, she must have forgotten something. She angrily rolls down her window and yells, “What is wrong with you? Get this doll out of the car seat, and go get Abigail!” I look down to my blood soaked hands and wish I had never bought that cursed doll.
Today another cashier and I caught a large family trying to pass of non-clearance items for clearance prices. They’d taken the stickers from actual clearance items and stuck them to the non-clearance ones over the barcode.
I caught on to this bs really fast because one of the hoodies they’d done this to, I’d gotten a price check for in an earlier transaction. When nothing with a clearance sticker rang up as clearance, I got suspicious. Not to mention our store tags have the month that we got the item on them. And there is no way that a $60 hoodie that we just got in July was going to be on clearance for $10 Just. No.
Needless to say they argued with me up and down because I should have ‘honored the price because they didn’t know it was wrong’ and I had to get both the LOD and the loss prevention manager to assist me since I can’t flat out tell someone that I know they’re full of crap and we’re switching stickers.
I guess I got an extra $150 to my paycheck for catching them though. So that’s cool. Thanks for paying me more with your bad attempt at theft.
When she says that you are like every other man that she’s ever met, her words will shift into an angry hive of winged insults. They will sting you in places calamine lotion won’t heal. They will build a nest in the medicine cabinet of your throat. You feel them when you speak.
On this day, you pride will have PTSD.
The citizenship of your smile will get revoked.
It’ll hide inside of your face like it’s afraid of being deported.
Her name will gyrate in your stomach twenty four hours before a storm hits your city.
Your heart will become a dusty piano is the basement of a church and she will play you when no one is looking.
Now you understand why it’s called an organ.
When she looks at the clearance rack of items in her life and tries to put you on a hanger next to men with amateur stitching, she is clearly forgetting the mountains you’ve placed in wheelbarrows simply because she asked them to be moved.
Remind her that your collar still tastes like salt from all the oceans that she has cried into your shoulder.
Show her the bags underneath your eyes from all the nights you’ve spent listening to her talk about crippled relationships.
Make her look at your hands.
Let her see the leftover super-glue from the day her self-esteem turned into a model airplane with no instructions.
One of my customers today brought up a full shopping tote of stuff. As I started scanning her clothes in, I noticed how a maxi dress that’s normally $44.94 came up as a perfect tank for $8.50. I showed her this and said it may have been an error at the factory and kept going after manually keying in the actual SKU. I’ve played this game before and I didn’t need her to start screeching about me accusing her of anything.
We keep going and MORE of her crap is coming up in my computer as the wrong items and prices. Upon further inspection it seems that the vast majority of her full prices items are either coming up as miscellaneous clearance items under $10 or tanks.
Thanks to policy we can’t openly accuse a customer of swapping out tags or tampering with price stickers. This woman swore up and down that this is how she found the items and we *have* to honor the prices. Bullshit, lady. I’m not selling you a $45 dress for $8. Get your head out of your ass, I wasn’t trained as a cashier yesterday. She ended up abandoning ¾ of the purchase and I had to rip off all the tags and turn them over to my LOD because of them being tampered with.
Do customers really assume we’re that stupid to not catch them doing this? Each item’s SKU and name comes up in my computer during scanning. I’m going to know if a full priced denim jacket is coming up as random clearance item.
I thought it would be fun to check out some clearance sections for you guys! I’m not going to provide links for individual items, but I kept the product names on there so you can just type them into the search bar of each site to get to them. ^^
Perpetual Kid is ALSO having a 50% off sale, but just on clearance items. Use code CLOSEOUT. The prices below don’t have the coupon code applied, so for instance, the pac-man wall decal would only be like $33.
So I made a clearance category on my shop to get rid of a lot of old stuff, and here’s how it works. For every $15 you spend on anything else in my shop, you can choose one item from clearance for FREE. All you have to do is put the product name in the note when you order. That means if you spend $30, you get two clearance things free; if you spend $45, you get three clearance things free; it’s endless!
Also, if you see something in clearance in you like, but don’t want to buy anything from the other categories, or spend less than $15, it’s free shipping!
Hope this makes sense, haha. If you have any questions, message me! be
Some older woman: Will you check the price of these shorts for me please?
Unless someone missed an item when we did markdowns, the sticker on clearance items is what they cost. But I check it anyway.
Me: it’s *some reasonable clearance amount like half off the original price or something*
Customer: what?? That’s not a clearance price!
Me: alright. (Uh ok whatever?)
I walk away and she continues to mumble and be mad about how it’s not really clearance, and then I watch her stick the shorts on a rack of girls clothes where it doesn’t belong (rude). She did this when I just started to walk away so I went back and picked it up and put it in clearance.
Ok but later, like an hour or two later, she comes back and tries the same pair of shorts on in the fitting room where I’m working. No idea btw why you’d come back after all that time for one pair of clearance shorts.
Then after she tries them on she comes up to me and rudely asks if there’s a size two (the size she originally had. The size she has now are a four) I look through clearance and they’re no where to be found so I say no.
Lady: But I set them down up front earlier!!
Me: (yes, in the wrong place??? Why the fuck would that matter? Dozens of people set stuff down in this store a day) I know maam, you left them in the wrong place so I put them back in clearance, and someone bought them.
Lady: *stupid face* Hughgggggg
Lady: SURE WISH YOU HAD THEN SIZE 2’S. *looking at me with an irritated face*
Then, she just continues to hold them up at different angles and even try them on again moaning, with different sentence structure, about how she “wished” we had the size twos. (Aka I’m suppose to magically produce them out of thin air and apologize for cleaning up the mess she made, HOURS AGO, and God forbid, someone buying it.)
I just ignored her til she left but she was so loud that my coworker came up and asked what her problem was.