clear furniture

‘ Gordon Ramsay ’ Quotes Starters

Warning!! A lot of cursing.

❝ It’s fucking RRAAAWWWWW! ❞
❝ Fucking idiot. ❞
❝ You best be jokin’. ❞
❝ Don’t billshit me! ❞
❝ Donkey! ❞
❝ I wouldn’t feed that to my dog. ❞
❝ I wouldn’t serve that on DEATH ROW! ❞
❝ Come the fuck on! ❞
❝ Tastes like it’s been microwaved. ❞
❝ Disgusting! ❞
❝ In fifteen minutes, I will clear all that furniture and put it back in my van. And this shit here, I’ll put it back in there. ❞
❝ How the fuck did you burn ice-cream?! ❞
❝ I’ll get you more pumpkin, and I’ll ram it right up your fucking ass. Would you like it whole, or diced? ❞
❝ There is more olive oil on this than Popeye’s dick! ❞
❝ You put so much ginger in this, it’s a Weasley. ❞
❝ ____, You’re a first class cunt. ❞
❝ Hey! Excuse me, Madam! Fuck me?! How about fuck you! ❞
❝ I swear to god, this is the kind of shit you expect Tiger Woods to T-off with. ❞
❝ If I tell you to get out there I don’t give a fuck if you got a thong up your fat crack. GET OUT THERE! ❞
❝ Don’t whistle at me I’m not your fucking dog, you look more like a dog than I do. ❞
❝ You’re cooking in a burned pan you fucking dick! ❞
❝ I’m watching you like a fucking hawk, you know why? *Whispers in ear* I want you out. ❞
❝ You seriously surprised me…. Of how shit you are. ❞
❝ You act like the female version of Hannibal Lecter. ❞
❝ I’m done standing here with a bunch of idiots. Fuck you all. ❞
❝ What we are waiting on? I’M ON SOME FUCKING TALENT!! ❞
❝ I’m calling out orders, and you’re confused! And you’re confused! And you’re at the end of your dick! ❞
❝ It’s like a bison’s penis! What is that shit?! ❞
❝ Right now? I rather eat poodle shit than put that in my mouth. ❞
❝ Where’s the lamb SAUCE!? ❞
❝ Fuck off you useless sack of fucking Yankee Danky Doodle shit. ❞
❝ Fucking sue me. ❞

Imagine helping your werewolf girlfriend through a rough transformation. You clear the room of furniture and you make sure there’s food set out because she’ll be starving after she transforms. If she lets you, you sit with her during the transformation, reassuring her that you love her and that she doesn’t need to feel ashamed of who she is. 

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A/N: Also slightly based off of the song “Shape Of You” by Ed Sheeran. I hope you guys like it! It turned into something much longer than I expected.

I do not own Teen Wolf or it’s characters. Sadly.

Word Count: 3,291

Warnings: None that I know of. Mild language?

Beautiful people who helped me when I came to them with this crazy idea and said to run with it: @aworldmadeforme @life-what-life-i-dont-have-one

Anon said: “I thought of a Roomies thing that maybe plays into the direction of their storyline you might be headed in?? Y/n is having a rough night, and she doesn’t want to be alone with her thoughts, but on this particular night, Isaac isn’t home. After/while debating with herself over it she tentatively creeps across the loft to Derek’s room and peers in, before changing her mind at the last minute. As she goes to creep back to her room again, he’s like “what the hell is it you’re doing?” And-she’s caught in the headlights of Derek’s glowing alpha eyes. Basically, she ends up staying in Derek’s bed, and they predictably are awkward and funny but it’s ultimately sweet?? Idk, if it’s a bad idea don’t worry about it or anything haha ☺️x”


Anon said: “derek x reader based on bad liar by selena gomez pls?”


You tossed and turned, battling with the sheets just as much as you were your mind. They wrapped around you like a cocoon from the way you must have thrashed in your sleep, keeping you confined to the bed like restraints. Normally you wouldn’t have minded, waking up as a human burrito was actually quite calming, but the thoughts that came to mind every time you closed your eyes just made the safe swaddle feel like a strangling stronghold.

You chuckle at the thought. You could be quite poetic with the right amount of sleep deprivation.

You huffed, slapping a hand to your forehead. Of course tonight was the night Isaac was gone, out on some night patrol with Peter per request of Scott because of some tiny, but disturbing, series of events that had everyone in the pack on edge.

Water. A glass of the cold liquid would surely scare away the demons, right? After all, most of your thoughts consisted of flames and burning things, so water it was.

After fighting with the sheets wrapped around you for too long a time to be reasonable, you plopped to the floor with a soft thud, moaning gently before you rose to your feet, dragging them sleepily across the floor, not even putting in the effort to lift them even a little. This proved a bit harder to handle as you made your way across the concrete floors of the living room, proving to be a slick ice to your sock clad feet, and you floundered just a little before regaining your footing.

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Andromeda hadn’t wanted to go through any of Remus’ possessions, she already had enough on her plate sorting through her daughters belongings and looking after little Teddy, so she asked Harry. 

Harry didn’t have to do it, but he wanted to, it felt wrong to just put everything into storage or throw it as Andromeda suggested as alternatives. It was also nice to have something to focus on in his spare time, to take his mind off the horrors of the past few weeks. 

Remus didn’t have much. Harry really just intended to sift through everything, keep a few things for Teddy and hand things that seemed like they might have sentimental value over to Lyall Lupin, who also hadn’t felt up to clearing everything out and whom Harry had met stood by Minerva McGonagall’s side when they’d taken news of his sons death to him.

On the second and last day he was clearing through everything, Hermione joined him and they sorted through everything silently. Occasionally Hermione would hand Harry an errant photo - one of Remus holding a tiny baby that could only be Harry, glancing at the camera like he was scared of dropping him - or some odd memento or other. 

Finally,at the bottom of a box of clothes, Hermione pulled a locked wooden box. Harry watched her examine it for a few minutes, probing it with spells before she announceed that the locking charm used on it was designed to be unlocked only by the caster - unless the caster had passed on.

“So we can open it?” Harry asked. 

Hermione hesitated, “Well, yes, I’m almost certain that I can but…”


“Well, if he used such a protective locking charm, do we really want to see what’s in here?”

“What if it’s something we could show to Teddy one day?”

“What if it’s something he never wanted anyone to see?” countered Hermione.

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To an Old Friend, With All My Love

Request: “To you, with regret just made me cry ugly tears, your writing is so beautiful. It makes me feel all kinds of emotions. A part 3, please?”

Word Count: 3,214

Pairing: None

Part 1   |   Part 2

Tag List: @1madster @elyza-jeanette @red-roses-and-stories @myrtus-amongst-the-stars @dont-give-a-bother @heneed-somemilk @caseoffics

Requests are currently open! Feel free to send one in

The knock on the door is loud, strong, assured. Sighing, you push yourself to your feet, leaving the comfy ruby couch behind you.

A tiny body zooms past you as soon as you pull open the door.

“Dorothy, stop!” Exasperation rests comfortably on the pretty face in front of you. Shaking her head, Evelyn meets your amused smile. “Don’t laugh. She’s yours this weekend.”

“I think I can handle an eight-year-old.” You step out of the way so your old friend can lug in a suitcase.

“I said the same thing when her birthday rolled around last weekend but,” she sets the suitcase on an armchair and sighs, “you’d be surprised.”

A shriek of laughter sounds from upstairs. You lift your eyebrows. “She must have found the dolls I bought her.”

Evelyn laughs once. “You didn’t have to buy her any toys. She has plenty.”

Shrugging, you step around her and return to the couch, falling onto it and patting the empty cushion next to you. “I didn’t know if she’d bring any of them. Besides, if I’m going to be the cool, unrelated aunt, I have to spoil her.”

Evelyn sits next to you, crossing her legs. “You know she already thinks you’re better than me. You have no clue how many times she’s asked if you could be her mother instead.”

You smile. “I’m sorry for stealing your child’s affections.”

“Oh please.” She waves her hand. “I know you don’t want them too badly. You’d have to be married to Charles.”

“Is he still spending late nights out?”

She nods twice, somber. “He comes back so late, sometimes I wonder…” she trails off, then looks up at you. “But this weekend trip should do some good, I hope.”

“I hope it does.” You nudge her foot with yours. “I’m always here to talk if you need me.”

She gives you a sad smile. “I know.” The room falls silent save for muffled shouts from Dorothy upstairs. “Hey,” Evelyn perks up, “how’s the marriage front looking for you? Meet any cute men in Bulgaria?”

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Minghao: College AU

Genre: Fluff

Requested by: @minghao-lines

A scenario where your roommate destroys your expectations of a roommate

Disclaimer: I know nothing about college except that personal statements are a living hell and that I’m going to be paying a lot ;u; tis the life of a high school senior amiright

  • you didn’t think you were going to be dorming
  • it cost a LOT of money to dorm
  • and you really didn’t get many scholarships either
  • you didn’t want to burden your parents with having to pay for you to dorm alongside the terrible cost of college 
  • but
  • you couldn’t help it
  • the only college you got accepted into was one that was far away enough that you had to dorm
  • so you did
  • begrudgingly 
  • and you didn’t like the idea of dorming anyway
  • you thought that your roommate was going to be trash
  • so not only were you going to be paying a large sum of money but you were going to get a terrible experience out of it too
  • when you arrived at your room, your roommate wasn’t there

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leading lady

Originally posted by seungcheofine

Pairing: S.Coups/Choi Seungcheol x Reader

Word Count: 1,817

Rating: F for fluff

A/N: A little drabble because this silver-haired devil man wrecked the crap out of me in the Clap MV.

You walk onto the set with your face bare, hair loose around your shoulders. You hitch your backpack up higher, looking around with awe. After two weeks of preparation, today’s the day. The day that you’re filming S.Coups’ music video for the lead single on his first solo album. No pressure or anything you think.

Even though you’ve rehearsed the dance with the choreographer, you haven’t met the man in question face to face yet. His company selected you after an intense round of auditions.

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Something New

Fandom: The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater

Pairing: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish (Pynch)

Warnings: none

Day one of Pynch Week 2017!! The prompt for today is Something Old//Something New. @cabeswaterlovesthem

Adam would never get over the strangeness of being alone in Ronan’s childhood home. The two had been gradually moving in and had spent long hours clearing out various knick-knacks and treasures from the main rooms of the house, which was as interesting as it was tiring. Things had been awkward at first, but Adam was gradually becoming more comfortable–as long as Ronan was present. Now, he faced the daunting task of clearing out Ronan’s childhood room and making it livable for the both of them all on his own. Ronan had decided to keep his parents’ bedroom as it had been left, which meant that Ronan and Adam would take up residence in the old room with sky blue walls. Ronan wasn’t far, of course, electing to work on converting the overgrown fields back into usable land instead of reminiscing with Adam over childhood belongings. Adam knew that it was difficult for Ronan to face all the remnants of life with his family so he was initially happy to accept the task, eager to make this process easier for Ronan, but found himself feeling stranded once the time to work finally came. He was standing in the doorway to Ronan’s room with a large black trash bag in hand, wondering exactly how he was supposed to begin sifting through Ronan’s memories and decide which ones were to be trashed and which ones were precious enough to keep.

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Many years ago now I worked at a niche pizza shop

It was on what our town calls ‘bar row’. The manager made sure all us closing girls were as young as possible and hired zero security. Most nights we relied on the bouncers from the bars on either side of us. Now this area is on the shore so summers are both musty and busy. We are always slammed at closing…about 2am. We stop serving beers ourselves at 9 pm because that’s when the employees old enough to sell leave and when restaurants stop selling in our state.
Between 9 pm and 2 am there is only 2 girls in the shop. Usually one cleaning the front and one doing the prep for opening shift at 11 the next morning.
Aside from the amount of drunk who would ask for under 18s numbers or argue about getting a beer from us after 9 (we are NOT a bar we just sell food to drunks from the 10 plus bars in the immediate area). We would get random stalkers and all kinds of craziness that the owner never once did anything to make us secure…. But the bouncers sure did.

One night me and my bestie are working close. The bars have closed and there is a longer than usual line. We clear it out and the last 3 sit inside to eat. We decide to clear the patio for closing while they finish instead of kicking them out as we should’ve done.
As we are clearing the patio furniture under the trellis and securing them one of them decides to go BEHIND the counter. We see him through the giant picture window and run in screaming at him. His excuse is he wanted the last slice of pizza. But he didn’t walk 5 ft to the door to get one of us. Instead he walked 10 feet over to the heat lamp to grab it himself. Without paying. Behind the register and near the 450 degree pizza oven we JUST turned off.
My coworker had to chase it out with the cheese stabber… Used to stab the air bubbles in the pizza while baking.

Now normally we would’ve been protected by next doors bouncer but literally 5 seconds before we saw dude do this wed told him not to wait for us because we probably weren’t getting out before 4 am.

the fallacy of memory

Summary: Tsubomi has lived her life through these tiny acts of defiance.

Author’s Notes: In which I give Tsubomi esper powers and a dark past, because why not? This is probably OOC as fuck and stupidly AU, but I’m only up to date on episode 11 of the anime. This plot bunny just got its claws into me and wouldn’t let go, sooo… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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zero percent

Sato Mirai is three years old when her world caves in on her. She is three years old when her mother and father die in a house fire and her aunt pulls her away from the wreckage, bundles her into a car and whispers keep your head down and don’t move-

Your name is Mizuho Tsunami, her aunt tells her weeks later.


Listen to me, her aunt says. Your name is Mizuho Tsunami. Never forget that, understand?

Auntie, I-

There’s a burning pressure against her shoulders, and Mirai cries out, buckling-

What is your name? her aunt asks, implacable.

Mizuho Tsunami, Mirai cries. 

She is all of three years old and she does not understand. 

She will not understand for many years yet.

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❝ american horror story ❞ starter meme

from season one

  • “ So we’re the Addams Family now. ”
  • “ I love her and I’m a good Christian, but Jesus H. Christ. ”
  • “ Do you ever get tired of cleaning up other peoples’ messes? ”
  • “ Don’t make me kill you again. ”
  • “ What dream are you chasing? Or should I say, what dream is chasing you? ”
  • “ I’m trying very hard not to judge you. ”
  • “ You might as well just Krazy Glue a stick of butter to your ass. ”
  • I don’t want to be here anymore! I’m frightened! ”
  • “ You think I want to stay in this world of death and rot and regret? ”
  • “ Try to find some dignity in the situation. ”
  • “ Move on, missy. ”
  • “ Every time I find my heart breaking just a sliver for you, I suddenly remember. You made this mess for yourself. ”
  • “ I’m not naive to the ways of men. ”
  • “ You know, I’m way too expensive. ”
  • “ Everybody thinks they have style, and everybody thinks they’re funny. Most people aren’t. ”
  • “ Frankly, you don’t deserve it. ”
  • “ The one thing about the dead is they’ve got nothing left to lose. ”
  • “ I’m not playing your games. ”
  • “ I was chosen. And when you’re chosen, you either get with the program or you go crazy. ”
  • “ I’m finding it really hard to look at your face. ‘Cause I really, really, really want to bash it in. ”
  • “ I will merely tolerate you. ”
  • “ The Devil is real. And he’s not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. ”
  • “ Why are you bullshitting me?!? ”
  • “ I’d paint it a deep, dark red, clear out all the furniture and hang a sex swing. ”
  • “ That’s what men do–they make you think you’re crazy so that they can have their fun. ”
  • “ Why are you being such an asshole? ”
  • “ This turns you on. I know it does. ”
  • “ I have long stopped asking why the mad do mad things. ”
  • “ I’m quaking in my loafers! What are you gonna do? Murder me? ”
  • “ From blood and pain come perfection. ”
  • “ I shut you out. I was afraid it would break you. ”
  • “ You’re kind of twisted, aren’t you? ”
  • “ You’re charismatic and compelling and a pathological liar. ”
  • “ Grow a pair. She’s not into you. You’re not getting back in her, she’ll never talk to you again. ”
  • “ I’ll wait. Forever, if I have to. ”
Model *smut*

Author: obrosey-af

Characters: Stiles x OC

Warnings: smut and stuff

Word Count: 3,828

A/N my first au and my longest fic woohoo. Let me know what you think(: -Er

Originally posted by kalifornia---dreaming

I can’t believe I’m late on my first day.

College is not at all what I expected it to be. My older sister and her friends said it’s going to be the best four years of my life. It’s only the first day and I’m already starting to question them. Not only do I have a roommate who stays up until four in the morning watching scary movies, but I also live on the noisiest floor on campus. Flash forward a week to the first day of classes and I’m completely lost. I’ve been walking around for at least twenty minutes looking for building C, which is not anywhere near buildings B or D and I’m pretty sure I’ve passed the same water fountain three times. Looking down at a screenshot of the campus map on my phone, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and rammed into an innocent bystander.

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