claymore like

[thinks of the “4 billion tons of white bullshit” post]

if he wants to live in the middle of nowhere let him

Proposed solution to the Percival Graves debate of is Graves alive or has he been killed off screen because everyone involved in producing this shit is a disaster despite the fact that like the entire cast and audience have a collective crush on Colin Farrell and love him to pieces:

I present to you, the Greebo Solution. I’ll hand over to the master wordsmith himself, so as Terry Pratchett puts it:

Greebo’s overall attitude is best described in an allusion to Schrödinger’s cat: Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious. Shawn dived sideways as Greebo went off like a Claymore mine. “Don’t worry about him,” said Magrat dreamily, as the elf flailed at the maddened cat. “He’s just a big softy.”

And now, fellow Graves followers, kindly picture Graves being neither alive nor dead but instead Bloody Furious, going off like a claymore mine while Newt tells people not to worry about him because he’s just a big softy.

picture it

Classes in a nutshell

A Witch is someone who looks at a problem and thinks of how to break it apart and put it back together again.  They see obstacles as resources and weapons at their disposal, and use them to their advantage.  They dance with their Aspect and play it like a piano, putty in their hands.  Also they always prototype something that’s going to wreak tremendous havoc with your Session, it’s a rule or something.

A Maid is someone who can handle anything the world throws at her, and throw double back.  They don’t let anything get in their way, and smash anything that does.  They use their Aspect like a claymore, massive but slow, and great at breaking stuff.  Thanks to having the highest physical defense stat in SBURB, Maids are the tanks of your team, they waltz into danger and shrug off damage like no tomorrow.

A Sylph is someone who looks at other people and sees the whole potential of who they could become.  They help people up to their highest point.  This seems like healing to onlookers, but to the Sylph she’s just revealing what she knew was always there.  Also the mother-bear class, with the highest melee offense stat in SBURB, tied with the Prince.

The Rogue is the classic Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.  With their crazy high speed, agility, and stealth stats, papilionaceous pilfering is a piece of cake.  It doesn’t matter if they’re stealing money, knowledge, or hearts, they take from their enemies and give to their friends.  (With a little taken off the top for services rendered, of course).  

A Knight is a shield in the form of a sword, someone who takes the hits for others because they know they can take it.  They protect their friends with guts and headbutts, but often try and hide themselves behind the shield they use to protect.  It takes good friends to lower that shield, but a good Knight always has good friends.

A Prince is the end to the story.  They enter the story, slay the dragon, rescue the princess, etc etc.  When they enter the situation things are coming to a head, one way or another.  Through sheer force of personality they bulldozer their way through the riff-raff and fix the problem, either with duct tape or a hammer. They are the guillotine blade, the tick of the last tock of a bomb, The End.

A Thief takes what they want, and they don’t want no sass.  If something they want is in front of them, they’ll fight, cajole, or sneak their way to get it.  They often lose interest in the thing they wanted as soon as they get it, though, and is never far from picking a new target, be it material or social.  A considerably high speed stat, and it tied for the highest stealth stat, with the Rogue.

The Page is a powder keg with a really long fuse.  They start out small, but Oh, The Places You’ll Go.  The movers-and-shakers from humble beginnings, a Page never stops advancing, never stops growing.  As long as they keep moving, they know they’ll get where they’re going eventually, a matter of simple physics.  They slow down when left alone, however, so remember to poke them with a stick or something every once in a while.

The Mage is the one who looks and is displeased.  They find a way to grump about everything, but because of that they’re always looking for ways to make things suck slightly less.  Their methods may seem like magic to the plebian folk, but really, it was elementary, my dear idiot. And if that ends up benefitting everyone, well, so much the better.  "Really, I was just in the neighborhood, it’s not like I care or something.“

The Bard is in it for the laughs.  They don’t care who’s laughing, as long as someone is, be it them or others.  The trolling, the pranks, the shenanigans, it NEVER ENDS.  However, a true comedian is occasionally unable to distinguish from tragedy, so be sure to laugh along with their more harmless tomfoolery, even if they really aren’t that funny.

The Seer knows what you need to do, and they know you won’t be happy about it.  Regardless, it’s something that needs to be done, and it’s their job to make you do it, one way or another.  This class may seem cruel in its execution of necessary evil, but it’s a dirty job, and someone has to do it.  You probably couldn’t, so stop your yabbering.

The Heir always gets their way, but you just can’t hate them for it, dang it.  No matter how much you try, they always win you over with their “earnestness” and “authentic kindness”.  Ugh.  It’s not easy being the person who has everything, but they sure make it look easy.  They have the easiest time acquiring special abilities, quite a bonus to their Mangrit stat, and their Aspect clings to them like a heavy mist.  Even universal archetypes can’t get enough of these guys.

Stay Safe!

I’ll be honest, revisiting the Claymore manga by Norihiro Yagi is pretty much a textbook case of “Who gave you the right?”.

Really. It’s like dark fantasy Sailor Moon… for adults.

Strong women.

Complicated women.

Driven women.

All women. All the time.

Women who are monsters.

Women who become monsters.

Women who aren’t monsters, but it can be difficult to tell.

Women who are redeemed.

Self-acceptance. Self-hate.

Villains you hate.

Villains you sympathize with.

Villains you hate and sympathize with.

Tragic pasts.

Hunting all the monsters.

Relationships. Friendships. Hatred. Rivalries. Friendly rivalry.

Basically, if you don’t mind blood and some creepy imagery and just want to see women in amazing fight sequences, I recommend it. One long train of “ouch my heart”, but totally worth it.

Imagine a Claymore video game that’s super customizable, something like Skyrim. You start as a warrior, and the Organization sends you on missions, letting you slowly move up through the ranks. You can control how much yoma power you release, and you can choose to become an Awakened Being, but then warriors will come after you. You can ally with Riful or Isley or Luciela if you want, or just go it alone.

And there’s a vast world to explore, and you can wander around Rabona or visit all the little villages or go north, and it’s super vibrant and pretty.

the signs as quotes from my band teacher
  • aries: "drumline, it sounds like you're trying to fit something big into a small hole"
  • taurus: "i got 99 problems and flutes, you're all of them"
  • gemini: "we'll have them throwing babies"
  • cancer: "play as if you were wearing a tutu"
  • leo: "there's not enough fiber in your diet brass, lets get things moving"
  • virgo: "two kids jerkin around in a church"
  • libra: "you sound like a large bear with emphysema running up a hill"
  • scorpio: "eighth notes never killed anyone so don't be afraid"
  • sagittarius: "this is like a college frat party and i want it to be an ice cream social"
  • capricorn: "keep it like a mini skirt, short enough to keep the attention, long enough to cover the subject"
  • aquarius: "this is why you sit alone at lunch"
  • pisces: "you guys are like a claymore mine that sprays out a bunch of little pieces and i want one straight missile"