claw and ball

4

I just wanted to study for my finals!

Cassandra:  VARRIC.  You KNEW where he was this whole time and you LIED.  Lied to me and the Inquisition when we needed him most.  Instead, you bring me the wrong Hawke brother.

Varric:  HEY, I brought you the exact RIGHT Hawke brother.  Come on, Seeker…  think about it. You know Hawke didn’t exactly have the greatest track record for keeping religious and political figures alive.  Junior has this.  He won’t turn this into New Kirkwall.  He’s already kept the number of rampaging qunari to one.  Give him some credit.

Cassandra:  [growls]

Varric:  Shit!

Varric:  Maker’s furry nutsack.  Cut this shit out before you have to explain to my editors why everything is getting submitted posthumously.  I don’t want an “About the Author” written in the past tense, thanks.

[various crashing noises]

Carver:  Now bloody what?  What fresh Void am I walking into?

[grunting, furniture scuffing, panting]

Varric:  You wanna put those claws away, Seeker?

Carver:  …

Carver:  Balls.  I’m going to walk in on something that’s going to burn out my retinas, aren’t I?  Son of a– EVERYONE BETTER BE WEARING A MINIMUM OF TWO PAIRS OF BREECHES BY THE TIME I GET UP THERE.

Carver:  Forget your safe word, Varric?

Varric:  Heh.  Apparently it’s not “NOT IN THE FACE.”  You’ll have to pardon the Seeker, kid.  She’s a little perturbed over today’s events with your brother.  I was merely trying to protect your honor before she started trying to punch a hole through my face.

Cassandra:  Varric is a liar, Inquisitor!  And a coward!  And a thief!

Varric:  You wanna jump in at any point, Junior?

Carver:  What?  And have her try to punch ME instead?  Good luck, buddy.

???-SATURNOBE [Saturnian-Robel]
-Dark/Ghost
-The Shadow pokemon
-Ability: Shadow Tag - Black Void*(HA)
-Dex: “A living shadow, this pokemon can hide in dark places without being noticed. It is beleived this pokemon is responsable for the sighting of mysterious shadows in hunted houses.”
-Moveset:
    -Curse
    -Shadow Sneak
    -Pursuit
    -Shadow Punch

–>Evolves at lv. 33 at night, between 12:00 and 4:00 am<–

???-SEPULCROUD [Sepulchrar-Shroud]
-Dark/Ghost
-The Darkness Pokemon
-Ability:  Shadow Tag - Black Void(HA)
-Dex: “This pokemon avoids sunlight and traves during the day hiding in the shadows of other pokemon, or even humans. It is beleived it can posses others by merging with their shadows at night.”
-Moveset:
    -Shadow Claw
    -Dark Pulse
    -Shadow Ball
    -Night Shade

*Black Void “Draws in all Dark-type moves to boost its Sp. Atk. stat ”

Summary of Dark Souls 3 Weapons
  • Dagger: Why aren't you using a Bandit's Knife
  • 
Parrying Dagger: Never actually used as a weapon

  • Mail Breaker: Fuck your shields
  • 
Bandit's Knife: Quick, exploit the Bleed
  • 
Rotten Ghru Dagger: Poison for the lazy
  • 
Corvian Greatknife: THIS is a knife
  • 
Handmaid's Dagger: I will stab you no matter what
  • 
Scholar's Candlestick: Laser power-up

  • Tailbone Short Sword: Drake Sword Lite Edition
  • 
Brigand Twindaggers: Dragon's Dogma
  • 
Harpe: Not actually a musical instrument

  • Shortsword: Why aren't you using a Longsword

  • Longsword: Ol' Faithful

  • Broadsword: Who uses stab attacks anyway

  • Broken Straight Sword: 10 of these during early game

  • Astora Straight Sword: Losing my religion

  • Lothric Knight Sword: Let's get stabby
  • 
Barbed Straight Sword: Constantly getting caught on clothing probably
  • 
Dark Sword: Emo blade with added Meta
  • 
Cleric's Candlestick: Blue Flame's gross uncle
  • 
Irithyll Straight Sword: Chillrend

  • Anri's Straight Sword: Waifu sword

  • Sunlight Straight Sword: Praising just got easier
  • 
Morion Blade: Remember how Demon's Soul was a thing
  • Lothric's Holy Sword: HOLY SHIT LASERS

  • Gotthard Twinswords: Sith Lord Cosplay

  • Bastard Sword: Why aren't you using a Claymore
  • 
Claymore: Larger Faithful

  • Flameberge: Zweihander's gay little brother

  • Hollowslayer Greatsword: Dumbshit's guide to DS2
  • 
Black Knight Sword: Crossfit while fighting demons
  • Executioner's Greatword: Tarkus Concept Art
  • 
Wolf Knight's Greatword: Can you actually imagine a Wolf doing flips like this like holy shit

  • Wolnir's Holy Sword: Trypophobia Blade
  • 
Greatsword of Judgment: Moonlight Greatsword Lite Edition

  • Storm Ruler: HEY GUYS REMEMBER DEMON'S SOULS
  • 
Moonlight Greatsword: Raspberry Popsicle of Cameo Obligation

  • Twin Princes' Greatsword: Literally fire-ing mah lazar
  • Drakeblood Greatsword: Over ambitious longsword

  • 
Firelink Greatsword: Finally got one, finally disappointed
  • Zweihander: Baby's First UGS

  • Greatsword: Repairs complete
  • 
Astora Greatsword: CHAAAAAAAAAARGE
  • 
Farron Greatsword: Breakdancing Blade
  • 
Fume Ultra Greatsword: Hits like a truck, the size and weight of one too
  • 
Profaned Greatsword: Fire Greatsword Mk I

  • Cathedral Knight Greatsword: Gatsu stronk
  • 
Black Knight Greatsword: Original Golf Driver
  • 
Lorian's Greatsword: Fire Greatsword Mk II

  • Lothric Knight Greatsword: Bass Cannon knockoff

  • 
Scimitar: Why aren't you using a Falchion

  • 
Falchion: Oroboro's penis

  • Sellsword Twinblades: Russian weapons, Arabic implications
  • Shotel: Douchebag Blade
  • Crescent Moon Sword: Karkat Vantas firing lasers
  • Pontiff Knight Curved Sword: How do insects even eat metal like damn
  • Warden Twinblades: Obligatory bleed variant

  • 
Painting Guardian's Curved Sword: Sick spins

  • Dancer's Enchanted Swords: Rave Swords

  • Storm Curved Sword: Fart Scimatar

  • Carthus Curved Sword: If only it were the Kilij
  • 
Carthus Shotel: Karkat Vantas Skeleton Edition

  • Rotten Ghru Curved Sword: Poo Sword

  • Murakumo: Finally has a decent moveset
  • 
Exile Greatsword: Bandaid hilt
  • 
Old Wolf Curved Sword: No weapon class is safe from fan service

  • Carthus Curved Greatsword: Bleed Edition
  • 

Uchigatana: PvP Standard
  • 
Washing Pole: Sephiroth cosplay
  • 
Black Blade: Style points aren’t currency

  • Darkdrift: Why do Asian cultures love invisible swords so much
  • 
Onikiri and Ubadachi: Shonen Jump
  • Chaos Blade: Anti-magic pixel
  • 
Bloodlust: You can't hurt me if I hurt myself
  • 
Rapier: The grip is white now
  • Estoc: META META META META

  • 
Ricard's Rapier: How legendary can badly defending one stairway be
  • 
Crystal Sage's Rapier: Drop your shit goddamnit
  • 
Irithyll Rapier: Chillrend poke edition
  • 
Hand Axe: HERE'S JOHNNY
  • Battle Axe: Swing it differently this time

  • 
Brigand Axe: Is it superior? Who knows
  • 
Thrall Axe: Poison Swamp Trivialiser
  • 
Dragonslayer's Axe: Cockney man refuses to die
  • 
Butcher Knife: Forever the Fat Woman's specialty

  • Winged Knight Twinaxes: Twin Spin to Win

  • Eleonora: Pried from the hands of hands with hands
  • 
Man Serpent Hatchet: Karkat Vantas Snake Edition

  • Greataxe: Award for most unchanged weapon

  • Dragonslayer Greataxe: This isn’t a spear
  • 
Demon's Greataxe: Now ON FIRE

  • Great Machete: *sad Capra Demon noises*
  • 
Yhorm's Great Machete: You only use that notch when angry
  • Black Knight Greataxe: Jump for joy/death
  • 
Club: Literally a stick
  • 

Reinforced Club: Stick with nails
  • Mace: Why are these always associated with clerics
  • 
Morning Star: Absolutely Barbaric
  • Drang Hammers: Akin to interperative dance

  • 
Heysel Pick: More like pick a different weapon amirite

  • Warpick: MrIWont4Get's Favourite
  • 
Blacksmith Hammer: You're holding it backwards
  • 
Gargoyle Flame Hammer: Every Greathammer needs a flamethrower
  • 
Large Club: Not the Great Club
  • Great Club: Not the Large Club
  • 
Great Mace: Berenike classic
  • 
Vordt's Great Hammer: Fridge Hammer
  • 
Morne's Great Hammer: Grant 2.0
  • 
Great Wooden Hammer: Visions of Giant Blacksmith

  • 
Smough's Great Hammer: Whack-a-mole just got silly
  • 
Old King's Great Hammer: Another classic ON FIRE
  • 
Pickaxe: Minecraft cosplay
  • 
Dragon Tooth: Havel’s penis

  • Spiked Mace: Dynasty Warriors

  • Caestus: The ol' 1-2
  • 
Demon's Fist: Kyo Kusanagi
  • 
Dark Hand: Can't suck Humanity, might as well suck balls
  • Claw: *Wolverine joke*

  • Manikin Claws: Nobody has original designs, do they

  • Arstor's Spear: Vlad the Impaler
  • 
Drang Twinspears: How is this a practical setup
  • 
Gargoyle Flame Spear: GARGOYLE used FLAME CHARGE
  • 
Spear: The Poker
  • 
Winged Spear: The Better Poker

  • 
Tailbone Spear: The Fart Poker
  • 
Pike: The Long Poker
  • Four-Pronged Plow: Couple with torches to gank Shrek cosplayers
  • 
Saint Bident: Saint Bident of Charge

  • Rotten Ghru Spear: The Poop Poker
  • 
Partizan: Almost a Halberd
  • 
Yorshka's Spear: Anti-mage Poker
  • 
Dragonslayer Spear: Oh, there it is
  • 
Dragonslayer Swordspear: More Ornstein than Ornstein
  • 
Golden Ritual Spear: Pilgrim’s Spontoon hit by a car
  • Soldering Iron: BDSM Souls

  • Lothric Knight Long Spear: The Steady Poker
  • 
Greatlance: At least a horse is mentioned this time

  • Halberd: Scrub stick

  • Red Hilted Halberd: Scrub stick Classic Edition

  • Lucerne: Switzerland must exist apparently
  • 
Winged Knight Halberd: Spin to Win and Win and Win and Win and Win

  • Glaive: They still fucking got the name wrong

  • Crescent Axe: Pick a weapon class damnit

  • Gundyr's Halberd: You put your halberd in and you spin it all about
  • 
Black Knight Glaive: Finally named correctly
  • 
Immolation Tinder: Hard to get dates with this thing

  • Great Scythe: All Scythes are great

  • Pontiff Knight Great Scythe: Even the cold ones
  • 
Great Corvian Scythe: And the feathery ones
  • 
Whip: Softcore

  • Notched Whip: Hardcore
  • 
Witch's Locks: Hotcore
  • 
Spotted Whip: Spotcore
  • Short Bow: Why aren't you using a Composite Bow

  • Longbow: Why aren't you using the Black Bow of Pharis

  • Composite Bow: Original Crackshot
  • Dragonrider Bow: Why you're NOT using the Composite bow
  • 
Black Bow of Pharis: Robin Hood's wet dream

  • 
Darkmoon Longbow: Original Darkmoon Bow didn't go through puberty well
  • 
Onislayer Greatbow: Still gotta be Japanese-y
  • 
Dragonslayer Greatbow: I am the bone of my sword
  • 
Light Crossbow: Why aren't you using the Heavy Crossbow
  • Knight's Crossbow: Crossbow 2; Electric Boogaloo

  • Arbalest: Suspicious name change
  • 
Sniper Crossbow: Actually functional now
  • 
Avelyn: Enter The Matrix
  • 
Heavy Crossbow: Completionism Crossbow

  • Sorcerer's Staff: First Laser Stick
  • 
Heretic's Staff: Shunned Laser Stick
  • 
Witchtree Branch: Dusk’s Laser Stick

  • Sage's Crystal Staff: Diamonds aren’t forever
  • 
Izalith Staff: Still can’t cast fire spells
  • 
Court Sorcerer's Staff: Logan’s bent dong
  • 
Man-Grub's Staff: You feelin’ lucky punk
  • 
Storyteller's Staff: Attempted murder

  • Medicant's Staff: I NEED THE SHIELD DAMNIT
  • 
Archdeacon Great Staff: Holy Laser Stick
  • 
Pyromancy Flame: FALCON PUNCH
  • 
Talisman: Totally not toiler paper

  • Saint's Talisman: Holy toilet paper

  • Sunlight Talisman: Eat Lightning, Shit Thunder

  • Canvas Talisman: Eco Toilet Paper
  • 
White Hair Talisman: Toilet Paper after Mexican
  • 
Sunless Talisman: Luxury Toilet Paper

  • Cleric's Sacred Chime: The Lords be with you

  • Priest's Chime: And also with you

  • Crystal Chime: How does this not break all the time
  • 
Caitha's Chime: This bell is full of BEES

  • Saint-tree Bellvine: Even trees are goddamn saints

  • Yorshka's Chime: You monster

Mega Alolan Sandslash

Its steel spikes melded with ice to form a light but sturdy chain mail. It can shrug off most blows and counterattack with its claws.

The spiky ball on its tail is linked to its nervous system. When it breaks, Mega Alolan Sandslash can fall unconscious.

Type: Ice/Steel
Ability: Multiscale
Stats:
HP 75
ATK 130 (+30)
DEF 120
SPA 25
SPD 65
SPE 135 (+70)
BST 550
New Moves: Slack Off, Autotomize


I’m gonna have to lower the quality to keep this up daily. Here’s a speedy Mega Alolan Sandslash for yall

rohan with cat headcanons
  • rohan babysat someone else’s stupid cat in exchange for a grand and humiliating favor, used heaven’s door to make sure the cat minded its manners while in his house, was nothing but prim and proper, etc.
  • before he knows it, he’s filled ¾ths of a sketchbook of cat gestures
  • it has a tiny meow. he researches the best onomatopoeia for this.
  • this has only lasted a few days, but when koichi or okuyasu or yukako arrive to pick up the carrier, rohan doesn’t let go at first. there’s a brief tug of war before he relents with a sassy, off-shoulder remark about catching them off guard
  • the moment they’re down his driveway he pulls up craigslist and adoption centers. he evaluates the 408 local candidates and sorts them down to one.
  • this one has the illusion of a shadowy monster crawling up her back.. a feeling rohan finds familiar… both in experience, and in ink on paper…
  • SHE IS ART
  • the listing describes her as placid, soft spoken, needing to be groomed often and a cuddler.
  • rohan gets in his fucking back to the future car and drives to the place and writes I WILL GIVE ROHAN THIS CAT IMMEDIATELY on someone’s face. it’s okay, he’ll throw a few 10k yen bills on their counter. whatever.
  • evaluates her slowly… slowly… rotates her like he’s a judge at a cat show and is looking for imperfections. she gives the softest ‘mreh’.
  • it is his now
  • he orders like nine thousand cat supplies on amazon for instant delivery.
  • at first, he uses heaven’s door on her to write down specific, non-troublemaking instructions on her, but then his prickly heart sees her lying there limp and feels uncomfortable so he finishes quickly.
  • ‘she will pose elegantly if rohan points a camera at her’ ‘she will use whatever bed rohan permits her to’ ‘she will claw josuke in the balls if the time is opportune’
  • and other things
  • he gets extra mad if okuyasu manhandles her like LOOK SHE GOES LIMP IF YOU HOLD HER UPSIDE DOWN oku you are pending for a bending

comment here to add more cat dad rohan headcanons

Mick Rory and a cat named Toast

This is what happened when I started headcanoning Mick as reluctant cat person.


They’re doing recon on a mission and Mick is loitering outside staking out a building. He hears a noise, looks around and sees the saddest, most bedraggled little scrap of fur he’s ever seen. It’s freezing cold and starting to rain so Mick thinks, fuck it, and picks up this tiny ginger kitten and puts it in his pocket. He figures it’ll be warm in his coat and he can drop it at a shelter before they leave and before anyone notices him being a softy.
Only, he forgets about it. 

Keep reading

Tell me (Levi x reader)

(while listening to Thomas D. - An alle Hinterbliebenen (to all those left behind). That  song sends shivers down my spine. I hope you can find a good translation of its lyrics. If not, let me know)

Tell me

Without announcement, he tapped the wooden frame with a tip of his boot and you opened the door to find him standing there with his usual sullen expression and a dark green cape wrapped tightly around his shoulders. He smelled like horses, sweat, gunpowder and things too sinister to name.

If he had come to you directly after mission before cleaning himself up, it must have been really bad.

Keep reading

view-from-wandering-eyes  asked:

My friends insist there's no difference between an aardvark and an anteater Prove them wrong pls (❤️ your blog btw)

“They both start with an “a,” have long snouts and rely on a diet of ants, but the similarities between anteaters and aardvarks end there. They are altogether different species. Anteaters belong to the suborder Vermilingua and aardvarks are the only living species of the order Tubulidentata. Aardvarks are found in Africa; anteaters in Central and South America. Aardvarks have claws for digging, but anteaters have paws with such dramatically long claws that they must ball up their paws for an awkward, knuckle-walking gate. Anteaters have more fur and small ears. Aardvarks have light course hair and large ears.”

I had to google this one :/